6 ms·

Ask HN: I'm trapped in a golden prison, any advice?

This is going to sound very braggy, I hope I won't get shut down for this. I feel like I'm trapped in a golden prison, unhappy but comfortable. I'm a self taught programmer, 32 yo, with an engineering background and masters. Co-founded 2 companies, failed, worked in california and singapore, now based in Europe. I think I'm an ok dev, quite good with people. I've mostly been working as a freelancer all my life, started billing 33€/day in 2012 for a few days at a time, now around 924€/day, 220 days/year. Always worked at fast paced / high stakes startups except for my current job. Worked 60 to 70 hours a week, ~50 weeks per year for many years until 2020. In 2021 I was completely burned out after 7.5 years of grinding. Took a cozy freelance job as a fullstack senior engineer in a ~100ppl company, coming into the office 2days/week. I'm working about 1 to 2 hours a day max, the expectations are so low compared to what I'm used to. The rest of the time I'm just answering a couple of emails, helping some junior devs, sitting into meetings. It doesn't feel like work but it's a bit mentally draining. I'm getting along with everyone, I'm liked and praised. I've recovered from my burnout about 6 months in. Since then I ran a saas for a year, did some consulting on the side, got certified as a product owner... But most of my days are just about dicking around, working on unimportant things. I've been wanting to move to another company for the past year or so but the tech world basically crumbled at the same time, no offer has come close to what I'm earning right now and no company seems appealing. - I don't want to do yet another bootstrapped-side-saas-business, done maybe 20 in the past 10 years, earned like 100k€ all combined, I suck at this. - It makes me anxious just thinking about going back to the startup grind, hearing founders bragging about their tech stack, promising a 100x exit. If I had a penny for everytime I took stock-options as compensation, it would be worth more than all these stock-options combined. - I'm scared about leaving my current job and finding out I'm unhappy elsewhere and it was never about the job - I fear I've become a lazy, gloomy and negative person regarding tech as a whole. I hide this feeling and never discuss it in public because it would hurt my freelancing career but holy shit tech companies suck, crypto sucks (worked in crypto for 4 years, I know how the sausage is made), I can't stand the VC & founder crowd anymore... So I'm staying here, stagnant, sprint after sprint. I'm thinking about studying and trying out FAANG, feel like I could stay a long time there and move around between projects, never getting bored, earning good money, but maybe I'm idealising these companies... People who have been in this situation before, what did you do ?

atomicnature 3y ago
Seems like you have a wealth of varied and valuable knowledge. Why not try your hand at teaching/sharing these insights? Or if you like writing more, how about trying to write a book? The world needs more doers who can teach. Civilisation needs such people to keep itself grounded.
bjourne 3y ago
You're not trapped. You're an adult and can decide for yourself whether you prioritize high salary or interesting work. That is my advice, to internalize that you have agency, you are in control of your life. No one can make these decisions for you.
mcraenich 3y ago
I have a similar problem with a different background. Great pension and salary with a stress-free job that I leave at home. It's also a problem with the modern world. We lack community, we lack physical, important work, and we spend our lives doing only one thing (programming). No matter what part of the industry you're in, this is going to get boring after a while. My take is that there's no way around it - if you want excitement you're likely going to experience more stress. If you want stability, security, and a stress-free lifestyle you're going to be in a malaise with a bit of unease. There's no real silver bullet here beyond defining what you value, what your long-term goals are, and enjoying the ride toward those goals.
cloudecon 3y ago
My answer here really depends on how you feel about the comp. If the comp doesn't support the lifestyle you want, then you need to start looking for other options. But if the comp works for you, and you don't need to work super hard to continue securing that, I would encourage you to try to see the blessing. With all of that extra time, invest in your life OUTSIDE of work, and watch your happiness blossom: - Get in great shape physically - Master a hobby you already have - Start a new hobby - Start a family / invest in the family you have - Re-solidify some of the friendships that have drifted over the years (descriptive, not prescriptive list)
solardev 3y ago
As a 39 year old who's changed jobs a lot in his life, I highly encourage exploration and some soul searching. Take some community college classes, try some hobbies, go explore nature and give your mind some room to breathe. Maybe after a brief stint you'd decide you still like tech (or the money) the most. That's okay. Also, I've done tech work for non tech companies my entire career. They tend to be way less toxic and full of diverse, interesting people, many of whom aren't tech bros. It makes for better working environments IMO, but you have to like people for that. But whatever you do, IMO, don't do it right now. The market is really tough right now and you'd be competing with hordes of laid off FAANGers wherever you go. Maybe wait a bit unless you're super confident.

atomicnature 3y ago

Seems like you have a wealth of varied and valuable knowledge. Why not try your hand at teaching/sharing these insights? Or if you like writing more, how about trying to write a book? The world needs more doers who can teach. Civilisation needs such people to keep itself grounded.

bjourne 3y ago

You're not trapped. You're an adult and can decide for yourself whether you prioritize high salary or interesting work. That is my advice, to internalize that you have agency, you are in control of your life. No one can make these decisions for you.

mcraenich 3y ago

I have a similar problem with a different background. Great pension and salary with a stress-free job that I leave at home. It's also a problem with the modern world. We lack community, we lack physical, important work, and we spend our lives doing only one thing (programming). No matter what part of the industry you're in, this is going to get boring after a while. My take is that there's no way around it - if you want excitement you're likely going to experience more stress. If you want stability, security, and a stress-free lifestyle you're going to be in a malaise with a bit of unease. There's no real silver bullet here beyond defining what you value, what your long-term goals are, and enjoying the ride toward those goals.

cloudecon 3y ago

My answer here really depends on how you feel about the comp. If the comp doesn't support the lifestyle you want, then you need to start looking for other options. But if the comp works for you, and you don't need to work super hard to continue securing that, I would encourage you to try to see the blessing. With all of that extra time, invest in your life OUTSIDE of work, and watch your happiness blossom: - Get in great shape physically - Master a hobby you already have - Start a new hobby - Start a family / invest in the family you have - Re-solidify some of the friendships that have drifted over the years (descriptive, not prescriptive list)

solardev 3y ago

As a 39 year old who's changed jobs a lot in his life, I highly encourage exploration and some soul searching. Take some community college classes, try some hobbies, go explore nature and give your mind some room to breathe. Maybe after a brief stint you'd decide you still like tech (or the money) the most. That's okay. Also, I've done tech work for non tech companies my entire career. They tend to be way less toxic and full of diverse, interesting people, many of whom aren't tech bros. It makes for better working environments IMO, but you have to like people for that. But whatever you do, IMO, don't do it right now. The market is really tough right now and you'd be competing with hordes of laid off FAANGers wherever you go. Maybe wait a bit unless you're super confident.