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I believe so. I was the loneliest after I got married when my now "ex" was really demanding and paranoid. People are most lonely when get excluded from their pe

I believe so. I was the loneliest after I got married when my now "ex" was really demanding and paranoid. People are most lonely when get excluded from their peers from school or work or social any groups. Old people are lonely because their friends and families are keep dying off or unable to social any longer. That's the reason I recommend joining some good social or religious organizations and make friends across all walks of life and ages, keep an open mind and enjoy life. Do not engage with toxic people, only keep good companies. Don't engage with people who don't want to engage, or thinking you can help them. People need to walk out of their own rut to be truly happy.

swayvil 3y ago
Thank you. Your advice is stunningly relevant.
jimmygrapes 3y ago
Amen. An addendum, if I may: when considering "toxic" please be wary of all-or-nothing cognitive fallacies. People who have one trait or belief or habit that you disagree with (even if strongly) do not necessarily come saddled with other things you might presume (ie just because they're catholic doesn't mean they're a pedo, just because they have tattoos doesn't mean they're a criminal, just because they have guns doesn't make them a white supremacist, etc.). People are complex, and you might be missing your best friend for life if you are prejudicial.
- copperx 3y ago
  That's the problem with the weak popular vocabulary. 'Toxic' can mean just about anything.
  - em-bee 3y ago
    well what matters is, what it means to you. if a person makes you uncomfortable then it's probably better to stay away from them. only if you can't do that, then it may be worth it to reevaluate why it is they make you uncomfortable and see if you can change that.
    - bheadmaster 3y ago
      > well what matters is, what it means to you When giving advice on a public forum, it is very important to have similar understanding of words as others.
      - em-bee 3y ago
        sure, but this is not about the definition of toxic, which is pretty clear and i don't think there is any disagreement about that. the point is that different things are toxic to different people. someone may not be bothered by guns, even when they don't care about them, and someone else may find any support of guns utterly despicable because maybe any mention of them triggers some kind of trauma they experienced. ok, so maybe it's not right to call this toxic, but that's why i used the term "uncomfortable' myself, and i don't think the specific difference is important. just possibly it could be argued that 'toxic' is to narrow. you want to avoid these people either way.
        bheadmaster 3y ago
        > this is not about the definition of toxic, which is pretty clear and i don't think there is any disagreement about that Ok, then, can you explain to me what exactly it means? Because the rest of your comment kinda boils down to "it means whatever you want it to mean" which renders it effectively meaningless.
        em-bee 3y ago
        the rest of your comment kinda boils down to "it means whatever you want it to mean" no, it doesn't. i am not talking about the definition of "toxic". i am talking about what is toxic to you or to me. if something is toxic to me, then that doesn't mean it has to be toxic for you. i admit, my original statement was confusing. i didn't mean to say that it matters how toxic is defined, but: "what matters is, what is toxic or hurtful to you" the definition of toxic (or my definition, if you prefer) is that toxic is anything that continuously hurts a relationship. again, what is hurtful to me is not the same thing as what may be hurtful to you. we all have different vulnerabilities, and are bothered or hurt by different things.
- coldtea 3y ago
  Also, a friend who is not your cheerleader for every dumb thing you do and bad trait you have, is not necessarily toxic. You could be toxic, and they could just be pointing out things you need to hear. People here the BS gurus to "clear the toxic people from their lives" and often estrange themselves from the people who actually care most for them...
- tppiotrowski 3y ago
  I think this cognitive fallacy is actually called "labeling". Instead of labeling yourself: "I'm dumb", think "It was dumb when I forgot to turn off my car lights and the battery died". You are not dumb, lazy, toxic, etc, but occasionally you do or say dumb, lazy, toxic things
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- EatingWithForks 3y ago
  I think there are some things that are a bright red line though. I don't think it's prejudicial a black person to avoid people who have a "habit" of going to KKK rallies. Or an immigrant to avoid people who have "one belief" that we should forcibly deport immigrants. I think for certain habits, beliefs, etc. people who avoid you aren't simply "unwilling to overlook this one bad thing". Maybe that one bad thing is actually just bad enough to poison you the person. [hypothetical you] I totally agree for the other, more general case though. Not all catholics are pedos and I know plenty of catholics super frustrated with their leadership, excellent and loving people catholicism included.
spencerchubb 3y ago
> I recommend joining some good social or religious organizations and make friends across all walks of life and ages I never considered that benefit of religious organizations, but it's very true. It's rare to find another place in society with so much diversity.
- AlwaysRock 3y ago
  I'm no longer religious, but in the past considered joining a church just because it was absolutely the easiest way to make friends in a new area. Decided not to because it felt pretty unethical but I'm positive that is in large part why a lot of people go to church. It's a social event.
  - zapataband1 3y ago
    There's a few faiths and practices that come to mind that are imo seem to spread more positivity, Ba'hai faith and The Satanic Temple for example.
  - moffkalast 3y ago
    Haha, strolling up to the local church like "how do you do fellow christians, jesus saves amirite?"
    - bragr 3y ago
      Jokes aside, if you walk into your local average middle of the road protestant church, nobody is going to ask you anything besides "New around here? what do you do?" Churches are filled with people with tepid religious convictions so if you stand up and sit down and sing along when you're supposed to, nobody is going to pin you down on philosophical questions over donuts and coffee after the service.
      - AlwaysRock 3y ago
        Right. I don't argue that its easy to stroll into the average church and attend a service or even an event without any question. You may even be welcomed fairly well depending on the church. But if ones goal is to actually build relationships, built on anything other than lies or deception, and one doesnt actually believe the religion, its going to be difficult to do that at a religious institution.
hinkley 3y ago
Sometimes I think the best you can do for people is drive them to their proverbial rehab. You can’t lift anyone’s load, but sometimes you can get them to acknowledge them, and occasionally clear roadblocks.

swayvil 3y ago

Thank you. Your advice is stunningly relevant.

jimmygrapes 3y ago

Amen. An addendum, if I may: when considering "toxic" please be wary of all-or-nothing cognitive fallacies. People who have one trait or belief or habit that you disagree with (even if strongly) do not necessarily come saddled with other things you might presume (ie just because they're catholic doesn't mean they're a pedo, just because they have tattoos doesn't mean they're a criminal, just because they have guns doesn't make them a white supremacist, etc.). People are complex, and you might be missing your best friend for life if you are prejudicial.

copperx 3y ago
That's the problem with the weak popular vocabulary. 'Toxic' can mean just about anything.
- em-bee 3y ago
  well what matters is, what it means to you. if a person makes you uncomfortable then it's probably better to stay away from them. only if you can't do that, then it may be worth it to reevaluate why it is they make you uncomfortable and see if you can change that.
  - bheadmaster 3y ago
    > well what matters is, what it means to you When giving advice on a public forum, it is very important to have similar understanding of words as others.
    - em-bee 3y ago
      sure, but this is not about the definition of toxic, which is pretty clear and i don't think there is any disagreement about that. the point is that different things are toxic to different people. someone may not be bothered by guns, even when they don't care about them, and someone else may find any support of guns utterly despicable because maybe any mention of them triggers some kind of trauma they experienced. ok, so maybe it's not right to call this toxic, but that's why i used the term "uncomfortable' myself, and i don't think the specific difference is important. just possibly it could be argued that 'toxic' is to narrow. you want to avoid these people either way.
      - bheadmaster 3y ago
        > this is not about the definition of toxic, which is pretty clear and i don't think there is any disagreement about that Ok, then, can you explain to me what exactly it means? Because the rest of your comment kinda boils down to "it means whatever you want it to mean" which renders it effectively meaningless.
        em-bee 3y ago
        the rest of your comment kinda boils down to "it means whatever you want it to mean" no, it doesn't. i am not talking about the definition of "toxic". i am talking about what is toxic to you or to me. if something is toxic to me, then that doesn't mean it has to be toxic for you. i admit, my original statement was confusing. i didn't mean to say that it matters how toxic is defined, but: "what matters is, what is toxic or hurtful to you" the definition of toxic (or my definition, if you prefer) is that toxic is anything that continuously hurts a relationship. again, what is hurtful to me is not the same thing as what may be hurtful to you. we all have different vulnerabilities, and are bothered or hurt by different things.
coldtea 3y ago
Also, a friend who is not your cheerleader for every dumb thing you do and bad trait you have, is not necessarily toxic. You could be toxic, and they could just be pointing out things you need to hear. People here the BS gurus to "clear the toxic people from their lives" and often estrange themselves from the people who actually care most for them...
tppiotrowski 3y ago
I think this cognitive fallacy is actually called "labeling". Instead of labeling yourself: "I'm dumb", think "It was dumb when I forgot to turn off my car lights and the battery died". You are not dumb, lazy, toxic, etc, but occasionally you do or say dumb, lazy, toxic things
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
EatingWithForks 3y ago
I think there are some things that are a bright red line though. I don't think it's prejudicial a black person to avoid people who have a "habit" of going to KKK rallies. Or an immigrant to avoid people who have "one belief" that we should forcibly deport immigrants. I think for certain habits, beliefs, etc. people who avoid you aren't simply "unwilling to overlook this one bad thing". Maybe that one bad thing is actually just bad enough to poison you the person. [hypothetical you] I totally agree for the other, more general case though. Not all catholics are pedos and I know plenty of catholics super frustrated with their leadership, excellent and loving people catholicism included.

spencerchubb 3y ago

> I recommend joining some good social or religious organizations and make friends across all walks of life and ages I never considered that benefit of religious organizations, but it's very true. It's rare to find another place in society with so much diversity.

AlwaysRock 3y ago
I'm no longer religious, but in the past considered joining a church just because it was absolutely the easiest way to make friends in a new area. Decided not to because it felt pretty unethical but I'm positive that is in large part why a lot of people go to church. It's a social event.
- zapataband1 3y ago
  There's a few faiths and practices that come to mind that are imo seem to spread more positivity, Ba'hai faith and The Satanic Temple for example.
- moffkalast 3y ago
  Haha, strolling up to the local church like "how do you do fellow christians, jesus saves amirite?"
  - bragr 3y ago
    Jokes aside, if you walk into your local average middle of the road protestant church, nobody is going to ask you anything besides "New around here? what do you do?" Churches are filled with people with tepid religious convictions so if you stand up and sit down and sing along when you're supposed to, nobody is going to pin you down on philosophical questions over donuts and coffee after the service.
    - AlwaysRock 3y ago
      Right. I don't argue that its easy to stroll into the average church and attend a service or even an event without any question. You may even be welcomed fairly well depending on the church. But if ones goal is to actually build relationships, built on anything other than lies or deception, and one doesnt actually believe the religion, its going to be difficult to do that at a religious institution.

hinkley 3y ago

Sometimes I think the best you can do for people is drive them to their proverbial rehab. You can’t lift anyone’s load, but sometimes you can get them to acknowledge them, and occasionally clear roadblocks.