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Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing
- ShrimpHawk 3y agoWhere does anyone live that they even see their neighbors to greet? Not here in the suburbs.
- Clent 3y agoGuess it depends on your suburb. In my area there are people who sit in they are retirees that sit in their front yards and greet not just pedestrians but every vehicle that goes by.
- xeromal 3y agoI mean isn't a suburb one of those HOA neighborhoods with houses every 1/4 acre? Seems ripe for neighbor communication. This seems like a cop out.
- ethanbond 3y agoIn the US most people in suburbs only ever walk from their door to their car (which is itself often inside the garage) and then they sit in their steel and glass box to the minimal possible distance from their desk, then do the reverse on the way home.
- barbazoo 3y agoDo those "neighborhoods" even have sidewalks then?
- ttymck 3y agoNot always, and, in my experience, the answer is increasingly "no".
- lotsofpulp 3y agoI have not seen of a single new development in the US without sidewalks in the last 20 years+. It must be the law in 99% of cities to build a sidewalk anytime a property is developed.
- wing-_-nuts 3y agoNot usually, or if they do, they're merely 'decorative' in that they're not a viable option for pedestrians to get from A to B. They just end without signals or crosswalks. Someone in a wheelchair would literally have to drive in the street in many areas of the south.
- datavirtue 3y agothey end the sidewalk a good poke from the brown neighborhoods
- xeromal 3y agoIdk. I live in a suburb and my little neighborhood is pretty friendly to the point where someone can post to our private Facebook group and ask someone to hold a package or to check out their house while they're on vacation. Really depends on what kind of community you have
- ethanbond 3y agoWhat I'm describing is unrelated to friendliness. Our built environment is the number one determinant of encounters with our neighbors. You can be perfectly friendly with people who you rarely see and could never make a routine of greeting (because you rarely see them without prior planning).
- hgsgm 3y agoIf you walk outside you'll see people.
- jjulius 3y agoIs there never anybody else outside when you go for a walk?
- krunck 3y agoIn a midwest neighborhood of modest houses built in the 1920's inhabited by families with children. Just one example.
- mrlatinos 3y agoI live in the suburbs but these are homes built in the 1950s and a lot of my neighbors are older. My neighbor and I have ¾ acre backyards that are just divided by a chain link fence. We both have dogs and like to do yard work. He's retired and I work from home. We talk across the fence a few times a week. He'll put surplus items from his vegetable garden on our fence, give our dog treats, and I'll exchange with bread I've baked. We shoot the shit about everything - his childhood growing up in the neighborhood, health, things going on, projects we might want to tackle together... It's definitely possible with the right neighbor, you just have to be intentional and friendly.
- mikestew 3y agoI dunno, I live in Redmond, WA and see my neighbors regularly. Greeted at least three people on the trail on my run this morning, greeted a few more on the dog walk. I'll probably wave at the neighbor across the street at some point when we're mutually outside. People walk by the house all day long. I don't know how much more suburban you're going to get than Redmond (you have to cross water to even get to the city). Now, I'll qualify that by saying that Redmond in general is a lot more pedestrian-friendly than a lot of suburbs I've experienced. And in the last twenty years or so, it's also quite wealthy. And seeing your neighbors also entails getting outside. ;-)
- jmbiven 3y agoOriginal Study (with pretty charts!): https://news.gallup.com/poll/509543/saying-hello-linked-higher-wellbeing-limits.aspx https://news.gallup.com/poll/509543/saying-hello-linked-high... Interesting, "No meaningful increase in wellbeing is seen for additional neighbors greeted beyond six."
- throwaway33381 3y agoIt sounds more to do with correlation vs causation people who are more likely to greet others could have a variety of different factors in their lives making them feel less isolated. One of them unironically states that it helps with the Career Wellbeing of an individual which is indicative that it doesn't really do that.
- dang 3y agoOk, we'll change the URL to that from https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/mister-rogers-had-a-point-routinely-greeting-six-neighbors-maximizes-wellbeing-outcomes/ https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/mister-rogers-had-a-point-ro..., which points to this and seems a little spammy. I guess we'll keep its title though because the top comment ("Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor") won't make sense without it.
- Cpoll 3y ago> As part of the Gallup National Health and Well-Being Index, saying hello to more than 1 neighbor was shown to correlate with greater self-perception of well-being. So this wasn't a study. As far as I can tell, the results can just as easily be summarized as "people who report higher well-being are more likely to greet neighbours." This is probably just the article to blame, the quotes they pick use words like "correlation." I find the five vs. six distinction rather interesting though. What's up with that? > Averaged across five dimensions that included career, communal, physical, financial, and social well-being, the increase which greeting a neighbor had led to around a 2-point increase on a scale of 0-100 up until the sixth neighbor, at which point further greetings had no measured impact.
- hgsgm 3y agoAll finite sets of finite numbers have an average. The value of the average is the result of the biases in data collection. There is obviously a cap in the number of people you can practically greet in a day.
- tgv 3y ago> I find the five vs. six distinction rather interesting though. What's up with that? There's no reasonable mechanism in which greeting people causes well-being. So asking why it caps out at 6 makes no sense, unless you implicitly want to call out their bullshit. It's just another vague correlation in a overinterpreted study of noisy data.
- calibas 3y ago> There's no reasonable mechanism in which greeting people causes well-being. Socializing increases well-being, and greeting someone is socializing.
- tgv 3y agoYou're still making so many assumptions, all of which are unproven and causally unlinked. And how does socializing lead to social, community, career and physical well-being? Why would those peak at 6 but financial well-being at 11? In your hand-waiving explanation, it should keep rising. And even then, the effect wouldn't be caused by greeting, but by socializing. Greeting more people wouldn't help if you wouldn't socialize. You're also excluding the reverse causality: you can only greet 6 people per day if e.g. you're healthy. On a sickbed, it's much harder to do. The way it's stated in the headline is bollocks.
- barbazoo 3y agoI yelled at one yesterday for looking at their phone while driving, does that count?!
- RajT88 3y agoI can see how this increases your wellbeing. But what about your neighbor's? Maybe so as well, unless you are that weird neighbor people talk about when they are not around. And let's be honest. You are that weird neighbor.
- bradley13 3y ago"greeting neighbors is also linked to career wellbeing, physical wellbeing, and financial wellbeing" Correlation. Happy people are happy. That's not cynical: you can improve your happiness by working on all of those fronts.
- irrational 3y agoIn our last house we knew 90% of the people on our street and regularly interacted with them. We have been in our new house for just over 2 years and only know our neighbors on one side of our house. The neighbor in the other house moved in just a week after we did. In those 2 years we have seen him only once, they day he moved in when he pulled up in his car, got out (without looking our way), opened the garage door, drove in, and closed the door. We literally have not seen him a single time since. The only way we know anyone still lives there is the garbage cans going out and coming back in each week (though, nobody has ever seen him putting out or retrieving his cans). Anyway, it’s hard to get to know a neighbor who doesn’t seem to exist. In our previous house, we lived about halfway down a dead end street, so anyone from one end walking by would come past our house. Also, there was a neighborhood garden which brought people together. In our new house, there is no community gathering space and we leave in a culdesac at the end of a road. The result is we don’t get to know our neighbors.
- kilbuz 3y agoThe global pandemic may be affecting their behavior.
- infogulch 3y ago[flagged]
- signalToNose 3y agoWhy put pandemic in quotes?
- Invictus0 3y agoBecause it's over
- xattt 3y agoMy street was full of older folks that we got to know over the years. Some moved to assisted living, some are getting there, and some passed away from unexpected diagnoses. We have new Gen Z neighbours for the last two years who seem to exist in their bubble, shutting out the immediate world and interacting only with their social circle. Barely an acknowledgement even if we’re out in the yard, shovelling snow or cutting grass. I don’t expect much, but maybe small talk once every couple of months to get a sense they’re alright, and not gone off the deep end and bottling their urine in mason jars. At some point, you start to fill in the blanks by noticing little things like what’s on TV through the window (hockey 24/7) when you drive by, who does the yard work (she does) or the decorations they put up on the outside. I am wondering if this is some generational divide at play where some slice of the population had been conditioned that the only valid interactions are those that happen online. It’s also possible that we seem intimidating or unsocial — but our interactions with other neighbours don’t seem to give this vibe.
- bradley13 3y agoJust to toss this out there: the reverse is also true. We get along well with all of our neighbors except one. We say "hi" and invite each other over regularly. That one bad neighbor is a real problem, and a huge source of stress and unhappiness.
- ssully 3y agoBig time. I have a neighbor about half a block from me that would harass me when I would walk my dogs by his house. Based on his behavior I assume he struggles with some mental issues. The one positive is I avoid his house completely, so now my standard dog walking route is a block longer, so more exercise for me and the dogs.
- datavirtue 3y agoWe have one particular neighbor who would greet everyone and chat with them. He was always out walking his little dog. Very nice. Next thing you know, someone is freaked out, posting a Ring video of him violently knocking on their front door (that was it, nothing else). It was so strange seeing this unfold on camera. Nearly everyone has talked to this guy and thought he was very nice. The people who's door he was banging on didn't know/recognize him. I'm guessing he has some sort of mental health challenges--though he does own and maintain a nice home on our street. Since the incident he has not been out. I saw him in his yard and noticed he looked a bit agitated. Very sad. I think this country is in serious need of a mental health framework that can actually help people. As it stands now, if this behavior escalates at all he will be faced by the police. Zero help.
- basisword 3y agoThose doorbells should be banned. Numerous times I’ve seen videos posted on local Facebook groups of completely innocuous situations that freaked out some paranoid curtain twitcher. Recently someone posted a video of a kid knocking her door: “Anyone know who this is? I think they’re up to something”.
- ryandrake 3y ago
- hirundo 3y agoGood morning my Hacker News digital neighbors, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening and good night.
- jacquesm 3y agoLikewise! Be wary of falling stage lights.
- DueDilligence 3y ago[dead]
- tayo42 3y agoHaving neighbors you don't mind and will say hi is probably good for your wellbeing. Bad neighbors is a nightmare. Not having a place where you feel like you can safely retreat to and relax or confidently get a full night of sleep is a bad feeling.
- sigmar 3y ago>Men were more likely to greet neighbors than women, as were people with children under the age of 18 in the household, and people with a household income of more than $120k a year. ah, so "wealthier people are happier and greet more neighbors". Things are much more simple when you drill down into the confounding variables. The data does not support the causality inferred by "maximizes" in the title.
- smohnot 3y agoMr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.
- jacquesm 3y agoThis is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end. If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but they'll still ask the question.
- bovermyer 3y agoThis depends on the region of the United States and the context. "How's it going?" can be either a throwaway acknowledgment, or it can be a light opener to a longer conversation.
- frandroid 3y agoI mean it's not generally accepted to say "I'm dying of cancer, you?" but it's a good jumping point for lighter conversation, which is healthier than not having the interaction at all.
- jtr1 3y agoSpeaking for myself, the question is always fairly routine but sometimes people answer genuinely. In almost all those cases I really do care, but the register of the conversation usually only shifts after it’s apparent that the person is looking for more than a routine conversation
- Waterluvian 3y agoThat reminds me of Tig Notaro's incredible stand-up set when she found out she had cancer: "I have cancer, how are you?" "Is everyone having a good time? I have cancer." It's a masterpiece, in my opinion. Tig finds an intensely awkward situation with an audience that showed up for comedy, and just presses on it relentlessly. I really hope that when it's my turn, I can handle it like her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXk1DSbXsZk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXk1DSbXsZk
- tills13 3y agoMr. Rogers and this gallup cohort have not met my neighbours.
- walthamstow 3y agoMy father in law lives in Yorkshire, where people regularly say hello to each other when out and about, particularly in the morning. We live in London, where this is highly unusual. When visiting he came on our usual morning walk in the park, and said hello, good morning to someone. They were completely flabbergasted and could only muster a garbled reply through the shock.
- ansbalin 3y agoAwh :')
- quickthrower2 3y agoA Yorkshire hello should be able to break anyone out of their shell though!
- slyall 3y agoNortherner terrifies Londoners by saying "Hello" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT0ay9u1gg4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT0ay9u1gg4
- sunnysidedown 3y agoThe second best neighbor is the one you never meet.
- hibikir 3y agoMost of the year, I live in a midwestern suburb: 1/3rd of an acre lots as far as the eye can see. I go on a walk every day, but it's rare that I ever actually see a human being during said walk: Everyone is cooped up in their houses. In practice, in most of this suburban life, every bit of human interaction is planned. We drive to commerce, and there we are met by workers with constantly changing schedules, who have minimal connection to the businesses they work in. It's not impossible to make connections in this environment, but it takes actual effort. This makes work the main form of social interaction for many people around me. Over the summer, however, I spend time in Spain. A town with a population under 200k, and yet far more dense than San Francisco. Streets are narrower, and most errands are less than 10 minutes away, on foot. The pharmacist, the baker, the workers at the restaurant, don't change very much. Since everyone walks, you really get to pass by every neighbor in the building every couple of weeks. The parks and playing ares with children are never close to empty, and people tend to have routines, so it's far easier to get to know people from random interactions. It's not uncommon to meet people you know, completely by accident, just because you walk the same streets. I might not stop at a certain coffee shop, but it has seating outside, and friends are be sitting there, and therefore I get a chance social encounter, even when I am not visiting the same business. There's benches in random streets, and people meet there, and chat on the street, so you don't even need a business as a "third place", when you have the street. Thus, getting six non-work social interactions a day becomes trivial. Large parts of America have chosen forms of development that are naturally isolating: It's no surprise so many feel isolated!
- wysewun 3y agoGreat observation. The lack of density and weather unsuitable for walking is a big factor I’ve noticed as well
- nemo44x 3y agoYes, that's exactly right. A town needs to be designed in a way that encourages walking. Shops to walk to, trains for commuting, a certain density, etc. Walking create so many opportunities to see people regularly without planning and to become comfortable with each other and it grows from there. Multiply that by everyone else doing it and you do get a real sense of community. > Large parts of America have chosen forms of development that are naturally isolating: It's no surprise so many feel isolated! Indeed - I have relatives that live in a place like this. Nice homes, etc but few trees, no sidewalks, and nowhere to walk. Why would you other than exercise? And a lot of people like it this way and that's fine. They want privacy and aren't interested in building relationships with people they live near. That's fine. But if you want a sense of community then you need to live in a place that encourages walking by making it useful.
- jacquesm 3y agoI make a point of bringing a bunch of flowers to the 10 or so houses near us at the beginning of every year. It is such a small thing to do but the effects have so far been well beyond what I would expect, immediately 'neighbor' becomes 'person I know a little bit' and from there the network around you will strengthen.
- pinko 3y agoWe've started hosting monthly "spaghetti and meatball nights" and invite almost everyone we know, including all the neighbors. We often get 30 people, but spaghetti and meatballs scale trivially so it's not hard to host. It's been tremendous for building community.
- jacquesm 3y agoThat's a cool idea!
- pinko 3y agoI can't take credit. Two dear friends in L.A. started doing it years ago, with similar results, and it sounded so great we just copied it. Except they make the meatballs from scratch, which I don't have time for. Decent bulk frozen meatballs + excellent Victoria jarred sauce from Costco to the rescue. My Italian wife tarts up the jarred sauce a bit with fresh aromatics and chunks of canned San Marzano tomatoes, and the end result is acceptable even to her exceptionally picky palette... Add a big stack of cheap, mismatched thrift-store china plates and silverware, and dinner for 30 takes us about an hour to prep + an hour to clean up after total.
- oasisaimlessly 3y agoThere was an article about this recently: https://www.seriouseats.com/simpler-entertaining-friday-night-dinners-end-loneliness-how-to-build-community-after-having-kids https://www.seriouseats.com/simpler-entertaining-friday-nigh...
- firefoxd 3y agoIf you are unhappy, does starting to greet your neighbor makes your happier? Or is it the other way around, when you are happy you greet your neighbor. This sounds like a "one little weird trick to boost your happiness: greet six neighbors." The important factors are the other things: having a high income, living in a good neighborhood, and and being a good community member. These increase your wellbeing, then of course you'll say hi to everyone.
- frandroid 3y agoPeople in low-income and "bad" neighbourhoods actually stand to gain a lot more by knowing their neighbours because they get a lot more out of community solidarity when there's trouble, they'll have networks to identify trouble earlier, etc.
- mk67 3y agoI must say I never had this train of thought. Whether I'm unhappy or happy I greet my neighbor as it is just common courtesy.
- darepublic 3y agoI feel I have lost much of my ability to be a part of a community, due to the covid lockdown, full time work from home, and in general spending so much time on the internet.
- neilv 3y agoThis and /r/awww and such are nice, and we need more warm-fuzzies. But I see this article citing a lot of science, and then dropping the ball on causation.
- alexb_ 3y agoI live in an apartment, and I don't even know what the person who lives next to me looks like. Why would I ask them? People are living their own lives, why am I going to invade into someone's life to make myself feel better
- leftnode 3y agoThis seems shortsighted. There are dozens of reasons you may want to get to know your neighbors: help each other out, become friends, watch a package, babysit, petsit, and so forth. Sure, nothing may happen from an interaction, but it seems one of the unique aspects of living in an apartment complex is that you can easily know your neighbors. I live in a large neighborhood of single-family homes and know many of my neighbors, most of which have become good, trusted friends.
- tayo42 3y agoI'm amazed people find pleasant apartments to live in. I think I hate every one of my neighbors. From their annoying behaviors. I have one that just let's their kids run around, blasting music at the moment and kept parking in my assigned spot.
- AlbertCory 3y agoHaving a cute, friendly dog helps more than I can say. The dog remembers all the houses where our friends live (even if they've moved out, or we just saw them on the street so they can't possibly be home). Yeah, there are unfriendly people. You just ignore them.
- Mizoguchi 3y agoI guess he lived in a different time when people were kinder, particularly in Pittsburgh. It's hard to greet your neighbors when they rutinely park on sidewalks, take their trash out several days before pick up and don't take care of their lawn. Recently leaving the city for a farm in the country with the next neighbor several hundred feet away seems idyllic.
- brailsafe 3y agoOne of the reasons I love living where I do, is because while I don't know any of the neighbours who live directly adjacent to me in their $2m houses, it's a relatively dense and active neighbourhood because of all the people forced to rent rooms from them, and we all walk to get our groceries or to the bars down the street, or meet at the gym, or see each other in the park. There's not a chance I'd move to some cul-de-sac, and it's frustrating that the possibility of securing a longer-term stay here isn't really possible any more. Aside from that though, in my first 12 years as an adult, I've learned that if you see someone you know when you're out and about, wave to them, always, unless they're really occupied by something else; they might be gone/dead tomorrow, and nobody hates being acknowledged in a friendly way.
- gjvc 3y ago"Saying Hello Linked to Higher Wellbeing, but With Limits"
- quitit 3y agoAlso related: People underestimate the positive impact of speaking with strangers. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-48459940 https://www.bbc.com/news/world-48459940 https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2021/09/deep-conversations-strangers https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2021/09/deep-convers...
- readthenotes1 3y agoHow many times was this result replicated?
- tamimio 3y agoNot just neighbors, I usually give a quick compliment to people while walking/cycling around, and you can see the smiles and sparking eyes immediately after, a lot of people are lonely, such kindness costs nothing.
- scotty79 3y agoAlternatively, happier people greet their neighbors more often.
- tasty_freeze 3y agoWe got a small, older dog a couple years ago, mostly for my wife. She has health issues and can't walk the dog, so it fell on me. At first I was kind of resentful. The dog is ponderous and doesn't really take direction much, and I'm way too short on free time. Well, I've lived in the neighborhood for ten years and only when I started walking the dog did I start meeting a bunch of people in the neighborhood. I still would like an extra 30 minutes of free time a day, but my life is a lot richer socially.
- sseagull 3y agoWhen I got a dog, it also fell on me to walk her. When we had a storm a while back, I realized that I only knew the dogs’ names and where they lived. “Yeah, Fido’s house got tore up pretty bad”. Didn’t know the owner’s name :)
- conductr 3y agoI was a dog park regular at a few parks over course of a few years, as were several others so I met and befriended a lot of people but never knew any names other than dog names. Although I recall exchanging and promptly forgetting a few peoples names
- pokeymcsnatch 3y agoSimilar line of thought, I never really met any neighbors but I know all of the right places to pee around the neighborhood.
- DoreenMichele 3y agoWalking the dog is sort of the meat space version of having an article to discuss online. It facilitates having a thing to talk about, to politely bond over without being overly personal, an excuse for the interaction so you don't sound like a creepy stalker for talking to a stranger for no reason.
- Doxin 3y agoYou're sort of forced into it too. The only thing more awkward than striking up conversation with a stranger is not striking up a conversation while your dogs are busy sniffing eachothers butts.
- failuser 3y agoWill that replicate? I’m pretty sure that it depends on what kind of people you and your neighbors are.
- mock-possum 3y agoUgh I know it’s good social strategy but I hate doing it so much. I just want to be left alone, and engaging with other casually indicates that I’m open to further interaction.
- tptacek 3y agoShow HN: My app randomly greets six of your neighbors for you, every day!
- 666_666_666 3y ago[flagged]
- ilkke 3y agoIf six maximises wellbeing, be careful not to greet the seventh one
- xyzelement 3y agoThis was one of the biggest surprises for me moving to the burbs after 40 years of NYC. You get to know your neighbors and their kids, you drive more politely because the person you are going to cut off is someone you have likely met and will again. It sort of transforms you - or rather - allows the more communal version of you - to emerge. Needless to say, this version of me is more at peace and happier.
- NegativeK 3y agoInteresting; after moving to the suburbs from a large city, I feel much less likely to talk to people near me, since I get in my metal box and drive around them instead of walking past them (or riding public transit with them) and being forced to interact with them.
- xyzelement 3y agoDifferent type of burb I guess.
- chevman 3y agoWe live in a mid sized city in the midwest, typical city block with single family homes. Folks keep to themselves a bit - not everyone, but enough that you have to make an effort to connect with neighbors. My son and I had the idea that we should just organize a block party. I think this was in early 2021 after covid was letting up a bit. He was 7 years old and said we should get a food truck to come. So that's what we did. Made homemade invitations and handed them out to a couple blocks around us and sent out emails to friends. I think we had like 75 people show up to the first one! It was great. Had a taco truck come, and the local fire station rolled the engine by for the kids. Blocked off the street so everyone could sit together and the kids could run around without worrying about traffic. We've been trying to do this every 6 months or so since then. Great way to meet tons of folks in the immediate vicinity and strike up some new friendships - highly recommend it.
- nightowl_games 3y agoThat is such a great idea. Nice work! Spread the word!
- te_chris 3y agoI live on a block that’s somewhat bookended by a railway line in London. People organise similar things and it’s so lovely. Even organised a group of people to go and sing happy birthday on one of our neighbour’s doorsteps (they’re > 100).
- jamies 3y agoSometimes the creativity and passion of a child can just completely shake up the doldrums of being an adult! Thanks for sharing this.
- Doxin 3y agoLet's not forget to praise the adult here for seeing possibilities, instead of impossibilities, either! Plenty of parents would find plenty of reasons why such a thing would be impossible.
- r3trohack3r 3y agoAs a kid, I had extreme social anxiety. I had a hard time talking to people and making friends. I never felt like I “belonged.” As an adult, I still have crippling social anxiety. I can’t speak for everywhere, I’m pretty much only in the U.S., but I’ve noticed that most fellow adults I come across are chronically deprived of social interaction. My social anxiety doesn’t actually matter. Me being awkward, and weird, and a little bit out there doesn’t actually matter. If you talk to people, ask them questions about themselves, laugh with them when they want to laugh, listen to them when they want to vent, rant with them when they want to rant, and feel pain with them when they’re vulnerable, a sweeping majority of the people I’ve met in the U.S. engage. And the more you do it, the more you realize the world is actually full of amazing people. They’re all living their lives, making mistakes, getting things wrong, and making bad calls. But overwhelmingly they’re trying to figure life out and get through the best they can; and they want people with them on that journey. I still have crippling social anxiety but my friend group is steadily growing and it feels good. I still play the fun game in my head of “haha did we all have a good time today or did I actually say something terrible and now everyone hates me or thinks I’m a fool?” on pretty much a daily basis. But I wouldn’t go back to being lonely. Not just for me, but for these amazing people who want more folks with them on their journey.
- NegativeK 3y agoRationally, I know what you've said to be the truth. In reality, I cut my own hair because it stresses me out to go to a Greatclips.
- dghughes 3y agoMy neighbourhood which I've lived in all my life has changed drastically, dramatically, creepily. The original owners were part of a sort of Habitat for Humanity type organization only it was a local thing a co-op. This was 1972 nearly ten years before early 1980s super crazy inflation so even then it was hard to afford a home. Everyone on the street knew each other even one street over either way people knew everyone's names and children's names. As people moved away new owners bought the homes it was OK for a while new people. But now a younger generation starkly different in attitude and behaviour. Now it's like living in some dystopian alien hellscape. OK maybe that's a bit too much but it's surreal. Nobody goes outside, not even to sit on decks former owners built, vegetable garden plots and not planted, laundry is not put on lines, food is all "Ubered", windows are all shut (for AC?) blinds down. Grass on lawns is a foot high, plants of former owners grow wild and are unkempt. Supposedly "no mow may" for dandelions (local bio prof says is bunk) or to be green but I suspect it's linked to never seeing anyone outside ever more than for environmental reasons. Every single one has a dog too which was rare years ago maybe a few people had dogs. Now maybe 1 in 10 or even 1 in 20 homes has any children human children I should clarify. Here I am outside in the vegetable garden, or on the deck in summer. Yet all homes are sealed up, no activity except for thumps of car doors as people leave or come home. The bluish glow of monitors nearly constant. Sometimes it feels like I am living in a horror movie. It's hard to greet people as they run to and from their cars never to be seen again.
- eitally 3y agoThis varies wildly neighborhood by neighborhood. In our first house, in suburban Raleigh, NC, we had a modest 1972 split level worth about $200k. We knew all our neighbors and it was, for lack of a better word, neighborly. In our second house, which was a huge upgrade house-wise (4500sqft on 1/3ac in a subdivision with a big pool greenways, playground, etc), we got to know just two of our neighbors very well, and we almost never saw anyone outdoors in the 6 years we lived there. This house was only about 2 miles from the previous one, but the vibe was entirely different. In our current house, in San Jose, we're in a neighborhood originally built in the 1950s from what was cherry orchards, and almost all of the original owners have died or moved. We've been here since 2016 and it feels like that year was when the current wave of "refresh" started. Ever since the neighborhood has gotten younger and younger, more and more kids are outside, and the majority go to the neighborhood pool & neighborhood schools. We have tons of friends and acquaintances and it's reminiscent of my neighborhood growing up (in Virginia) in the early 80s. That said, you only have to go a few blocks to get to areas that are more like what you've described. The morale of this is just that it pays to spend time in, and talk with, a few possible neighbors before buying into a neighborhood. You might not like what you find.
- freetime2 3y agoI recently watched a video [1] about “The Villages”, a massive retirement community in Florida with 100k+ residents. One of the things that surprised me was how friendly all the neighbors seemed in the beginning of the video. The lifestyle had a lot more appeal to me than I was expecting. [1] https://youtu.be/BX4i8qprP2I https://youtu.be/BX4i8qprP2I
- lemper 3y agohow disfunctional society are you living in if you need calculate the gain and loss for doing what a decent human being would do in a neighbourhood?
- ReactiveJelly 3y agoI was told to keep to myself as a child, not bother anyone, and not stare. That was my parents' concept of politeness, so I was never taught to greet people or initiate conversation. Cultural difference, I suppose.
- Rediscover 3y agoI lived in downtown Seattle (Belltown) for a couple of decades (currently living about 10 minutes away walking time). I can not even contemplate not well-knowing less than 50 of my neighbors. Possibly < 100 neighbors. I suspect that was really great for my outlook - now I start getting slightly depressed barely knowing about 6-12 neighbors and have to walk over to Belltown to get a mental lift.
- rapnie 3y agoWhile this survey is done with neighbors, I wonder how it is in general. In a number of countries complete strangers great each other. Like in The Netherlands, though the likelihood to be greeted depends on where you are, time of day, and age of the people who greet. In a big city people generally don't greet strangers, unless they meet very early in the morning and the occurence of a chance greeting among early risers grows. When city dwellers enter the suburbs and esp. when going into nature, they start to greet. Smaller towns and villages see a lot of greeting in the circle that one can count as beyond neighbors. The younger people get the less they seem to participate in this old habit. Maybe they 'learn' to greet at older age, or modern society and smartphones are killing the tradition. I sometimes wonder if in modern society we are shifting more and more to a stance of distrust of the people we don't know, and this affects the greeting culture too. Overall this casual greeting, often accompanied with a warm smile and sometimes some small talk, feels uplifting and heartwarming. Good for wellbeing I would say. This is all anecdotal and YMMV, but I encourage to engage in the practice and reap the rewards.
- nologic01 3y agoOur buildings, cities and economic life (work) are not organized to support social cohesion and the wellbeing that flows from that condition. Actually the main motto is "there is no such thing as society". Digital online life has been a major opportunity to partially remedy the isolation induced by designs that maximize anything else (real estate value, GDP) than emotional balance. Somewhat predictably though, the same driving forces created the same alienating mess. People are starved for social interaction and adopted digital tools en-masse, only to be exploited and reduced to data minable products. There does not seem to be an exit from the trap we are in the short run. Material well-being has been prioritized above everything else and that is not compatible with social well-being. We are left we somewhat sad "tips and tricks", like greeting six neighbors. Which obviously wont hurt but are so helplessly far from achieving something tangible.
- ChuckMcM 3y agoRandom anecdote, COVID re-enforced my neighborhood walking as a exercise I could do while avoiding enclosed spaces. During my walks I always greet the people I meet with a "Good morning", "Good Afternoon", Etc. I consistently got suspicion when I started doing this. People would either not respond or have some non-committal response. I would just smile and keep walking. Generally after the second, or at most third, time people would figure out that I wasn't wanting anything, just being neighborly. They would start responding back with smiles and similar greetings. After a year of walking around saying "Hi" to folks people would start going out of their way to respond and would often add simple exchanges about the weather or the news. The mailman, of all people, who I would wave to and say "Hi" to told me one day that ever since I started walking around and greeting people the neighborhood had become "more friendly and nice." I doubt it was just my doing but I do know people smile more and wave and certainly part of it is they aren't fearing death by disease any day now, and part is that they like it. I appreciate that I know a lot more of my neighbors.
- randycupertino 3y agoBe the change. I started waving in the car any time I passed anyone on my street, just a quick "hi" wave over the dashboard while driving. Now all the cars on our block do it. It's cute :)
- snerc 3y agoThe difference between greeting six neighbors vs zero is only 12.6 wellness units. I'd prefer to simulate the outside world at the cost of a moderate amount of wellness. I'll make up for the difference by eating a smoothie for breakfast 3 days out of the week for the rest of my life instead of 2 salad bowlfulls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.
- netfortius 3y agoAgain a US centric article. While it would have been impossible to achieve such, consistently, in the suburbs of US, in a city like Chicago greeting neighbors became a little more feasible, but to Mr Rogers' point - probably useless beyond four or five. In French cities like Montpellier, Aix-en-Provence, Nice, Vic-sur-Cere, etc., though, it is possible to go way over the "6 limit", with increasing benefits. I know a lot of people on the street where I live for the moment, and some of the neighboring ones, and I greet a lot of folks while walking outside ("walk" = keyword). I also greet my favorite two butchers, two or three boulangers, the fromager and a lot of folks at the farmers markets and small deli stores, cofee shops, etc., on a daily basis. The more - the better it makes you feel.
- tgv 3y agoWhere I live, you hardly meet more than one neighbour at random in the winter. In contrast, in villages in the south of Spain, you meet neighbors and family all day long, to the point where it gets tiring. I imagine there are many more places like that in the world. It's definitely not a universal study.
- drmpeg 3y agoI'm pretty good pals with my immediate neighbors, right, left and across the street and we talk whenever we see each other. My favorite neighbor Lois moved away after retiring. We used to call her the "CIA agent" because she knew everyone and everything that was going on in the neighborhood. I would talk to her every few weeks or so and get "debriefed". It was awesome.
- WeylandYutani 3y agoI'm a antisocial person who would commit suicide if they had to live in "a little house on the prairie". However I always greet people and thank them. Those people with AirPods on in the supermarket are plain rude.
- Takennickname 3y agoThis isn't going to be read by anyone but just for reference, as a young Muslim I was always told to treat your seven closest neighbors as you would your first neighbor.
- amelius 3y agoCan we replicate this in a VR environment?
- grrdotcloud 3y agoEmail me your phone number and I'll call you tomorrow afternoon.
- ada1981 3y agoCurious if anyone has studied if intentionally saying hello will boost these things… Otherwise it’s just, healthy and happy people are more likely to be happy and say hello! It’s like “study finds rich people spend more money”
- danielvaughn 3y agoUntil last year I lived in a small downtown area. Each morning I'd walk down one of the main streets, and would typically be greeted by up to 3 people. The owner of the corner store at the base of my building, my barber across the street, and then the married couple who ran the breakfast spot I frequented just up the block. It's a small thing but it does wonders for having a sense of community. After covid, the breakfast spot shut down and my barber went to work at a different shop. The corner store is still around but I got priced out by migrating New Yorkers and had to move. I miss it a lot.
- abhaynayar 3y agoI have literally started tracking being social as a habit on an app for the last few months and it has been a godsend. Every day, if I do something social, I put a tick in my app. At first it was just to get over my social fears, but now as I get more comfortable, I still keep doing it because I love the rush of talking to new people and seeing if we click. And of course, the fear never completely goes away in all situations, but it turns into something exhilarating, like before an important test/interview even when you're well prepared.
- mythrwy 3y agoI wish I could. I moved way out to the country in 2013 and had only one neighbor half a mile away. I did interact with him some, but it usually wound up with him hitting me up for money or to perform some errand. Fentanyl finally took that neighbor a few years back and now I have 0 neighbors for miles. I do interact with skunks and birds and snakes and my chickens, cats, dogs and my girlfriend. I also go over to a buddies house in town once a month for beers and to the occasional party. Girlfriend works in town so I'm completely alone most of the day. It kind of bothered me for a few year but now I like it and think I would have trouble being around people all day every day. Probably not super healthy mentally for most people, but it works for me.
- exabrial 3y agoNobody talks about the miracle Jesus performed by having 12 close friends at age 30+.... :)
- yellowapple 3y agoThis is a classic example of correlation ≠ causation; it's quite possible that people with already-high wellbeing are more inclined to greet their neighbors (as well as the opposite of people with low wellbeing not being inclined to greet their neighbors). Whether forcing yourself to greet six neighbors every day actually "maximizes wellbeing" is unsupported by the presented evidence. That said, I wouldn't be too surprised if there was a causative relationship, especially with some of the more specific "social" and "community" wellbeing. Seems like a reasonable guess, and it'd be straightforward to test: evaluate wellbeing scores from before and after one starts making it a point to greet six neighbors per day.
- AlbertCory 3y agoNot so much correlation & causation as Selection Bias.
- OldGuyInTheClub 3y agoItalians are said to have 'passeggiata'; daily strolls along the main street or town square to meet and greet neighbors [0]. Might not work as-is in the US due to the lack of town squares and the abundance of stroads. [0] https://www.myitaliandiaries.com/italian-passeggiata-what-exactly-is-that/ https://www.myitaliandiaries.com/italian-passeggiata-what-ex...
- sBqQu3U0wH 3y agoIt seems silly to me. Can it be that people with higher well being are just more likely to greet their neighbors? I only skimmed the article so I might have missed something.
- user6723 3y agoI remember 1990s California and low crime rates. Good times.
- nuancebydefault 3y agoI once traveled (for work) with a Dutch guy that was a few years older. He loved to travel and loved interacting with people, even though he was not the best bespoken. In an aeroplane, he randomly spoke to people, asked interesting questions and people were generally nice to him. When I saw this, I thought, this is what I want -- speak to any person\stranger without having to overcome any fear. And my wish appeared to be strong enough, after a while i became a person who will talk to almost anybody at any place. It feels liberating. However, like with so many things in life, it has a flip side, it comes with disadvantages. Sometimes I get feedback that I am too forthcoming. Also, I get disappointed sometimes. In the q at the bakery, people are often saying nothing, staring at their phone screen (mostly the younger people). So i open up a conversation, people are waiting anyways. Almost each time i have the first and the last word, which feels awkward. Also, i have the feeling that younger people often have a lack of interacting skills, when it is in-person, they seem to be uncomfortable. So talking to them can give an awkward feeling in the end. Maybe some people recognize this and could give advice?