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I'm 38, and I'm socially unable to meet women outside of online dating, I've had enough girlfriend and a long, 8 years relationship (she did not want kids). I

by jokoon 3y ago

I'm 38, and I'm socially unable to meet women outside of online dating, I've had enough girlfriend and a long, 8 years relationship (she did not want kids). I don't really understand that social norm of having kids. I can understand sexual desire, but is there really a "desire to have kids"? Is having kids really some kind of moral imperative to "continue the human species"? Anyway, women have high standards, which is normal, so it's normal that a lot of men will be left on the side. And women also suffer for not having kids if they wanted to.

MattPalmer1086 3y ago
You can certainly desire to have kids, just like you can desire to have anything.
fra 3y ago
> I can understand sexual desire, but is there really a "desire to have kids"? Yes, unequivocally there is such a thing as a "desire to have kids". Speaking for myself and many others I know!
xyzzy4747 3y ago
Yes, there is a desire. I’m 36 and recently had my first with my wife and hoping for another sometime.
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
francisofascii 3y ago
> is there really a "desire to have kids" Sometimes the parental instinct or desire activates the moment the kid is born, but is not present before that. It it an interesting phenomenon.
em-bee 3y ago
I can understand sexual desire, but is there really a "desire to have kids"? there is even a desire for kids without desire for sex. which can be filled with adoption. the desire that i don't understand or feel is the need to have kids to be my biological descendants i see my kids as given to me as a responsibility to raise and care for. regardless of our biological relationship. for me "i want kids" means "i want that responsibility"
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
Dma54rhs 3y ago
This desire is why our species continue to breed despite the need to share resources. So yes, it's normal and natural.
xyzelement 3y ago
// is there really a "desire to have kids"? Yes, people recognize that you get to have a lot of fun times with your kids and that even the "hard" parts make sense when you are in it. Your daily life has structure and purpose which is beneficial. People have an obvious instinct for this and are able to recognize this in others. If you met many parents who weren't happy they had kids, you'd know. Also, for those of us who value hard work and long-term impact, kids provide an amazing opportunity for that. I get to influence how these people turn out, and in turn that prolongs my impact on the world beyond my lifetime. I want that.
thefz 3y ago
> I don't really understand that social norm of having kids. I can understand sexual desire, but is there really a "desire to have kids"? Has been proved to be culture induced. Human body in a vacuum can only feel lust.
antisthenes 3y ago
It's a complicated desire. The desire for someone to carry on your skills, the desire to care for someone and to make them happy and to watch their joy. And understanding that loving someone unconditionally makes you stronger.

by jokoon 3y ago

MattPalmer1086 3y ago

You can certainly desire to have kids, just like you can desire to have anything.

fra 3y ago

> I can understand sexual desire, but is there really a "desire to have kids"? Yes, unequivocally there is such a thing as a "desire to have kids". Speaking for myself and many others I know!

xyzzy4747 3y ago

Yes, there is a desire. I’m 36 and recently had my first with my wife and hoping for another sometime.

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

francisofascii 3y ago

> is there really a "desire to have kids" Sometimes the parental instinct or desire activates the moment the kid is born, but is not present before that. It it an interesting phenomenon.

em-bee 3y ago

I can understand sexual desire, but is there really a "desire to have kids"? there is even a desire for kids without desire for sex. which can be filled with adoption. the desire that i don't understand or feel is the need to have kids to be my biological descendants i see my kids as given to me as a responsibility to raise and care for. regardless of our biological relationship. for me "i want kids" means "i want that responsibility"

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

Dma54rhs 3y ago

This desire is why our species continue to breed despite the need to share resources. So yes, it's normal and natural.

xyzelement 3y ago

// is there really a "desire to have kids"? Yes, people recognize that you get to have a lot of fun times with your kids and that even the "hard" parts make sense when you are in it. Your daily life has structure and purpose which is beneficial. People have an obvious instinct for this and are able to recognize this in others. If you met many parents who weren't happy they had kids, you'd know. Also, for those of us who value hard work and long-term impact, kids provide an amazing opportunity for that. I get to influence how these people turn out, and in turn that prolongs my impact on the world beyond my lifetime. I want that.

thefz 3y ago

> I don't really understand that social norm of having kids. I can understand sexual desire, but is there really a "desire to have kids"? Has been proved to be culture induced. Human body in a vacuum can only feel lust.

antisthenes 3y ago

It's a complicated desire. The desire for someone to carry on your skills, the desire to care for someone and to make them happy and to watch their joy. And understanding that loving someone unconditionally makes you stronger.