It's feeling, as a non-PhD but still pushes myself, that emotional intelligence is what is needed to help the OP process their Toxic Family (narcissist parent),

It's feeling, as a non-PhD but still pushes myself, that emotional intelligence is what is needed to help the OP process their Toxic Family (narcissist parent), and loss of recent support, because the OP talks dismissively about the support they're receiving from their therapist in terms one might describe a Toxic Family. I wonder if the OP is framing their world in their child-mindset. And the "push hard to PhD" behavior is an indication of a split. A focus on intellectual. Which suggests under-attending to emotional awareness. So, "do something that is right for you" eventually leads to thinking about what is right, which leads one necessarily to Feel what is right. Keyword is to Feel. Being aware of feelings. Boom. Keep going to therapy, OP, and engage - it's scary and worthwhile.