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This relates to something that has been bugging me lately, which is as a parent I have zero parental control over the devices that our school board issues to my

This relates to something that has been bugging me lately, which is as a parent I have zero parental control over the devices that our school board issues to my children. My kids have iPhones and iPads, which are part of my Apple family account, and I can both monitor what they are doing and also set limits on screen time including hours of usage and for particular apps. However, I recently became aware that my son was staying up until the wee hours of the morning scrolling on Instagram and YouTube, using his school-issued iPad, and I had no idea this was happening. I am not entirely sure how to approach this. On the one hand, I am unsympathetic to parents who might want the kind of control that prevents children from accessing information about sexuality, for example. On the other, I really don’t want my kids to have unfettered access to social media and YouTube entirely without my knowledge. Suggestions on this are welcome.

JenrHywy 3y ago
I have timeboxed access for devices controlled at the router - kids devices are blocked after their bed time, and all devices are blocked after midnight (which has been a good thing for me, too). It doesn't stop them from playing a local game, but the removal of the internet seems to break most of the desire to use devices inappropriately.
prepend 3y ago
This was a big issue for me. My school wouldn’t give me visibility into the laptop, they wouldn’t let me set screen time controls, wouldn’t let me tune content filters when they were out of school, wouldn’t let me install apps that I purchased, wouldn’t let kids message parents, and wanted me to sign these blanket “we can capture all data, including camera and microphone, sell it to whomever we want, and do whatever we want with it” waivers. Aside from teaching kids to be slaves to sysadmins and kind of crushing the coolest part of computers, they were basically making kids take care of these expensive bricks. And that’s a lot of work for an 8 year old. I think it’s more due to stupidity than any agenda, but still not something I want to be involved with. I bought cheap refurbed macbookairs that sync to screen time controls with other devices, have pretty decent privacy controls, I have root school doesn’t, they can message me and other family members, and the battery lasts two days. The school didn’t like it, but I had to make a stink and said either this or do special paper assignments. My kids were embarrassed but now appreciate just putting their laptop into their backpack instead of laptop plus charger and charging it all day. The school still issues their laptops some days for exams that will only run on their equipment. Whatever that means.
cykros 3y ago
As others have suggested, simply taking the device after bed time is probably your most bullet proof option. In lieu of that, setting up rules on your router or firewall to disallow all network access to their IP addresses after bed time. Better yet, to all addresses not on a white list. Might occasionally be a pain for overnight updates though.
amagrude 3y ago
You control the network that device is on. Block and/or track access using that fact. I use a combination of DNS via https://1.1.1.1/ https://1.1.1.1/ and WiFi/DHCP via https://eero.com/ https://eero.com/. Works great. Yes. This should be way easier.
- jollyllama 3y ago
  Until your kid learns how to boot linux and run aircrack-ng to get into the neighbor's wifi because you're restricting the internet access... Ask me how I know
  - bluefirebrand 3y ago
    Then at least they are learning some critical thinking and some valuable IT skills. I think that's probably a win for most parents.
  - GuB-42 3y ago
    And then, at some point, hacking systems becomes a lot more fun than playing video games. A lot of kids learned about hacking (the good and the bad kind) this way.
  - konschubert 3y ago
    Well, good on you!
  - runnerup 3y ago
    Hahaha at that point I’m not sure anything works better than frequent and empathetic conversation. I’ve known kids in middle school figure out how to make $200 or so to buy their own devices to stash away for personal use.
- giantg2 3y ago
  I schedule my wifi to turn off when people should be asleep. That can help depending on the device.
wildzzz 3y ago
Easy, no devices in their hands after bedtime. Your child isn't some busy tech professional that needs to be on call for work emails. They can live without having their iPad and iphone in their room. When I got caught as a kid playing my Gameboy when I should have been asleep, I lost my free access to it and could only use it when homework and chores were completed. Once play time was over, they took it back because I was a dumb kid who wasn't responsible enough to manage my own screentime.
- raister 3y ago
  Yes, that's my 'solution' as well - the router Sky (UK) gave me is utter crap, I put another one besides it and added QoS (so my kid has a poor game experience) and blocked useless websites (youtube, facebook, tiktok). Call me a bad father, but it's working. When it takes a looong time to download a shitty Roblox game, he starts doing other projects. It's like magic.
- _nalply 3y ago
  Thank you. This confirms my suspicion: Just take the hardware away. I am lucky that my children accept the limits I impose on them. I think because they are not stupid and they sense that they need limits. It's not a struggle to take the hardware away. I even apologize to them when it's time to let the laptop go.
  - adriand 3y ago
    We do take the devices at bedtime, in fact, I have a reminder on my phone that goes off at 9:30 pm every night (which I started after discovering the problem). But it’s not just about the late night usage, which is mostly curtailed but not perfectly given I’m not a perfect authoritarian. It’s more generally what he’s doing with it. I don’t want him going down YouTube rabbit holes, developing a body image complex via Instagram, etc., at any time of day. It just seems strange to me that there’s this gaping hole in my parental oversight that was put there by our educational system.
    - cykros 3y ago
GrinningFool 3y ago
We handle this by not allowing devices in our kid's room after lights-out. There's just no reason to have them there, and they represent a temptation that can be hard to resist at any age, nevermind school-age.
- giantg2 3y ago
  Better sleep hygiene as well
- WalterBright 3y ago
  Ah, the old days when I'd read a book with a flashlight under the covers.
  - madcaptenor 3y ago
    My kids are 4 and 2. When they get to where they can read independently I intend to make sure they have flashlights, and if I have my shit together I'll make sure they always have batteries.
    - runnerup 3y ago
      Idk I feel doing this a lot as a child may have solidified terrible sleep hygiene for myself.
      - madcaptenor 3y ago
        Yeah, I see what you mean, but I also want them to love reading.
        jonhohle 3y ago
        If they love reading, they’ll love reading. Anything that becomes an obsession for a kid to the point where they are forgoing sleep (food, social interaction, etc.) is probably unhealthy. Kids don’t have enough executive function development to adequately moderate themselves.
electriclove 3y ago
The other answers are great 1. Keep the devices out of your kids room 2. Control access via Apple’s parental controls (like you already do) and also via NextDNS which allows excellent filtering controls (time of day, content, etc).
jonhohle 3y ago
Coincidentally, I just emailed our school board about this. Our district claims to support BYOD, but has no documentation. As parents, we should be able to determine what our kids have access to based on our own family values. No two families will be the same. The idea that elementary or middle school children can handle having unrestricted (or minimally restricted) devices is absurd.
- 1letterunixname 3y ago
  BYOD is partially a terrible idea. They shouldn't be sending kids home with devices. What about parents who object to technology screen time? Could we not invent a religion, say Reformed Mennonites, that objects to children using screen devices? How could they argue with that?
  - prepend 3y ago
    I was able to use unspecific religious and cultural preferences to get my school to allow BYOD, after many other attempts failed. I think there’s some value in having a modern, atheist, philosophical church to yield positive bureaucratic results. It reminds me of the early internet’s Church of the Subgenius [0] and people playing around for lulz. I had friends who were ironically Satanists and still have some who claim to be Discordians, but I think that’s just to mess with census takers. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius
    - MandieD 3y ago
      Real US church with a long history, prominent historic members (John Adams and family) and a rather open attitude towards the existence of God/gods: the Unitarian-Universalist Church. My agnostic childhood best friend sends her daughters to various youth programs there, and she and I are both recovering Southern Baptists (I went a more middle road: Episcopalian). She really likes their relationship and sexuality education series for teens.
  - bearmode 3y ago
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
perryizgr8 3y ago
> devices that our school board issues to my children Why is the school issuing anything to students? It should be your prerogative to outfit your child with whatever they need. School can ask for minimums (a pen, a notebook, certain textbooks, etc.) but they should not be issuing anything themselves.
- bearmode 3y ago
  Because a lot of parents are really not well off. Buying laptops, ipads, whatever is an expense they just can't afford. Pens, notebooks etc are cheap.
  - seszett 3y ago
    Aren't the devices ultimately paid by the parents anyway, though? I guess it depends on how the school is funded but around here it's only private schools that provide devices, so the funds come from the parents.
    - prepend 3y ago
      Property taxes pay for schools and school computers so people are ultimately paying. But school issued helps with parents who can’t afford laptops or tablets, and I think this can be a good thing. I just wish schools were smarter. I think iPads are probably the most durable, but they probably need a specialized teaching device like a new version of OLPC.
diffeomorphism 3y ago
Since thus far all solutions proposed have been technological or taking devices away, I would suggest "parenting". Talk to your child and convince them. Them "having access" is not the problem (they will have that everywhere). It is how they overuse that access and here is where a parent should do their job instead of trying to hide the problem by removing access.
wiredfool 3y ago
YouTube shows up everywhere, and unless you dns block it, there’s always some way to get sucked into the rabbit hole. Google.com, DuckDuckGo, all the search engines make it possible to watch YouTube without it showing up as site:YouTube in parental controls. Yes, there are useful videos, and that’s why it’s not hard blocked. But the lure and attention tuning of Minecraft videos, other gaming vids, and whatever else is at the top of the list now is just too strong. (Btw, assume for these purposes that restrictions at some level are necessary, and that any response with “just” in it probably has been considered and doesn’t work)

JenrHywy 3y ago

I have timeboxed access for devices controlled at the router - kids devices are blocked after their bed time, and all devices are blocked after midnight (which has been a good thing for me, too). It doesn't stop them from playing a local game, but the removal of the internet seems to break most of the desire to use devices inappropriately.

prepend 3y ago

This was a big issue for me. My school wouldn’t give me visibility into the laptop, they wouldn’t let me set screen time controls, wouldn’t let me tune content filters when they were out of school, wouldn’t let me install apps that I purchased, wouldn’t let kids message parents, and wanted me to sign these blanket “we can capture all data, including camera and microphone, sell it to whomever we want, and do whatever we want with it” waivers. Aside from teaching kids to be slaves to sysadmins and kind of crushing the coolest part of computers, they were basically making kids take care of these expensive bricks. And that’s a lot of work for an 8 year old. I think it’s more due to stupidity than any agenda, but still not something I want to be involved with. I bought cheap refurbed macbookairs that sync to screen time controls with other devices, have pretty decent privacy controls, I have root school doesn’t, they can message me and other family members, and the battery lasts two days. The school didn’t like it, but I had to make a stink and said either this or do special paper assignments. My kids were embarrassed but now appreciate just putting their laptop into their backpack instead of laptop plus charger and charging it all day. The school still issues their laptops some days for exams that will only run on their equipment. Whatever that means.

cykros 3y ago

As others have suggested, simply taking the device after bed time is probably your most bullet proof option. In lieu of that, setting up rules on your router or firewall to disallow all network access to their IP addresses after bed time. Better yet, to all addresses not on a white list. Might occasionally be a pain for overnight updates though.

amagrude 3y ago

You control the network that device is on. Block and/or track access using that fact. I use a combination of DNS via https://1.1.1.1/ https://1.1.1.1/ and WiFi/DHCP via https://eero.com/ https://eero.com/. Works great. Yes. This should be way easier.

jollyllama 3y ago
Until your kid learns how to boot linux and run aircrack-ng to get into the neighbor's wifi because you're restricting the internet access... Ask me how I know
- bluefirebrand 3y ago
  Then at least they are learning some critical thinking and some valuable IT skills. I think that's probably a win for most parents.
- GuB-42 3y ago
  And then, at some point, hacking systems becomes a lot more fun than playing video games. A lot of kids learned about hacking (the good and the bad kind) this way.
- konschubert 3y ago
  Well, good on you!
- runnerup 3y ago
  Hahaha at that point I’m not sure anything works better than frequent and empathetic conversation. I’ve known kids in middle school figure out how to make $200 or so to buy their own devices to stash away for personal use.
giantg2 3y ago
I schedule my wifi to turn off when people should be asleep. That can help depending on the device.

wildzzz 3y ago

Easy, no devices in their hands after bedtime. Your child isn't some busy tech professional that needs to be on call for work emails. They can live without having their iPad and iphone in their room. When I got caught as a kid playing my Gameboy when I should have been asleep, I lost my free access to it and could only use it when homework and chores were completed. Once play time was over, they took it back because I was a dumb kid who wasn't responsible enough to manage my own screentime.

raister 3y ago
Yes, that's my 'solution' as well - the router Sky (UK) gave me is utter crap, I put another one besides it and added QoS (so my kid has a poor game experience) and blocked useless websites (youtube, facebook, tiktok). Call me a bad father, but it's working. When it takes a looong time to download a shitty Roblox game, he starts doing other projects. It's like magic.
_nalply 3y ago
Thank you. This confirms my suspicion: Just take the hardware away. I am lucky that my children accept the limits I impose on them. I think because they are not stupid and they sense that they need limits. It's not a struggle to take the hardware away. I even apologize to them when it's time to let the laptop go.
- adriand 3y ago
  We do take the devices at bedtime, in fact, I have a reminder on my phone that goes off at 9:30 pm every night (which I started after discovering the problem). But it’s not just about the late night usage, which is mostly curtailed but not perfectly given I’m not a perfect authoritarian. It’s more generally what he’s doing with it. I don’t want him going down YouTube rabbit holes, developing a body image complex via Instagram, etc., at any time of day. It just seems strange to me that there’s this gaping hole in my parental oversight that was put there by our educational system.
  - cykros 3y ago

GrinningFool 3y ago

We handle this by not allowing devices in our kid's room after lights-out. There's just no reason to have them there, and they represent a temptation that can be hard to resist at any age, nevermind school-age.

giantg2 3y ago
Better sleep hygiene as well
WalterBright 3y ago
Ah, the old days when I'd read a book with a flashlight under the covers.
- madcaptenor 3y ago
  My kids are 4 and 2. When they get to where they can read independently I intend to make sure they have flashlights, and if I have my shit together I'll make sure they always have batteries.
  - runnerup 3y ago
    Idk I feel doing this a lot as a child may have solidified terrible sleep hygiene for myself.
    - madcaptenor 3y ago
      Yeah, I see what you mean, but I also want them to love reading.
      - jonhohle 3y ago
        If they love reading, they’ll love reading. Anything that becomes an obsession for a kid to the point where they are forgoing sleep (food, social interaction, etc.) is probably unhealthy. Kids don’t have enough executive function development to adequately moderate themselves.

electriclove 3y ago

The other answers are great 1. Keep the devices out of your kids room 2. Control access via Apple’s parental controls (like you already do) and also via NextDNS which allows excellent filtering controls (time of day, content, etc).

jonhohle 3y ago

Coincidentally, I just emailed our school board about this. Our district claims to support BYOD, but has no documentation. As parents, we should be able to determine what our kids have access to based on our own family values. No two families will be the same. The idea that elementary or middle school children can handle having unrestricted (or minimally restricted) devices is absurd.

1letterunixname 3y ago
BYOD is partially a terrible idea. They shouldn't be sending kids home with devices. What about parents who object to technology screen time? Could we not invent a religion, say Reformed Mennonites, that objects to children using screen devices? How could they argue with that?
- prepend 3y ago
  I was able to use unspecific religious and cultural preferences to get my school to allow BYOD, after many other attempts failed. I think there’s some value in having a modern, atheist, philosophical church to yield positive bureaucratic results. It reminds me of the early internet’s Church of the Subgenius [0] and people playing around for lulz. I had friends who were ironically Satanists and still have some who claim to be Discordians, but I think that’s just to mess with census takers. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius
  - MandieD 3y ago
    Real US church with a long history, prominent historic members (John Adams and family) and a rather open attitude towards the existence of God/gods: the Unitarian-Universalist Church. My agnostic childhood best friend sends her daughters to various youth programs there, and she and I are both recovering Southern Baptists (I went a more middle road: Episcopalian). She really likes their relationship and sexuality education series for teens.
- bearmode 3y ago

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

perryizgr8 3y ago

> devices that our school board issues to my children Why is the school issuing anything to students? It should be your prerogative to outfit your child with whatever they need. School can ask for minimums (a pen, a notebook, certain textbooks, etc.) but they should not be issuing anything themselves.

bearmode 3y ago
Because a lot of parents are really not well off. Buying laptops, ipads, whatever is an expense they just can't afford. Pens, notebooks etc are cheap.
- seszett 3y ago
  Aren't the devices ultimately paid by the parents anyway, though? I guess it depends on how the school is funded but around here it's only private schools that provide devices, so the funds come from the parents.
  - prepend 3y ago
    Property taxes pay for schools and school computers so people are ultimately paying. But school issued helps with parents who can’t afford laptops or tablets, and I think this can be a good thing. I just wish schools were smarter. I think iPads are probably the most durable, but they probably need a specialized teaching device like a new version of OLPC.

diffeomorphism 3y ago

Since thus far all solutions proposed have been technological or taking devices away, I would suggest "parenting". Talk to your child and convince them. Them "having access" is not the problem (they will have that everywhere). It is how they overuse that access and here is where a parent should do their job instead of trying to hide the problem by removing access.

wiredfool 3y ago

YouTube shows up everywhere, and unless you dns block it, there’s always some way to get sucked into the rabbit hole. Google.com, DuckDuckGo, all the search engines make it possible to watch YouTube without it showing up as site:YouTube in parental controls. Yes, there are useful videos, and that’s why it’s not hard blocked. But the lure and attention tuning of Minecraft videos, other gaming vids, and whatever else is at the top of the list now is just too strong. (Btw, assume for these purposes that restrictions at some level are necessary, and that any response with “just” in it probably has been considered and doesn’t work)