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38 yo male now starting to think I don’t know what a midlife crisis is.

by OO000oo 3y ago

andsoitis 3y ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis
- coel 3y ago
  "Studies indicate that some cultures may be more sensitive to this phenomenon than others; one study found that there is little evidence that people undergo midlife crises in Japanese and Indian cultures, raising the question of whether a mid-life crisis is mainly a cultural construct." I thought this was interesting.
  - Dalewyn 3y ago
    Japanese salarymen often undergo a crisis when they retire and suddenly find themselves with tons of time and nothing to do. Not exactly midlife, but it's of a similar vein.
    - Aeolun 3y ago
      That’s when they go into politics.
  - oefnak 3y ago
    You might like this article about penis stealing witches: https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-the-geography-of-madness https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-the-geogra... And this one: https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-crazy-like-us https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-crazy-like...
sph 3y ago
A midlife crisis is quitting your desk job to sell ice creams on the beach in the Caribbean. Getting to the point of doing it, not just thinking about it.
- ozim 3y ago
  I thought it is dumping wife of 20 years for silly blonde and driving red convertible one bought with use of shark loan because “you need to have it because you always wanted it” even if you couldn’t afford it.
  - sph 3y ago
    It's the same thing. But it doesn't have to be as destructive or ultimately short-lived as that. It might an opportunity to radically change some things you have taken for granted your entire life.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
BaseballPhysics 3y ago
IMO the term is so diluted as to be meaningless. Burnout isn't a mid-life crisis. Changing your career doesn't necessarily mean you're having a mid-life crisis. Changing your personal circumstances doesn't necessarily imply a midlife crisis. Every definition I know of includes a sense of existential angst, a feeling of regret, of lost potential, of questioning identity, of a fear of mortality. But simply realizing you're unhappy in your life or circumstances and want to change them isn't itself indicative of a mid-life crisis by any meaningful definition I'm aware of.
- OO000oo 3y ago
  Yeah I think everything in your comment is pretty understandable and I probably wouldn’t trust someone who claims to have not experienced nearly all of those feelings to some extent.
- jkhdigital 3y ago
  Hadn’t heard that list of “symptoms” before but… I guess that means I am in a midlife crisis at 39.
  - solumunus 3y ago
    I think it’s when those feelings completely break you that you’re in the crisis stage.
- NovaDudely 3y ago
  The lost potential is a key one I have seen. The idea that your youth is in the rear view mirror and that you didn't do all the things you thought you would do.
  - Scarblac 3y ago
    I was in my 40s and starting thinking more in terms of how much time I had left rather than what I wanted to do at some unspecified "later". I also had young kids and a depressed jobless wife, so I wasn't completely free to do what I wanted and felt trapped. Then my father died pretty young, from a cruel cancer, and that amplified it all.
Clubber 3y ago
It means you'll never be 18 or 23 or 30 or 35 again. The youth that you took for granted is gone forever and time will march with you until your death. Death may be maybe be 2 years from now or 40 years from now, fully knowing that you body will start failing. Even if you have 40 years, not all of them will be good years, especially the last ones. Once you are gone, that's it, all the time you spent improving yourself and building wealth will be for naught, at least for you.
- heyoni 3y ago
  So, not for naught? Seriously, we’re social creatures that live for others. You can have 40 good years serving the next generation, building wealth for them and sharing in their joys. I’m sensing this strange notion in older generations where they absolutely refuse to let go and insist on keeping their youth and the spotlight to no or some avail. Technology is getting better and making people hold on for longer but I think it leads to your kind of statement that life ain’t that great unless we’re out there crushing it all the time. I guess it fits nicely with the declining notion that having children isn’t worth it either.
  - Clubber 3y ago
    >that life ain’t that great unless we’re out there crushing it all the time. Where in the hell did you get that from? I wish I hadn't wasted 20+ years of my youth working so hard. >I guess it fits nicely with the declining notion that having children isn’t worth it either. Dunno where you got that from either. My kids are the best thing that happened to me. Are you projecting or something?
    - heyoni 3y ago
      Seriously? > all the time you spent improving yourself and building wealth will be for naught, at least for you There’s meaning in that work if you accept that it’ll have lasting effects beyond you. > It means you'll never be 18 or 23 or 30 or 35 again. The youth that you took for granted is gone forever and time will march with you until your death Your youth was taken for granted if you don’t think it added up to you being able to provide for a family. I’m just trying to find meaning in the mundane, not trying to preach. This view that being alive and healthy and able to raise a family isn’t enough is always disheartening. Anyways, that’s my interpretatio. Or projection.
suction 3y ago
[dead]
lm28469 3y ago
It's what people say they suffer when they made bad decisions for decades and figured out they missed the good part(s), happens a lot to people who sacrifice everything to climb the corporate ladder or focus too much on work or other artificial goals. Not everyone goes through it

38 yo male now starting to think I don’t know what a midlife crisis is.

andsoitis 3y ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis

coel 3y ago
"Studies indicate that some cultures may be more sensitive to this phenomenon than others; one study found that there is little evidence that people undergo midlife crises in Japanese and Indian cultures, raising the question of whether a mid-life crisis is mainly a cultural construct." I thought this was interesting.
- Dalewyn 3y ago
  Japanese salarymen often undergo a crisis when they retire and suddenly find themselves with tons of time and nothing to do. Not exactly midlife, but it's of a similar vein.
  - Aeolun 3y ago
    That’s when they go into politics.
- oefnak 3y ago
  You might like this article about penis stealing witches: https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-the-geography-of-madness https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-the-geogra... And this one: https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-crazy-like-us https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-crazy-like...

sph 3y ago

A midlife crisis is quitting your desk job to sell ice creams on the beach in the Caribbean. Getting to the point of doing it, not just thinking about it.

ozim 3y ago
I thought it is dumping wife of 20 years for silly blonde and driving red convertible one bought with use of shark loan because “you need to have it because you always wanted it” even if you couldn’t afford it.
- sph 3y ago
  It's the same thing. But it doesn't have to be as destructive or ultimately short-lived as that. It might an opportunity to radically change some things you have taken for granted your entire life.
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]

BaseballPhysics 3y ago

IMO the term is so diluted as to be meaningless. Burnout isn't a mid-life crisis. Changing your career doesn't necessarily mean you're having a mid-life crisis. Changing your personal circumstances doesn't necessarily imply a midlife crisis. Every definition I know of includes a sense of existential angst, a feeling of regret, of lost potential, of questioning identity, of a fear of mortality. But simply realizing you're unhappy in your life or circumstances and want to change them isn't itself indicative of a mid-life crisis by any meaningful definition I'm aware of.

OO000oo 3y ago
Yeah I think everything in your comment is pretty understandable and I probably wouldn’t trust someone who claims to have not experienced nearly all of those feelings to some extent.
jkhdigital 3y ago
Hadn’t heard that list of “symptoms” before but… I guess that means I am in a midlife crisis at 39.
- solumunus 3y ago
  I think it’s when those feelings completely break you that you’re in the crisis stage.
NovaDudely 3y ago
The lost potential is a key one I have seen. The idea that your youth is in the rear view mirror and that you didn't do all the things you thought you would do.
- Scarblac 3y ago
  I was in my 40s and starting thinking more in terms of how much time I had left rather than what I wanted to do at some unspecified "later". I also had young kids and a depressed jobless wife, so I wasn't completely free to do what I wanted and felt trapped. Then my father died pretty young, from a cruel cancer, and that amplified it all.

Clubber 3y ago

It means you'll never be 18 or 23 or 30 or 35 again. The youth that you took for granted is gone forever and time will march with you until your death. Death may be maybe be 2 years from now or 40 years from now, fully knowing that you body will start failing. Even if you have 40 years, not all of them will be good years, especially the last ones. Once you are gone, that's it, all the time you spent improving yourself and building wealth will be for naught, at least for you.

heyoni 3y ago
So, not for naught? Seriously, we’re social creatures that live for others. You can have 40 good years serving the next generation, building wealth for them and sharing in their joys. I’m sensing this strange notion in older generations where they absolutely refuse to let go and insist on keeping their youth and the spotlight to no or some avail. Technology is getting better and making people hold on for longer but I think it leads to your kind of statement that life ain’t that great unless we’re out there crushing it all the time. I guess it fits nicely with the declining notion that having children isn’t worth it either.
- Clubber 3y ago
  >that life ain’t that great unless we’re out there crushing it all the time. Where in the hell did you get that from? I wish I hadn't wasted 20+ years of my youth working so hard. >I guess it fits nicely with the declining notion that having children isn’t worth it either. Dunno where you got that from either. My kids are the best thing that happened to me. Are you projecting or something?
  - heyoni 3y ago
    Seriously? > all the time you spent improving yourself and building wealth will be for naught, at least for you There’s meaning in that work if you accept that it’ll have lasting effects beyond you. > It means you'll never be 18 or 23 or 30 or 35 again. The youth that you took for granted is gone forever and time will march with you until your death Your youth was taken for granted if you don’t think it added up to you being able to provide for a family. I’m just trying to find meaning in the mundane, not trying to preach. This view that being alive and healthy and able to raise a family isn’t enough is always disheartening. Anyways, that’s my interpretatio. Or projection.

suction 3y ago

[dead]

lm28469 3y ago

It's what people say they suffer when they made bad decisions for decades and figured out they missed the good part(s), happens a lot to people who sacrifice everything to climb the corporate ladder or focus too much on work or other artificial goals. Not everyone goes through it