9 ms·

Heather Armstrong has died

• efields 3y ago
  RIP. This sucks so hard. I was in my early 20s when I started reading blogs regularly and Dooce was just on the peripheral of bloggers I followed. Even tho I wasn’t into her subject matter, her style was hugely influential. (Edit for clarity)
• neonate 3y ago
  http://web.archive.org/web/20230510211713/https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/10/us/heather-armstrong-dead.html http://web.archive.org/web/20230510211713/https://www.nytime...
• runnr_az 3y ago
  Whoa. That's so sad... she committed suicide?
  • deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
  • CSSer 3y ago
    Yes. You might be getting hit with the paywall. The article notes this. Her long-time partner found her.
• haneefmubarak 3y ago
  Paywall bypass / archive link: https://archive.is/A2UvS https://archive.is/A2UvS
• benatkin 3y ago
  RIP :( I need a source for "lapsed mormon". It doesn't seem like something that the author should just be coming up with to describe her. Google turns up little. There's this which has the term but doesn't say if she identified that way: https://www.forbes.com/2009/05/06/mom-advice-bloggers-technology-personal-bloggers_slide.html?sh=5aa98ad47b57 https://www.forbes.com/2009/05/06/mom-advice-bloggers-techno...
  • deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
  • pbiggar 3y ago
    https://dooce.com/2017/11/06/on-the-power-of-a-congregation-to-provide-for-each-other-and-why-i-walked-away/ https://dooce.com/2017/11/06/on-the-power-of-a-congregation-...
    • benatkin 3y ago
      I was looking specifically for the word "lapsed".
      • skmurphy 3y ago
        First sentence second paragraph of https://dooce.com/2017/11/06/on-the-power-of-a-congregation-to-provide-for-each-other-and-why-i-walked-away/ https://dooce.com/2017/11/06/on-the-power-of-a-congregation-... "My friend Ashley was in charge of organizing the event and asked if I’d speak knowing that I had my name removed from the church rolls earlier this year." "Lapsed" means left the church. "Removed from church rolls" means left the church
        • deleted 3y ago
          [deleted]
        • benatkin 3y ago
          There's some nuance to the term. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35894795 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35894795
          • mlyle 3y ago
            I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. You're linking to -someone else- explaining why it's a fitting description.
            • 3y ago
• sammalloy 3y ago
  I’m sad to say that I had never heard of her, but it sounds like she was influential and made her mark and had a way with words. One thing that struck me is how she was suffering from depression for years and committed suicide, leaving her partner and children behind. I’ve only met one other person who was facing this kind of scenario and it has left me endlessly questioning how they could do this and if there is a known etiology that could lead to such decisions like this, such as the much talked about and popularized parasitic fungus that hijacks insect brains and causes them to kill themselves.
  • prawn 3y ago
    I can only imagine that struggling daily, the burden feels overwhelming. We're an evolved, tuned and balanced creature and out-of-kilter can be tough to regain composure. Especially when alcoholism is in the mix, people in this situation can become somewhat distanced from family (and children) and feel they are a risk/weight? It is a rough combination, and it's unlikely to be abrupt but something that builds over years. An in-law took her life late last year, leaving her young children behind with her estranged partner and family. In the years prior, it felt very difficult to support or address a combination of alcohol and depression.
  • xyzzy4747 3y ago
    [flagged]
    • phone8675309 3y ago
      Another way to look at this is that their brains are so broken chemically that they actually believe the world, including their family, is better off without them.
      • xyzzy4747 3y ago
        I guess there could be multiple things going on then, one is irrationality (like what you mentioned) and the other is self-centered behavior. I am guessing it could also result from loneliness or not having good relationships with people. Nobody disputes that they have a troubled mind and are feeling various forms of depression or pain, but that doesn’t necessitate ending their life. Just more broadly speaking, any animal that opts to kill itself has a severe mental issue. It just doesn’t make sense from an evolutionary psychology point of view. The priority should be in seeking treatment. But I don’t expect irrational/self-centered/depressed people to all reach this conclusion. Edit: I also personally have had a very troubled mind from time to time. I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2009, but went off meds on my own will a couple years after (not sure whether it was an accurate diagnosis). I now am happily married and expecting our first child. But I can relate a bit to these sorts of feelings. In the end your mind is just your mind, thoughts are just in your head, and you can have a happier life once you realize this. You don’t have to identify with what goes on in your head. It’s like a radio channel that won’t turn off but you don’t have to give too much importance to negativity.
• sonofhans 3y ago
  RIP Dooce :( I started reading her in 2001, just when I was founding my first startup. When she got fired in 2002 she _was_ the zeitgeist. Public service announcement — dealing with childhood trauma is a monster. She covered it with alcohol, like many people do. If you’re struggling with trauma, get help. It’s not cognitive. You can’t solve it on your own. I feel for her family, and wish them well. So it goes.
• kyleyeats 3y ago
  If anyone is at the end of their rope, feel free to email me. I do emotional philosophy and would be happy to help if you've exhausted all other options.
  • phkahler 3y ago
    Let me know how many responses you get. I'm tempted to say "same" but worried about getting flooded ;-)
    • deleted 3y ago
      [deleted]
    • kyleyeats 3y ago
      Generally it's low. I say the "exhausted other options" bit because the personality archetype prevalent in tech will generally view the institutional approach as the ultimate method (which is just fine, please get help where you need it). The problem is if that doesn't work, they don't see other options as viable. To them, suggesting philosophy is like suggesting herbal tea after the strongest antibiotic failed. In a sense that's right, but there are problems that herbal tea solves that antibiotics do not.
  • kharak 3y ago
    Just out of curiosity, what is emotional philosophy?
    • atchoo 3y ago
      Sounds like a synonym for untrained unlicensed psychotherapy. If you read around the malpractice that happens with regulated therapists that have oversight and reporting requirements, you will be deeply sceptical about the absolute weapons that sell themselves as "coaches" and such. It's a great way for scammer to access incredibly vulnerable people and create exploitative relationships. Please seek help through reputable medically endorsed regulated providers.
      • 3y ago
• in_cahoots 3y ago
  Sad to hear this. I followed her blog from 2004 until last year, when her it became clear that her writing was hurting both her own health and that of her family’s. She may not be well known, but she was one of the original bloggers and influencers. For awhile at least, before the rise of Instagram and sponcon, she was able to make a living off insightful, funny blog posts and selling calendars with pictures of her dog. She served as an inspiration to young women struggling with first jobs, romances, careers, and eventually families. Interestingly, this article glosses over some of the struggles she had in recent years (according to her blog) with drugs and an eating disorder. From her writing it was clear that she was in a lot of pain, and was trying desperately (including undergoing electroshock therapy) to find relief. I’m sorry that, after so many years of struggle, it ended like this.
  • culturestate 3y ago
    > She may not be well known… Dooce may not be as ubiquitous as it once was, but as I type this her death is front-page news on the NYT, The Guardian[1], and CNN. She was truly, uniquely influential and her voice will be missed. 1. This one talks a bit more about her struggles, for anyone who isn’t familiar: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/may/10/heather-armstrong-blogger-dooce-dies https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/may/10/heather-arms...
    • hjkl0 3y ago
      This suggests that she was well known among journalists.
• tmsh 3y ago
  Few things do I read day-to-day that prompt me to physically say aloud "oh fuck." Heather was an amazing writer, always humorous in the face of adversity. Sometimes, over the years, I feel fortunate that we had a few e-mail exchanges too. She was always so open and honest, and appreciated random readers of her blog writing in and appreciating her pictures of putting objects on top of her dog, her other more artistic photography, and her ability to share an honest and strong approach to the world. My thoughts are with her family. Depression is such a silent, damaging disease. Such brilliant minds lost way too early.
• perfmode 3y ago
  does anyone else perceived the tone of the article to be “off”? somehow lacking care?
  • lstamour 3y ago
    Yeah, that was my thought too. It felt far too direct and oddly intimate in what it cited and quoted. I asked ChatGPT to write a generic obituary in an NYT style and it came back with things like, “As news of [Name]'s untimely death spread, fans and colleagues flooded social media with tributes and messages of condolences. Many praised [Name]'s kindness, generosity, and unique voice, and expressed their shock and sadness at the loss of such a talented and beloved figure.” And “[Name] will be deeply missed by their family, friends, and countless fans, who will always remember them as a bright and inspiring presence in the online community.” Which feels like the right way to approach the topic. This, on the other hand… focuses far too much on written word and research instead of impact and legacy. It felt tone deaf. For comparison, here’s an article from a fan: https://twitter.com/ejdickson/status/1656425063321677825 https://twitter.com/ejdickson/status/1656425063321677825 - or for the direct link, https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/heather-armstrong-dooce-mommy-blogger-rememberance-1234733241/ https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/heathe... Not that the article is any less frank about it, but at least it addresses some other points. And it’s not like there aren’t other posts from contemporaries to quote. There are, just search for them: https://twitter.com/anildash/status/1656344993995411456 https://twitter.com/anildash/status/1656344993995411456 for example. This is more what I expected to read: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/05/10/heather-armstrong-dooce-death-suicide/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/05/10/heather-a... or https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/05/10/heather-anderson-death-mommy-blogger/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/05/10/heather...
    • KingOfCoders 3y ago
      "here’s an article from a fan" I read the NYT because it's not written by fans.
  • gkasev 3y ago
    To me, NY Times' article lacks empathy. Andy Baio's farewell blog post is much more reflective of her personality and life, and so is her 2015 XOXO talk. https://waxy.org/2023/05/goodbye-dooce/ https://waxy.org/2023/05/goodbye-dooce/
• thagsimmons 3y ago
  I had never heard of her, but decided to take a look at her content to try to tease together some part of her story. I sensed from the coverage that something was being elided here, and I was right. It's clear she struggled with depression and some sort of compulsion to live in public in a painful, raw way, pretty much all her adult life. Like many people in her circumstances, she had a love-hate relationship with an audience that often abused her, but was also the source of her income. It's also clear that all of this took a turn for the worse recently. Less than a year ago she posted this rambling, semi-coherent rant that has since been scrubbed from her blog: https://web.archive.org/web/20220811035913/https://dooce.com/ https://web.archive.org/web/20220811035913/https://dooce.com... In it, she speaks about her history of mental illness, body dysphoria and attempted suicide. She also says some things about gender dysphoria: she objects to the fact that affirmation is the only treatment offered, is scornful of neo-pronouns, hints that she feels her non-binary children have been swept up in a social contagion, and praises the bravery of de-transitioners. Needless to say, people did not take this kindly, as the comments on her Instagram around this time shoes: https://www.instagram.com/p/ChGWRv-JN2m/ https://www.instagram.com/p/ChGWRv-JN2m/ She was subjected to an enormous torrent of self-righteous abuse by her fanbase in the wake of this. Podcasts were made, Reddit threads savaged her, Twitter did its sociopathic thing, and it dragged on for weeks and weeks. I'm not saying her fanbase bullied her to death. But I am saying that the way she was treated surely didn't help.
  • A_D_E_P_T 3y ago
    Good detective work. ...But it could be interpreted a different way, I think. In that archived post, she writes "last year on August 31st, 2021, I attempted suicide" and "imagine experiencing suicidal ideation all day every day for the rest of your time on Earth. That's me." Clearly the death-impulse long predates any bullying she might have received on account of that post. And the post strikes a combative tone, doesn't it? It almost seems as though she were looking to generate controversy, intentionally. (Not that I disagree with her, but it should be obvious how the Reddit hivemind would react.) Sometimes picking a good fight can make you feel _alive._
  • lifeonlars 3y ago
    How should we treat people who have chosen to post their political opinions on the Internet, when we strongly disagree with them? Isn't responding or critiquing the ideas in a podcast, Reddit thread or a tweet exactly how a) the Internet, b) free speech, and c) liberal civil society are supposed to work?
• petodo 3y ago
  [dead]
• peepee1982 3y ago
  Holy shit, that hit me really hard right now.
• sigg3 3y ago
  RIP dooce.
• glonq 3y ago
  I often wonder how much of celebrityhood [minor or major] is a cause of mental/emotional health problems, and how much of it is an effect. Trading your privacy and dignity for likes and dollars seems like something that is tricky to sustain healthily.
• buffington 3y ago
  I'm gutted. Heather was a friend. I've never known anyone who had to work so hard to just feel "ok", and I thought she'd finally made it. I hope she can finally rest.