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This hit too close to home that I couldn't finish reading it in a sitting. I had to walk around my apartment a couple of times waiting to relax before coming ba

This hit too close to home that I couldn't finish reading it in a sitting. I had to walk around my apartment a couple of times waiting to relax before coming back to my computer. I have blanks in my memories too, where my dad told me he hit me (he apologized for it, like in OP). And I remember nothing after "the triggering incident", like in OP. I also have very bad trust issues now, to the point where it is hard for me to make friends if they insist on having opinions on my life. Relationships have never worked for me, because it takes me forever to open up. Childhood trauma sucks. Why people take their anger out on innocent kids just trying to understand how the world works in their own ways, is just beyond me. There's SOO many more positive and healthy ways to raise a child. And realizing that now makes me genuinely teary eyed about all the neural pathways in my brain that were formed or not formed as a result of my parents decisions. But I'm kind of glad to see so many of my friends being awesome parents, really caring for and listening to their kids. I'm lowkey excited for the next generation, who will be much more open about their thoughts and feelings, and probably more well adjusted as humans. My pet hypothesis is this will also why the current/next generation is much more open about sexuality / gender / identity, and I expect this to get only more nuanced as science understands more and as people learn to express more. But that's just something I cooked up. Anyone else feel this way?

ternaryoperator 3y ago
I too share your sentiments about the upcoming generation(s). The other thing I notice about them is that they're overall far more accepting about differences in race, sexual orientation, gender, etc.
- code_biologist 3y ago
  I would broadly agree with your characterization, with a specific painful exception. In certain very left leaning American communities there is a guilt about or bias against cishet identities. The eager diagnosis of gender identity issues along with irreversible hormone and surgical treatments (great discussion from a former gender identity counselor in this Triggernometry interview [1]) constitute child abuse and medical malpractice in some instances. I’m a happy cis adult male. I liked painting my nails a lot as a kid. I’m glad my parents just set me up with nail polish and ventilated area instead of bringing sexual identity into it. [1] https://youtu.be/gbuGMbqjsSw https://youtu.be/gbuGMbqjsSw
  - Timon3 3y ago
    > I would broadly agree with your characterization, with a specific painful exception. In certain very left leaning American communities there is a guilt about or bias against cishet identities. No matter what topic, I always hear this, but I never see it. Could you share a few examples? > The eager diagnosis of gender identity issues along with irreversible hormone and surgical treatments (great discussion from a former gender identity counselor in this Triggernometry interview [1]) constitute child abuse and medical malpractice in some instances. But let's not forget the other side: the banning of gender-affirming care with irreversible puberties also constitutes child abuse and medical malpractice in some instances. The question is: which happens more often? And I have yet to see any data suggesting that your description is applicable in more than a handful of cases.
    - LawTalkingGuy 3y ago
      >> bias against cishet identities. > I always hear this, but I never see it. Could you share a few examples? Jobs. There are too many white, asian, and Indian males in my company, we're told. So we have to hire others preferentially now to balance out our numbers. Yet if a white male identifies as a woman there's a space for them. That sounds like an anti-"cishet" and racial bias. "It is no news that women are underrepresented in the tech industry and even more so in open source. That’s why we are proud to announce the news of the first-ever all-women Open Source Program Office (OSPO). The Comcast OSPO is a geographically, culturally, and technically diverse team of members who identify as women, and who are accelerating in open source leadership, community, compliance, and security. This presentation will discuss the challenges women face in open source and the dynamics of an inclusive team." Also like really shitty women's lib. > the banning of gender-affirming care [...] constitutes child abuse and medical malpractice in some instances. This is where the problem is; what's being banned, the stuff we're told never happens? Nobody is trying to stop appropriate surgery for children with developmental sexual disorders. Generally the DSD (Intersex) community knows what's appropriate treatment (or appropriate lack of treatment in many cases) for their specific conditions. The problem is happiness/depression issues being turned into surgical modifications. > irreversible puberties [...]. The question is: which happens more often? Puberty isn't child abuse. Pretending that there's an option to puberty is. Dr Marci Bowers - a leading pediatric gender doctor and surgeon says that - “every single child who was truly blocked at Tanner stage 2 has never experienced orgasm. I mean, it’s really about zero.” > I have yet to see any data suggesting that [the eager diagnosis of gender identity] is applicable in more than a handful of cases. Would you consider it proven if doctors routinely ignored pre-existing mental health issues such as autism, major trauma such as child sexual abuse and loss of a parent, and signs of existing issues such as "cutting", and anorexia. How about if the child's initial gender-identity contact admits to homophobia being their reason to seek transition? Susie Green CEO of Mermaids, "Jack’s favorite outfits were the tutu and the snow-white costume [...] that was fine but not for Dad [...] the conclusion of the sort of years up until she was about two was that I had a very sensitive quite a feminine little boy who was probably gay but Jack’s dad did not approve of our child’s effeminate behavior [...] at six she asked when she could have the operation to make her really a girl". We forget that children often asked to go to gay-conversion therapy, because they'd been brainwashed into thinking they were failed people with a horrible sinful condition that needed fixing. Jack Green was bullied into thinking that he had to make himself a girl if he wanted to choose his own interests. He "freely chose" to have cosmetic genital surgery to be allowed to be himself.
geodel 3y ago
> But I'm kind of glad to see so many of my friends being awesome parents, really caring for and listening to their kids. Hmm, thats kind of reaching. Let the kids grow up and decide whether their parents were really up to snuff. Otherwise it is like wearing "I am awesome" T-shirt and then using it as proof that I am awesome.
- irjustin 3y ago
  I down voted at face value but how?
- MichaelZuo 3y ago
  I agree, it sounds a lot like saying the majority of kids are above average. The Lake Wobegon effect of signalling. Or maybe that's just my increased skepticism of throwaway accounts talking after LLMs became popular.
ddellacosta 3y ago
> My pet hypothesis is this will also why the current/next generation is much more open about sexuality / gender / identity, and I expect this to get only more nuanced as science understands more and as people learn to express more. But that's just something I cooked up. Anyone else feel this way? I'm not sure if it's true or not, but it's something I hope, certainly. At the same time I think a lot of people are stuck in cycles of abuse that they inherited, and which they themselves are going to pass down to the next generation. And I think to some extent this reflects the inhospitality of the societies we live in. Anyways, I also wanted to say that I felt a lot of the same things you did reading this. Thank you for posting. I hope you will feel more peace as you get older.
vals_pals_ 3y ago
Hey, OP here. I'm really touched that you read the entire piece. I poured a lot of myself into it, so thanks from the bottom of my heart. I had a different problem with relationships. I opened up quickly enough, but my partners grew up with happy families and didn't understand the level of abuse I had experienced. I felt incredibly alone. If I didn't get extremely lucky and meet a partner who understood how deeply people could be abused, I probably would be single. In my personal experience, my dad was trying his best but simply couldn't know better. When I think about the challenges he faced -- growing up in the aftermath of the WWII and the communist Revolution, his parents were poor, he immigrated to the US by himself practically penniless, being disdained by white people for being Asian -- I feel overwhelmed by how much he had on this plate. This being said, I am still mourning the happy family I did not grow up with. I think the current/ next generation better understands that 1.) there is such a thing as trauma 2.) We can work through them so we don't keep harming ourselves and others. I am hopeful that more people can end the cycles of violence they grew up in.

ternaryoperator 3y ago

I too share your sentiments about the upcoming generation(s). The other thing I notice about them is that they're overall far more accepting about differences in race, sexual orientation, gender, etc.

code_biologist 3y ago
I would broadly agree with your characterization, with a specific painful exception. In certain very left leaning American communities there is a guilt about or bias against cishet identities. The eager diagnosis of gender identity issues along with irreversible hormone and surgical treatments (great discussion from a former gender identity counselor in this Triggernometry interview [1]) constitute child abuse and medical malpractice in some instances. I’m a happy cis adult male. I liked painting my nails a lot as a kid. I’m glad my parents just set me up with nail polish and ventilated area instead of bringing sexual identity into it. [1] https://youtu.be/gbuGMbqjsSw https://youtu.be/gbuGMbqjsSw
- Timon3 3y ago
  > I would broadly agree with your characterization, with a specific painful exception. In certain very left leaning American communities there is a guilt about or bias against cishet identities. No matter what topic, I always hear this, but I never see it. Could you share a few examples? > The eager diagnosis of gender identity issues along with irreversible hormone and surgical treatments (great discussion from a former gender identity counselor in this Triggernometry interview [1]) constitute child abuse and medical malpractice in some instances. But let's not forget the other side: the banning of gender-affirming care with irreversible puberties also constitutes child abuse and medical malpractice in some instances. The question is: which happens more often? And I have yet to see any data suggesting that your description is applicable in more than a handful of cases.
  - LawTalkingGuy 3y ago
    >> bias against cishet identities. > I always hear this, but I never see it. Could you share a few examples? Jobs. There are too many white, asian, and Indian males in my company, we're told. So we have to hire others preferentially now to balance out our numbers. Yet if a white male identifies as a woman there's a space for them. That sounds like an anti-"cishet" and racial bias. "It is no news that women are underrepresented in the tech industry and even more so in open source. That’s why we are proud to announce the news of the first-ever all-women Open Source Program Office (OSPO). The Comcast OSPO is a geographically, culturally, and technically diverse team of members who identify as women, and who are accelerating in open source leadership, community, compliance, and security. This presentation will discuss the challenges women face in open source and the dynamics of an inclusive team." Also like really shitty women's lib. > the banning of gender-affirming care [...] constitutes child abuse and medical malpractice in some instances. This is where the problem is; what's being banned, the stuff we're told never happens? Nobody is trying to stop appropriate surgery for children with developmental sexual disorders. Generally the DSD (Intersex) community knows what's appropriate treatment (or appropriate lack of treatment in many cases) for their specific conditions. The problem is happiness/depression issues being turned into surgical modifications. > irreversible puberties [...]. The question is: which happens more often? Puberty isn't child abuse. Pretending that there's an option to puberty is. Dr Marci Bowers - a leading pediatric gender doctor and surgeon says that - “every single child who was truly blocked at Tanner stage 2 has never experienced orgasm. I mean, it’s really about zero.” > I have yet to see any data suggesting that [the eager diagnosis of gender identity] is applicable in more than a handful of cases. Would you consider it proven if doctors routinely ignored pre-existing mental health issues such as autism, major trauma such as child sexual abuse and loss of a parent, and signs of existing issues such as "cutting", and anorexia. How about if the child's initial gender-identity contact admits to homophobia being their reason to seek transition? Susie Green CEO of Mermaids, "Jack’s favorite outfits were the tutu and the snow-white costume [...] that was fine but not for Dad [...] the conclusion of the sort of years up until she was about two was that I had a very sensitive quite a feminine little boy who was probably gay but Jack’s dad did not approve of our child’s effeminate behavior [...] at six she asked when she could have the operation to make her really a girl". We forget that children often asked to go to gay-conversion therapy, because they'd been brainwashed into thinking they were failed people with a horrible sinful condition that needed fixing. Jack Green was bullied into thinking that he had to make himself a girl if he wanted to choose his own interests. He "freely chose" to have cosmetic genital surgery to be allowed to be himself.

geodel 3y ago

> But I'm kind of glad to see so many of my friends being awesome parents, really caring for and listening to their kids. Hmm, thats kind of reaching. Let the kids grow up and decide whether their parents were really up to snuff. Otherwise it is like wearing "I am awesome" T-shirt and then using it as proof that I am awesome.

irjustin 3y ago
I down voted at face value but how?
MichaelZuo 3y ago
I agree, it sounds a lot like saying the majority of kids are above average. The Lake Wobegon effect of signalling. Or maybe that's just my increased skepticism of throwaway accounts talking after LLMs became popular.

ddellacosta 3y ago

> My pet hypothesis is this will also why the current/next generation is much more open about sexuality / gender / identity, and I expect this to get only more nuanced as science understands more and as people learn to express more. But that's just something I cooked up. Anyone else feel this way? I'm not sure if it's true or not, but it's something I hope, certainly. At the same time I think a lot of people are stuck in cycles of abuse that they inherited, and which they themselves are going to pass down to the next generation. And I think to some extent this reflects the inhospitality of the societies we live in. Anyways, I also wanted to say that I felt a lot of the same things you did reading this. Thank you for posting. I hope you will feel more peace as you get older.

vals_pals_ 3y ago

Hey, OP here. I'm really touched that you read the entire piece. I poured a lot of myself into it, so thanks from the bottom of my heart. I had a different problem with relationships. I opened up quickly enough, but my partners grew up with happy families and didn't understand the level of abuse I had experienced. I felt incredibly alone. If I didn't get extremely lucky and meet a partner who understood how deeply people could be abused, I probably would be single. In my personal experience, my dad was trying his best but simply couldn't know better. When I think about the challenges he faced -- growing up in the aftermath of the WWII and the communist Revolution, his parents were poor, he immigrated to the US by himself practically penniless, being disdained by white people for being Asian -- I feel overwhelmed by how much he had on this plate. This being said, I am still mourning the happy family I did not grow up with. I think the current/ next generation better understands that 1.) there is such a thing as trauma 2.) We can work through them so we don't keep harming ourselves and others. I am hopeful that more people can end the cycles of violence they grew up in.