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I've definitely had more than 23 and I love my current partner of 6 years far more than anyone I've loved before. If anything, all the other partners have made
by not_alexb 3y ago
I've definitely had more than 23 and I love my current partner of 6 years far more than anyone I've loved before. If anything, all the other partners have made me appreciate how amazing of a partner I have. I absolutely could not say the same about the partner previous; or even the one previous to them. I've also heard the sentiment I've expressed many times over by people who have had many partners.
Anyways, I usually bond with people because of the unique things that each partner brings to the table; I've loved each one for very different fun and amazing reasons. Sometimes the bond is tighter because of those unique things, sometimes it's not.
I don't remotely understand why people with no experience in a given subject matter like to speak so authoritatively on it.
- number6 3y agoMale? Works different in man then in women.
- decremental 3y ago[dead]
- cpursley 3y agoUS CDC are the ones who put out the pair bonding study - and there’s lots of other research. https://www.quora.com/Does-having-lots-of-sexual-partners-affect-one-s-ability-to-pair-bond-with-a-spouse-later-If-so-what-should-society-try-to-do-about-it https://www.quora.com/Does-having-lots-of-sexual-partners-af...
- morelisp 3y agoI would prefer to read some review of the research which does not describe actual human beings as "sloppy seconds".
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- aatd86 3y agoI don't think the issue is necessarily "sloppy seconds" but more the fact that people have a tendency to compare experiences... That can put a strain on relationships. You shouldn't be made to feel you have to compete against their former flings in all the different aspects. Should be working on your own couple ideally regardless of other people. 23 partners sends a bad signal.
- programzeta 3y agoBeing unwilling to even try talk through your emotions with the /person who you are going to marry/ is absolutely a bad signal and deal breaker.
- aatd86 3y agoExactly, that's what leads to partner hopping until these multiple digits are reached most likely.
- screye 3y agoThe plural of anecdote is not data. Your experiences are valid, and a 50% divorce rate does mean a 50% success rate too. Hardly unlikely. But overall, the data does not lie. There are clear correlations between the 2 variables mentioned by the previous commenter. It is what it is.
- itronitron 3y agoDivorce rates are an interesting statistic since people can be represented multiple times in the counts.
- abwizz 3y agothanks for the thought! now i wonder how the distribution looks like
- kibwen 3y ago> the data does not lie Data sure does lie if you interpret data selectively. If the alternative to a divorce is an unhappy marriage, then divorce can produce better outcomes than staying together. Just because people are divorced doesn't mean they're unhappy, and optimizing for marriage rather than happiness would be foolish. Furthermore, individuals getting divorced have a disproportionate effect on the marriage rate, because, obviously, they have strictly more marriages (and (one expects) more partners) than the people who haven't been divorced.
- rTX5CMRXIfFG 3y agodata is not interpretation
- newt_slowly 3y agoThis statistic to me seems like one of the most obvious cases of correlation not equaling causation. How about this hypothesis: People who aren't good at (or aren't interested in) long term partnerships will tend to have more partners. Therefore such people may be more likely to divorce if they were to marry. People who tend to form long term partnerships won't tend to have many partners, because they have been busy being in long term partnerships instead. Therefore having a high number of partners doesn't predict "relationship failure" but "relationship failure" predicts a high number of partners. All this to say - if you're looking for a long term relationship, there may be reason to be cautious about folks who have not had stable long term relationships before, and as result had many partners as they may not be right for you. But it isn't because having lots of sex broke their pair-bonding mechanism. I've had sex with more people (via swinging with my wife) since getting married than before, and I love my wife incredibly deeply, more and more each year that passes. Having more partners doesn't make me value her less, it has made me value her even more.
- DiggyJohnson 3y ago> I don't remotely understand why people with no experience in a given subject matter like to speak so authoritatively on it. This line seems really out of place because this is a topic nearly everyone has first-hand experience with.
- not_alexb 3y agoNearly everyone has experience with 20+ partners? That seems like a huge stretch.
- mensetmanusman 3y agoSurvivor bias is real. Kind of like some people can have unlimited access to gaming as a teenager and are fine, while others disappear from society for decades. Those that ‘survive’ have no qualms with gaming.
- vGPU 3y agoPersonally, my number of previous partners is pretty high, to the point where I can’t give you an actual number. I have definitely noticed that it caused a significant decrease in my ability to connect with people and my tolerance for other people. It develops that “why don’t I just move on” mindset, instead of the “until death” mindset that the previous generations cultivated.
- nec4b 3y agoNot that I'm agreeing or disagreeing with you but I'm curious when you were together with the previous partner (lets say No. 22) did you also love them more than anyone else before (No. 21)?
- not_alexb 3y agoI did not.