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Happy Birthday. 1. You got married. Congratulations. Don't ever treat her as if she's an option. She is not. Communicate too much. Communicate too often. Commu

Happy Birthday. 1. You got married. Congratulations. Don't ever treat her as if she's an option. She is not. Communicate too much. Communicate too often. Communicate well. If you left some red flags from your relationship, they will carry over into the marriage. Make sure you address them and compromise or get rid of them. Don't ever let anyone else into your marriage. Only you and your wife belong there. Everyone else doesn't matter. Kiss her everyday and tell her you love her. 2. A nasty habit of drinking can cost you your health, your body, and your life. Good for you to quit drinking. There's really no need for it anymore. It ain't gonna be easy, but I've met many men who quit cold turkey, some because they had to -- others because they wanted to. My father remains alive because he quit 15 years ago and when I offered him a drink, he refused. When I offered him a sip, he refused. No alcohol. Not even a drop. All his friends are dead. 3. Jobs will come and go. Hopefully you establish what you think of as a career. Make sure you know your value and your worth. Love what you do, do what you love, never work a day in your life. It will take time to get to where you want and need to be, but now that you're married, starting a family, your job is going to be your security for the next decade or more. Get along with the people you work with... they are family too. 4. Honestly, it's not advised to cut complete contact from your parents. My parents are nearing their 70s. I just lost my grandfather. I spent the past 3 years taking care of him as he started losing his independence. I cherish those moments and as I sat by his bedside in hospice, watching him take his last breath of air, I didn't cry because there was no need... he lived a good life, and we had many good times together. Parents will be going that way soon, too. The best I can do before they go is to make sure they knew I loved them and that we talked about everything we wanted to say... because the day will come, and they won't be there ever again. And you'll wish you had said more, made up. Life is short. They were once wiping your ass. Make peace if you can. May you live the life you want, cherish every moment you can, and love the way John Lennon sang of love. One life to live... make every moment count.

russelldjimmy 3y ago
> Honestly, it's not advised to cut complete contact from your parents. We don’t know the full story, we don’t know his state of mind, and we hence don’t know what the appropriate advice for his situation is. Let us not project. I would, though, be keen to understand more about this situation. I have been in a similar situation where I have worked hard to develop enough emotional resilience to keep my toxic parents at arms’ length AND not need to cut them off. I assume not everyone is at this stage and cutting off might be the solution they need (at least temporarily).
- mattbgates 3y ago
  You are absolutely correct. That's why I wrote: "Make peace if you can."
  - russelldjimmy 3y ago
    Appreciate your calm response. Have a great day!
yownie 3y ago
>4. Honestly, it's not advised to cut complete contact from your parents. you should really stfu about situations that are none of your business. Society already pressures ppl enough that are raises by abusive or npd parents to reconcile. maybe read the associated link in the post to understand why you're not correct.
- mattbgates 3y ago
  You are absolutely correct. That's why I wrote: "Make peace if you can."
  - yownie 3y ago
    ....and why many of us are criticizing what you wrote because appeasing an abuser is horrible advice. it's not the role of a victim to accommodate an abusers feelings. Do you understand how dumb that sounds now?
tinus_hn 3y ago
Obviously this person is past that, but people should be aware that quitting an alcohol addiction cold-turkey can cause very serious, potentially life-threatening withdrawal symptoms. Consult your medical provider.
- mattbgates 3y ago
  This is great advice. AA meetings are also very beneficial for the support.
SwiftyBug 3y ago
> Love what you do, do what you love, never work a day in your life Don't fall for that. Work is work. It doesn't have to have a lot of purpose or even make you happy. It must be secure and pay you enough that you can make a comfortable living from it. Of course, it helps if it doesn't make you miserable.
- mattbgates 3y ago
  It is a philosophy I've lived by for decades. Although I'm not happy with the politics of my workplace, I absolutely love the job I do and it makes life a lot better. Going into work, doing what I love, and they pay me to do it? I wouldn't have it any other way. I remember the days of having to work jobs I hated... I went in, did what I had to do, often biting my tongue, or just feeling miserable, all for a measely paycheck that had me breaking my back for the job. I prefer doing a job I love to do and getting paid for it, so if you don't want to fall for it, you got to do what works for you. What works for me is loving what I do, doing what I love, and feeling as if I'm not even struggling to work in order to get my paycheck.

russelldjimmy 3y ago

> Honestly, it's not advised to cut complete contact from your parents. We don’t know the full story, we don’t know his state of mind, and we hence don’t know what the appropriate advice for his situation is. Let us not project. I would, though, be keen to understand more about this situation. I have been in a similar situation where I have worked hard to develop enough emotional resilience to keep my toxic parents at arms’ length AND not need to cut them off. I assume not everyone is at this stage and cutting off might be the solution they need (at least temporarily).

mattbgates 3y ago
You are absolutely correct. That's why I wrote: "Make peace if you can."
- russelldjimmy 3y ago
  Appreciate your calm response. Have a great day!

yownie 3y ago

>4. Honestly, it's not advised to cut complete contact from your parents. you should really stfu about situations that are none of your business. Society already pressures ppl enough that are raises by abusive or npd parents to reconcile. maybe read the associated link in the post to understand why you're not correct.

mattbgates 3y ago
You are absolutely correct. That's why I wrote: "Make peace if you can."
- yownie 3y ago
  ....and why many of us are criticizing what you wrote because appeasing an abuser is horrible advice. it's not the role of a victim to accommodate an abusers feelings. Do you understand how dumb that sounds now?

tinus_hn 3y ago

Obviously this person is past that, but people should be aware that quitting an alcohol addiction cold-turkey can cause very serious, potentially life-threatening withdrawal symptoms. Consult your medical provider.

mattbgates 3y ago
This is great advice. AA meetings are also very beneficial for the support.

SwiftyBug 3y ago

> Love what you do, do what you love, never work a day in your life Don't fall for that. Work is work. It doesn't have to have a lot of purpose or even make you happy. It must be secure and pay you enough that you can make a comfortable living from it. Of course, it helps if it doesn't make you miserable.

mattbgates 3y ago
It is a philosophy I've lived by for decades. Although I'm not happy with the politics of my workplace, I absolutely love the job I do and it makes life a lot better. Going into work, doing what I love, and they pay me to do it? I wouldn't have it any other way. I remember the days of having to work jobs I hated... I went in, did what I had to do, often biting my tongue, or just feeling miserable, all for a measely paycheck that had me breaking my back for the job. I prefer doing a job I love to do and getting paid for it, so if you don't want to fall for it, you got to do what works for you. What works for me is loving what I do, doing what I love, and feeling as if I'm not even struggling to work in order to get my paycheck.