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Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]
- xnavra50 3y ago[flagged]
- taccicardia 3y ago[flagged]
- xnavra50 3y agoAgreed. But isnt feminism about equality? Look, the inequality on Dating Apps is natural - it is a result of biologic difference between genders and their behavior. Certainly nothing wrong with that - you dont correct these. The others - like salaries, (which are of course also subjects to these differences) they want to correct them. Why? Because it benefits them - to have their cake and to eat it.
- taccicardia 3y ago[flagged]
- tgv 3y agoYou're not doing anyone a favor with these statements.
- taccicardia 3y agoi don't really care, but it's interesting to me that you seem to be more willing to go to bat for the person who feels as though they are owed attention from women.
- tgv 3y agoYou seem to misread almost every statement, which makes me believe you do care. Perhaps associations, misconceptions or emotional negativity get in the way.
- vaidhy 3y agoThe true question is why are salaries (amongst many other things) subject to the gender. And from what I read above your comment, people do want to correct it in the dating apps too. So, misplaced anger over self?
- xnavra50 3y agoIf I had truly misplaced anger over my self, would that make my argument less valid? Can you really say - well this person's point of view is invalid, because he is, indeed, acting in some sort of anger without knowing anything really about me? Honestly, I am not angry with myself. And back to the discussion - will that make you listen? :) I dont want to correct dating apps at all. I said its natural. But I want you to acknowledge, that the difference in behavior is because of gender. And that difference shows in other areas (like willing to take risks - to change jobs for better salary). And to make the conlusion - that if we agree it doesnt make sense to fix dating then it is truly stupid idea to try to artifically "fix" inequalities in the salaries. Because they are natural - an effect of gender behavior differences.
- vaidhy 3y agoI guess we would just disagree on this key point that salary differences are based on gender behavior and not just on gender. As far as I can see, the salary differences (and others, including votes for women, leadership positions etc) are based on perceived gender differences and not on actual behavior changes.
- psd1 3y agoAnother way to look at it is that the dating asymmetry comes from risk asymmetry. The big risks are pregnancy, violence, and slut-shaming, and those fall far more on females than males. - Pregnancy is a solved problem in humane technological societies. - Violence by men against women could be ameliorated significantly by teaching boys better and prosecuting sex crime better. - Slut-shaming is just jealous recidivist authoritarianism. Knuckle-dragging conservatives on power trips are the issue. Your average redpilled incel would get more of the sex they desperately crave, if they (and society at large) stopped making sexual friendliness such an unappealing strategy for women. That said, to suggest that it's feminists' duty to give men more pussy is a rebarbative position to find yourself in, so... maybe time to rethink? At the very least, have the honesty to weigh the negative of not getting your ding-a-ling wet against the negative of possibly being dumped in a ditch with bruises on your neck.
- gizmo 3y agoDating is not particularly dangerous for women. When women get murdered it is most often by their long term partner, by an ex, or stalker. Guys can be real jerks when online dating, but it's not true that women are likely to end up in a ditch because of a coffee date gone awry.
- Bluescreenbuddy 3y agoThrow a rock in any direction and you'll hit plenty of women who had unsafe dates. Stop being dismissive.
- gizmo 3y agoThe risk a woman takes on by going on coffee date in a public space is minimal. Instead, women should be (and usually are) on the alert for indicators that guys don't respect boundaries or get pushy/aggressive when they are told no. When statistics on violence against women get misrepresented that doesn't do anybody a favor. Only people who have an accurate picture about where the real dangers are can make good decisions.
- 3y ago
- psd1 3y agoMy app doesn't let me edit comments, but I think you need to hear this: use of the word "natural" is a strong indicator of intellectual dishonesty. Crunchy people recoil in horror from a listing of ingredients by chemical name, until you tell them it's the constituents of an apple. Social backsliders like to harken back to some mythical golden age, ignoring that a million years ago we were savannah apes with a society you wouldn't recognise, and ignoring that sexual freedom / matriarchy / homosexuality / transsexuality are found in nature. The very fact you use the word "natural" in a discussion about a smartphone app ought to be a hint to you.
- xnavra50 3y agoSo you are disagreeing with one word I used, but not the concept/idea? Would rephrasing it without the word you are afraid of help you? I can do it for you. :)
- spicymapotofu 3y agoThis kind of trolling is not fit for HN.
- CrackerNews 3y agoThere are different interpretations on equality, and I would say that the inequality in dating markets are a result of the markets as opposed to "nature." Marriage used to be a familial tool for economics and politics, but it has shifted to being for "love." Did "nature" change or is it culture? However, "love" is ambiguous but some of its reasons seem to have roots in the old ways, such as money, power, or prestige. A person can be good looking and charming, but they need to be capable of providing for their partner. It would be rational for women to select for the best fit, and the imbalance of salaries could influence the imbalance in the dating market.
- WentFullRetard 3y ago[dead]
- jtode 3y agoBecause we are cheap and disposable and way more generic than even those who are aware of it can conceive.
- __warlord__ 3y agonah
- tgv 3y agoCareful. It's only one small inference to women being valuable, and a socio-biological explanation of why so many groups tended to protect women and the consequence for the power balance. Just for the trigger happy: I'm not saying we should lock our women behind the kitchen counter in a modern society, but that roles are much, much older than that, and may have an evolutionary reason.
- jtode 3y agoI speak only ever about men. I am one, I can comment. I look around at us and I call it like I see it. edit: Not that I don't have thoughts about other genders, and gender in general. In genderal. I even sometimes find it politic to share them. But I will never hesitate to point out men being men. Particularly my fellow whities.
- finebalance 3y ago... like women are all special and interesting by virtue of being female? Most of humanity is bland and forgettable. Gender is hardly a factor there.
- tgv 3y agoThe comment hints at the fact that a group can easily loose a large number of their males, because it doesn't have to hinder procreation. Losing women is much harder to recover. Being special or interesting doesn't come into the equation.
- 3y ago
- caseymarquis 3y agoMen are applying and women are hiring. Half the candidates are lying on their resumes. Many candidates are spamming their resumes indiscriminately. If you've ever had to hire someone for a position that attracts hundreds of candidates (i.e. software engineer with decent pay), you'll encounter the same dynamic. I hate being in that role. I have to reject 199 people and accept 1. Often, there are dozens of qualified candidates. You interview half a dozen, and then you tell 5 out of 6 perfectly qualified people you interviewed they didn't get the job. You feel like a horrible person the whole time. I've discussed this with my wife (we met on Bumble) and she confirmed the scenarios are very similar. It's often better to be in the hiring position than in the applying position. But it's awful for everyone involved. The way to avoid this mess when applying for jobs is to build up a network and lean on it for new positions. I wonder if dating may have a similar alternative approach.
- NoZebra120vClip 3y agoArranged marriage has entered the chat.
- Qem 3y ago> The way to avoid this mess when applying for jobs is to build up a network and lean on it for new positions. I wonder if dating may have a similar alternative approach. The analogue would be court colleagues/coworkers. But today it may be considered harassment.
- taccicardia 3y agono, the analogue would be a network of friends and family.
- hotpotamus 3y agoI like this metaphor on a few levels; from an employer's perspective, a family is the same as a second job and so naturally they prefer unattached employees.
- yottron 3y ago[dead]
- vbilopav 3y agoGoogle hypergamy
- Llamamoe 3y agoOr don't. Here's a TL;DR: It's a relatively small effect where men tend to go for women more attractive than they are, and women tend to go for men who have higher status and earnings than they do. Certain circles like to misrepresent it as responsible for why so many men remain single, but in reality people tend to match with those close to them in social status and earnings, with just a bit of the bias remaining unexplained by wage inequality.
- Tozen 3y agoNot quite sure what's trying to be accomplished by giving an odd definition/description of hypergamy. Even wikipedia contains[1], "the overall practice of women marrying up...". Here's also some articles (by female authors) that explains what's usually going on in regards to hypergamy[2][3]. Attempting to date someone who is more attractive, is much more about opinion and is relative, so is harder to quantify. Where it's much clearer how much money is actually in someone's or their family's bank account, net worth, or who makes more money. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy [2]: https://ifstudies.org/blog/whither-hypergamy https://ifstudies.org/blog/whither-hypergamy [3]: https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/dating-game/hypergamy https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/dating-game/hyperg...
- ianai 3y agoThis is a topic HN just cannot talk about sanely. "Matching" is very dependent upon culture. But HN is a non-random smattering of people from all over the globe-across very many cultures. Of course there are going to be very important differences. Considering how deep within a culture "matching" is, it probably can't be discussed by random elements from so many cultures without becoming heated. We all love to pander to the idea that the internet is some great thing and capable of solving all social ails. Maybe it can't? Or, maybe the internet can't until all the various cultures agree to some fundamental tenets in order to interact respectfully across cultures. A starting point could be something like "agree to disagree" or agreement to non-interact on contrasting topics.
- cedws 3y agoAt risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got a network, I left school early. I tried building one, only to be shown disinterest. I don't have any opportunities to associate with other young people, I don't use social media, and I'm working all the time at a bank (not exactly an environment to fraternise in.) I understand the bitterness of incels, but in my opinion, it's misplaced. Us men would be just as picky if we had so much choice. I think the damage social media, dating apps, and COVID have done to the social fabric is beyond comprehension. I'm only 22 but have essentially given up. In a way, I can just move on with my life and accept what I can't change. In fact, the most frustrating part about it all is probably the vague "bro-advice" about "putting yourself out there." What does that even mean? I'm not a shut-in. I go to bars and nightclubs, I travel. Doesn't mean people want welcome some random dude into their circle.
- mdrzn 3y agoI'm 31 and I find myself agreeing with a lot of what you wrote.
- ianai 3y agoMy experience and conclusions are very similar but different. I’m part of an increasingly forgotten subgeneration that graduated college and entered professional life in the Great Recession, amongst additional adversities. That makes me around 20 years your senior. I spent something like 4.5 years unemployed and seemingly unemployable. Now, I make a good six figure wage and my one and only goal is to never again experience anything like that. Doing that is all I could dream of for my life. And I agree in many ways-men would be as picky. No one owes anyone anything like intimacy. Stuff is frustrating and leads to the incel misplacent of their frustrations. Etc. Life and the universe have a very uncanny way of being especially cruel. So be kind to each other.
- gizmo 3y agoIt's not hopeless. In fact, online dating is the most common path to finding a partner. That said, you have to set yourself apart somehow. Different for every individual, and it takes a serious amount of effort. But it's not impossible, and it's not hopeless, and it's not pointless, and I sympathize and understand why you currently feel that it is.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- LinuxBender 3y agoGood analysis and video. If the analysis is revised I would ask that the numbers include variations based on profiles that include the man holding a puppy or being next to a dog based on an old discussion from ages ago on another site and some anecdotal data from a small sample of testing we did as a matter of affecting the attractiveness score. I realize it's a shallow attribute but most dating apps are shallow.
- FireBeyond 3y agoOne of my friends, as a broke college student, worked for a 'sugardaddy' site. Her job was to manage the inboxes of all the fake profiles (and the site had a dedicated UI for her and others, that all the profiles were tagged internally, and their inboxes were amalgamated and she'd work through messages). Her remit was to respond to the messages, and she could choose, but some should be "thanks no thanks", some non-commital, some curious. But essentially she was to have between 1 and 5 interactions with each user before one way or another, fading away. Losing interest, some incompatibility, or just ghosting.
- red-iron-pine 3y agowhat was the point of this interaction? to make the site look like there were actually users? or was she just scamming people?
- FireBeyond 3y agoThe former. To provide plausible deniability that they weren't fake profiles.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- Tozen 3y agoThere's lot of evidence of dating sites doing this, such as having people working for them to string male customers along for money. It's arguably fraud. There are also many other ways to take advantage of desperate or lonely men (or "picky" women with some marketing twists), such as suggesting or advertising to customers they pay even more money for things like "boost", "VIP", "gold membership", etc... These more costlier options also give an incentive to do fraudulent things like having paid (usually female) responders fake interest in paying customers (usually male) for a set time and then go ghost or flake. Speaking of fraudulent, so are many of the profiles and descriptions, both male and female. Profiles and descriptions often are highly distorted, with out of control female hypergamy. Everybody trying to present themselves as better than the other or elite, even when they are average or below average in reality. 80% to 85% of the women on a site looking for the top 20% to 15% of men, thus many don't really qualify nor match up for what they are looking for. Consequently, such "lower ranking" women can get taken advantage of by the top 15% who run through them (sometimes at incredible numbers) or will never commit to them, then these angry hurt women take it out on all other men that had nothing to with their past. Thus they are "full of old scars", "super extra picky" or "flaky". For all the time and money wasted on fake and distorted profiles, it's better to invest in getting over one's fear of rejection and learn how to approach people appropriately and have natural conversations. Find free ways to meet and talk, there are plenty, if a person puts their mind and effort into it. At least don't have online dating, especially costly sites, be the only option.
- wappieslurkz 3y agoAs a gay man I beg to differ.