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>Honestly, it sounds like you need some new friends and to stop listening to Jordan Peterson. And what about those who experience this effect, and have always

>Honestly, it sounds like you need some new friends and to stop listening to Jordan Peterson. And what about those who experience this effect, and have always actively avoided Peterson and his ilk? When you find out rumours are spreading about you after you've opened up, you can separate yourself from that community, but where does that leave a person? What do you think happens when someone tries to join a new community, who has rumours circulating about their “mental health”?

rootusrootus 3y ago
It's much easier said than done, but get the hell away. So far away that your past relationships cannot in any way taint your future ones. Move to a new job, new city preferably. Rebuild your friend network. I've been lucky for the most part with good friends, but periodically rebooting your life situation has other benefits too. I recommend it heartily, if you're in a position to do so. Keep your old friends if they're good, in that case.
- asking4fren 3y ago
  That's been my approach but still, look at that advice and think about what it says about a society that necessitates it. For both obvious and non-obvious reasons, I don't want to get into specifics in order to provide an existence proof that this is a problem, but consider that switching jobs/moving city/rebuilding a social network is something that depends a great deal on having resources available to do that with, not having obligations preventing that, having the means to evade the pervasive social media that encourages exactly the sort of “reconnection” that is anathema to the task.
  - rootusrootus 3y ago
    Oh, I 100% agree. It's not feasible in a lot of situations, arguably in the vast majority of cases people are stuck. And even when it works, there are bound to be complications. But I do recommend it when appropriate and feasible. Some of the best changes I've made to my life came because I was able to shake things up and go somewhere with no ruts.
tw04 3y ago
I assume from the "rumors are spreading" you're talking about a high school situation - in which case that'll stop pretty quickly when you get to college (or full time work), so just tough it out. If you're a grown adult and have rumors following you around, just find a new friends group. If your town is so small that you can't escape that, seriously just move? If it's a job and the culture is gossip, it's probably time to just find a new job. I get that uprooting your whole life is a VERY BIG DEAL but you only live once. There's no way you're ever going to be happy dealing with constant gossip, and that isn't normal. That's a very, very abnormal situation you're in if you're a grown adult.
- jdthedisciple 3y ago
  I agree with "tough it up" to a large degree. However, the funny thing about people like you is you would never say "though it up" to a woman yet you would claim "women and men are equal" disingenuous
  - tw04 3y ago
    I literally have said that to a woman who was having a tough time her sr. year of high school with catty girls in her grade. There was no avoiding them, the behavior didn't rise to the level the school was going to do anything, and she wasn't in a position to transfer.
    - em-bee 3y ago
      in addition, there are ways to share this message that is not belittling. people read "tough it out" as: "be a man, tough it out, haha", but it could also be: "yeah, i am sorry you are in a rough spot. unfortunately, there is no way you can avoid it, so you are going to have to protect yourself in other ways. here are a few things you can do.... don't give up and loose hope, this will go away."
- Izkata 3y ago
  > so just tough it out Congrats, you have just advocated for what's called "toxic masculinity".

rootusrootus 3y ago

It's much easier said than done, but get the hell away. So far away that your past relationships cannot in any way taint your future ones. Move to a new job, new city preferably. Rebuild your friend network. I've been lucky for the most part with good friends, but periodically rebooting your life situation has other benefits too. I recommend it heartily, if you're in a position to do so. Keep your old friends if they're good, in that case.

asking4fren 3y ago
That's been my approach but still, look at that advice and think about what it says about a society that necessitates it. For both obvious and non-obvious reasons, I don't want to get into specifics in order to provide an existence proof that this is a problem, but consider that switching jobs/moving city/rebuilding a social network is something that depends a great deal on having resources available to do that with, not having obligations preventing that, having the means to evade the pervasive social media that encourages exactly the sort of “reconnection” that is anathema to the task.
- rootusrootus 3y ago
  Oh, I 100% agree. It's not feasible in a lot of situations, arguably in the vast majority of cases people are stuck. And even when it works, there are bound to be complications. But I do recommend it when appropriate and feasible. Some of the best changes I've made to my life came because I was able to shake things up and go somewhere with no ruts.

tw04 3y ago

I assume from the "rumors are spreading" you're talking about a high school situation - in which case that'll stop pretty quickly when you get to college (or full time work), so just tough it out. If you're a grown adult and have rumors following you around, just find a new friends group. If your town is so small that you can't escape that, seriously just move? If it's a job and the culture is gossip, it's probably time to just find a new job. I get that uprooting your whole life is a VERY BIG DEAL but you only live once. There's no way you're ever going to be happy dealing with constant gossip, and that isn't normal. That's a very, very abnormal situation you're in if you're a grown adult.

jdthedisciple 3y ago
I agree with "tough it up" to a large degree. However, the funny thing about people like you is you would never say "though it up" to a woman yet you would claim "women and men are equal" disingenuous
- tw04 3y ago
  I literally have said that to a woman who was having a tough time her sr. year of high school with catty girls in her grade. There was no avoiding them, the behavior didn't rise to the level the school was going to do anything, and she wasn't in a position to transfer.
  - em-bee 3y ago
    in addition, there are ways to share this message that is not belittling. people read "tough it out" as: "be a man, tough it out, haha", but it could also be: "yeah, i am sorry you are in a rough spot. unfortunately, there is no way you can avoid it, so you are going to have to protect yourself in other ways. here are a few things you can do.... don't give up and loose hope, this will go away."
Izkata 3y ago
> so just tough it out Congrats, you have just advocated for what's called "toxic masculinity".