3 ms·

Navigating these types of situations is a skill that can be developed. Usually you know if the other person is interested, or if not, a little harmless flirting

Navigating these types of situations is a skill that can be developed. Usually you know if the other person is interested, or if not, a little harmless flirting can suss it out. In a good group, you'll have a few others you can trust, and they can be allies in finding out as well. How you reveal this information is probably more important than whether you reveal it. I agree that admitting it can be social suicide. But I think that's true only if it is the person's only social group; and it is approached either ham-handedly or if the group in question is relatively petty or immature. I think it being mutual is the bigger danger. A group is more likely to survive a false start intact than a breakup. If it doesn't work out, people don't even really choose sides. They already know who is going to stay and who is going to go.

oriolid 3y ago
> Navigating these types of situations is a skill that can be developed. It's difficult to practice something where failure means disaster.
- cgriswald 3y ago
  Well, yes. Just as you don't develop guitar skills by practicing on stage during a live performance, you don't practice your social skills by asking out the girl in your social group with whom you are infatuated.
  - gedy 3y ago
    Sorry - what counts as "practice" then?
    - cgriswald 3y ago
      Using whichever skill you are trying to develop in low stakes situations. You can flirt with a large variety of people and the social consequences are pretty low. Thinking about how people respond to it is also free. If it's rejection you fear, say hi to strangers. Some of them will ignore you (or maybe even be bothered). That's rejection. It feels like rejection. But the stakes are so low it's safe and you'll become inoculated to a degree or at least comfortable with it. If you want to get better at asking people out, either roleplay with a friend or ask people out that you find interesting, even (especially) if you don't have a crush on them. Bonus: You might get practice at dating, or just find someone you really like.
- staticman2 3y ago
  I know a guy who socializes with a lot of women who turned him down for a realtionship, for what it's worth.

oriolid 3y ago

> Navigating these types of situations is a skill that can be developed. It's difficult to practice something where failure means disaster.

cgriswald 3y ago
Well, yes. Just as you don't develop guitar skills by practicing on stage during a live performance, you don't practice your social skills by asking out the girl in your social group with whom you are infatuated.
- gedy 3y ago
  Sorry - what counts as "practice" then?
  - cgriswald 3y ago
    Using whichever skill you are trying to develop in low stakes situations. You can flirt with a large variety of people and the social consequences are pretty low. Thinking about how people respond to it is also free. If it's rejection you fear, say hi to strangers. Some of them will ignore you (or maybe even be bothered). That's rejection. It feels like rejection. But the stakes are so low it's safe and you'll become inoculated to a degree or at least comfortable with it. If you want to get better at asking people out, either roleplay with a friend or ask people out that you find interesting, even (especially) if you don't have a crush on them. Bonus: You might get practice at dating, or just find someone you really like.
staticman2 3y ago
I know a guy who socializes with a lot of women who turned him down for a realtionship, for what it's worth.