5 ms·
Strangers out on the street are largely out doing something or going somewhere and are unlikely to want to strike up a conversation. People who are friendless
by michaelmrose 3y ago
Strangers out on the street are largely out doing something or going somewhere and are unlikely to want to strike up a conversation.
People who are friendless ought to get a job, volunteer, get a hobby, join a group, go to a social space instead of expecting strangers to entertain them.
- throwanem 3y agoYeah, God forfend people should act human to one another, right?
- michaelmrose 3y agoYou aren't entitled to other people's time. You should try to earn it by doing something together with people that both enjoy. I volunteer at a cat shelter for instance. Feed some cats, play with the kittens then shoot the shit with the other volunteers.
- throwanem 3y agoI never understand where it comes from, this idea that an unplanned social interaction in public necessarily constitutes one person choosing to waste the time of others, or that no one ever has any choice but to let an unwelcome interaction persist indefinitely. It gives the impression of a somewhat socially impoverished style of life, but I assume that's no more accurate a perspective than anyone else's.
- michaelmrose 3y agoI think this opinion differs both geographically and generationally. Uban/young/northern people are less apt to want to socialize with strangers. Neither preference is inherently wrong I tend to think the strangers you are discussing know better than you what is or isn't a waste of their own time. For practical purposes most folks just aren't apt to have anything useful to contribute in 3 minutes. I'm 43 and I don't think I have EVER got anything useful out of such an interaction. It's just pure social petting like monkey's picking bugs off one another and I don't get anything out of it nor feel obligated to do it when walking around. I don't feel socially impoverished because I have actual social interactions in contexts which I feel are useful or beneficial. My theory is the people that have more need of such social petting are aggrieved at changing social standards. It's just not my problem.
- throwanem 3y ago"Like monkeys picking bugs off one another" is a hell of a thing for a hominin to say. I take your point about geography and generational change, and I don't think you're wrong, but I'm also not at all convinced this is a healthy habit for a species remarkably social even among primates.
- Dylan16807 3y agoSocial grooming is great for group cohesion. But that's others you know, not total strangers. Monkeys don't have to constantly deal with strangers.
- throwanem 3y agoLast I checked at least, monkeys also don't build cities.
- Dylan16807 3y agoYou can learn how to build a city. You can't learn how to build acquaintances with everyone in that city.
- throwanem 3y agoI'm not sure how to address the idea that prior acquaintance is a requirement for speaking to anyone, or being spoken to. I remain unconvinced this is other than an impoverished way of looking at the world. If anything, it seems much more to me now also a self-impoverishing one.
- Dylan16807 3y agoThat's not the claim, the claim is that "prior acquaintance" is a pretty big part of social grooming. I'm just saying to be slow to use monkey habits as a reference when critical pieces are so different. I'm not particularly arguing about what humans should do. Merely pointing out that the human situation is more unique than previously implied.
- lloeki 3y agoIf I go to a cat shelter it's to help cats and interact with cats, how dare you steal that time from me with your simiesque jibberjabber! There's nothing specific to any context† that would let presuppose that anyone's up for socialisation. The only thing in common is that two people have volunteered to feed cats. It is just as much a commonality as me noticing someone in a bus or park reading a book and saying "hey I've been meaning to read that one, WDYT of it so far?". The only way to know, is... to address the person, thereby taking a risk at either robbing them of a bit of time, or - $deity forbid - meeting someone nice, if for a fleeting moment. They are of course at liberty to turn the attempt down, a perfectly valid response that should be treated with utmost respect. † well, except things like parties or blind dates.
- michaelmrose 3y agoIt puts you in the same space at a time when your attention isn't fully engaged by other matters nor the task at hand with the same person for hours every week. Furthermore at least some conversation is apt to be started for functional reasons. This creates the space, opportunity, and time for meaningful conversation and interaction. Contrast this to standing in line for food together for 2 minutes with someone you aren't apt to ever meet again.