4 ms·

"Fucked out" That's the phrase I use to describe it. If you're not done with your share of sex when you get married, you are at risk of giving in to temptatio

"Fucked out" That's the phrase I use to describe it. If you're not done with your share of sex when you get married, you are at risk of giving in to temptation when you're married. Mostly from a guy's point of view because a guy tends to have more opportunities when he gets older, but the same logic works for women to a degree. One of my friends would get laid constantly in our 20s. Not just bragging about it, he provably had the gift for it when we were out. He was banging chicks constantly, to the point where he had to phone me from work to stop his various chicks from finding out about each other. I thought for sure this guy would not be able to hold out in a marriage. 15 years on and he hasn't cheated on his wife, that last of this parade of women. My boss married his high school sweetheart. He started going to a lot of meetings with a broker. I was joking that he was having an affair. Turned out to be exactly what happened. My other boss also got married early. Religious guy, 5 kids. I go to see him a decade after we last worked together, what does he do? He wants me to wingman him. Also shows me all his messages from various women. (He's also in politics, so maybe it's par for the course.) Sex is pretty powerful by nature, but like many things evolution has left us, there's a point where our curiosity is satisfied. We can move on with forming relationships when the urge is not quite so strong.

ap99 3y ago
Changes in testosterone levels and the effect o sex drive probably also play a role as men get older.
scns 3y ago
Our genes don't care bout our beliefs, only that we procreate with a partner whose immune system is different from ours, which is signaled via pheromones. It does not matter to them if we are able to form a stable bond. My ex is still a pain five years after breakup, even though she has a new partner and child with him. Our son is doing fine.
- mikeyjk 3y ago
  Not that this is really the core of your point at all - but I believe the state of the science currently suggests that pheromones in humans are a myth at worst, at best unproven. We only have a vestigial vomeronasal organ, which no longer functions - as I've understood it: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160509-the-tantalising-truth-about-sex-pheromones https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160509-the-tantalising-...
  - omniglottal 3y ago
    How much is this like the "vestigal <appendix> which no longer functions" according to decades of scientific consensus until people discovered the gut microbiome?
  - malaya_zemlya 3y ago
    Do you think it's a coincidence that almost every perfume uses some pheromone-like ingredients? Musk and civet are the most famous examples but also see hedione, a major ingredient in perfumes since the 1960s, because it enhances pretty much any floral smell. Hedione seems to directly stimulate the vomeronasal organ (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0031938421001505 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S003193842...). There's also the case of sandalwood, a perfume ingredient since antiquity. It just happens to smell almost like androstenol, an androgen believed to act as a pheromone, even though it's not really chemically related. PS, fwiw my wife sometimes tells me she married me because of how I smell like. Apparenlty I smell like violets to her.
    - scns 3y ago
      Another one would be a very popular taste/smell: Vanilla, chemically close to human pheromones as well. Never used perfume, but my Ex loved my smell too.
  - scns 3y ago
    Well, do you know the experiment where women were asked to smell shirts worn by men overnight? When they were ready to conceive they liked the smell of male sweat, otherwise they'd say it stinks. When women get off the pill to have children, it happens that they don't like their partners smell anymore. [edit] Seems i expressed myself badly in my original comment. It quite possibly is my central point and i feel sorry for scientists believing this. I fear they have an antisexual religious upbringing like i had. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vomeronasal_organ?wprov=sfla1 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vomeronasal_organ?wprov=sfla1 Why should the organ which tasked to find a mate, to have healthy children with, not work in us anymore? It can be damaged in people having their nose done, it gets broken in the process.
newt_slowly 3y ago
I can't relate to this - with most things I enjoy, the more I am able to do them, the more I want to do them. When I go without for a while, I forget about the pleasure something brings. Backpacking for a year didn't get me "traveled out", it made me want to travel more. I married young and certainly would have found a lifetime of monogamy challenging. At the same time, I don't believe I could have gotten the desire for different partners out of my system before marriage. It's an itch that doesn't appear it can be scratched. Fortunately my wife and I discovered swinging, and get the best of both worlds: a lifetime partnership built on a deep love and years of shared experience, and the occasional opportunity to have sexual variety.
cm2012 3y ago
Basically nothing else in life works that way. If you punch or yell out your anger, you get angrier over time. The biggest predictor of donating to charity is past donations. The more marriages someone has, divorce rate dramatically rises (almost twice as high for a second marriage). I strongly suspect the ladies man, statistically, is more likely to cheat during marriage. Anecdotally, I've been with the same woman since I was 15 and neither of us would dream of cheating.
- acuozzo 3y ago
  > Basically nothing else in life works that way. Have you never played a song so many times on repeat that, even years later, you're still sick of it? Have you never heard of someone suffering from burnout at work for several years? The things you list in your post are not inherently exhaustible. I'd argue that even though sex is not inherently exhaustible, a craving for sexual variety likely is. Chronic users of pornography often report a dying down in interest after reaching the peak of extreme(s) within their fetish(es).
- lordnacho 3y ago
  Yeah your logic makes sense. It just doesn't seem to agree with what I see among people I know, admittedly a small section of the world. > I strongly suspect the ladies man, statistically, is more likely to cheat during marriage. The weird thing is that the cheaters I know of are all guys with weak game. It's the opposite of what common sense would suggest, and I'm not sure of the mechanism, other than what I proposed. Perhaps another way to say it is that if you've had enough, you don't think it's worth the risk. I mean to be quite honest, it often isn't even worth the bother when you're a free man.
  - ROTMetro 3y ago
    My experience some people with weak game settled with who they thought would take them but aren't 100% happy they did and will jump at expanded opportunity. If I want a Porsche and buy a Toyota it doesn't stop me from wanting a Porsche. If I have a Porsche I get over it and I want a Toyota for my daily vehicle.
- 3y ago

ap99 3y ago

Changes in testosterone levels and the effect o sex drive probably also play a role as men get older.

scns 3y ago

Our genes don't care bout our beliefs, only that we procreate with a partner whose immune system is different from ours, which is signaled via pheromones. It does not matter to them if we are able to form a stable bond. My ex is still a pain five years after breakup, even though she has a new partner and child with him. Our son is doing fine.

mikeyjk 3y ago
Not that this is really the core of your point at all - but I believe the state of the science currently suggests that pheromones in humans are a myth at worst, at best unproven. We only have a vestigial vomeronasal organ, which no longer functions - as I've understood it: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160509-the-tantalising-truth-about-sex-pheromones https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160509-the-tantalising-...
- omniglottal 3y ago
  How much is this like the "vestigal <appendix> which no longer functions" according to decades of scientific consensus until people discovered the gut microbiome?
- malaya_zemlya 3y ago
  Do you think it's a coincidence that almost every perfume uses some pheromone-like ingredients? Musk and civet are the most famous examples but also see hedione, a major ingredient in perfumes since the 1960s, because it enhances pretty much any floral smell. Hedione seems to directly stimulate the vomeronasal organ (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0031938421001505 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S003193842...). There's also the case of sandalwood, a perfume ingredient since antiquity. It just happens to smell almost like androstenol, an androgen believed to act as a pheromone, even though it's not really chemically related. PS, fwiw my wife sometimes tells me she married me because of how I smell like. Apparenlty I smell like violets to her.
  - scns 3y ago
    Another one would be a very popular taste/smell: Vanilla, chemically close to human pheromones as well. Never used perfume, but my Ex loved my smell too.
- scns 3y ago
  Well, do you know the experiment where women were asked to smell shirts worn by men overnight? When they were ready to conceive they liked the smell of male sweat, otherwise they'd say it stinks. When women get off the pill to have children, it happens that they don't like their partners smell anymore. [edit] Seems i expressed myself badly in my original comment. It quite possibly is my central point and i feel sorry for scientists believing this. I fear they have an antisexual religious upbringing like i had. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vomeronasal_organ?wprov=sfla1 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vomeronasal_organ?wprov=sfla1 Why should the organ which tasked to find a mate, to have healthy children with, not work in us anymore? It can be damaged in people having their nose done, it gets broken in the process.

newt_slowly 3y ago

I can't relate to this - with most things I enjoy, the more I am able to do them, the more I want to do them. When I go without for a while, I forget about the pleasure something brings. Backpacking for a year didn't get me "traveled out", it made me want to travel more. I married young and certainly would have found a lifetime of monogamy challenging. At the same time, I don't believe I could have gotten the desire for different partners out of my system before marriage. It's an itch that doesn't appear it can be scratched. Fortunately my wife and I discovered swinging, and get the best of both worlds: a lifetime partnership built on a deep love and years of shared experience, and the occasional opportunity to have sexual variety.

cm2012 3y ago

Basically nothing else in life works that way. If you punch or yell out your anger, you get angrier over time. The biggest predictor of donating to charity is past donations. The more marriages someone has, divorce rate dramatically rises (almost twice as high for a second marriage). I strongly suspect the ladies man, statistically, is more likely to cheat during marriage. Anecdotally, I've been with the same woman since I was 15 and neither of us would dream of cheating.

acuozzo 3y ago
> Basically nothing else in life works that way. Have you never played a song so many times on repeat that, even years later, you're still sick of it? Have you never heard of someone suffering from burnout at work for several years? The things you list in your post are not inherently exhaustible. I'd argue that even though sex is not inherently exhaustible, a craving for sexual variety likely is. Chronic users of pornography often report a dying down in interest after reaching the peak of extreme(s) within their fetish(es).
lordnacho 3y ago
Yeah your logic makes sense. It just doesn't seem to agree with what I see among people I know, admittedly a small section of the world. > I strongly suspect the ladies man, statistically, is more likely to cheat during marriage. The weird thing is that the cheaters I know of are all guys with weak game. It's the opposite of what common sense would suggest, and I'm not sure of the mechanism, other than what I proposed. Perhaps another way to say it is that if you've had enough, you don't think it's worth the risk. I mean to be quite honest, it often isn't even worth the bother when you're a free man.
- ROTMetro 3y ago
  My experience some people with weak game settled with who they thought would take them but aren't 100% happy they did and will jump at expanded opportunity. If I want a Porsche and buy a Toyota it doesn't stop me from wanting a Porsche. If I have a Porsche I get over it and I want a Toyota for my daily vehicle.
3y ago