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Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?
Hello. I'm 17, in the UK, doing A levels. I was previously highly successful for my age, academically and in extracurricular programming projects. I was reasonably competent at programming, and have created and deployed dozens of small-medium projects, some in teams. Computer science, physics, biology, and maths were easy; I got top of the class without trying. I went to a technical school that was almost perfect.
I had a pretty clear plan: Apply to Oxbridge. Failing that, do a degree apprenticeship at GCHQ etc.
March last year my friend was attacked by bullies at school. I tried to help, I was kicked in the head multiple times. The perpetrators got away with it because of our pathetic "justice" system. I was off school for 6 months and I have post-concussion syndrome. I am now below average intelligence. I am constantly fatigued. I have constant headaches. When symptoms are particularly bad I can barely walk or process speech. When I've been able to rest for a extended period I feel almost like I used to, but everything degrades whenever I try to actually do something. My doctor has been helpful and sympathetic, but I am still waiting on specialist help via the NHS.
I am a year into my A levels. I have done nothing but study this year. I wake up, go to school, stay awake with caffeine tablets and strong painkillers, get home, revise, then sleep. It's the same at weekends. Studying is extremely difficult and I retain far less information. I optimise my time with Anki, spaced repetition, and Obsidian. Despite this effort, I had to drop an A level (further maths), which made my already infitesimal chance of Oxbridge zero, and I am barely staying afloat in other qualifications. My current A levels are maths, physics, and compsci.
I don't do much programming now, but when I do I'm significantly worse. The most noticeable difference is in my working memory; where previously I would just write something, I now become overwhelmed if I don't meticulously plan and break the problem up first.
I have no clue how to continue. At the current rate, I will get good enough grades to get into one of the local unis. I think I'd be OK with a computer science course, as I already know much of the content. However, I don't think I can do an apprenticeship or other form of inflexible work - I am not reliably awake, and I'm simply not that intelligent anymore. I plan to take a gap year whatever I do to get some rest.
I've considered trying to work as a freelancer running a software business (after A levels/degree), as that would hopefully allow for more flexibility regarding symptoms. However, I have absolutely no clue how I would go about doing that, or if it's a good option. I can do desktop or web dev, I know Python, Rust, and TS well.
I'm not really sure what I'm asking. Is the freelance idea a good one? I really don't know how to do things as someone who's motivated, and retains a lot of knowledge I learnt before my concussion, but struggles to learn new things and stay awake. I'd appreciate some advice.
- LIzzyytujghf 3y ago[dead]
- theaussiestew 3y agoThe body and mind have a remarkable ability to heal, beyond what most think is possible. It sounds like a lot of your mental condition is due to over-medication with pain killers and medicine, as well as stimulants like caffeine pills. But obviously a lot of it is the result of suffering from that traumatic event you had and the fact that you're still not completely healed from that. Trust me, I've been there with drugs and performance enhancing stimulants, it's not a long term solution. I've also been through a very rough period in my life where my mental functioning was severely degraded from a traumatic event. For context, I was a software engineer and yet all I had the capacity for was to watch TV and browse the internet (I definitely couldn't study). I felt very fearful that it would be permanent and that my life was over, given that I depended on my intellect for my living (and identity). I even considered just giving up software engineering entirely to do something simpler, like retail. Thankfully, having come through that period of my life, I'm now actually clearer and mentally sharper than I was before I was injured. I actually do run an product engineering agency in addition to doing a startup, and it helped a lot given that I didn't have to be somewhere 9-5pm, and I could take days off whenever I was feeling tired or needed to rest. I found that doing mentally heavy work didn't help my recovery as much as simple exercise like walking, and spending time in nature. I would echo some of the other comments here talking about the relationship between physical health and mental health. www.stultusstudios.com I recommend looking to practising some kind of Yoga, Tai Chi or Qigong. These practices are especially good for people with persistent and lingering conditions. Remember, that you are not "brain-damaged", having this self perception is very limiting. I'm not your doctor but this sounds like the after effects of trauma to the head, which is temporary and will heal over a year or two. I wouldn't write off your career aspirations just yet, you're very young and have plenty of time. Also remember that you can come out better than before as long as you focus on self care, rest and not pushing yourself too hard. Your rest and recovery is more important than grades. You don't want to exacerbate your condition and delay your recovery by overexerting yourself. You're a high achiever but sometimes we need to step back for a moment to regain our foundation, so that in future we can flourish. Feel free to PM me if you want.
- 3y ago