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Having kids is such a traumatic, life-changing event. I mean this in the most positive way. I can see why so many people see this as the before/after watershed

Having kids is such a traumatic, life-changing event. I mean this in the most positive way. I can see why so many people see this as the before/after watershed moment of their lives and ambitions. However, it's understandable that not everyone needs to have kids to come to this realization.

lovecg 3y ago
For me it was the profound perspective shift from being a leaf node of a tree so to speak to becoming just one link in a long chain. It tends to relax the do-or-die drive quite a bit.
- ambicapter 3y ago
  Maybe the do-or-die drive is relaxed because you (or your body) realizes that you've fulfilled your biological purpose and passed on your genes?
Cthulhu_ 3y ago
It also makes it feel all the more exploitative that young developers are encouraged to work long hours and put their everything into their job. And that women are de-incentivized to have children by the market, if not capitalist society at large - don't do it, it'll cost you your career! We only give you two weeks of leave after you gave birth. You can't afford child care, or all your wages would be spent on it! etc.
- OoooooooO 3y ago
  That's a US only problem though.
  - Mashimo 3y ago
    You don't think it's an issue in Japan or south-east Asia?
    - Aeolun 3y ago
      It’s not, really. Japan is absurdly good if the only thing you want to do is have children, and don’t care too much about how or where they’re schooled. 1 year of leave per child, inability to get fired while on leave, free childcare. The only negative is that all those make advancement options for working age women 25-35 whom are expected to have kids ’soon’ nonexistent.
      - Mashimo 3y ago
        Oh sorry, I was talking about the "young developers are encouraged to work long hours part" not the after birth care.
    - mensetmanusman 3y ago
      Japan has the highest fertility rate in Asia now. SK is doomed economically over the next 50 years.
- frenchman99 3y ago
  In France, women get 10 weeks & men get 4 weeks paid leave.
  - kpw94 3y ago
    This is surprisingly low for a country known for its long vacation! Especially the men. Here FAANG it ranges from 18 to 24 weeks for women, 12 to 18 weeks for "non birthing parent" (men, or adopting parents). There's State-by-state paid family leaves laws, which makes it usually around 12 weeks (men or women).

lovecg 3y ago

For me it was the profound perspective shift from being a leaf node of a tree so to speak to becoming just one link in a long chain. It tends to relax the do-or-die drive quite a bit.

ambicapter 3y ago
Maybe the do-or-die drive is relaxed because you (or your body) realizes that you've fulfilled your biological purpose and passed on your genes?

Cthulhu_ 3y ago

It also makes it feel all the more exploitative that young developers are encouraged to work long hours and put their everything into their job. And that women are de-incentivized to have children by the market, if not capitalist society at large - don't do it, it'll cost you your career! We only give you two weeks of leave after you gave birth. You can't afford child care, or all your wages would be spent on it! etc.

OoooooooO 3y ago
That's a US only problem though.
- Mashimo 3y ago
  You don't think it's an issue in Japan or south-east Asia?
  - Aeolun 3y ago
    It’s not, really. Japan is absurdly good if the only thing you want to do is have children, and don’t care too much about how or where they’re schooled. 1 year of leave per child, inability to get fired while on leave, free childcare. The only negative is that all those make advancement options for working age women 25-35 whom are expected to have kids ’soon’ nonexistent.
    - Mashimo 3y ago
      Oh sorry, I was talking about the "young developers are encouraged to work long hours part" not the after birth care.
  - mensetmanusman 3y ago
    Japan has the highest fertility rate in Asia now. SK is doomed economically over the next 50 years.
frenchman99 3y ago
In France, women get 10 weeks & men get 4 weeks paid leave.
- kpw94 3y ago
  This is surprisingly low for a country known for its long vacation! Especially the men. Here FAANG it ranges from 18 to 24 weeks for women, 12 to 18 weeks for "non birthing parent" (men, or adopting parents). There's State-by-state paid family leaves laws, which makes it usually around 12 weeks (men or women).