6 ms·

Nothing surprising, yes this is mostly about top 10% of men dating several women each. Inequality in action.

mschuster91 4y ago
That's ridiculous. Poly relationships are a tiny minority and even there most stick it to two partners - everything above that just takes way too much time to juggle next to a full-time job.
- anovikov 4y ago
  Conscious poly relationships are a tiny minority and will probably always remain so. But i mean situations when women don't know that they are not alone. Tinder does it to them. It makes easy to find and "get" the best men. But there's a catch... Plus, very frequently women get ahead of themselves imagining that they are in relationship while their men sees it as merely a sequence of gradually more and more effortless hookups.
hgsgm 4y ago
Casual dating is single. Those women are still single, except in the rare cases of bigamy.
tokai 4y ago
Literally a /r9k/ incel talking point. Never backed up by anything at all.
- anovikov 4y ago
  I don't mean to say it in a negative sense. I'm a right-wing liberal. Inequality is the only thing that saves us for complete dominance of mediocrity. Also, it's sort of stupid to complain about because it's no one's policy or anything, just an objective fact. You can't un-invent Tinder.
happytoexplain 4y ago
You think the disparity is more accounted for by the numeric difference between multiple-dating men and multiple-dating women, rather than by women dating men who are older than themselves?
- anovikov 4y ago
  Not just "think", it's a fact that same study shows: if that was the way you are putting it, in the upper age cohort, fraction of single men would be smaller than single women: men would be with young girls and dump women of same age as themselves. But it's not the case, because percentage of single men is higher in any age cohort under 65 (then, there are more single women simply because men die at earlier age). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK4y6C1Uuhw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK4y6C1Uuhw it's simply inequality. all those women are hooking up with the small number of high quality men (of any age), leaving the rest alone. only fix to this i can see is normalisation of single parenthood so those women can have kids at the same rate as married women.
  - midoridensha 4y ago
    Isn't single parenthood already "normalized"? In the US at least, it's extremely common. Of course, it's also extremely difficult for the mother; I can't imagine why anyone would willingly choose it unless she was independently wealthy and could hire caretakers.
schrijver 4y ago
I see this talking point all the time yet never backed up by studies. That would mean that these attractive men put a premium on quantity over quality (because they’d have to date women less attractive then them for the numbers to work out) and have lots of time and mental energy at their disposal to manage these concurrent relationships. Whereas in general people tend to date people that are more or less as attractive as themselves, and the most prevalent form of relationships is still a two person couple. For casual flings it might be different.
- readthenotes1 4y ago
  Isn't this what is reported by Tinder? That women get selected all the time but only the most attractive men get selected by women
  - schrijver 4y ago
    Tinder wouldn’t report that, since it’s not very encouraging for their customers. The source most linked seems to be someone on Medium who interviewed people: https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-g... Dating apps don’t make their data available to scientists, that would be nice though! For sure life is more easy for hot people, off or on dating apps. It’s true in bars and clubs too. In settings where people have more of a time to get to know each other it probably matters less, even if it always plays a role. It’s just that, as long as society’s concept of a relationship is still two people together, and not one person with a harem, these attractive people at the top of the pyramid will end up being picky too.
    - medvezhenok 4y ago
      Another interesting thing to observe is whether the premium for being attractive has increased in general because of the "shrinking of the world" effect via internet (i.e. attractive people have more opportunities now to be models, to work in branding, start an onlyfans and make money). Basically - whether it's easier now to "monetize" your good looks. If that is the case, attractiveness has actually become a better proxy for social status/success than it used to be. I don't have data to back this up - intuitively it makes sense to me, but I hope someone out there is studying the effect.

That's ridiculous. Poly relationships are a tiny minority and even there most stick it to two partners - everything above that just takes way too much time to juggle next to a full-time job.

anovikov 4y ago
Conscious poly relationships are a tiny minority and will probably always remain so. But i mean situations when women don't know that they are not alone. Tinder does it to them. It makes easy to find and "get" the best men. But there's a catch... Plus, very frequently women get ahead of themselves imagining that they are in relationship while their men sees it as merely a sequence of gradually more and more effortless hookups.

hgsgm 4y ago

Casual dating is single. Those women are still single, except in the rare cases of bigamy.

tokai 4y ago

Literally a /r9k/ incel talking point. Never backed up by anything at all.

anovikov 4y ago
I don't mean to say it in a negative sense. I'm a right-wing liberal. Inequality is the only thing that saves us for complete dominance of mediocrity. Also, it's sort of stupid to complain about because it's no one's policy or anything, just an objective fact. You can't un-invent Tinder.

happytoexplain 4y ago

You think the disparity is more accounted for by the numeric difference between multiple-dating men and multiple-dating women, rather than by women dating men who are older than themselves?

anovikov 4y ago
Not just "think", it's a fact that same study shows: if that was the way you are putting it, in the upper age cohort, fraction of single men would be smaller than single women: men would be with young girls and dump women of same age as themselves. But it's not the case, because percentage of single men is higher in any age cohort under 65 (then, there are more single women simply because men die at earlier age). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK4y6C1Uuhw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK4y6C1Uuhw it's simply inequality. all those women are hooking up with the small number of high quality men (of any age), leaving the rest alone. only fix to this i can see is normalisation of single parenthood so those women can have kids at the same rate as married women.
- midoridensha 4y ago
  Isn't single parenthood already "normalized"? In the US at least, it's extremely common. Of course, it's also extremely difficult for the mother; I can't imagine why anyone would willingly choose it unless she was independently wealthy and could hire caretakers.

schrijver 4y ago

I see this talking point all the time yet never backed up by studies. That would mean that these attractive men put a premium on quantity over quality (because they’d have to date women less attractive then them for the numbers to work out) and have lots of time and mental energy at their disposal to manage these concurrent relationships. Whereas in general people tend to date people that are more or less as attractive as themselves, and the most prevalent form of relationships is still a two person couple. For casual flings it might be different.

readthenotes1 4y ago
Isn't this what is reported by Tinder? That women get selected all the time but only the most attractive men get selected by women
- schrijver 4y ago
  Tinder wouldn’t report that, since it’s not very encouraging for their customers. The source most linked seems to be someone on Medium who interviewed people: https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-g... Dating apps don’t make their data available to scientists, that would be nice though! For sure life is more easy for hot people, off or on dating apps. It’s true in bars and clubs too. In settings where people have more of a time to get to know each other it probably matters less, even if it always plays a role. It’s just that, as long as society’s concept of a relationship is still two people together, and not one person with a harem, these attractive people at the top of the pyramid will end up being picky too.
  - medvezhenok 4y ago
    Another interesting thing to observe is whether the premium for being attractive has increased in general because of the "shrinking of the world" effect via internet (i.e. attractive people have more opportunities now to be models, to work in branding, start an onlyfans and make money). Basically - whether it's easier now to "monetize" your good looks. If that is the case, attractiveness has actually become a better proxy for social status/success than it used to be. I don't have data to back this up - intuitively it makes sense to me, but I hope someone out there is studying the effect.