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You might be “mansplaining”. Think if you may have told her things or explained things she may have already known. She may perceive you are insulting her intell

You might be “mansplaining”. Think if you may have told her things or explained things she may have already known. She may perceive you are insulting her intelligence. Given that you have Asperger’s, this is likely something you do to everyone, and not related to gender. You probably have a lot of knowledge and it’s natural to want to share that. However you may be missing subtle clues that the person you are talking to doesn’t need or want you to teach them because they have 100% of the ability of anyone else. Was HR involved or did she tell you this directly? I’d recommend explaining that you have Asperger’s, apologize if your behavior is perceived as offensive and ask for help adjusting your communication. Presenting this as a disability could help counter the perception of sexism by implying that others are being ableist. Don’t actually says that though. The unsaid implication will be enough to set the neurotypical person’s hair on fire.

4RealFreedom 4y ago
If it's something he does to everyone is it really 'mansplaining'? Seems like it would just be explaining.
- dougmwne 4y ago
  He would not perceive it that way, but if the recipient was a woman and perhaps fighting a lifelong battle to be a respected technical contributor, then it could be perceived as mansplaining and sexist.
  - mmmmkk95 4y ago
    Or maybe she was just a narcissist on a power trip trying to feel offended and exploit the new political paradigm of female supremacy.
    - dougmwne 4y ago
      Maybe, which is why I suggest countering with a discussion of neurodivergence.
- tacostakohashi 4y ago
  > Seems like it would just be explaining. Not if he happens to be a man as well!
codeprimate 4y ago
Can definitely relate here. I've been accused of "mansplaining" and aggressive communication more than once, when I am only intending to communicate clearly and directly the same way I always do with everyone all the time. Clear communication isn't an insult. The tendency that some people have for unnecessary and unfounded offense is utterly obnoxious.
guilhas 4y ago
> You might be “mansplaining”. Think if you may have told her things or explained things she may have already known. She may perceive you are insulting her intelligence. Probably she is perceiving it wrongly? Explaining things to a coworker seems pretty normal, unless you're unnecessarily repeating yourself and they already told you they got it, or is intentionally public like in a meeting No matter how much experience they have, everyone knows some detail others don't I always run through a colleague how I have done X, not that they don't know, but they might not know, or they might suggest improvements, either way more than one person gets informed Especially in business, you might have to run the same process dozens of time with the same people until it is clear how it is going to be implemented Accusing someone of explaining too much seems like overreacting. A more worrying problem would be under explaining

4RealFreedom 4y ago

If it's something he does to everyone is it really 'mansplaining'? Seems like it would just be explaining.

dougmwne 4y ago
He would not perceive it that way, but if the recipient was a woman and perhaps fighting a lifelong battle to be a respected technical contributor, then it could be perceived as mansplaining and sexist.
- mmmmkk95 4y ago
  Or maybe she was just a narcissist on a power trip trying to feel offended and exploit the new political paradigm of female supremacy.
  - dougmwne 4y ago
    Maybe, which is why I suggest countering with a discussion of neurodivergence.
tacostakohashi 4y ago
> Seems like it would just be explaining. Not if he happens to be a man as well!

codeprimate 4y ago

Can definitely relate here. I've been accused of "mansplaining" and aggressive communication more than once, when I am only intending to communicate clearly and directly the same way I always do with everyone all the time. Clear communication isn't an insult. The tendency that some people have for unnecessary and unfounded offense is utterly obnoxious.

guilhas 4y ago

> You might be “mansplaining”. Think if you may have told her things or explained things she may have already known. She may perceive you are insulting her intelligence. Probably she is perceiving it wrongly? Explaining things to a coworker seems pretty normal, unless you're unnecessarily repeating yourself and they already told you they got it, or is intentionally public like in a meeting No matter how much experience they have, everyone knows some detail others don't I always run through a colleague how I have done X, not that they don't know, but they might not know, or they might suggest improvements, either way more than one person gets informed Especially in business, you might have to run the same process dozens of time with the same people until it is clear how it is going to be implemented Accusing someone of explaining too much seems like overreacting. A more worrying problem would be under explaining