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Certainly feeling this right now. I do not have parents to give advice, and no “marriage role models” to speak of. This has lead me into a situation where I wa

Certainly feeling this right now. I do not have parents to give advice, and no “marriage role models” to speak of. This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account. It’s going to be a mess to get out of, but lesson learned…

number6 3y ago
Can relate. Love and light to you
thoughtpeddler 3y ago
You are not alone. It takes strength to leave that situation. There was a reason you got married in the first place to this first, so the change that occurs is often shocking and unexpected. Cut your losses sooner rather than later, you'll be eternally grateful for it.
unsupp0rted 3y ago
This is incredibly common and detrimental, to the point that red flags should be taught in school.
AussieWog93 3y ago
Have you brought this up with your spouse (at a good time, of course)? If you're thinking of torpedoing the relationship anyway, might as well risk offending/upsetting her. I don't know a thing about you, but there are plenty of people (especially people who have bullied, who I suspect would be over-represented here) who aren't necessarily surrounded by toxic people but fail to advocate for themselves and communicate what they need. If that describes you, then you're going to be "taken advantage of" by everyone, even people that don't want to have that sort of relationship. I've become more assertive in my relationship over the last couple of years and it's done wonders. There's a guy who works for me that needs to do the same too...
- tleilaxu 3y ago
  No, I communicate very directly, and made my needs very clear over three years. The only time I suddenly was taken seriously and not ignored was when I started talking about ending the relationship - i.e. when her support was threatened and she had to actually care.
TimedToasts 3y ago
Hang in there. It took me a year to even feel 'normal'. Some days are 'one foot in front of each other'.
abwizz 3y ago
> This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account. imo that this feeling comes up in most marriages. might be a good idea to get some third-party feedback on your reflection(s) to asses whether there is as much basis to it as your feelings suggest or if it can be worked out. a long relationship has some value in itself, so the opportunity cost of a unneeded divorce could be huge.

number6 3y ago

Can relate. Love and light to you

thoughtpeddler 3y ago

You are not alone. It takes strength to leave that situation. There was a reason you got married in the first place to this first, so the change that occurs is often shocking and unexpected. Cut your losses sooner rather than later, you'll be eternally grateful for it.

unsupp0rted 3y ago

This is incredibly common and detrimental, to the point that red flags should be taught in school.

AussieWog93 3y ago

Have you brought this up with your spouse (at a good time, of course)? If you're thinking of torpedoing the relationship anyway, might as well risk offending/upsetting her. I don't know a thing about you, but there are plenty of people (especially people who have bullied, who I suspect would be over-represented here) who aren't necessarily surrounded by toxic people but fail to advocate for themselves and communicate what they need. If that describes you, then you're going to be "taken advantage of" by everyone, even people that don't want to have that sort of relationship. I've become more assertive in my relationship over the last couple of years and it's done wonders. There's a guy who works for me that needs to do the same too...

tleilaxu 3y ago
No, I communicate very directly, and made my needs very clear over three years. The only time I suddenly was taken seriously and not ignored was when I started talking about ending the relationship - i.e. when her support was threatened and she had to actually care.

TimedToasts 3y ago

Hang in there. It took me a year to even feel 'normal'. Some days are 'one foot in front of each other'.

abwizz 3y ago

> This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account. imo that this feeling comes up in most marriages. might be a good idea to get some third-party feedback on your reflection(s) to asses whether there is as much basis to it as your feelings suggest or if it can be worked out. a long relationship has some value in itself, so the opportunity cost of a unneeded divorce could be huge.