4 ms·

> you can't find the benefit to you, reconsider, don't just do it beacuse you are "supposed to". Because they want to? I really don't get this attitude of rati

> you can't find the benefit to you, reconsider, don't just do it beacuse you are "supposed to". Because they want to? I really don't get this attitude of rationalizing everything in terms of pros vs cons. It just teaches people to disregard how they feel Also interesting that when you give examples of pros and cons, you only give examples of them for you as an individual. If you were to take them for society at large, marriage would be a net positive

nickpp 3y ago
> Because they want to? I also want to do tons of drugs every night. The reason I don't? A pros vs cops debate happening automatically in my brain. Even if you don't rationalize it, it still happens. And since it's there you may as well use it, even if sometimes ignoring it in the end.
- AnimalMuppet 3y ago
  > A pros vs cops debate Typo, or deliberate? Either way, it's beautifully apt.
willcipriano 3y ago
"Baby this is so good, we gotta get the government involved" That's a weird way to feel. Think about why you feel that way. Perhaps, like women who historically were shamed for going outside of a prescribed gender role, you too are falling victim to gender roles that no longer really exist.
- matrix87 3y ago
  Where in my comment did I mention government or gender roles?
- staticman2 3y ago
  If your goal is to make sure your girlfriend has no economic stake in your assets if you split up, framing this as being against marriage because "that would be getting the government involved" would be disingenuous.
dnissley 3y ago
I tend to agree with you in general, that people feel they need to rationalize every single decision they make way too often and they should go touch grass, but in the case of marriage or other major life decisions I don't think this applies. So you want to? Good! But maybe go into that a bit. Figure out the "why". This is going to be super important within a marriage when you and your spouse disagree on something. Because then "I want to" isn't going to cut it. You need to explain more and figure out what inferences led to that "wanting to".
fluoridation 3y ago
>Because they want to? I really don't get this attitude of rationalizing everything in terms of pros vs cons. It just teaches people to disregard how they feel Considering why you want the things you want is also worth doing in itself. You might realize that you want them for reasons that are no longer valid, or because someone else wants you to want them, or any number of bad reasons. You might realize that you don't really care about something you thought you wanted. >If you were to take them for society at large, marriage would be a net positive Marrying "for society" is probably the dumbest possible reason, even dumber than "because my parents want me to".
- matrix87 3y ago
  > or because someone else wants you to want them How is wanting to make someone else happy a bad reason? Sure, not everyone has your best intentions in mind. People don't sit around wanting to make scammers happy, normally it's those that they care about
  - fluoridation 3y ago
    For example, it can be a bad reason if it's going to make you more unhappy than it makes them happy, or if to make 1 person happy you have to make 3 people unhappy. Speaking more personally, I think it's a bad idea to do things (especially major life decisions) to make other people happy. You should find out what you want to do, do it, and be with people who'll be happy with it. It's a waste of effort trying to please people who'd rather you were different from how you are.
    - frumper 3y ago
      I think you're right. If you don't want to marry, then you shouldn't do it just to make the other person happy. The problem seems to be that those same people also don't want to lose the other person by telling them they don't want to get married, so they get married.
      - fluoridation 3y ago

nickpp 3y ago

> Because they want to? I also want to do tons of drugs every night. The reason I don't? A pros vs cops debate happening automatically in my brain. Even if you don't rationalize it, it still happens. And since it's there you may as well use it, even if sometimes ignoring it in the end.

AnimalMuppet 3y ago
> A pros vs cops debate Typo, or deliberate? Either way, it's beautifully apt.

willcipriano 3y ago

"Baby this is so good, we gotta get the government involved" That's a weird way to feel. Think about why you feel that way. Perhaps, like women who historically were shamed for going outside of a prescribed gender role, you too are falling victim to gender roles that no longer really exist.

matrix87 3y ago
Where in my comment did I mention government or gender roles?
staticman2 3y ago
If your goal is to make sure your girlfriend has no economic stake in your assets if you split up, framing this as being against marriage because "that would be getting the government involved" would be disingenuous.

dnissley 3y ago

I tend to agree with you in general, that people feel they need to rationalize every single decision they make way too often and they should go touch grass, but in the case of marriage or other major life decisions I don't think this applies. So you want to? Good! But maybe go into that a bit. Figure out the "why". This is going to be super important within a marriage when you and your spouse disagree on something. Because then "I want to" isn't going to cut it. You need to explain more and figure out what inferences led to that "wanting to".

fluoridation 3y ago

>Because they want to? I really don't get this attitude of rationalizing everything in terms of pros vs cons. It just teaches people to disregard how they feel Considering why you want the things you want is also worth doing in itself. You might realize that you want them for reasons that are no longer valid, or because someone else wants you to want them, or any number of bad reasons. You might realize that you don't really care about something you thought you wanted. >If you were to take them for society at large, marriage would be a net positive Marrying "for society" is probably the dumbest possible reason, even dumber than "because my parents want me to".

matrix87 3y ago
> or because someone else wants you to want them How is wanting to make someone else happy a bad reason? Sure, not everyone has your best intentions in mind. People don't sit around wanting to make scammers happy, normally it's those that they care about
- fluoridation 3y ago
  For example, it can be a bad reason if it's going to make you more unhappy than it makes them happy, or if to make 1 person happy you have to make 3 people unhappy. Speaking more personally, I think it's a bad idea to do things (especially major life decisions) to make other people happy. You should find out what you want to do, do it, and be with people who'll be happy with it. It's a waste of effort trying to please people who'd rather you were different from how you are.
  - frumper 3y ago
    I think you're right. If you don't want to marry, then you shouldn't do it just to make the other person happy. The problem seems to be that those same people also don't want to lose the other person by telling them they don't want to get married, so they get married.
    - fluoridation 3y ago