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> basic social mores that they and their neighbors agree upon. > not allow them to go to school with all of the other kids with smartphones, not allow them to

by Brybry 3y ago

> basic social mores that they and their neighbors agree upon. > not allow them to go to school with all of the other kids with smartphones, not allow them to have any friends over with smartphones, not allow them to go to friends’ houses where the same measures aren’t taken There's some dissonance here. When I was a kid my parents (and my friends' parents) didn't let us stay up all night watching TV. And the TV had parental controls so we couldn't watch the restricted channels. They generally supervised our computer usage and computer time. They weren't hovering over our shoulders but they regularly checked in so we knew they were around. It's often obvious when kids are doing something they know they shouldn't because they either get real quiet or real loud. Parents on HN often say it's socially damaging to not let kids have smartphones because the other kids have smartphones. If smartphones are such a big issue (and not just for porn) then why don't parents get together at a PTA meeting and agree to only get their kids dumb phones? They'd all save money and even if it's only most of the parents that agree then the social standing argument should matter less. > What is my reasonable responsibility as a parent who doesn’t want my kids to drink vodka? Don’t leave it around, don’t buy it for them, don’t let them go to friends houses where the parents do either of the former. There’s a chance someone could sneak it onto a school bus, but it’s not always there just a tap away. You know pornography has existed for ages right? The pre-internet movie trope of teenagers keeping dirty magazines under their mattress is a trope for a reason. The general problem has always existed. In my opinion it's a matter of being involved in your kid's life, making sure they know they can talk to you, and most importantly about establishing trust with your kid. If you have good reasons your kid shouldn't look at porn, and you explain them, and they understand those reasons, and they trust you, and you trust them then I think in most cases you're probably going to be ok. Sure, that last "and they trust you and you trust them" bit will fail sometimes. But that's why parenting is hard. And the lessons learned from breaking that trust will be important lessons on how relationships work. I stole money from my sister a few times and my dad eventually caught me. It was a pivotal learning experience on relationships and trust for me. As an aside, with regards to the vokda bit. Here in Louisiana there was alcohol at most parties I went to in high school. It was almost absurdly available. Afaik it's was sometimes (usually?) even legal. Teenagers aren't allowed to purchase alcohol but possession/consumption on private property (or with legal guardian approval) can be. [1] [1] https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/underage-drinking/state-profiles/louisiana/70 https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/underage-drinking/state-...

GloomyBoots 3y ago
> When I was a kid my parents (and my friends' parents) didn't let us stay up all night watching TV. And the TV had parental controls so we couldn't watch the restricted channels. > They generally supervised our computer usage and computer time. They weren't hovering over our shoulders but they regularly checked in so we knew they were around Right, and this would have been when you had the family computer in the den or something similar, correct? Maybe in your room. Not at all times in your pocket. And you never got exposed to anything graphic that you didn’t intentionally seek out? If not, your childhood was very different from mine and those I grew up with. > Parents on HN often say it's socially damaging to not let kids have smartphones because the other kids have smartphones. My daughter doesn’t have a smartphone, understands why, and isn’t too bothered by it. Her friends do have them and think it’s weird that she doesn’t. She’s a good kid, but it’s still is uncomfortable to be out of the loop on things like that. Socialization is an important part of childhood. > If smartphones are such a big issue (and not just for porn) then why don't parents get together at a PTA meeting and agree to only get their kids dumb phones? Because other parents want their kids to have smartphones. They don’t want them to be able to do certain things on them. Just like they might want them to walk down the street but not enter a BDSM club. Technology can be a great thing, and it’s not too much to ask to have access to it for your child without opening them up to everything anyone has ever put online. > You know pornography has existed for ages right? The pre-internet movie trope of teenagers keeping dirty magazines under their mattress is a trope for a reason. That’s a little before my time, but from what I gather nudie mags and grainy cable channels with simulated sex weren’t quite the same as the offerings on PornHub’s homepage. Just as sneaking into a slasher film was somewhat different than industrial accident videos. > about establishing trust Trust is important. So are reasonable safeguards. > As an aside, with regards to the vokda bit. Here in Louisiana there was alcohol at most parties I went to in high school. It was almost absurdly available. Absolutely. Vodka came to mind because Taaka was the go-to when I was growing up (also in Louisiana). But everyone knew there was alcohol at high school parties, including parents. Usually parents supplied it. It was an agreed-upon, healthy outlet. Taaka wasn’t something your 8-year-old could just randomly, inadvertently consume by playing Roblox. > Afaik it's was sometimes (usually?) even legal. Teenagers aren't allowed to purchase alcohol but possession/consumption on private property (or with legal guardian approval) can be. Right, and the barrier to purchasing is what I’m talking about. When my daughter is at an appropriate age, I’m fine with letting her drink. I’m fine with her doing normal growing-up things. That’s not at all what this is about.

by Brybry 3y ago

GloomyBoots 3y ago

> When I was a kid my parents (and my friends' parents) didn't let us stay up all night watching TV. And the TV had parental controls so we couldn't watch the restricted channels. > They generally supervised our computer usage and computer time. They weren't hovering over our shoulders but they regularly checked in so we knew they were around Right, and this would have been when you had the family computer in the den or something similar, correct? Maybe in your room. Not at all times in your pocket. And you never got exposed to anything graphic that you didn’t intentionally seek out? If not, your childhood was very different from mine and those I grew up with. > Parents on HN often say it's socially damaging to not let kids have smartphones because the other kids have smartphones. My daughter doesn’t have a smartphone, understands why, and isn’t too bothered by it. Her friends do have them and think it’s weird that she doesn’t. She’s a good kid, but it’s still is uncomfortable to be out of the loop on things like that. Socialization is an important part of childhood. > If smartphones are such a big issue (and not just for porn) then why don't parents get together at a PTA meeting and agree to only get their kids dumb phones? Because other parents want their kids to have smartphones. They don’t want them to be able to do certain things on them. Just like they might want them to walk down the street but not enter a BDSM club. Technology can be a great thing, and it’s not too much to ask to have access to it for your child without opening them up to everything anyone has ever put online. > You know pornography has existed for ages right? The pre-internet movie trope of teenagers keeping dirty magazines under their mattress is a trope for a reason. That’s a little before my time, but from what I gather nudie mags and grainy cable channels with simulated sex weren’t quite the same as the offerings on PornHub’s homepage. Just as sneaking into a slasher film was somewhat different than industrial accident videos. > about establishing trust Trust is important. So are reasonable safeguards. > As an aside, with regards to the vokda bit. Here in Louisiana there was alcohol at most parties I went to in high school. It was almost absurdly available. Absolutely. Vodka came to mind because Taaka was the go-to when I was growing up (also in Louisiana). But everyone knew there was alcohol at high school parties, including parents. Usually parents supplied it. It was an agreed-upon, healthy outlet. Taaka wasn’t something your 8-year-old could just randomly, inadvertently consume by playing Roblox. > Afaik it's was sometimes (usually?) even legal. Teenagers aren't allowed to purchase alcohol but possession/consumption on private property (or with legal guardian approval) can be. Right, and the barrier to purchasing is what I’m talking about. When my daughter is at an appropriate age, I’m fine with letting her drink. I’m fine with her doing normal growing-up things. That’s not at all what this is about.