4 ms·

I envy people without kids sometimes. A "me day" is just not in the realm of possibly when you have kids. A "me hour" maybe, or when your kids go to daycare eve

I envy people without kids sometimes. A "me day" is just not in the realm of possibly when you have kids. A "me hour" maybe, or when your kids go to daycare even a "me 3 hours", but not a day. Eventually I hear you get some of that freedom back. But boy it's a long road. Good for you for being able to enjoy life like that. Hello from the other side.

fideloper 4y ago
here here, fellow parent-in-arms
- zw123456 4y ago
  I know, I was there once. But a time will come. Cherish the moments now. And later, enjoy the freedom. Perhaps too soon.
keyle 4y ago
Same as you. Me days are a rarity nowadays. But you know what's funny? When I get one, I miss my kids!
ktosobcy 4y ago
Well, you decided to get kids so that's one point / part / way of fulfilling your life I guess... (I don't get wanting to have one, especially the older I get so there's that ;-) )
- pfannkuchen 4y ago
  IME the parental instincts associated with children do not simulate well, at least in men (can’t speak for women). I did not like children at all, and thinking about children did not trigger any instinctive feelings. Once I had my own then the instincts turned on. The human system is quite good at producing chemical rewards for certain behaviors.
LVB 4y ago
I’ve been known to plan a me weekend. Of course this relies on care for the kids, in this case my wife (who gets her own weekends as well…). I try to keep it simple. An Airbnb or even hotel within an hours drive, head out on Friday afternoon and back on Sunday. Do whatever I want during that time. I’d say I manage this perhaps annually.
- grugagag 4y ago
  If I did that airbnb thing my spouse would suspect I was having an affair.
  - idontwantthis 4y ago
    I think the idea is that you tell your spouse first.
    - pfannkuchen 4y ago
      If she already knows about the affair do you need to bother spending money on the Airbnb?
      - idontwantthis 4y ago
        Sure! It’s about the excitement of new passion after all.
drekipus 4y ago
Me days involve the kids and I wouldn't have it any other way I've had plenty of me time thinking on my own, but I think it's been better with my kids involved. More holistic thinking of life, home, family.
blitz_skull 4y ago
I’m a parent with a little one, and still figure out tons of creative ways to bake in a little me time. It’s daunting, sure. When you can’t even remember what you ate for breakfast and you’re 12 loads of laundry behind, it’s hard to imagine just disengaging for any amount of time. But if you’re scrupulous in how you allocate your time, you can find ways to do it. It’s worth it, I promise.
Barrin92 4y ago
My girlfriend and I never wanted kids and that lack of time, not just for banal things, is something I've noticed takes a toll on a lot of relationships as well. More than a few friends my age with kids have told me that the lack of time has impacted their relationships quite badly. Honestly the more time goes on the the happier I am with that decision. Few years ago we relocated to another country, my girlfriend started a business, that kind of freedom I wouldn't want to give up.
rr808 4y ago
This is why working in the office is so good. Peace and quiet at last. OK there is noise but its grownups.
reidjs 4y ago
Can’t you leave them with a grandparent or babysitter?
rTX5CMRXIfFG 4y ago
No offense and I actually mean this to be a serious question—why did you have kids in the first place, then? It’s just that, to me, the decision to have kids necessitates that one accepts the full integration of the fact that one is a parent to all aspects of one’s life, and yet I keep seeing parents looking for “me time” as if they can still realistically isolate themselves from the new reality that they chose for themselves to begin with.
- meinheld111 4y ago
  I suspect that the implications of the choice are not that obvious/present when the „decision“ is made.
- mikub 4y ago
  I have the feeling a lot of people are just getting kids because it's what you do, everyone does it, right? Nobody thinks about the consequences anymore, I mean it's not that you can't have an day away from your kids once in a while, but I feel like once people have kids they expect them somehow to be finished products that just should do what you tell them, and just be around when it is convenient for the parents.
  - roykent 3y ago
    I honestly think it's the opposite. It wasn't long ago that child-free wasn't something that was socially acceptable (at least in the US). The path was graduate high school (and maybe college) and then get married and have kids. And a there are parts of the world that the pressure is still there to an insane level. Now we have books like "The Baby Decision" that really helps people think about this and envision what it looks like on both sides of the fence. Even the decision to have more than one kid wasn't really thought about. Because you have one, of course you're having at least another one. None of this was the norm. Go ask some people older than 50 or 60 why they chose to have kids. I would bet a lot of them didn't really consider another option.
- smusamashah 4y ago
  It's could that people don't realize how much this job asks of you until you get into it yourself. I feel the same. I had most time to myself when I was single, it reduced to half when I became double, reduced more than half again when I became triple. Even than, the joy you get with your own kid can not be compared with anything you ever had before. The job is very tiring yet very fulfilling. Don't think it can be explained until you experience yourself.

fideloper 4y ago

here here, fellow parent-in-arms

zw123456 4y ago
I know, I was there once. But a time will come. Cherish the moments now. And later, enjoy the freedom. Perhaps too soon.

keyle 4y ago

Same as you. Me days are a rarity nowadays. But you know what's funny? When I get one, I miss my kids!

ktosobcy 4y ago

Well, you decided to get kids so that's one point / part / way of fulfilling your life I guess... (I don't get wanting to have one, especially the older I get so there's that ;-) )

pfannkuchen 4y ago
IME the parental instincts associated with children do not simulate well, at least in men (can’t speak for women). I did not like children at all, and thinking about children did not trigger any instinctive feelings. Once I had my own then the instincts turned on. The human system is quite good at producing chemical rewards for certain behaviors.

LVB 4y ago

I’ve been known to plan a me weekend. Of course this relies on care for the kids, in this case my wife (who gets her own weekends as well…). I try to keep it simple. An Airbnb or even hotel within an hours drive, head out on Friday afternoon and back on Sunday. Do whatever I want during that time. I’d say I manage this perhaps annually.

grugagag 4y ago
If I did that airbnb thing my spouse would suspect I was having an affair.
- idontwantthis 4y ago
  I think the idea is that you tell your spouse first.
  - pfannkuchen 4y ago
    If she already knows about the affair do you need to bother spending money on the Airbnb?
    - idontwantthis 4y ago
      Sure! It’s about the excitement of new passion after all.

drekipus 4y ago

Me days involve the kids and I wouldn't have it any other way I've had plenty of me time thinking on my own, but I think it's been better with my kids involved. More holistic thinking of life, home, family.

blitz_skull 4y ago

I’m a parent with a little one, and still figure out tons of creative ways to bake in a little me time. It’s daunting, sure. When you can’t even remember what you ate for breakfast and you’re 12 loads of laundry behind, it’s hard to imagine just disengaging for any amount of time. But if you’re scrupulous in how you allocate your time, you can find ways to do it. It’s worth it, I promise.

Barrin92 4y ago

My girlfriend and I never wanted kids and that lack of time, not just for banal things, is something I've noticed takes a toll on a lot of relationships as well. More than a few friends my age with kids have told me that the lack of time has impacted their relationships quite badly. Honestly the more time goes on the the happier I am with that decision. Few years ago we relocated to another country, my girlfriend started a business, that kind of freedom I wouldn't want to give up.

rr808 4y ago

This is why working in the office is so good. Peace and quiet at last. OK there is noise but its grownups.

reidjs 4y ago

Can’t you leave them with a grandparent or babysitter?

rTX5CMRXIfFG 4y ago

No offense and I actually mean this to be a serious question—why did you have kids in the first place, then? It’s just that, to me, the decision to have kids necessitates that one accepts the full integration of the fact that one is a parent to all aspects of one’s life, and yet I keep seeing parents looking for “me time” as if they can still realistically isolate themselves from the new reality that they chose for themselves to begin with.

meinheld111 4y ago
I suspect that the implications of the choice are not that obvious/present when the „decision“ is made.
mikub 4y ago
I have the feeling a lot of people are just getting kids because it's what you do, everyone does it, right? Nobody thinks about the consequences anymore, I mean it's not that you can't have an day away from your kids once in a while, but I feel like once people have kids they expect them somehow to be finished products that just should do what you tell them, and just be around when it is convenient for the parents.
- roykent 3y ago
  I honestly think it's the opposite. It wasn't long ago that child-free wasn't something that was socially acceptable (at least in the US). The path was graduate high school (and maybe college) and then get married and have kids. And a there are parts of the world that the pressure is still there to an insane level. Now we have books like "The Baby Decision" that really helps people think about this and envision what it looks like on both sides of the fence. Even the decision to have more than one kid wasn't really thought about. Because you have one, of course you're having at least another one. None of this was the norm. Go ask some people older than 50 or 60 why they chose to have kids. I would bet a lot of them didn't really consider another option.
smusamashah 4y ago
It's could that people don't realize how much this job asks of you until you get into it yourself. I feel the same. I had most time to myself when I was single, it reduced to half when I became double, reduced more than half again when I became triple. Even than, the joy you get with your own kid can not be compared with anything you ever had before. The job is very tiring yet very fulfilling. Don't think it can be explained until you experience yourself.