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I literally think that MDMA saved my life. I was absolutely _broken_ when I came out of high school -- bullied at home and at school just relentlessly for 12 y

I literally think that MDMA saved my life. I was absolutely _broken_ when I came out of high school -- bullied at home and at school just relentlessly for 12 years. Completely unable to relate to other human beings, afraid of being touched, never had a girl friend or any kind of real friendship. Going to rave and having people -- strangers! -- just hug me, and listen to me, and I'd listen to them and we could just talk to each other like normal people without this undercurrent of constant anxiety and fear of rejection. It was a miracle to me. And I mean that in both the banal sense and the religious sense. It wasn't just the interpersonal aspects of it, but like -- having these feelings of joy and happiness and seeing the beauty of the world wash over me in almost an overwhelming way despite the fact that absolutely _nothing_ had really changed about the world made me understand how much of my own unhappiness was internal, that i could _choose_ to see the world in a better light all the time -- not just when I was on drugs, but at any time, it was just a matter of perspective, and something that you have some level of control over. I went from being someone who was almost completely isolated and withdrawn to learning how to DJ, to DJing at the _very same club_ that opened the world to me. I had a girlfriend within a few months, I had dozens of friends, I had a better paying job within a year, largely through connections I made at the club. I honestly think I'd have just turned into a homeless alcoholic or something without that experience. I have a hard time even imagining where I'd have ended up. I barely recognize the person that walked into that club the first night. It's a tragedy that this drug isn't available to more people. I overdid it. A lot of people over did it, but 20 years later I don't regret any of it for a moment, even the bad nights.

davidguetta 3y ago
Really good experience myself here. The key overall is always to not abuse and that should be adressed by education, not just mindlessly prohibit everything (even tho it's not too bad to forbid stuff somethimes).
- empath-nirvana 3y ago
  > The key overall is always to not abuse and that should be adressed by education Who is to say what's "abuse" really. Why would taking MDMA in a therapist chair be "medicine" and taking it and dancing all night long be "abuse"? Because that's how they're going to try and control it. I'm not even sure which would be healthier for you or more effective. Like, obviously there's a point where it's too much, but if you let the "medical establishment" define it, it'll definitely be defined as any point in which people might actually be having fun.
  - elmomle 3y ago
    Nobody in this thread said that taking it to dance all night is abuse; dance can be amazingly cathartic. I've known people who did it nearly daily for long stretches, and others who would only take it once a month and take Prozac after to mitigate and potential damage. I'm not saying that the latter is the only non-abusive way of taking it, but clearly the former would constitute abuse.
    - xp84 3y ago
      This is one of the most tragic things to me about psychoactive substances in general. I've had and heard of very significant positive experiences from substances, and yet also, obviously, many people become alcoholics all the time, or become barely-functioning stoners who "wake and bake" every single day and are incapable of really anything anymore. I think it's critical that all of us (however we feel about the 'morality' of doing drugs) have the humility to acknowledge that there isn't any policy "solution" to these problems. These are humanity problems (really, animal problems, since any animal can experience addiction and chemical dependence). It is arguably deeply unfair to prohibit people from experiencing the best that these substances have to offer (and I don't just mean in a therapy setting). But it's also dangerous to "let" them get in over their heads. Unfortunately though, the verb "let" is doing a lot of work in that sentence. Even well-meaning and trusted parents aren't able to effectively guarantee their children's safety (either with prohibition or with a more lenient, discussion-based strategy). How much less effective then, is a government which isn't and can't ever be completely trusted by its citizens? No matter what, we won't 'solve' this with some perfect policy.
      - empath-nirvana 3y ago
        > I've had and heard of very significant positive experiences from substances, and yet also, obviously, many people become alcoholics all the time, or become barely-functioning stoners who "wake and bake" every single day and are incapable of really anything anymore. _Almost everyone_ who uses recreational drugs or drinks stops drinking or doing drugs _on their own_ without any intervention. There's this idea that's been propagated that drugs are this evil demon that you can never shake once you get addicted, because for people who deal with drug addicts professionally, _all they ever see_ are people who haven't quit drugs almost by definition. However, those drug addicts are a _small_ percentage of all the people who have used drugs. https://www.drugfoundation.org.nz/matters-of-substance/archive/matters-of-substance-november-2014/ageing-out-of-addiction/ https://www.drugfoundation.org.nz/matters-of-substance/archi... Drug policy is basically based on the survivorship bias fallacy.
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
cjbgkagh 3y ago
I'm pretty libertarian when it comes to recreational drugs, but I do worry that we're not exploring the mechanism of these drugs properly when there is polarization to either those seeking prohibition of recreational drugs or those seeking the pleasure from the same drugs. I'm of the opinion that if a root cause of your issues, and mine, could be established an optimized treatment could be determined that maximizes the beneficial outcome and minimizes the detrimental. My root cause is ADHD / dopamine dysregulation and I respond well to medication like Low Dose Naltrexone and Low Dose Modafinil. I think for people with my kind of issues we'd benefit much more from those than from MDMA even if they are much less fun medications to take. It's unfortunate that doctors do a terrible job here so the libertarian part of me is very thankful for the black/grey markets and I benefit from the self experimentation of others, at the same time I think it's incumbent on me to let others know about alternatives to MDMA that I think are worth exploring.
- kinakomochidayo 3y ago
  There are some pretty prominent voices like Dr Gabor Mate who think that ADHD stems from stressful family life/structure and/or traumas growing up. I myself was diagnosed with ADHD, and psychedelics healed me and my past to the point where I no longer needed prescribed stimulants, so it’s possible that MDMA could help.
  - klysm 3y ago
    I don’t think I had a remotely stressful family life growing up and I am a near prototypical case of ADHD. So is my mom. It’s anecdata, but I think that perspective is complete bullshit and it makes me upset because it allows people to shame you for using stimulant medication.
    - klysm 3y ago
      Extending this line of reasons not to be as dismissive: perhaps both are true and result in the same behaviors. It seems totally possible that a rough and stressful family life could result in similar effects to have a physiologically innate issue. The term ADHD is rather broad a describes quite a few different things, which I don’t think are effectively taxonomised in current practice e.g. overlap with autism etc.
dopidopHN 3y ago
What’s your take on the « next morning » of mdma ? I find those really depressing and they can completely outweighs the benefit of the night for me.
- empath-nirvana 3y ago
  It's not really the next morning, there was usually a "glow" that lasted for a couple of days. It was mostly midweek that the depression sunk in, and really that only happened to me after I had been going to raves regularly for a year. Mostly for me it was a matter of understanding what the cause of that was. But yes, over time it was what stopped from me from continuing to take it, but all the benefit I really got out of it, therapeutically, happened in the first 2 or 3 times I took it, before I ever had the mid-week crash. Everything after that was just for fun.
- Jagerbizzle 3y ago
  How much sleep are you getting afterwards? If it's laced with any type of amphetamine, probably not very much, and from my personal experience, the sleep dep feels like the main problem and not the after-effects of the substance itself.
- n4r9 3y ago
  There are some ways to mitigate this, although they're not always possible depending on the setting: * Get a good sleep, ideally at about the same time as usual. If you normally sleep 11pm-7am then obviously a 4am-8am sleep is obviously going to have an effect on your mood. The closer you can get to your normal routine, the better. This might mean taking it pretty early, which doesn't necessarily make sense in a club setting. * Take magnesium before/during the high to prevent gurning (if this is a problem). A sore jaw makes everything worse the next day. * Take 5-HTP as soon as you wake up. * Either sleep in the same house as the people you dropped with, or get back together as soon as possible in the morning. This is essential to processing the experience in a positive, social way. * Don't have anything scheduled involving work or family for at least a couple of days afterwards, ideally a week.
  - tempsy 3y ago
mfitton 3y ago
I can really relate to this. Thanks for sharing your story.
rafaelmn 3y ago
> I overdid it. A lot of people over did it Growing up in a poor neighborhood I had friends who were going to parties at like 13/14. MDMA, speed, LSD. Still good friends with some of them and they are mostly ashamed of that period, and you can see severe permanent effects of abuse on some (again we knew each other since childhood). I tried what I could get my hands on because I was curious, and I would go out with this crowd occasionally. It's far from roses and rainbows - getting emotionally unstable people riled up - I've seen/heard scary shit. You can draw parallels to alcohol - drinking can be great for socialisation - and alcohol can ruin people, so I guess you could say it's unfair that one is illegal. But I don't share the sentiment either way - "I wish alcohol/drugs were available to more people" is not something I'd like to see in practice.
- naasking 3y ago
  Alcohol is not life changing like MDMA. Has alcohol ever received any kind of therapeutic recognition, or emergency use authorization to treat PTSD like MDMA? This is a poor analogy IMO.
  - jobs_throwaway 3y ago
    > Has alcohol ever received any kind of therapeutic recognition, or emergency use authorization to treat PTSD like MDMA? The regulatory status is irrelevant IMO. Personally, I know that many of the most profound experiences of my life have been mediated by alcohol. My life has certainly been changed by it.
  - theobromananda 3y ago
    As someone who has used a larger number of psychedelics, MDMA, ayahuasca and so on - yes, alcohol at 16 for a few years was absolutely life changing for many of the same reasons: increased sociability and being able to talk to people uninhibitely about many things. I didn't overdo it and haven't drunken alcohol in years.
    - naasking 3y ago
      Alcohol can be life changing, but I said "not life changing like MDMA". All of the sociability benefits you received from alcohol are achievable via other means that don't require the use of drugs, like CBT and plain old practice/experience. That is simply NOT the case for MDMA and depression and PTSD. If you think so, then show me examples of alcohol making someone relieved, normal and happy in 30 mins after literally years of depression and suicide attempts. They just aren't in the same league.
sibeliuss 3y ago
I'm so happy for you. I've known a few people with similar stories, including my mother. Before and After.
pdntspa 3y ago
I found MDMA similarly eye-opening, dealing with depression and anxiety. It was the first time I truly felt free of anxiety, like it just vanished and I could feel somewhat normal. This was many many years ago, and since then I use these experiences as a sort of guiding star. It's good to take some every now and then to realign and recalibrate with this feeling.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- MattPalmer1086 3y ago
  Similarly for me, MDMA opened me out to the possibility of feeling good without the drug. Despite the intense good feeling while you are on it, the understanding that I am basically OK persists afterwards.
_a_a_a_ 3y ago
In some ways this sounds very similar to my situation (in other ways very different) and it took more than one drug to fix, including prescription antidepressants which took away the appalling, appalling nightmare depression[1] but ultimately it was MDMA that kind of pushed my brain off its rails and onto a new and vastly better track. I'll never have a normal life nor will my siblings but at least it's somewhat tolerable now. [1] (thanks parents! You pair of evil cunts. At least one of you knew exactly what you were doing, and the other one just watched as it happened in front of you and did nothing)
bradlys 3y ago
How much of this is MDMA and how much of this is just having a welcoming scene where people emphasize physical touch and friendly interaction? How much of this is just living in a society that otherwise doesn’t allow for that in other ways?
- the_gipsy 3y ago
  About 100%. The expectation that people in this environment are on mdma makes it so.
  - bradlys 3y ago
    I’m just saying, I’ve been in similar situations without the drugs involved. There are people out there who act like that and will be like that with each other without MDMA. Myself included.
- empath-nirvana 3y ago
  It's a combination of the scene and the MDMA opening me up to the experience. I would have been _freaked the fuck out_ by random people hugging me without it. But your point is why I am skeptical of the value of MDMA as like a one-on-one therapeutic tool. For me, it was not just that I was having the best night of my life, but that I was surrounded by people who were also having the best night of their lives. You could just look around and make eye contact with a random person and you both _knew_. And that community didn't just _happen_. It was the product of lots of people curating that community -- the djs, the promoters, the dancers, etc. You can't just throw drugs into any random pool of people and expect that kind of magic to happen. There was an artistry to it.
  - bradlys 3y ago
    I guess this speaks more to the extremes of how some people are and how it can be an effective tool for people out there on the edges of society with weird issues. I was never in this position and I don't know many people who would have such a severe reaction to hugs either. I have always been able to do platonic touch without much of a care even though I never experienced much of it growing up as a man in rural America.
SeanAnderson 3y ago
My experiences echo this nearly to a T. I skipped a few grades in school and became a social outcast. I was hazed out of one school entirely and sort of gave up on understanding people for a while. My first experience on MDMA was like a physical light switch was flicked on inside of my body. I went from only wearing black/white/gray clothes to being the one known to wear loud colors and really putting myself out there visually and socially. I ended up feeling the need to move away from my home town because I felt "too popular." I couldn't go for a run without someone stopping on the side of the street to offer me a ride to wherever. This sort of behavior continued into music festivals where I learned to manage and lead large scale groups of ~strangers in tough environments/confusing mindsets. I thought these skills wouldn't prove valuable in the work world, but, to my elation and surprise, it was the opposite. A lot of engineers are really smart but a bit weaker on the political and social side of things. I undoubtedly nuked a few brain cells acquiring all these experiences, but hey I can still code just fine and now I love getting in there, talking to people about their feelings and communicating about how I am feeling, and do so with a belief that others are interested in hearing/seeing me. 10/10 would do it all over again.
Traubenfuchs 3y ago
Interesting how experiences can be so different. I have experienced the, technically, happiest moments of my life while on MDMA, but ultimately it changed nothing. Like pretty much any drug, it's temporary, fake, extreme happiness at the cost of your brain permanently melting from using it too much. I took nothing away from it but increased insight into how unnaturally happy one can be (on drugs) and how incredibly dull, depressing and soul crushing the average work day is. Would I recommend others trying it? Yes, sure, it's fantastic -you gonna experience happiness on it you CAN NOT get without drugs, that's an interesting experience.
- highstep 3y ago
  i found that it showed me the path to that happy place, and now that i know the route, i can find my way back from time to time. Of course without mdma i can't stay there for long, but when i do visit its sublime and doesn't involve the multi week depression afterwards
- empath-nirvana 3y ago
  I think a lot of how "life changing" it is depends on how much unresolved trauma you have to deal with.

davidguetta 3y ago

Really good experience myself here. The key overall is always to not abuse and that should be adressed by education, not just mindlessly prohibit everything (even tho it's not too bad to forbid stuff somethimes).

empath-nirvana 3y ago
> The key overall is always to not abuse and that should be adressed by education Who is to say what's "abuse" really. Why would taking MDMA in a therapist chair be "medicine" and taking it and dancing all night long be "abuse"? Because that's how they're going to try and control it. I'm not even sure which would be healthier for you or more effective. Like, obviously there's a point where it's too much, but if you let the "medical establishment" define it, it'll definitely be defined as any point in which people might actually be having fun.
- elmomle 3y ago
  Nobody in this thread said that taking it to dance all night is abuse; dance can be amazingly cathartic. I've known people who did it nearly daily for long stretches, and others who would only take it once a month and take Prozac after to mitigate and potential damage. I'm not saying that the latter is the only non-abusive way of taking it, but clearly the former would constitute abuse.
  - xp84 3y ago
    This is one of the most tragic things to me about psychoactive substances in general. I've had and heard of very significant positive experiences from substances, and yet also, obviously, many people become alcoholics all the time, or become barely-functioning stoners who "wake and bake" every single day and are incapable of really anything anymore. I think it's critical that all of us (however we feel about the 'morality' of doing drugs) have the humility to acknowledge that there isn't any policy "solution" to these problems. These are humanity problems (really, animal problems, since any animal can experience addiction and chemical dependence). It is arguably deeply unfair to prohibit people from experiencing the best that these substances have to offer (and I don't just mean in a therapy setting). But it's also dangerous to "let" them get in over their heads. Unfortunately though, the verb "let" is doing a lot of work in that sentence. Even well-meaning and trusted parents aren't able to effectively guarantee their children's safety (either with prohibition or with a more lenient, discussion-based strategy). How much less effective then, is a government which isn't and can't ever be completely trusted by its citizens? No matter what, we won't 'solve' this with some perfect policy.
    - empath-nirvana 3y ago
      > I've had and heard of very significant positive experiences from substances, and yet also, obviously, many people become alcoholics all the time, or become barely-functioning stoners who "wake and bake" every single day and are incapable of really anything anymore. _Almost everyone_ who uses recreational drugs or drinks stops drinking or doing drugs _on their own_ without any intervention. There's this idea that's been propagated that drugs are this evil demon that you can never shake once you get addicted, because for people who deal with drug addicts professionally, _all they ever see_ are people who haven't quit drugs almost by definition. However, those drug addicts are a _small_ percentage of all the people who have used drugs. https://www.drugfoundation.org.nz/matters-of-substance/archive/matters-of-substance-november-2014/ageing-out-of-addiction/ https://www.drugfoundation.org.nz/matters-of-substance/archi... Drug policy is basically based on the survivorship bias fallacy.

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

cjbgkagh 3y ago

I'm pretty libertarian when it comes to recreational drugs, but I do worry that we're not exploring the mechanism of these drugs properly when there is polarization to either those seeking prohibition of recreational drugs or those seeking the pleasure from the same drugs. I'm of the opinion that if a root cause of your issues, and mine, could be established an optimized treatment could be determined that maximizes the beneficial outcome and minimizes the detrimental. My root cause is ADHD / dopamine dysregulation and I respond well to medication like Low Dose Naltrexone and Low Dose Modafinil. I think for people with my kind of issues we'd benefit much more from those than from MDMA even if they are much less fun medications to take. It's unfortunate that doctors do a terrible job here so the libertarian part of me is very thankful for the black/grey markets and I benefit from the self experimentation of others, at the same time I think it's incumbent on me to let others know about alternatives to MDMA that I think are worth exploring.

kinakomochidayo 3y ago
There are some pretty prominent voices like Dr Gabor Mate who think that ADHD stems from stressful family life/structure and/or traumas growing up. I myself was diagnosed with ADHD, and psychedelics healed me and my past to the point where I no longer needed prescribed stimulants, so it’s possible that MDMA could help.
- klysm 3y ago
  I don’t think I had a remotely stressful family life growing up and I am a near prototypical case of ADHD. So is my mom. It’s anecdata, but I think that perspective is complete bullshit and it makes me upset because it allows people to shame you for using stimulant medication.
  - klysm 3y ago
    Extending this line of reasons not to be as dismissive: perhaps both are true and result in the same behaviors. It seems totally possible that a rough and stressful family life could result in similar effects to have a physiologically innate issue. The term ADHD is rather broad a describes quite a few different things, which I don’t think are effectively taxonomised in current practice e.g. overlap with autism etc.

dopidopHN 3y ago

What’s your take on the « next morning » of mdma ? I find those really depressing and they can completely outweighs the benefit of the night for me.

empath-nirvana 3y ago
It's not really the next morning, there was usually a "glow" that lasted for a couple of days. It was mostly midweek that the depression sunk in, and really that only happened to me after I had been going to raves regularly for a year. Mostly for me it was a matter of understanding what the cause of that was. But yes, over time it was what stopped from me from continuing to take it, but all the benefit I really got out of it, therapeutically, happened in the first 2 or 3 times I took it, before I ever had the mid-week crash. Everything after that was just for fun.
Jagerbizzle 3y ago
How much sleep are you getting afterwards? If it's laced with any type of amphetamine, probably not very much, and from my personal experience, the sleep dep feels like the main problem and not the after-effects of the substance itself.
n4r9 3y ago
There are some ways to mitigate this, although they're not always possible depending on the setting: * Get a good sleep, ideally at about the same time as usual. If you normally sleep 11pm-7am then obviously a 4am-8am sleep is obviously going to have an effect on your mood. The closer you can get to your normal routine, the better. This might mean taking it pretty early, which doesn't necessarily make sense in a club setting. * Take magnesium before/during the high to prevent gurning (if this is a problem). A sore jaw makes everything worse the next day. * Take 5-HTP as soon as you wake up. * Either sleep in the same house as the people you dropped with, or get back together as soon as possible in the morning. This is essential to processing the experience in a positive, social way. * Don't have anything scheduled involving work or family for at least a couple of days afterwards, ideally a week.
- tempsy 3y ago

mfitton 3y ago

I can really relate to this. Thanks for sharing your story.

rafaelmn 3y ago

> I overdid it. A lot of people over did it Growing up in a poor neighborhood I had friends who were going to parties at like 13/14. MDMA, speed, LSD. Still good friends with some of them and they are mostly ashamed of that period, and you can see severe permanent effects of abuse on some (again we knew each other since childhood). I tried what I could get my hands on because I was curious, and I would go out with this crowd occasionally. It's far from roses and rainbows - getting emotionally unstable people riled up - I've seen/heard scary shit. You can draw parallels to alcohol - drinking can be great for socialisation - and alcohol can ruin people, so I guess you could say it's unfair that one is illegal. But I don't share the sentiment either way - "I wish alcohol/drugs were available to more people" is not something I'd like to see in practice.

naasking 3y ago
Alcohol is not life changing like MDMA. Has alcohol ever received any kind of therapeutic recognition, or emergency use authorization to treat PTSD like MDMA? This is a poor analogy IMO.
- jobs_throwaway 3y ago
  > Has alcohol ever received any kind of therapeutic recognition, or emergency use authorization to treat PTSD like MDMA? The regulatory status is irrelevant IMO. Personally, I know that many of the most profound experiences of my life have been mediated by alcohol. My life has certainly been changed by it.
- theobromananda 3y ago
  As someone who has used a larger number of psychedelics, MDMA, ayahuasca and so on - yes, alcohol at 16 for a few years was absolutely life changing for many of the same reasons: increased sociability and being able to talk to people uninhibitely about many things. I didn't overdo it and haven't drunken alcohol in years.
  - naasking 3y ago
    Alcohol can be life changing, but I said "not life changing like MDMA". All of the sociability benefits you received from alcohol are achievable via other means that don't require the use of drugs, like CBT and plain old practice/experience. That is simply NOT the case for MDMA and depression and PTSD. If you think so, then show me examples of alcohol making someone relieved, normal and happy in 30 mins after literally years of depression and suicide attempts. They just aren't in the same league.

sibeliuss 3y ago

I'm so happy for you. I've known a few people with similar stories, including my mother. Before and After.

pdntspa 3y ago

I found MDMA similarly eye-opening, dealing with depression and anxiety. It was the first time I truly felt free of anxiety, like it just vanished and I could feel somewhat normal. This was many many years ago, and since then I use these experiences as a sort of guiding star. It's good to take some every now and then to realign and recalibrate with this feeling.

deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
MattPalmer1086 3y ago
Similarly for me, MDMA opened me out to the possibility of feeling good without the drug. Despite the intense good feeling while you are on it, the understanding that I am basically OK persists afterwards.

_a_a_a_ 3y ago

In some ways this sounds very similar to my situation (in other ways very different) and it took more than one drug to fix, including prescription antidepressants which took away the appalling, appalling nightmare depression[1] but ultimately it was MDMA that kind of pushed my brain off its rails and onto a new and vastly better track. I'll never have a normal life nor will my siblings but at least it's somewhat tolerable now. [1] (thanks parents! You pair of evil cunts. At least one of you knew exactly what you were doing, and the other one just watched as it happened in front of you and did nothing)

bradlys 3y ago

How much of this is MDMA and how much of this is just having a welcoming scene where people emphasize physical touch and friendly interaction? How much of this is just living in a society that otherwise doesn’t allow for that in other ways?

the_gipsy 3y ago
About 100%. The expectation that people in this environment are on mdma makes it so.
- bradlys 3y ago
  I’m just saying, I’ve been in similar situations without the drugs involved. There are people out there who act like that and will be like that with each other without MDMA. Myself included.
empath-nirvana 3y ago
It's a combination of the scene and the MDMA opening me up to the experience. I would have been _freaked the fuck out_ by random people hugging me without it. But your point is why I am skeptical of the value of MDMA as like a one-on-one therapeutic tool. For me, it was not just that I was having the best night of my life, but that I was surrounded by people who were also having the best night of their lives. You could just look around and make eye contact with a random person and you both _knew_. And that community didn't just _happen_. It was the product of lots of people curating that community -- the djs, the promoters, the dancers, etc. You can't just throw drugs into any random pool of people and expect that kind of magic to happen. There was an artistry to it.
- bradlys 3y ago
  I guess this speaks more to the extremes of how some people are and how it can be an effective tool for people out there on the edges of society with weird issues. I was never in this position and I don't know many people who would have such a severe reaction to hugs either. I have always been able to do platonic touch without much of a care even though I never experienced much of it growing up as a man in rural America.

SeanAnderson 3y ago

My experiences echo this nearly to a T. I skipped a few grades in school and became a social outcast. I was hazed out of one school entirely and sort of gave up on understanding people for a while. My first experience on MDMA was like a physical light switch was flicked on inside of my body. I went from only wearing black/white/gray clothes to being the one known to wear loud colors and really putting myself out there visually and socially. I ended up feeling the need to move away from my home town because I felt "too popular." I couldn't go for a run without someone stopping on the side of the street to offer me a ride to wherever. This sort of behavior continued into music festivals where I learned to manage and lead large scale groups of ~strangers in tough environments/confusing mindsets. I thought these skills wouldn't prove valuable in the work world, but, to my elation and surprise, it was the opposite. A lot of engineers are really smart but a bit weaker on the political and social side of things. I undoubtedly nuked a few brain cells acquiring all these experiences, but hey I can still code just fine and now I love getting in there, talking to people about their feelings and communicating about how I am feeling, and do so with a belief that others are interested in hearing/seeing me. 10/10 would do it all over again.

Traubenfuchs 3y ago

Interesting how experiences can be so different. I have experienced the, technically, happiest moments of my life while on MDMA, but ultimately it changed nothing. Like pretty much any drug, it's temporary, fake, extreme happiness at the cost of your brain permanently melting from using it too much. I took nothing away from it but increased insight into how unnaturally happy one can be (on drugs) and how incredibly dull, depressing and soul crushing the average work day is. Would I recommend others trying it? Yes, sure, it's fantastic -you gonna experience happiness on it you CAN NOT get without drugs, that's an interesting experience.

highstep 3y ago
i found that it showed me the path to that happy place, and now that i know the route, i can find my way back from time to time. Of course without mdma i can't stay there for long, but when i do visit its sublime and doesn't involve the multi week depression afterwards
empath-nirvana 3y ago
I think a lot of how "life changing" it is depends on how much unresolved trauma you have to deal with.