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My wife has it, mainly she is unable to conceptualize that she is wrong and thus never learns from experience. For example she started a lawsuit against the nei

My wife has it, mainly she is unable to conceptualize that she is wrong and thus never learns from experience. For example she started a lawsuit against the neighbors, that she funnels tens of thousands of dollars toward because she thought the property line was further into their yard than it actually is. She recently told me we own the entire town and made some nonsensical statements to justify that belief. I'm going to try to get the lawyer disbarred because he is clearly taking advantage of a mentally ill woman. She acts out in order to gain attention. From ruining the family finances like in the first example to engaging in affairs and luring men from the internet to appear at the house. She has made false claims against me to the police. Refuses to clean up after herself, leaving huge messes, while complaining about a single item I might leave out. She lies, a lot. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't trust her anymore after all the lies, to her that's in the past even if it was a few minutes ago. I'm stuck due to my kid and family courts bias in favor of mothers. 14 more years.

mahesh_rm 3y ago
If you ever feel hopeless and want to catch up in a call to let it out, let me know. Been there, and was luckily able to get out because of no kids. The idea of being stuck with that person would have likely killed me, without a social net that could help in the most difficult moments.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- WarOnPrivacy 3y ago
  > Been there, and was luckily able to get out because of no kids. We had 5 (all over 18 now). I got out of it because she started hanging with the nearby homeless community and found other guys go glom onto. Then one night, while I was asleep on the sofa, she came home and emptied out her bedroom (hoarded to the ceiling). I was one door away and never stirred. I just work up and the room was completely empty. I'm still kind of stunned by that.
ganbatekudasai 3y ago
Honestly, that sounds a lot different from BPD, like a separate disorder altogether. Sorry, I don't mean to belittle what you go through, it sounds terrible. But I have to "defend" people with BPD against it, because I have people close to me with that affliction. What you describe sounds more like a very narcissistic person instead.
- willcipriano 3y ago
  Its quiet type BPD to be specific: https://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder/quiet-bpd https://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-di...
  - ganbatekudasai 3y ago
    I am familiar with the symptoms. I still think you deal with an actual narcissist, not with someone with BPD. The symptoms may have some overlap, but it's different. For example, where in that article do you see that people with BPD can be so straight up delusional that they think they "own the town"? Notice that the words "lie" or "lying" do not even appear in the article. In my experience, presenting a BPD-afflicted person with definitive truth is actually calming them down, because it disperses the worries and fears they have about things that could be (however unlikely). Again, I don't mean to belittle your experience. What you're going through sucks, regardless of what disorder your wife has.
    - willcipriano 3y ago
      She may have something more, she isnt honest with anyone including therapists so its certainly possible. However, you kinda have to be there but she didn't arrive at owning the town all at once but a series of escalations over years. It all started a few years after we moved in. She started claiming the property line was further back and I corrected her. Unable to admit she was wrong she started going off on me, I let it go because it didn't matter. Then a few years after that the neighbors redo their backyard, cutting down a few old, mostly dead trees. This set her off. Those were "her trees" and they housed a cornucopia of wildlife (they didn't). First it was the property line claim from before, so she hired a survey company, the neighbors property line is actually a few feet in from where I thought it was. So she was way off. She then spent six months looking at pixalated maps and essentially having pareidolia. None of her claims about the maps made any sense but she argues they prove she is right and "Since in 1900 when this was built they forgot to add a line here so we own all of our town". She only has made that claim a few times and I think understands others find it odd, but I'm pretty sure she believes it.
shrimp_emoji 3y ago
Omega oof. Did she develop it the minute after you put it in, or was it a "I can fix her/deal with this" sort of scenario?
- willcipriano 3y ago
  We both were pretty messed up when we met, I got better, so did she somewhat but she didn't keep up.
hirvi74 3y ago
If you have evidence for what you just described, do you really think the courts would side in her favor? (Honest question) I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find a way out sooner rather than later.
- willcipriano 3y ago
  Depends, she will tell any lie she can to serve her purposes. Other people in my situation have reported, mostly male judges being sympathetic to BPD women. I fell for it, she had me believing that every man before me was a terrible abuser, they probably weren't. Generally speaking men tend to get every other weekend, maybe a dinner on a off week. I can't risk my kid being subjected to her worst days alone.
  - hirvi74 3y ago
    > Other people in my situation have reported, mostly male judges being sympathetic to BPD women. That is awful if that is truly the case. You are a far kinder soul than I am -- I would be scheme and connive every way I possibly could to set this woman up. > I can't risk my kid being subjected to her worst days alone. I can tell you are a great father. A far better man than I am capable of being. If you ever need someone to vent to, shoulder to cry on, etc. never hesitate to shoot me an email (in profile).
    - willcipriano 3y ago
      Thanks man, she's a great kid so she makes it easy.
WarOnPrivacy 3y ago
> mainly she is unable to conceptualize that she is wrong and thus never learns from experience. Yep. That sounds familiar. > She acts out in order to gain attention. From ruining the family finances like in the first example to engaging in affairs and luring men from the internet to appear at the house. Yep. > She has made false claims against me to the police. Not exactly but in the neighborhood. > Refuses to clean up after herself, leaving huge messes, while complaining about a single item I might leave out. Mine was a hoarder. Otherwise, yep. > She lies, a lot. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't trust her anymore after all the lies, to her that's in the past even if it was a few minutes ago. ...while she keenly remembers the smallest of slights from decades ago. > I'm stuck due to my kid and family courts bias in favor of mothers. 14 more years. By the time mine got thru a paragraph, the judge would be giving me that look. I know that because judges routinely gave that look. Criminal judges, that is.
trogdor 3y ago
>She doesn't seem to understand that I don't trust her anymore after all the lies, to her that's in the past even if it was a few minutes ago. That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.

mahesh_rm 3y ago

If you ever feel hopeless and want to catch up in a call to let it out, let me know. Been there, and was luckily able to get out because of no kids. The idea of being stuck with that person would have likely killed me, without a social net that could help in the most difficult moments.

deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
WarOnPrivacy 3y ago
> Been there, and was luckily able to get out because of no kids. We had 5 (all over 18 now). I got out of it because she started hanging with the nearby homeless community and found other guys go glom onto. Then one night, while I was asleep on the sofa, she came home and emptied out her bedroom (hoarded to the ceiling). I was one door away and never stirred. I just work up and the room was completely empty. I'm still kind of stunned by that.

ganbatekudasai 3y ago

Honestly, that sounds a lot different from BPD, like a separate disorder altogether. Sorry, I don't mean to belittle what you go through, it sounds terrible. But I have to "defend" people with BPD against it, because I have people close to me with that affliction. What you describe sounds more like a very narcissistic person instead.

willcipriano 3y ago
Its quiet type BPD to be specific: https://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder/quiet-bpd https://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-di...
- ganbatekudasai 3y ago
  I am familiar with the symptoms. I still think you deal with an actual narcissist, not with someone with BPD. The symptoms may have some overlap, but it's different. For example, where in that article do you see that people with BPD can be so straight up delusional that they think they "own the town"? Notice that the words "lie" or "lying" do not even appear in the article. In my experience, presenting a BPD-afflicted person with definitive truth is actually calming them down, because it disperses the worries and fears they have about things that could be (however unlikely). Again, I don't mean to belittle your experience. What you're going through sucks, regardless of what disorder your wife has.
  - willcipriano 3y ago
    She may have something more, she isnt honest with anyone including therapists so its certainly possible. However, you kinda have to be there but she didn't arrive at owning the town all at once but a series of escalations over years. It all started a few years after we moved in. She started claiming the property line was further back and I corrected her. Unable to admit she was wrong she started going off on me, I let it go because it didn't matter. Then a few years after that the neighbors redo their backyard, cutting down a few old, mostly dead trees. This set her off. Those were "her trees" and they housed a cornucopia of wildlife (they didn't). First it was the property line claim from before, so she hired a survey company, the neighbors property line is actually a few feet in from where I thought it was. So she was way off. She then spent six months looking at pixalated maps and essentially having pareidolia. None of her claims about the maps made any sense but she argues they prove she is right and "Since in 1900 when this was built they forgot to add a line here so we own all of our town". She only has made that claim a few times and I think understands others find it odd, but I'm pretty sure she believes it.

shrimp_emoji 3y ago

Omega oof. Did she develop it the minute after you put it in, or was it a "I can fix her/deal with this" sort of scenario?

willcipriano 3y ago
We both were pretty messed up when we met, I got better, so did she somewhat but she didn't keep up.

hirvi74 3y ago

If you have evidence for what you just described, do you really think the courts would side in her favor? (Honest question) I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find a way out sooner rather than later.

willcipriano 3y ago
Depends, she will tell any lie she can to serve her purposes. Other people in my situation have reported, mostly male judges being sympathetic to BPD women. I fell for it, she had me believing that every man before me was a terrible abuser, they probably weren't. Generally speaking men tend to get every other weekend, maybe a dinner on a off week. I can't risk my kid being subjected to her worst days alone.
- hirvi74 3y ago
  > Other people in my situation have reported, mostly male judges being sympathetic to BPD women. That is awful if that is truly the case. You are a far kinder soul than I am -- I would be scheme and connive every way I possibly could to set this woman up. > I can't risk my kid being subjected to her worst days alone. I can tell you are a great father. A far better man than I am capable of being. If you ever need someone to vent to, shoulder to cry on, etc. never hesitate to shoot me an email (in profile).
  - willcipriano 3y ago
    Thanks man, she's a great kid so she makes it easy.

WarOnPrivacy 3y ago

> mainly she is unable to conceptualize that she is wrong and thus never learns from experience. Yep. That sounds familiar. > She acts out in order to gain attention. From ruining the family finances like in the first example to engaging in affairs and luring men from the internet to appear at the house. Yep. > She has made false claims against me to the police. Not exactly but in the neighborhood. > Refuses to clean up after herself, leaving huge messes, while complaining about a single item I might leave out. Mine was a hoarder. Otherwise, yep. > She lies, a lot. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't trust her anymore after all the lies, to her that's in the past even if it was a few minutes ago. ...while she keenly remembers the smallest of slights from decades ago. > I'm stuck due to my kid and family courts bias in favor of mothers. 14 more years. By the time mine got thru a paragraph, the judge would be giving me that look. I know that because judges routinely gave that look. Criminal judges, that is.

trogdor 3y ago

>She doesn't seem to understand that I don't trust her anymore after all the lies, to her that's in the past even if it was a few minutes ago. That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.