4 ms·

Why "hate"? I personally find fascinating that kind of implicit cultural rules.

trilbyglens 3y ago
Because once you see the pattern it can become an oppressive social requirement. I'm american but have been living in Czechia for about 15 years, and I've seen friendships blown up due to shit like "we visited and he didn't even offer us lunch", or "she didn't even offer to pay for lunch". It's fun when you are a visitor and you can view it from a distance, but when it's the local unaware social OS, it's got a far different effect. The food thing, specifically (probably a slavic thing) I find really fucking tedious. There is no "I'm not hungry but thank you" or "sorry I don't eat meat". Refusing food on a visit is basically equivalent to taking out a gun and shooting the family dog. You're likely to never be invited over again, and people will think you are a complete asshole. Because of this social overhead, visiting friends and family is a huge ordeal as everyone is expected to roll out the carpet and play host. No one wants to burden others, and no one wants to be burdened, so visits are fairly uncommon unless it's a bigger occasion like a birthday or holiday. There's absolutely no "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop in and see what you're up to".
- saiya-jin 3y ago
  You can train people, at least sane people you actually care about. It takes some time, but unless they are dense as neutron star, they will grok it eventually. Wrap it up in talk about honesty, being a man who talks and thinks straight. Also, this should not be the issue with young folks, only older generations are like that.
- The_Colonel 3y ago
  > I'm american but have been living in Czechia for about 15 years, and I've seen friendships blown up due to shit like "we visited and he didn't even offer us lunch", or "she didn't even offer to pay for lunch". As a Czech (and a very picky eater who refuses a lot of food offered) I can't really confirm most of what you wrote. Paying for other people's lunch is not really a thing, other than perhaps in the context of a date (where the man is expected to pay). Food is important mainly in the very old, wartime generation and even there it's mostly in the context of a family. > Refusing food on a visit is basically equivalent to taking out a gun and shooting the family dog. You're likely to never be invited over again, and people will think you are a complete asshole. It kind of looks like you've been having a bad time in Czechia, but this is very far from representative. > There's absolutely no "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop in and see what you're up to". This part is true, but it's IMHO a "global-north-wide" change in the past few decades. It used to be quite normal 30 years ago.
  - orwin 3y ago
    I think it's more a rural vs cities/town thing.
    - The_Colonel 3y ago
      I grew up in the countryside in the most conservative part of the country (measured by catholic presence). This attachment to food is indeed more present in the rural countryside, but still nothing like the commenter above describes.
      - me_me_me 3y ago
        Sharing a meal is a strong bonding ritual. I read long time ago a study of families who eat together and those who dont. Families who share meals have higher cohesion and better relations. Its important to consider where those traditions came from and maybe why they came about.
- ilyt 3y ago
  > Refusing food on a visit is basically equivalent to taking out a gun and shooting the family dog. You're likely to never be invited over again, and people will think you are a complete asshole. Uh, you're probably overracting. Unless you said something akin to "fuck your food I don't want it"
- jareklupinski 3y ago
  > There's absolutely no "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop in and see what you're up to". we used the side door for informal visits the front door was only for parties
ilyt 3y ago
What is hard to understand to you here? Someone comes to you and forces some random food or beverage upon you, then act annoyed if you refuse. And that kind of behaviour is not only normalized but expected based on some dumb societial traditions. Do you also think women being married off to candidate picked by parents "fascinating" and not abhorrent ? When that would not be annoying

Because once you see the pattern it can become an oppressive social requirement. I'm american but have been living in Czechia for about 15 years, and I've seen friendships blown up due to shit like "we visited and he didn't even offer us lunch", or "she didn't even offer to pay for lunch". It's fun when you are a visitor and you can view it from a distance, but when it's the local unaware social OS, it's got a far different effect. The food thing, specifically (probably a slavic thing) I find really fucking tedious. There is no "I'm not hungry but thank you" or "sorry I don't eat meat". Refusing food on a visit is basically equivalent to taking out a gun and shooting the family dog. You're likely to never be invited over again, and people will think you are a complete asshole. Because of this social overhead, visiting friends and family is a huge ordeal as everyone is expected to roll out the carpet and play host. No one wants to burden others, and no one wants to be burdened, so visits are fairly uncommon unless it's a bigger occasion like a birthday or holiday. There's absolutely no "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop in and see what you're up to".

saiya-jin 3y ago
You can train people, at least sane people you actually care about. It takes some time, but unless they are dense as neutron star, they will grok it eventually. Wrap it up in talk about honesty, being a man who talks and thinks straight. Also, this should not be the issue with young folks, only older generations are like that.
The_Colonel 3y ago
> I'm american but have been living in Czechia for about 15 years, and I've seen friendships blown up due to shit like "we visited and he didn't even offer us lunch", or "she didn't even offer to pay for lunch". As a Czech (and a very picky eater who refuses a lot of food offered) I can't really confirm most of what you wrote. Paying for other people's lunch is not really a thing, other than perhaps in the context of a date (where the man is expected to pay). Food is important mainly in the very old, wartime generation and even there it's mostly in the context of a family. > Refusing food on a visit is basically equivalent to taking out a gun and shooting the family dog. You're likely to never be invited over again, and people will think you are a complete asshole. It kind of looks like you've been having a bad time in Czechia, but this is very far from representative. > There's absolutely no "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop in and see what you're up to". This part is true, but it's IMHO a "global-north-wide" change in the past few decades. It used to be quite normal 30 years ago.
- orwin 3y ago
  I think it's more a rural vs cities/town thing.
  - The_Colonel 3y ago
    I grew up in the countryside in the most conservative part of the country (measured by catholic presence). This attachment to food is indeed more present in the rural countryside, but still nothing like the commenter above describes.
    - me_me_me 3y ago
      Sharing a meal is a strong bonding ritual. I read long time ago a study of families who eat together and those who dont. Families who share meals have higher cohesion and better relations. Its important to consider where those traditions came from and maybe why they came about.
ilyt 3y ago
> Refusing food on a visit is basically equivalent to taking out a gun and shooting the family dog. You're likely to never be invited over again, and people will think you are a complete asshole. Uh, you're probably overracting. Unless you said something akin to "fuck your food I don't want it"
jareklupinski 3y ago
> There's absolutely no "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop in and see what you're up to". we used the side door for informal visits the front door was only for parties

ilyt 3y ago

What is hard to understand to you here? Someone comes to you and forces some random food or beverage upon you, then act annoyed if you refuse. And that kind of behaviour is not only normalized but expected based on some dumb societial traditions. Do you also think women being married off to candidate picked by parents "fascinating" and not abhorrent ? When that would not be annoying