3 ms·

I love picking up the check but I never tell my guests ahead of time. I don't want them compromising on their order, or feeling weird until they absolutely have

I love picking up the check but I never tell my guests ahead of time. I don't want them compromising on their order, or feeling weird until they absolutely have to. I guess this does require friends who'd be willing/able to pick up their own tab, but it's only a few times a year. I've got a lot more than I need and I'd rather spend it giving friends a night out than on more toys. I don't want or expect the same in return, just a "thanks" and a good time together.

AlwaysRock 3y ago
Eh. Just so you know depending on the cost of the place and the situation of your guests then this can be really stressful for them. I've been in a lot of situations in the past where I've been making okay money but had friend/coworkers who were making very good money. They pick expensive place. It's unclear if this is work or social. I cant really afford to buy a $75 dollar steak, an appetizer, and a bottle of wine but I take the backseat and follow their lead. Bill is expensive. They cover it but the entire dinner I was worried that I might be on the hook for half of a $250-$500 dinner bill. I've been in that same situation and someone said clearly, "Hey this is on me, get whatever you'd like" and I feel comfortable and can actually enjoy it. If they are my friend I take them at their word that they are comfortable paying for it.
- Aeolun 3y ago
  Honestly, if a place is way out of my price range (what I’m willing to pay, even if I could afford it), that’s something you say before you enter right (so your friend can potentially say they’ll pay for you)? If you do enter and stress out the whole meal I feel you have nobody but yourself to blame.
- marpstar 3y ago
  Point taken. I'd say I've never brought along anyone who was unclear about who was paying (i.e. these are friends and presume they're paying their own way because this isn't work), but I guess you can never be too sure.
- mortenjorck 3y ago
  Thinking about what I'd do on either side… On the invitee side, I might casually say “oh, Steak 48 might be a little rich for my blood!” On the inviter side, I might take that opportunity to discreetly tell them “don’t worry about it.” Somehow an exchange like that feels a lot less awkward to me than either the invitation stating it up front or prolonged ambiguity.
  - mock-possum 3y ago
    yep, these kinds of discussions are frustrating for me, because it seems so clear that open honest communication proves them a non-issue. If you can't afford something, say so. If you'd like compensation or reciprocation for something, say so. If you want to cover everything, say so. Letting fear of the conversation prevent you from having it makes the issue worse, not better.

AlwaysRock 3y ago

Eh. Just so you know depending on the cost of the place and the situation of your guests then this can be really stressful for them. I've been in a lot of situations in the past where I've been making okay money but had friend/coworkers who were making very good money. They pick expensive place. It's unclear if this is work or social. I cant really afford to buy a $75 dollar steak, an appetizer, and a bottle of wine but I take the backseat and follow their lead. Bill is expensive. They cover it but the entire dinner I was worried that I might be on the hook for half of a $250-$500 dinner bill. I've been in that same situation and someone said clearly, "Hey this is on me, get whatever you'd like" and I feel comfortable and can actually enjoy it. If they are my friend I take them at their word that they are comfortable paying for it.

Aeolun 3y ago
Honestly, if a place is way out of my price range (what I’m willing to pay, even if I could afford it), that’s something you say before you enter right (so your friend can potentially say they’ll pay for you)? If you do enter and stress out the whole meal I feel you have nobody but yourself to blame.
marpstar 3y ago
Point taken. I'd say I've never brought along anyone who was unclear about who was paying (i.e. these are friends and presume they're paying their own way because this isn't work), but I guess you can never be too sure.
mortenjorck 3y ago
Thinking about what I'd do on either side… On the invitee side, I might casually say “oh, Steak 48 might be a little rich for my blood!” On the inviter side, I might take that opportunity to discreetly tell them “don’t worry about it.” Somehow an exchange like that feels a lot less awkward to me than either the invitation stating it up front or prolonged ambiguity.
- mock-possum 3y ago
  yep, these kinds of discussions are frustrating for me, because it seems so clear that open honest communication proves them a non-issue. If you can't afford something, say so. If you'd like compensation or reciprocation for something, say so. If you want to cover everything, say so. Letting fear of the conversation prevent you from having it makes the issue worse, not better.