14 ms·

A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

225 points by shsachdev 3y ago

xyzelement 3y ago
> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad because of bitches/billionaires/Mexicans/whatever" - I've never heard anyone talk like that while also maximizing what's in their power to change.
- calderwoodra 3y ago
  I usually don't struggle to work towards my goals but totally agree that this resonates and this single insight made the article a worthwhile read.
- asimpletune 3y ago
  Don’t forget people overvaluing talent as one of the main excuses while minimizing what they can control.
  - gonzo41 3y ago
    Always bet on grit. It's a learnable skill and you never lose it.
    - IggleSniggle 3y ago
      I’d argue you will almost certainly lose it if you never loose it ;-). Loose it or lose it, I always say
- eastbound 3y ago
  It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grandpa died?” - Papa deer: “He didn’t believe enough.” So I’ll say it straight away: Some people, no matter how they work to build a startup, are blocked from success by external factors, on which they can do nothing. And I can say that because I’m a millionaire twice from startups, and that gift/set of skills/learnings/factors will never dawn on some people. Of course I’m definitely not saying that because I’m single and have no talent in women ;) But I’m tired of “Just put your mind to it, and if it doesn’t work, it’s because you didn’t try enough.” No. I irritate women. I can see it in their eyes, and there is no way around that (at least until someone tells me what my defect is, assuming it’s a defect I can work upon, but everyone lies to me saying “try more”. No, papa deer).
  - safety1st 3y ago
    > Some people, no matter how they work to build a startup, are blocked from success by external factors, on which they can do nothing. What are the factors specifically? How are you defining success? My definition is "You built a profitable business" and there are so many small businesses doing this across the world, I can't really think of external factors that are true deal breakers except perhaps very bad health, it's hard to start a business when you're bedridden. Millions of people are starting businesses all the time in incredibly limited situations like a street food cart in a slum in India and succeeding.
    - Mezzie 3y ago
      Not who you responded to, but I have a disability (Multiple Sclerosis) that pretty much precludes me from building a successful business. Starting a successful, profitable business usually requires both working around the clock at first in order to establish it and the ability to forego health insurance/healthcare for a period of time. If I'm lucky I have 10 functioning hours a day and I need to make money to not starve so 8 is taken up with a full time job (luckily I walk 5 minutes to work so no commute). I also still need to shower, eat, and exercise to keep my physical condition from deteriorating. On bad days I'm sneaking in naps at work because I have less than 8 hours of good functioning. Weekends are usually spent recovering (sleep/migraine). Basically anything that eats up your time. Disability is just an example problem that nobody can blame on us. Edit: It doesn't need to be severe, which is why I mention it. I'm actually better off than 95% of MS patients.
- matheusmoreira 3y ago
  Ask for the moon and you'll be surprised by how often you get it.
  - teleforce 3y ago
    It's a cliche and people normally hate this statement, the truth is only a small portions of those what you want are overlapping with what you really needs, most of people are spending most of their efforts and time pursuing the non-overlapping sections.
    - matheusmoreira 3y ago
      I don't really want to live my life based on just what I need though. My needs are already met. I want a lot more than that.
mhb 3y ago
This is a long post – 2200 words Alternative: Watch Netlfix series "Arnold"
- znpy 3y ago
  Could you elaborate a bit more on that?
  - mhb 3y ago
    I thought the article was long-winded and banal - offering advice which either seemed obvious or more succinctly available elsewhere often in the form of aphorisms. In contrast, the series, Arnold, about how Arnold Schwarzenegger set and achieved his goals as a bodybuilder, actor and politician was well done, fascinating and inspiring.
- morelisp 3y ago
  So instead of a "long" <10 min read, watch a multi-hour video?
- readyplayernull 3y ago
  > Arnold Schwarzenegger stepped down after seven years as California's governor on Monday, leaving the state struggling with a fiscal crisis that has pushed it to the brink of bankruptcy. https://www.france24.com/en/20110104-schwarzenegger-steps-down-california-governor-financial-budget-crisis-brown-usa https://www.france24.com/en/20110104-schwarzenegger-steps-do...
  - rzzzt 3y ago
    How's California doing since then?
PaulRobinson 3y ago
Another way to getting what you want of course, is to think about what you really want and change that to something you can achieve almost immediately. The article alludes to this: > Do you want to be self-employed? Or do you just need some time off from your normally-tolerable day job? Do you truly want washboard abs, or just to see an energetic, healthy person in the mirror for once? And: > There can also be things you think you want (a law degree; a Walden-like shack in the woods) that you mistake for what you really want (your father’s approval; a less obnoxious boss), which may be vastly easier, or vastly more difficult, to acquire. You know what most people want? Happiness. Acceptance. To not have to deal with people who don't love or respect them, and to spend time with people who do. Here at HN, the personality type that is most dominant is the maximiser - trying to increase productivity, income, live life a little more fuller or longer. Fine. And yet, regularly, a thread emerges asking what it's like to ditch the progress so far and change direction. "How hard is it go give up being a Senior Java engineer and become a farmer?", is a question that will garner answers, attention and upvotes. It's possible you've chosen a career or lifestyle or group of friends that aren't very you. My take is don't choose goals - don't try and decide on the destination of what you want. Instead, choose processes, choose a way of living that makes you happy, and make small changes right now. Another way of thinking about this is: don't choose outputs, choose inputs. Choose your processes, your inputs, what happens when you wake up each day, the values you stay true to. Don't try and choose outputs and work backwards from them. Trust me, I've tried both, and the latter is miserable - you don't even get to be happy for long when you achieve a goal. The article touches on that, but I can't stress this enough: When you achieve something that has taken you a long time to achieve, the pleasure of doing so lasts a short while. What you'll focus on when you look back is how you got there, so choose that carefully. I'd also advise carefully considering how to measure progress. You might think you want to be rich (a goal), and think you need the lifestyle to get rich (the process), but you might actually just want financial independence - living a contented life spending less than you bring in - and they are not the same thing. You can have the latter without the former (especially as a tech worker), with a very different process to the one you'd choose to "get rich". You might think you want to weigh X pounds or kgs, but you might actually want the things that you think are exclusive to that but maybe are not: better fitting clothes, being more physically attractive, better health. There things you can do today - different ways of being - that contribute immediately. Cut down on smoking, recreational drugs (including alcohol) and spending money on better clothes rather than takeaways means you'll be better tomorrow than you were today with just a change of direction on where you put your time, money and effort. You might think you want to be on the front cover of Wired and touted as the next hot thing, but perhaps - like many of the people who have had that experience - what you actually needed was more people around you who like you just as you are right now. That doesn't mean you should stop looking for personal growth and the big goals. Sure, get rich, get sexy, be likeable and get respected, do that work. I'm just saying the journey counts at least as much as the destination, and the journey can start the moment you get to the end of this sentence.
buttocks 3y ago
If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
- tleilaxu 3y ago
  Certainly feeling this right now. I do not have parents to give advice, and no “marriage role models” to speak of. This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account. It’s going to be a mess to get out of, but lesson learned…
  - number6 3y ago
    Can relate. Love and light to you
  - thoughtpeddler 3y ago
    You are not alone. It takes strength to leave that situation. There was a reason you got married in the first place to this first, so the change that occurs is often shocking and unexpected. Cut your losses sooner rather than later, you'll be eternally grateful for it.
  - unsupp0rted 3y ago
    This is incredibly common and detrimental, to the point that red flags should be taught in school.
  - AussieWog93 3y ago
    Have you brought this up with your spouse (at a good time, of course)? If you're thinking of torpedoing the relationship anyway, might as well risk offending/upsetting her. I don't know a thing about you, but there are plenty of people (especially people who have bullied, who I suspect would be over-represented here) who aren't necessarily surrounded by toxic people but fail to advocate for themselves and communicate what they need. If that describes you, then you're going to be "taken advantage of" by everyone, even people that don't want to have that sort of relationship. I've become more assertive in my relationship over the last couple of years and it's done wonders. There's a guy who works for me that needs to do the same too...
SMAAART 3y ago
Interesting article, and a good one. It should be expanded to include the capability to discern between: * Wants, needs, must have(s): too often people seek wants and disregard needs. * Emotionally-driven wants vs rationally-driven wants: today's world hacks people's mind to make only emotionally-driven decisions, to their own detriment.
revskill 3y ago
Your choice: Beat the stupidity, or feed the stupidity.
akkad33 3y ago
Is there a guide for knowing what you want?
- smath 3y ago
  Super important, and vastly underrated question. The article does partly address this.
- yboris 3y ago
  I recommend you look at Effective Altruism. Can there be anything more-fulfilling or less regret-on-your-deathbed than helping others (while knowing you're doing it in the most effective way you can)? There are hobbies for sure, but when you spend 80,000 Hours in a career which you feel helps no one but you with your income, you might find mid-life there are more-important things. https://www.effectivealtruism.org/ https://www.effectivealtruism.org/ & https://80000hours.org/ https://80000hours.org/
  - mahathu 3y ago
    [dead]
  - theaussiestew 3y ago
    I used to believe in Effective Altruism but the older I get the more I realise that it’s just another “feel good” philanthropy for rich people movement with completely warped values around so called rationality, utilitarianism and technological saviour complexes. If one reads the website and the projects accomplished most of them are completely vapid. Malaria nets? AI assignment research? Some high brow research institute? Real help is helping people to improve their lives at a personal level, not saving them a couple of bucks while banking. To anyone reading this, don’t fall for this. It’s no wonder Sam Bankman Fried was so closely advocating for Effective Altruism, it’s just the same old virtue signaling, but with a bit of rationality injected in.
    - fasterik 3y ago
      This seems like an overly cynical take. Malaria nets have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. You can be critical of some areas of EA, but it's hard to deny that organizations like Against Malaria Foundation and GiveWell are doing a lot of good in the world. What's wrong with donating with the goal of maximizing lives saved per dollar?
guy98238710 3y ago
While this sort of general self-help advice is deservedly ridiculed*, it does have some application in education. Kids often have no idea what they want or where they are going. It's too personal and subjective for schools to teach. Parents find it overbearing and invasive. Nevertheless, just asking kids to come up with ideas can get them thinking. Short-term plans that are followed through give them confidence that achievement is something they can systematically work on. * If you are wondering why people laugh at this, it's because goal-setting and high-level planning is so much easier than actually doing something, which is where it all fails. See also TODO bankruptcy.
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
jposor 3y ago
[dead]
rubicon33 3y ago
I wonder how do you avoid a situation in mid-life where you've achieved accomplished, etc, and now really lack a strong desire for anything? How do you find your motivation?
- mahathu 3y ago
  That's when you chill out and enjoy life for a bit
- randomdata 3y ago
  Can you throw the lasting effects of your achievements (e.g. money, relationships, etc.) away? That may provide incentive to start anew.
  - rubicon33 3y ago
    Well, that's definitely true. I could divorce my wife, and blow all my savings, and then I'd be right back there I started and definitely would be motivated to find a wife and make money again. That's the pickle in all of this though. I don't want to lose the comfort I have. I want to maintain this current level of comfort, but also have some excitement in my life, something to go after. Comfort breads complacency for sure.
- TeMPOraL 3y ago
  I don't know, but as I approach my mid-life, I'd happily trade your experience for my experience, which is that I've achieved shit all, and my time is running short.
lisper 3y ago
Ron’s second law: the hardest part of getting what you want is figuring out what it is.
Madmallard 3y ago
The strategy for getting the thing in question nearly always makes all the difference for very worthwhile things and this article very much glosses over that fact.
- smcin 3y ago
  Yes the article is garbage. "Complete" it sure ain't. If we allow that most people want the right things and have a sufficiently clear concept of what they want, why then do many of them not achieve it? This is barely addressed in the skimpy last paragraph: "The Real Barrier to Getting What You Want: Social and emotional factors it make it seem more complicated than that... But it’s our conflicting desire for predictability and comfort that is the real invisible fence... But once we take [innate fearfulness] on board—that fear and uncertainty always come along for the ride in any worthwhile endeavor—it becomes simple."
pedalpete 3y ago
My initial reaction, which the author briefly mentions, is how to know what you want. This is something I've been questioning lately. Do I want what I want? Or are social influences making me think this is what I want?
- xynelius 3y ago
  It's not bad that your desires are influenced by what others want (it's inevitable, we're social animals), but understanding how those influences work is part of understanding your desires and what's behind them. Personally, I would be miserable if the people around me didn't approve of me, even if it's for their own selfish reasons.
lamour7 3y ago
[dead]

225 points by shsachdev 3y ago

> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad because of bitches/billionaires/Mexicans/whatever" - I've never heard anyone talk like that while also maximizing what's in their power to change.

calderwoodra 3y ago
I usually don't struggle to work towards my goals but totally agree that this resonates and this single insight made the article a worthwhile read.
asimpletune 3y ago
Don’t forget people overvaluing talent as one of the main excuses while minimizing what they can control.
- gonzo41 3y ago
  Always bet on grit. It's a learnable skill and you never lose it.
  - IggleSniggle 3y ago
    I’d argue you will almost certainly lose it if you never loose it ;-). Loose it or lose it, I always say
eastbound 3y ago
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grandpa died?” - Papa deer: “He didn’t believe enough.” So I’ll say it straight away: Some people, no matter how they work to build a startup, are blocked from success by external factors, on which they can do nothing. And I can say that because I’m a millionaire twice from startups, and that gift/set of skills/learnings/factors will never dawn on some people. Of course I’m definitely not saying that because I’m single and have no talent in women ;) But I’m tired of “Just put your mind to it, and if it doesn’t work, it’s because you didn’t try enough.” No. I irritate women. I can see it in their eyes, and there is no way around that (at least until someone tells me what my defect is, assuming it’s a defect I can work upon, but everyone lies to me saying “try more”. No, papa deer).
- safety1st 3y ago
  > Some people, no matter how they work to build a startup, are blocked from success by external factors, on which they can do nothing. What are the factors specifically? How are you defining success? My definition is "You built a profitable business" and there are so many small businesses doing this across the world, I can't really think of external factors that are true deal breakers except perhaps very bad health, it's hard to start a business when you're bedridden. Millions of people are starting businesses all the time in incredibly limited situations like a street food cart in a slum in India and succeeding.
  - Mezzie 3y ago
    Not who you responded to, but I have a disability (Multiple Sclerosis) that pretty much precludes me from building a successful business. Starting a successful, profitable business usually requires both working around the clock at first in order to establish it and the ability to forego health insurance/healthcare for a period of time. If I'm lucky I have 10 functioning hours a day and I need to make money to not starve so 8 is taken up with a full time job (luckily I walk 5 minutes to work so no commute). I also still need to shower, eat, and exercise to keep my physical condition from deteriorating. On bad days I'm sneaking in naps at work because I have less than 8 hours of good functioning. Weekends are usually spent recovering (sleep/migraine). Basically anything that eats up your time. Disability is just an example problem that nobody can blame on us. Edit: It doesn't need to be severe, which is why I mention it. I'm actually better off than 95% of MS patients.
matheusmoreira 3y ago
Ask for the moon and you'll be surprised by how often you get it.
- teleforce 3y ago
  It's a cliche and people normally hate this statement, the truth is only a small portions of those what you want are overlapping with what you really needs, most of people are spending most of their efforts and time pursuing the non-overlapping sections.
  - matheusmoreira 3y ago
    I don't really want to live my life based on just what I need though. My needs are already met. I want a lot more than that.

mhb 3y ago

This is a long post – 2200 words Alternative: Watch Netlfix series "Arnold"

znpy 3y ago
Could you elaborate a bit more on that?
- mhb 3y ago
  I thought the article was long-winded and banal - offering advice which either seemed obvious or more succinctly available elsewhere often in the form of aphorisms. In contrast, the series, Arnold, about how Arnold Schwarzenegger set and achieved his goals as a bodybuilder, actor and politician was well done, fascinating and inspiring.
morelisp 3y ago
So instead of a "long" <10 min read, watch a multi-hour video?
readyplayernull 3y ago
> Arnold Schwarzenegger stepped down after seven years as California's governor on Monday, leaving the state struggling with a fiscal crisis that has pushed it to the brink of bankruptcy. https://www.france24.com/en/20110104-schwarzenegger-steps-down-california-governor-financial-budget-crisis-brown-usa https://www.france24.com/en/20110104-schwarzenegger-steps-do...
- rzzzt 3y ago
  How's California doing since then?

PaulRobinson 3y ago

Another way to getting what you want of course, is to think about what you really want and change that to something you can achieve almost immediately. The article alludes to this: > Do you want to be self-employed? Or do you just need some time off from your normally-tolerable day job? Do you truly want washboard abs, or just to see an energetic, healthy person in the mirror for once? And: > There can also be things you think you want (a law degree; a Walden-like shack in the woods) that you mistake for what you really want (your father’s approval; a less obnoxious boss), which may be vastly easier, or vastly more difficult, to acquire. You know what most people want? Happiness. Acceptance. To not have to deal with people who don't love or respect them, and to spend time with people who do. Here at HN, the personality type that is most dominant is the maximiser - trying to increase productivity, income, live life a little more fuller or longer. Fine. And yet, regularly, a thread emerges asking what it's like to ditch the progress so far and change direction. "How hard is it go give up being a Senior Java engineer and become a farmer?", is a question that will garner answers, attention and upvotes. It's possible you've chosen a career or lifestyle or group of friends that aren't very you. My take is don't choose goals - don't try and decide on the destination of what you want. Instead, choose processes, choose a way of living that makes you happy, and make small changes right now. Another way of thinking about this is: don't choose outputs, choose inputs. Choose your processes, your inputs, what happens when you wake up each day, the values you stay true to. Don't try and choose outputs and work backwards from them. Trust me, I've tried both, and the latter is miserable - you don't even get to be happy for long when you achieve a goal. The article touches on that, but I can't stress this enough: When you achieve something that has taken you a long time to achieve, the pleasure of doing so lasts a short while. What you'll focus on when you look back is how you got there, so choose that carefully. I'd also advise carefully considering how to measure progress. You might think you want to be rich (a goal), and think you need the lifestyle to get rich (the process), but you might actually just want financial independence - living a contented life spending less than you bring in - and they are not the same thing. You can have the latter without the former (especially as a tech worker), with a very different process to the one you'd choose to "get rich". You might think you want to weigh X pounds or kgs, but you might actually want the things that you think are exclusive to that but maybe are not: better fitting clothes, being more physically attractive, better health. There things you can do today - different ways of being - that contribute immediately. Cut down on smoking, recreational drugs (including alcohol) and spending money on better clothes rather than takeaways means you'll be better tomorrow than you were today with just a change of direction on where you put your time, money and effort. You might think you want to be on the front cover of Wired and touted as the next hot thing, but perhaps - like many of the people who have had that experience - what you actually needed was more people around you who like you just as you are right now. That doesn't mean you should stop looking for personal growth and the big goals. Sure, get rich, get sexy, be likeable and get respected, do that work. I'm just saying the journey counts at least as much as the destination, and the journey can start the moment you get to the end of this sentence.

buttocks 3y ago

If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.

tleilaxu 3y ago
Certainly feeling this right now. I do not have parents to give advice, and no “marriage role models” to speak of. This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account. It’s going to be a mess to get out of, but lesson learned…
- number6 3y ago
  Can relate. Love and light to you
- thoughtpeddler 3y ago
  You are not alone. It takes strength to leave that situation. There was a reason you got married in the first place to this first, so the change that occurs is often shocking and unexpected. Cut your losses sooner rather than later, you'll be eternally grateful for it.
- unsupp0rted 3y ago
  This is incredibly common and detrimental, to the point that red flags should be taught in school.
- AussieWog93 3y ago
  Have you brought this up with your spouse (at a good time, of course)? If you're thinking of torpedoing the relationship anyway, might as well risk offending/upsetting her. I don't know a thing about you, but there are plenty of people (especially people who have bullied, who I suspect would be over-represented here) who aren't necessarily surrounded by toxic people but fail to advocate for themselves and communicate what they need. If that describes you, then you're going to be "taken advantage of" by everyone, even people that don't want to have that sort of relationship. I've become more assertive in my relationship over the last couple of years and it's done wonders. There's a guy who works for me that needs to do the same too...

SMAAART 3y ago

Interesting article, and a good one. It should be expanded to include the capability to discern between: * Wants, needs, must have(s): too often people seek wants and disregard needs. * Emotionally-driven wants vs rationally-driven wants: today's world hacks people's mind to make only emotionally-driven decisions, to their own detriment.

revskill 3y ago

Your choice: Beat the stupidity, or feed the stupidity.

akkad33 3y ago

Is there a guide for knowing what you want?

smath 3y ago
Super important, and vastly underrated question. The article does partly address this.
yboris 3y ago
I recommend you look at Effective Altruism. Can there be anything more-fulfilling or less regret-on-your-deathbed than helping others (while knowing you're doing it in the most effective way you can)? There are hobbies for sure, but when you spend 80,000 Hours in a career which you feel helps no one but you with your income, you might find mid-life there are more-important things. https://www.effectivealtruism.org/ https://www.effectivealtruism.org/ & https://80000hours.org/ https://80000hours.org/
- mahathu 3y ago
  [dead]
- theaussiestew 3y ago
  I used to believe in Effective Altruism but the older I get the more I realise that it’s just another “feel good” philanthropy for rich people movement with completely warped values around so called rationality, utilitarianism and technological saviour complexes. If one reads the website and the projects accomplished most of them are completely vapid. Malaria nets? AI assignment research? Some high brow research institute? Real help is helping people to improve their lives at a personal level, not saving them a couple of bucks while banking. To anyone reading this, don’t fall for this. It’s no wonder Sam Bankman Fried was so closely advocating for Effective Altruism, it’s just the same old virtue signaling, but with a bit of rationality injected in.
  - fasterik 3y ago
    This seems like an overly cynical take. Malaria nets have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. You can be critical of some areas of EA, but it's hard to deny that organizations like Against Malaria Foundation and GiveWell are doing a lot of good in the world. What's wrong with donating with the goal of maximizing lives saved per dollar?

guy98238710 3y ago

While this sort of general self-help advice is deservedly ridiculed*, it does have some application in education. Kids often have no idea what they want or where they are going. It's too personal and subjective for schools to teach. Parents find it overbearing and invasive. Nevertheless, just asking kids to come up with ideas can get them thinking. Short-term plans that are followed through give them confidence that achievement is something they can systematically work on. * If you are wondering why people laugh at this, it's because goal-setting and high-level planning is so much easier than actually doing something, which is where it all fails. See also TODO bankruptcy.

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

jposor 3y ago

[dead]

rubicon33 3y ago

I wonder how do you avoid a situation in mid-life where you've achieved accomplished, etc, and now really lack a strong desire for anything? How do you find your motivation?

mahathu 3y ago
That's when you chill out and enjoy life for a bit
randomdata 3y ago
Can you throw the lasting effects of your achievements (e.g. money, relationships, etc.) away? That may provide incentive to start anew.
- rubicon33 3y ago
  Well, that's definitely true. I could divorce my wife, and blow all my savings, and then I'd be right back there I started and definitely would be motivated to find a wife and make money again. That's the pickle in all of this though. I don't want to lose the comfort I have. I want to maintain this current level of comfort, but also have some excitement in my life, something to go after. Comfort breads complacency for sure.
TeMPOraL 3y ago
I don't know, but as I approach my mid-life, I'd happily trade your experience for my experience, which is that I've achieved shit all, and my time is running short.

lisper 3y ago

Ron’s second law: the hardest part of getting what you want is figuring out what it is.

Madmallard 3y ago

The strategy for getting the thing in question nearly always makes all the difference for very worthwhile things and this article very much glosses over that fact.

smcin 3y ago
Yes the article is garbage. "Complete" it sure ain't. If we allow that most people want the right things and have a sufficiently clear concept of what they want, why then do many of them not achieve it? This is barely addressed in the skimpy last paragraph: "The Real Barrier to Getting What You Want: Social and emotional factors it make it seem more complicated than that... But it’s our conflicting desire for predictability and comfort that is the real invisible fence... But once we take [innate fearfulness] on board—that fear and uncertainty always come along for the ride in any worthwhile endeavor—it becomes simple."

pedalpete 3y ago

My initial reaction, which the author briefly mentions, is how to know what you want. This is something I've been questioning lately. Do I want what I want? Or are social influences making me think this is what I want?

xynelius 3y ago
It's not bad that your desires are influenced by what others want (it's inevitable, we're social animals), but understanding how those influences work is part of understanding your desires and what's behind them. Personally, I would be miserable if the people around me didn't approve of me, even if it's for their own selfish reasons.

lamour7 3y ago

[dead]