For anyone who doesn't regularly follow The Onion, the verbiage in this post is directly copied from the story The Onion posts after every major mass-shooting i

For anyone who doesn't regularly follow The Onion, the verbiage in this post is directly copied from the story The Onion posts after every major mass-shooting in the United States. An example: https://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-r-1848971668 https://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-na...