6 ms·

>Would you be luckier to be her 1st, knowing that it would be short-lived and 22 others would follow after you? Yes? What do I care what happens to her after w

by veave 3y ago

>Would you be luckier to be her 1st, knowing that it would be short-lived and 22 others would follow after you? Yes? What do I care what happens to her after we break up?

Planktonne 3y ago
With that attitude, she would be luckier if you were never her partner at all.
RoyalHenOil 3y ago
I thought the goal here was to end up in a stable long-term relationship? That doesn't work if you break up.
- veave 3y ago
  It is, for me. I enter a relationship if I think it's going to last forever (or, more realistically, a very long time). Therefore whatever happens after we break up is something that doesn't concern me. But it concerns me that she hasn't been promiscuous before, because that says a lot about her character.
  - RoyalHenOil 3y ago
    Why does her behavior before your relationship speak of her character, but her behavior during and after not speak of her character? I presume the reason you want to date someone with fewer partners is because you are trying to weed out partners who are unlikely to stick around. So if she doesn't stick around anyway because she wants to play the field, that means your judgement was wrong. If you don't actually care about breakups (which is the impression your comments are giving me), I'm not sure why any of it matters. Why avoid dating someone with a long history of break-ups if you don't actually care when or why your relationships end? For what it's worth, when I was looking for a partner, I discounted men who had more than a couple short-term relationships like that. Even if they were completely serious about all of those relationships and it was their partners who left them for a more promiscuous lifestyle, a pattern of such relationships speaks poorly of their ability to identify compatibility in a partner. I was picky about men I would date, and so I was only interested in men who were similarly picky about women they would date.
    - veave 3y ago
      >Why does her behavior before your relationship speak of her character, but her behavior during and after not speak of her character? When I enter a relationship, I cannot reliably predict what her behaviour will be during or after the relationship. But I can extrapolate what her current and future behaviour will be from her previous behaviour. Of course, I can guess wrong, but at least I tried. The number of partners must equal the number of breakups. I don't see the practical difference? I say I want a partner who's had few partners, which means I want a partner who's had few breakups. A woman who's had more partners than breakups has had one or several one-night stands, and those are automatically discarded - I do not even consider them. Also when I said I want someone with few partners and I am only interested in long relationships I thought it was implied that I was more interested in women whose few relationships had been long. >a pattern of such relationships speaks poorly of their ability to identify compatibility in a partner Maybe. But that's not necessarily her fault. My soft skills are very poor so I can't ask for more :) Also she could have had very bad luck. Not a strong reason to discard someone in my book, although it's something to take into account.
      - RoyalHenOil 3y ago
        Ok, I think I understand your position better now. However, I think maybe you misunderstood mine in my original comment: >When I enter a relationship, I cannot reliably predict what her behaviour will be during or after the relationship. But I can extrapolate what her current and future behaviour will be from her previous behaviour. This is the point I was trying to get at. Past behavior is the best predictor we have of future behavior, which is why it is valuable to date people who have a history of behavior for us to examine. It makes it easier to weed out bad matches from good matches. When people have no history of behavior (i.e., they are young and don't have a lot of life/dating experience), there is really no way to know what their future behavior will be. My main thrust is that early-age marriage is not actually a good thing. It is better for people to marry after they are more experienced, even if that experience reveals that maybe some people shouldn't marry at all (i.e., it is better that they never marry at all than that they get married young and later realize they shouldn't have). >The number of partners must equal the number of breakups. Yes, they are the same (I guess outside of ongoing polyamorous relationships). I just used that wording to emphasize the breaking-up aspects of these previous relationships.
  - smcl 3y ago
    You'd simply not care about what happens to someone after a break-up at all? With someone you were otherwise prepared to spend your entire life with - given your anti-"promiscuity" position? If you were prepared to just drop your ex-girlfriend and move on (and would rather have done so than meet the exact same person a few years and a few partners later) then this suggests not that you're against people having multiple partners ... but that you're against women having multiple sexual partners.
    - veave 3y ago
      Sorry, I meant I don't care about her number of partners after we break up. Not about her as a person. I am not against or for people having multiple partners. People can do whatever they want. I only care about the number of partners of women I am interested in.
      - willcipriano 3y ago
        Women go on dating sites and set height filters that rule out 80% of men. No problem. Men have a preference for women who made the choice to sleep with fewer men, ruling out 80% of them. Everybody loses their minds.
        AlexandrB 3y ago
        Nobody is losing their minds, it's just weird, creepy shit. Especially because "number of sexual partners" generally correlates with age.
        willcipriano 3y ago
        Men have preferred non-promiscuous women since the dawn of man, in the same manner women have prefered tall men. Why are men creepy and women not? Also why can't men prefer younger women in the manner that younger women tend to prefer older established men?
        3y ago
  - MrMan 3y ago
    why is promiscuity a bad thing? this sounds very old fashioned to me
    - roarcher 3y ago
      Why is old fashioned a bad thing?
agubelu 3y ago
Have you ever been in a relationship? Because, unless it's an absolutely terrible one, the weight of the time and memories shared together makes you have a bit of empathy and concern for their general well-being even after you split.

by veave 3y ago

>Would you be luckier to be her 1st, knowing that it would be short-lived and 22 others would follow after you? Yes? What do I care what happens to her after we break up?

Planktonne 3y ago

With that attitude, she would be luckier if you were never her partner at all.

RoyalHenOil 3y ago

I thought the goal here was to end up in a stable long-term relationship? That doesn't work if you break up.

veave 3y ago
It is, for me. I enter a relationship if I think it's going to last forever (or, more realistically, a very long time). Therefore whatever happens after we break up is something that doesn't concern me. But it concerns me that she hasn't been promiscuous before, because that says a lot about her character.
- RoyalHenOil 3y ago
  Why does her behavior before your relationship speak of her character, but her behavior during and after not speak of her character? I presume the reason you want to date someone with fewer partners is because you are trying to weed out partners who are unlikely to stick around. So if she doesn't stick around anyway because she wants to play the field, that means your judgement was wrong. If you don't actually care about breakups (which is the impression your comments are giving me), I'm not sure why any of it matters. Why avoid dating someone with a long history of break-ups if you don't actually care when or why your relationships end? For what it's worth, when I was looking for a partner, I discounted men who had more than a couple short-term relationships like that. Even if they were completely serious about all of those relationships and it was their partners who left them for a more promiscuous lifestyle, a pattern of such relationships speaks poorly of their ability to identify compatibility in a partner. I was picky about men I would date, and so I was only interested in men who were similarly picky about women they would date.
  - veave 3y ago
    >Why does her behavior before your relationship speak of her character, but her behavior during and after not speak of her character? When I enter a relationship, I cannot reliably predict what her behaviour will be during or after the relationship. But I can extrapolate what her current and future behaviour will be from her previous behaviour. Of course, I can guess wrong, but at least I tried. The number of partners must equal the number of breakups. I don't see the practical difference? I say I want a partner who's had few partners, which means I want a partner who's had few breakups. A woman who's had more partners than breakups has had one or several one-night stands, and those are automatically discarded - I do not even consider them. Also when I said I want someone with few partners and I am only interested in long relationships I thought it was implied that I was more interested in women whose few relationships had been long. >a pattern of such relationships speaks poorly of their ability to identify compatibility in a partner Maybe. But that's not necessarily her fault. My soft skills are very poor so I can't ask for more :) Also she could have had very bad luck. Not a strong reason to discard someone in my book, although it's something to take into account.
    - RoyalHenOil 3y ago
      Ok, I think I understand your position better now. However, I think maybe you misunderstood mine in my original comment: >When I enter a relationship, I cannot reliably predict what her behaviour will be during or after the relationship. But I can extrapolate what her current and future behaviour will be from her previous behaviour. This is the point I was trying to get at. Past behavior is the best predictor we have of future behavior, which is why it is valuable to date people who have a history of behavior for us to examine. It makes it easier to weed out bad matches from good matches. When people have no history of behavior (i.e., they are young and don't have a lot of life/dating experience), there is really no way to know what their future behavior will be. My main thrust is that early-age marriage is not actually a good thing. It is better for people to marry after they are more experienced, even if that experience reveals that maybe some people shouldn't marry at all (i.e., it is better that they never marry at all than that they get married young and later realize they shouldn't have). >The number of partners must equal the number of breakups. Yes, they are the same (I guess outside of ongoing polyamorous relationships). I just used that wording to emphasize the breaking-up aspects of these previous relationships.
- smcl 3y ago
  You'd simply not care about what happens to someone after a break-up at all? With someone you were otherwise prepared to spend your entire life with - given your anti-"promiscuity" position? If you were prepared to just drop your ex-girlfriend and move on (and would rather have done so than meet the exact same person a few years and a few partners later) then this suggests not that you're against people having multiple partners ... but that you're against women having multiple sexual partners.
  - veave 3y ago
    Sorry, I meant I don't care about her number of partners after we break up. Not about her as a person. I am not against or for people having multiple partners. People can do whatever they want. I only care about the number of partners of women I am interested in.
    - willcipriano 3y ago
      Women go on dating sites and set height filters that rule out 80% of men. No problem. Men have a preference for women who made the choice to sleep with fewer men, ruling out 80% of them. Everybody loses their minds.
      - AlexandrB 3y ago
        Nobody is losing their minds, it's just weird, creepy shit. Especially because "number of sexual partners" generally correlates with age.
        willcipriano 3y ago
        Men have preferred non-promiscuous women since the dawn of man, in the same manner women have prefered tall men. Why are men creepy and women not? Also why can't men prefer younger women in the manner that younger women tend to prefer older established men?
        3y ago
- MrMan 3y ago
  why is promiscuity a bad thing? this sounds very old fashioned to me
  - roarcher 3y ago
    Why is old fashioned a bad thing?

agubelu 3y ago

Have you ever been in a relationship? Because, unless it's an absolutely terrible one, the weight of the time and memories shared together makes you have a bit of empathy and concern for their general well-being even after you split.