6 ms·

Happy wife, happy life.

by engineer_22 3y ago

ta93754829 3y ago
[flagged]
- smt88 3y ago
  Do you, uh... want to explain? It's definitely a cringy, antiquated phrase, but it doesn't seem harmful. People with wives should tie their own happiness to their wife's, shouldn't they?
  - jimbob45 3y ago
    I always thought it was an observation that people (often men) tend to underestimate how involved and intertwined in their lives their partners are. To these men, having a newly-happy wife improve their life seems like magic. To outside observers, it seems blatantly obvious that having the person you live with be happy will improve your life.
  - logicchains 3y ago
    >People with wives should tie their own happiness to their wife's, shouldn't they? No, this invites emotional manipulation and abuse: "do/don't do this or you'll make me unhappy".
    - smt88 3y ago
      Loving someone means wanting them to be happy. The type of emotional abuse you describe is available to anyone in a loving relationship.
      - Seattle3503 3y ago
        It's not necessarily about manipulation, it's about not being codependent. If every time your partner is unhappy, you freak out, your ability to be a good partner is diminished. Couples need some buffer between their emotions to dampen extreme lows.
        oblio 3y ago
        You guys are reading too much into that expression.
        svnt 3y ago
        They are probably relating lived experience and we should listen. The phrase isn’t “happy partners, happy life” and there is no “happy husband, happy life” equivalent that I’m aware of. It’s unbalanced, and if you have a partner that reciprocates, it must be confusing why the phrase is a problem. If you don’t, and you continually adhere to the phrase hoping they will until your health suffers, well we might reconsider our casual use of pithy sayings and their influence on children. It’s clearly a divisive issue here but that usually means people have had a diversity of experiences around the topic.
  - lelanthran 3y ago
    > People with wives should tie their own happiness to their wife's, shouldn't they? I think it's more that the expectation that husbands exist to serve their wives is harmful. Be honest, do you really think a phrase meaning "keeping your husband happy and satisfied would make your life better" is not harmful?
    - philwelch 3y ago
      > Be honest, do you really think a phrase meaning "keeping your husband happy and satisfied would make your life better" is not harmful? No, why would it be harmful? The whole point of loving someone is caring about them and wanting them to be happy.
    - JumpCrisscross 3y ago
      > it's more that the expectation that husbands exist to serve their wives We have no precedent for this in modern times. Instead, diamond coöpted the dowry’s role in assuring a bride’s family stability in a world that diminished women. > do you really think a phrase meaning "keeping your husband happy and satisfied would make your life better" is not harmful? No. Making my friends, colleagues, co-workers and life partner happy makes me happy. If it doesn’t, they shouldn’t be in my life, or I need to adjust my relationship to civilisation. With complete honesty, the best money I have spent has been experiences with close friends.
    - klyrs 3y ago
      The happiest relationships result from both partners putting the other first. This forum is predominantly men. As a woman, I see variations on that "keep the hubby happy" phrase all over womens' spaces. So yeah. Some equality here is a little refreshing.
      - oezi 3y ago
        I would strongly object that both putting the other person first is a surefire way for happiness. Putting the other person first at your own detriment can easily lead to destruction.
  - makeitdouble 3y ago
    Relationships are complicated, any random motivational poster's catchy phrase is going to be harmful for a few millions of people.
  - saiya-jin 3y ago
    Maybe I misunderstand the wording as non-native speaker, but I prefer making myself happy, and then happiness spreads on its own further, no real effort required. Also its the easiest person to get happy since I know quite well what I want. I've heard my share of unhappy comments from mothers that sacrificed their life completely for the kids without thinking about themselves at all, and its not coming back. In similar vein as in plane losing pressure - first help yourself and then help the others (kids in this case but I still like this comparison)
- llbeansandrice 3y ago
  “Most” harmful? That’s an incredibly high bar for a pithy phrase where it’s easy to tell if someone is saying it to dismiss their partner’s feelings rather than be mindful of them.
Horffupolde 3y ago
No, it’s happy life, happy wife. Think about it.
- jonkho 3y ago
  Men’s “happy life bar” is low. Women’s “happy life bar” is high. Generally speaking. And is the dividing issue.
CalRobert 3y ago
My cousin's wife has cut him off from our entire family.
- seattle_spring 3y ago
  Not necessarily bad without knowing more about the parties involved. Some families are toxic and awful and should be cut off.
  - lelanthran 3y ago
    > Not necessarily bad without knowing more about the parties involved. Some families are toxic and awful and should be cut off. Maybe, but even in that case, you can't trust a spouse to do the cutting off because they are most definitely not unbiased. If the cousin in question would have cut off ties without his wife telling him to, you might have a point, but the way the OP phrased it makes it seem, to me, that it was done due to instructions from the wife.
  - CalRobert 3y ago
    Certainly, and as a stranger on the internet I have no skin in the game, but "happy wife, happy life" is toxic poison that leads to deeply controlling relationships.
- iteratethis 3y ago
  You mean your cousin's owner? Adults have free will.
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
Tarball10 3y ago
Incredibly misogynistic, boomer quip that needs to die.

Happy wife, happy life.

ta93754829 3y ago

[flagged]

smt88 3y ago
Do you, uh... want to explain? It's definitely a cringy, antiquated phrase, but it doesn't seem harmful. People with wives should tie their own happiness to their wife's, shouldn't they?
- jimbob45 3y ago
  I always thought it was an observation that people (often men) tend to underestimate how involved and intertwined in their lives their partners are. To these men, having a newly-happy wife improve their life seems like magic. To outside observers, it seems blatantly obvious that having the person you live with be happy will improve your life.
- logicchains 3y ago
  >People with wives should tie their own happiness to their wife's, shouldn't they? No, this invites emotional manipulation and abuse: "do/don't do this or you'll make me unhappy".
  - smt88 3y ago
    Loving someone means wanting them to be happy. The type of emotional abuse you describe is available to anyone in a loving relationship.
    - Seattle3503 3y ago
      It's not necessarily about manipulation, it's about not being codependent. If every time your partner is unhappy, you freak out, your ability to be a good partner is diminished. Couples need some buffer between their emotions to dampen extreme lows.
      - oblio 3y ago
        You guys are reading too much into that expression.
        svnt 3y ago
        They are probably relating lived experience and we should listen. The phrase isn’t “happy partners, happy life” and there is no “happy husband, happy life” equivalent that I’m aware of. It’s unbalanced, and if you have a partner that reciprocates, it must be confusing why the phrase is a problem. If you don’t, and you continually adhere to the phrase hoping they will until your health suffers, well we might reconsider our casual use of pithy sayings and their influence on children. It’s clearly a divisive issue here but that usually means people have had a diversity of experiences around the topic.
- lelanthran 3y ago
  > People with wives should tie their own happiness to their wife's, shouldn't they? I think it's more that the expectation that husbands exist to serve their wives is harmful. Be honest, do you really think a phrase meaning "keeping your husband happy and satisfied would make your life better" is not harmful?
  - philwelch 3y ago
    > Be honest, do you really think a phrase meaning "keeping your husband happy and satisfied would make your life better" is not harmful? No, why would it be harmful? The whole point of loving someone is caring about them and wanting them to be happy.
  - JumpCrisscross 3y ago
    > it's more that the expectation that husbands exist to serve their wives We have no precedent for this in modern times. Instead, diamond coöpted the dowry’s role in assuring a bride’s family stability in a world that diminished women. > do you really think a phrase meaning "keeping your husband happy and satisfied would make your life better" is not harmful? No. Making my friends, colleagues, co-workers and life partner happy makes me happy. If it doesn’t, they shouldn’t be in my life, or I need to adjust my relationship to civilisation. With complete honesty, the best money I have spent has been experiences with close friends.
  - klyrs 3y ago
    The happiest relationships result from both partners putting the other first. This forum is predominantly men. As a woman, I see variations on that "keep the hubby happy" phrase all over womens' spaces. So yeah. Some equality here is a little refreshing.
    - oezi 3y ago
      I would strongly object that both putting the other person first is a surefire way for happiness. Putting the other person first at your own detriment can easily lead to destruction.
- makeitdouble 3y ago
  Relationships are complicated, any random motivational poster's catchy phrase is going to be harmful for a few millions of people.
- saiya-jin 3y ago
  Maybe I misunderstand the wording as non-native speaker, but I prefer making myself happy, and then happiness spreads on its own further, no real effort required. Also its the easiest person to get happy since I know quite well what I want. I've heard my share of unhappy comments from mothers that sacrificed their life completely for the kids without thinking about themselves at all, and its not coming back. In similar vein as in plane losing pressure - first help yourself and then help the others (kids in this case but I still like this comparison)
llbeansandrice 3y ago
“Most” harmful? That’s an incredibly high bar for a pithy phrase where it’s easy to tell if someone is saying it to dismiss their partner’s feelings rather than be mindful of them.

Horffupolde 3y ago

No, it’s happy life, happy wife. Think about it.

jonkho 3y ago
Men’s “happy life bar” is low. Women’s “happy life bar” is high. Generally speaking. And is the dividing issue.

CalRobert 3y ago

My cousin's wife has cut him off from our entire family.

seattle_spring 3y ago
Not necessarily bad without knowing more about the parties involved. Some families are toxic and awful and should be cut off.
- lelanthran 3y ago
  > Not necessarily bad without knowing more about the parties involved. Some families are toxic and awful and should be cut off. Maybe, but even in that case, you can't trust a spouse to do the cutting off because they are most definitely not unbiased. If the cousin in question would have cut off ties without his wife telling him to, you might have a point, but the way the OP phrased it makes it seem, to me, that it was done due to instructions from the wife.
- CalRobert 3y ago
  Certainly, and as a stranger on the internet I have no skin in the game, but "happy wife, happy life" is toxic poison that leads to deeply controlling relationships.
iteratethis 3y ago
You mean your cousin's owner? Adults have free will.

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

Tarball10 3y ago

Incredibly misogynistic, boomer quip that needs to die.