16 ms·

The case for hanging out

139 points by LordAtlas 4y ago

mydriasis 4y ago
There are plenty of social clubs, guaranteed to exist in your town, that are looking for members. Masons, Rotary, Lions, Elks, Knights of Columbus. Optimists, Eagles, Moose, Odd Fellows, Kiwanis. Sons of Norway, Daughters of America, Active 20-30... I joined a social club when I moved way out to work remote. The members are a bit older. They have good stories and great advice, and they're experiencing a resurgence of membership applications from people just like me. There are plenty of clubs that focus on friendship and community service that are waiting on your application! A question I see asked _all the time_ is "How do you even make friends, now?" People have been asking that for a long time -- one answer is definitely to try out a social club near you.
- 65 4y ago
  Do you know of any clubs that attract younger people? I'd prefer to not be 40 years younger than everyone at these clubs.
  - jneumann004 4y ago
    This is one of the biggest problems I see for getting new friends as a millennial. About a year ago I got my amateur radio license. I started to talking to a few people locally and eventually went to club meetings and lunches. I'm in my mid-30s; almost everybody else involved in amateur radio in my area is old enough to be my parent or grandparent.
    - thewebcount 4y ago
      Well I'm in my 50s and wouldn't consider a single one of the clubs listed in the GP as I feel like the people in those clubs would all be older than me. (Plus I hate religious and quasi-religious organizations like those.) On the other hand, I've considered going to some meetups and usually don't because I'm sure I'd be the oldest person there. (Plus the few meetups I've gone to were mostly attended by people who were desperate for attention and socialization, or who were trying to sell stuff to the other members. But that may just be where I live.)
    - huehehue 4y ago
      Thanks for unlocking the memory I have of getting my radio license in my early 20s. Got a lot of questions about why I was interested in radio, but in the sort of way that you might ask an alien what the purpose for their visit is. Also if anybody is reading this and interested in radio - take the test! It's cheap and you can cram the material in a day.
  - toasteros 4y ago
    Voluntary organisations like the Scouts have been a good choice for me. It's tricky to get into if you're in the US because of all the dogma, but Scouting is an awesome thing to get into as an adult leader. If not the Scouts, then any voluntary org with a cause at its centre is great for forming connections.
  - comfypotato 4y ago
    I’ve visited a board game club before and there were only a few people over 30. And a lot of younger. Very fun if you like board games. Literally just people there to have fun. Some cute girls too if that’s what you’re looking for.
    - mydriasis 4y ago
      That's a great idea! I've seen these pop out of local game shops pretty often.
    - jimmygrapes 4y ago
      I have tried to participate in dozens of board game and programming clubs in my region, and while sometimes it turns out alright at first (as in I went back several times), every single one of them got derailed by identitarianism; mostly trans[whatever suffix is appropriate] people making the entire thing into drama about themselves, with a small spattering of political ideologues (of all bents) and race. All it takes is one bad apple and a bunch of others desperate to not offend to make a gathering shift from "we were just here to play scrabble" to "everyone needs to sign this petition about drag shows/police brutality/tenants rights/etc. if you want to be welcome in this diverse and inclusive group." I don't want to go to the geriatric clubs who lament about how woke things are, either. Just leave your bullshit at home, please.
  - nicbou 4y ago
    I made a few friends through Reddit and LinkedIn. I build in public and it attracts some people. In other cases I was the one reaching out. If you consider small online communities as a sort of club, you can make a few friends there. Otherwise Meetup.com was a good place to find groups of people. Dog owners and parents tend to find their peers at the park. There are WhatsApp and Facebook groups for just about anything else, but many of them spread through word of mouth.
  - mydriasis 4y ago
    If you're interested in a service organization, Active 20-30 looks pretty cool. It aims to help out kids. https://www.active20-30.org/Get-involved https://www.active20-30.org/Get-involved
  - bell-cot 4y ago
    At least in my area (SW Michigan), the Jaycees seem to be a fairly big thing. They require member ages to be in [18,40] - so "40 years younger" is not a risk.
- voisin 4y ago
  What prevents me from going to those clubs is a lock of understanding of the structure. I can understand something like a soccer team, but a “social club” gives me “networking event” vibes which are a huge turnoff.
  - mydriasis 4y ago
    So I see what you mean -- some clubs definitely have "networking event" vibes. Others have "sit around and chat" vibes, "go have a drink and maybe some fries" vibes, "volunteer at a local org" vibes, etc. It all depends on what you're looking for, and it all depends on what you're interested in. There's no real set agenda that we can apply to all of these clubs -- as similar as they may seem, they do have a diverse set of goals that they try to achieve.
- lr4444lr 4y ago
  Not to sound ungrateful, but they tend to be exclusively occupied by senior citizens. I do enjoy spending time with the elderly, but it's no replacement for peers in one's own life stage.
  - karaterobot 4y ago
    > Not to sound ungrateful, but they tend to be exclusively occupied by senior citizens. One solution to that would be for younger people to join.
    - mydriasis 4y ago
      Exactly :)
  - mydriasis 4y ago
    That's a totally fair assessment, and not everyone's into that. I am sure, though, that if you look locally, you'll find a club or group that matches your age range more closely!
- aschearer 4y ago
  I was looking into a bunch of these recently. Many of them were white, male, Christian-only affairs within living memory. Took some of the sheen off.
  - mydriasis 4y ago
    Sure, I get that. There are many out there that aren't, though, and I definitely encourage you to keep digging to look for clubs and groups near you that more closely align to the kind of social environment you're looking to engage in -- it's worth the effort, in my opinion. I think you'll be surprised by what you find!
  - themaninthedark 4y ago
    If the history of an organization(and not it's current goals and practices) is going to be prevent you for being able to join, then life must be very difficult.
- sulcate 4y ago
  What? Do you notice a trend in the membership of your named organizations, mainly that they seem filled with old conservative men? Re: "daughters of the america" "Council of the Daughters of America, a patriotic fraternity, which seeks to aid in preserving and perpetuating the Public School system; to instill a spirit of patriotism into the youth of our land; to place our flag over every schoolhouse; to promote the reading of the Holy Bible therein; and to protest against the immigration of paupers, criminals, and the enemies of our social order" Ugh, yeah, my queer self is not really looking for that kind of engagement and I doubt they're looking for me. It has to be noted that there is absolutely an increasing poverty of community life and hyper individualization. It's kind of incentivized in currently existing systems.
  - thanatropism 4y ago
    Maybe he doesn't know enough queer people/isn't queer enough to frequent queer social clubs. People are different.
    - sulcate 4y ago
      Yes, people are different, but you'd imagine that organizations promoting nativist ideology and religious education in schools might also very likely not resonate with a more highly-correlated-with-atheism hackernews crowd, no? The point being, the offered easy solutions aren't undeserving of critique and we can discuss real reasons people might not be joining these dying institutions. There was an issue in framing and I discussed it. A la the other conmments around not wanting to hang exclusively with senior citizens, or ham radio not offering the kind of bustling community one might want. Perhaps there's are reasons said organizations are struggling and a reason why people might feel the choice to find meaningful community isn't always easy, when it's disincentivised in society.
      - mydriasis 4y ago
        Yeah, that's all very fair. I think, though, that there are definitely organizations out there that align with different views. What I was going for in my original post was to give a whole bunch of examples to demonstrate that there are a whole bunch of organizations one might look into -- and there really are, if you look for social clubs, there are loads and loads of them. I'm hoping that we don't necessarily lump all of these into one category, because social clubs are really very diverse, and I think they're very much worth trying out for those looking for social engagement. Yeah, some of these clubs have musty old ideals, some are conservative or strictly religious. Then, there are other clubs out there -- perhaps not as wide in size or scale, but still looking for members -- that have ideals that might be more modern, less conservative, secular, etc. I think a lot of people these days are strictly thinking of grandpa when they hear about these social clubs, or group organizations, so they immediately write them off. But there are good organizations out there, and it might be worth a second look.
- pavel_lishin 4y ago
  Many of our local clubs include, in their charter, a requirement that the members be religious. Now, I'm sure they don't check. They probably don't pray, they won't quiz me about what church I go to. I could lie. But I don't want to. I don't want to have to.
  - mydriasis 4y ago
    And there are some that don't! There're options for everyone.
    - legerdemain 4y ago
      Specifically the membership-based fraternal private societies, like the ones you mentioned? They were started at the same period of American history, and I only know of one exception that doesn't have "faith in a higher power" as a tenet of good citizenship. Heck, even the Jaycees, who explicitly target younger people. The exception is the Rotary Society. The average Rotarian is male, white, and 58 years old.
      - tomhoward 4y ago
        Rotary has been open to women since 1989, and it welcomes anyone who fits the membership requirements - "adult persons who demonstrate good character, integrity, and leadership; possess good reputation within their business, profession, occupation, and/or community". I was actively involved in Rotary in the 90s/00s via a Rotaract Club (for 18-30yos), and even then, there were many women, many non-white members, and plenty of people under 50 in the Rotary clubs I visited. If some clubs/areas are still dominated by white, older males, it is mostly due to the difficulty in attracting any new members into volunteer organisations these days (mostly as it's unfashionable and people have other things to do), not due to any exclusionist policies.
- yamtaddle 4y ago
  Fancier (more expensive) versions of this are country clubs, private clubs of various sorts (fictional example: The Diogenes Club in Sherlock Holmes stories—but these are real things, see also "gentleman's club" when that's not being used as a euphemism for "strip club"), and rich-people service organizations—this latter sort is typically dominated by women.
  - trillic 4y ago
    Another mention here is Sailing Clubs. There are expensive and cheap Yacht Clubs. Many smaller clubs are entirely volunteer run. Sailing is an awesome social scene that’s surprisingly welcoming to beginners. Obviously there are the New York Yacht Club’s of the world, but also clubs like Chicago Corinthian Yacht Club which has a volunteer-run bar with prices set to just cover costs as well as catered casual food. Membership is under $1000 a year.
    - yamtaddle 4y ago
      Oof, right, big miss there. Good call.
- teeray 4y ago
  Meetup can be this for younger folks, but you have to be willing to put in the work to organize and be the first-mover. Find things you want to do, then make open events, effectively inviting random people to them. Bar trivias, karaoke, hikes, etc. are all fairly easy to coordinate and they will attract other people who are also wondering “how do I even make friends now?” EDIT: Also, always make an effort to talk to the new people that join your events, because other people in the group will tend to mostly talk with those they feel comfortable with. It makes new folks feel welcome and they’ll want to come back :)
- JackMorgan 4y ago
  I've really enjoyed joining a local volunteer fire company. Otherwise I'll just sit at home working remote on solo projects all day, so responding to a call or two a day gets me (running) out of the house, and after the call we usually sit around the station and shoot the breeze for a while which is fun. When I get bored of that, I walk back home and get back to work. Sure it's hard work, but that really helps balance the tedium of just pushing tiny plastic buttons for 12+ hours a day.
  - mydriasis 4y ago
    That's really awesome!
tasty_freeze 4y ago
meetup.com offers a large collection of interest groups to join. It probably is less useful for low density areas, and I don't know if they operate outside the US. If you live in a large urban area (I'm in Austin) there are literally hundreds of meetup topics. Knitting? Music? Hiking? Books? Psychedelics? Religion? Sports? Investing? Meditation? Learning a language? There is no guarantee that you'll make a friend there, but the odds are much higher than watching TV at home.
- legerdemain 4y ago
  I'm a member of 125 Meetup groups at the last count. Most Meetup groups are zombie groups with thousands of members and no events. The Meetup engagement algorithm drives people to keep joining groups and keep RSVPing to events, but very little to encourage repeat attendance or to prune zombie groups and events from your calendar. As a consequence, most groups have tons of inactive "members," and most events have tons of fake "attendees." Even though I'm a "member" in over 100 groups, my Meetup calendar is mostly full of corporate Zoom events that are basically ads.
  - tasty_freeze 4y ago
    I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe I got lucky -- I joined a group ("Let's start a beginners band") and I could see that they had a recent history of meetups. It took only a month or so for the next one, I went, maybe 25 people were there, which is pretty good considering they mostly people don't repeatedly go -- they find some other like-minded people and try to make music happen later.
anovikov 4y ago
Indeed this is super scary. I see it growing among peers and a part of this trend myself. We simply no longer hang out unless there's some particular event or need to do so. People plain out lost interest in it. It's absurd how quickly the (rather mild, i'm not in say, UK where it was really strict) lockdowns killed the social gene in us.
lolinder 4y ago
There are multiple people here recommending clubs and interest groups, but I think this is missing the point of the article. "Hanging out" as defined in the article is explicitly about not having anything specific to do or to talk about. It's unstructured socialization, being together with no particular goal in mind. What struck me reading this is that our cultural obsession with productivity has bled over into our private lives—socializing has to be a calendar item in order for it to fit in, and if it's going to be a calendar item it should have a specific purpose. This is sad. We've lost something important: spontaneous, purposeless social interaction.
- wilburTheDog 4y ago
  I think of clubs and interest groups as a good way to make friends that you can then hang out with.
  - whstl 4y ago
    What if you already have lots of friends? I think the crux of the issue is that there's lots of clubs and a lot of purpose but not enough "just hanging out".
    - asdff 4y ago
      Then you probably are hanging out with them plenty already. Start inviting them over to your place to hang out if you feel like you don't have enough hanging out time.
- CatWChainsaw 4y ago
  Unstructured is uncontrolled, and uncontrolled is anathema to a culture that obsessively quantifies everything.
- HPsquared 4y ago
  I wonder if there are any "just hanging out" groups on Meetup.
paulpauper 4y ago
Pushed further into isolation by the pandemic, we’re all losing the ability to engage in what I view as the pinnacle of human interaction: sitting around with friends and talking shit. I agree with Liming that no one is down to hang out anymore, and agree with her that it’s a “quiet catastrophe.” A tad strong, no? It seems like there is this whole niche or genre of sociologists and commentators who go around catastrophizing things, looking for anything that is wrong or as reason for society failing.
epicureanideal 4y ago
What are some good places for 10-20 people to just hang out? Everywhere seems to involve a lot of spending or limited seating. A sports bar or English style pub would work, but I’d rather without encouraging everyone to continuously consume alcohol.
- jareklupinski 4y ago
  bowling is fun, maybe karaoke if you're in a city if it's a group with a common interest, you can rent a room in a dance studio or something similar, set up tables/chairs there, and have a hobby night
- xwdv 4y ago
  Parking lots, malls, outside of movie theaters, woods, riverbanks, people’s houses, old docks at lakes. 10-20 friends used to show up at this one lake easily off one group text. We’d spend hours talking, sitting on an old wood dock drinking beers and skipping stones we picked up from the loose gravel along the shore, and yelling to hear our echoes spread through the mountains. One time we hung up a rope on a thick tree branch and went swinging off the hill and flinging ourselves into the water. As the sun would begin to set we’d lite a small bon fire on the shore and sit around it staring into the flames philosophizing, occasionally some guys and girls might wander off into the woods to make out, smoke some weed or do who knows what. And when it got very late, we’d drive out to whatever burger joint was still open and sit on the curbs in parking lots eating greasy food. Always 10 or 20 people deep, just hanging out. Just another random day in our lives, oblivious to the dark shadow slowly crawling across our world.
  - epicureanideal 4y ago
    Knowing how litigious the USA is these settings make me very nervous. Good way to lose everything because someone trips on a rock and blames you.
    - floren 4y ago
      Is that what makes you nervous, or is unexamined social anxiety making you nervous? Because it sounds like you're suggesting that, if you and 10 friends are hanging out down some forest service road in the woods, one of them might trip on a rock and decide to sue you... does that sound particularly likely?
spicyusername 4y ago
This definitely resonates with my experience. To me, it seems to be a death by a thousand cuts. Just a few challenges that come to mind: - The housing crisis has made it very difficult to live close to your friends and just pop in throughout the week. - Organized religion is in decline and nothing has yet taken its place as a "third place" for a community to congregate. - Needlessly intense working conditions and / or working remotely has taken away the "second place", where you would typically "hang out" with your co-workers. - Many people today choose not to have children, starkly dividing adults into mutually exclusive schedules and social personas. - Many people move frequently throughout their young-adult and early-adult years, fragmenting their social lives and preventing mature friendships from forming. - There is a significant cultural gap between older and younger generations, creating social friction within the nuclear family unit and across generational boundaries. - The digital age has moved the location of many common past-times from a public "third place" to your private bedroom. - etc, etc, etc
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- jarjoura 4y ago
  Hopefully, I think the generation after Gen-Z will rebel against a lot of that on your list. I'm already noticing my nieces and nephews make a point to spend time with their real-life friends even when their parents are glued to their phones. They are a generation who collectively "lost" a year because of zoom home schooling and so they all seem to make a point to have other outside activities to connect with their friends on. I know most of us had that too, but for some reason it seems more important to them than it did even for me.
- asdff 4y ago
  I think things were going that way for a while, but in recent generations (millenial and Z) this is going the opposite way where the third place is emerging again. So many people I know are doing stuff, like joining a pickup soccer league, rock climbing, board gaming, video gaming, gardening, surfing, knitting, hacking, making, etc. All of these interests come with their own new circle of friends you meet, who I then meet through knowing you when you invite your soccer team to your birthday party. People will keep up these things even when they have kids. My parents generation never seemed to do any of this. They were contented with basically not socializing or engaging much beyond what they already knew, never taking personal trips or even eating out even though they can afford it, just staying busy with the house making tasks for themselves, since there is really no limit of potential repairs or projects to do around a house if you don't limit yourself (e.g. you don't need to polish the floors that many times a year). In my generation it seems like everyone has something they are really into that isn't work or their immediate family. You see this starting to shift how these suburban towns you grew up in look like, too. Main street suburbia is no longer dead antique shops. There's now an arthouse cinema, axe throwing, duck pin bowling, and a brewery.
colonCapitalDee 4y ago
This is something I've been struggling with myself. I remember how easy it was to just kill time with friends in high school, but now as an adult it feels so much harder. Thankfully, I think I've found a solution (or at least part of one): poker. Poker is like social crack. It makes players directly engage with each other, acts as a conversational centerpiece, and provides the perfect backdrop for shooting the shit. You start talking a smack after winning a hand, your buddy fires back, and people start laughing. Someone starts a sentence with "that reminds me of..." and suddenly you're all hanging out. As people get more comfortable (and inebriated) the game slows down. Add in some music or a game on TV, some snacks, drinks, and maybe some weed, and the entire experience becomes sublime. It's also easy to invite new people. Maybe you've always thought your coworker was a cool guy, but you've never been able to find a non-awkward way to start the transition from work-friends to just friends. With poker it's as easy as "hey, I'm hosting a poker game this Friday. Want to come?" I was inspired by my Dad; he and his poker buddies (mostly other dads in the neighborhood) have been playing together for over a decade. They take trips to cities like Vegas every couple of years for milestones like 50th birthdays, and occasionally meet up on lazy sundays at sports bars. I started my own poker group with my friends after my dad brought me to one of his games. A few tips for your first game: - make sure at least one person has the rules down pat - play with a small amount of money at stake (I do a $20 buy in). Without money on the line it's way to easy for people to lose interest and play recklessly, derailing the game - start the game late if you're worried about the group not gelling together. Starting late (I'd recommend 9 pm, YMMV) makes it feel more intimate, lessens the pressure to sustain a good time for hours, and reduces the suffering if the game flops - if the game is a success reach out within a couple of days to schedule the next one - you only need about two friends to put together a poker game. If they each bring a buddy then you've got a 5 person game
- texaslonghorn5 4y ago
  sounds interesting and well thought out. do you have any viable alternatives for people who don't gamble or drink?
  - exolymph 4y ago
AussieWog93 4y ago
I suspect if hanging out was as fulfilling as the author suggested, people would be doing it more. I just know from experience, more often than not, I walk away from a hangout feeling worse than before. Things like walking groups are great, but more often than not hangouts seem to be based around an activity that is as unhealthy as possible (staying up late, drinking, smoking, eating shit food) and the social interaction is pretty surface level.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
jamal-kumar 4y ago
Programming meetups are pretty cool, I haven't been to one for ages but if anyone's ever looking for something to do and make some good connections most major cities have one. Where I'm at has a pretty nice and growing infosec scene which is highly appreciable too, most of it is organized around discord but there's plenty of in-person stuff happening.
- goodoldneon 4y ago
  I totally agree -- especially grabbing drinks somewhere else after the meetup talks are done
  - whstl 4y ago
    I love the ones in Berlin. There's always more Pizza and Drinks than needed, so the post-talks hanging out can go on for pretty long.
- legerdemain 4y ago
  I've been going to a few and I even have one of my own that I run twice a month at a local co-working space. I don't know why anyone comes to either my meetup or the ones I go to, but they are 100% not people I want to hang out and drink with. Mostly middle-aged Asian and Indian men who are polite, quiet, socially distant, usually with no particular enthusiasm for the topic of the meetup. I don't know why they're there or why they're so numerous, but they're definitely not there to socialize and have fun.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
throwaway24124 4y ago
Slate readers are the only people who would rather read a book called "Hanging Out" instead of just... hanging out.
idiotsecant 4y ago
Whenever I read things like this I feel like I must be an alien or have something pathologically wrong with me or something like that. I can hang out with people, I think. I just don't like to. I have been in an exclusive romantic relationship for decades, and I am reasonably social when it comes to task-based things, but gathering with people in unfocused social situations is best case an obligation and worst case fills we with something approaching dread. I am very happy working on my own things, discussing things on the internet, hanging out with spouse, etc. I am also happy to participate in things that revolve around getting something productive done, or communicating asynchronously in a way that allows consensual focus - when people can send me a message that I can respond to whenever I want, and vice versa. To me, it seems like society is just slowly starting to adapt to communicating in the way that I like to communicate. Selfishly, it's great. I have tried and failed to understand how it's a bad thing, but I have trouble doing so.
- drukenemo 4y ago
  On a very similar boat, I can relate to what you’re saying. I would just like to hang out with some pals a few times a year (so not every week like many). But it can be difficult to keep relationships close seeing each other not that often, but I guess technology can help us with that.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- MythEng 4y ago
  I used to think that I was like this until I moved somewhere that forced it to be my only way to socialize. Ultimately it ended in a lot of depression and moving again. Learned a lot about myself during that time and in the end I feel like I know much more about myself than I did before. On a similar note, I've noticed that a lot of my friends are more willing to hang out post-pandemic as they all feel like we lost too much time being stuck at home.
panaffa 4y ago
GenZ here. 95% of my life so far has been spent alone lol. Prices for everything are crazy, a 1-BR apt cost 2-3K a month, and jobs barely pay enough to cover that while taking up half my waking hours. I've totally burned out
AndrewKemendo 4y ago
"Hanging out" has been the resting state of humans for 99% of humanity [1] [2]. That is to say, most of our time as humans has been spent sitting around with other people telling stories and sharing our feelings and thoughts. Full stop. The fact that loneliness is so pervasive is a symptom of the larger social crisis that will certainly be our ruin. Simply hanging out with strangers, being vulnerable, giving and receiving emotional and physical care in platonic ways with no social expectations, is one of the key things we need to do to get humanity onto a safe trajectory. [1] Chan, E.K.F., et al. (2019) Human origins in a southern African Paleo-wetland and first migrations. Nature 575, 185–189 [2]Sahlins, Marshall (2009). Hunter-gatherers: insights from a golden affluent age. Pacific Ecologist. 18: 3–8
- panaffa 4y ago
  Can all this pent-up trauma be undone?
  - AndrewKemendo 4y ago
    I think so but it's going to take centuries of serious dedicated work by millions of patient, sophisticated and persistent non-violent pro-social volunteers. This is the path in my view: 1. Mutual cooperatives become the dominant form of labor organization over corporations (definitely possible) And 2. Mutual Aid Communities become the dominant form of social organization over Churches and Families (harder but I think still possible)
    - panaffa 4y ago
      Great ideas!! Especially the concept of mutual aid communities, I bet they could be implemented right now. If only we could get a bunch of engineers to build a worldwide, decentralized, nonprofit platform to organize them...
  - rexpop 4y ago
    As a society, we need to grieve. We need time to grieve, yes, but we also need a process. We need permission to grieve: we need to let ourselves grieve. Not just for the dead, but for the shocking loss of this or that imagined future. And this process is going to be weird, and we'll hardly recognize ourselves, but of course nothing fundamental will have changed.
adzm 4y ago
Living in the suburbs, I'm happy I can host the occasional bonfire, which is a great opportunity to get a lot of people together and do whatever.
the_only_law 4y ago
Something happened with the pandemic. Before Covid, I was finally starting to get my social life together, I had a group of people I could hang out relatively regularly, close enough to my age. We would go out on the weekends, have a few drinks, talk, maybe go dancing or something. Post pandemic everything is drastically different. Suddenly, no one can organize. If someone tries to get a group together, everyone flakes last minute. Certain people don’t like each other anymore, and in general people feel more antagonistic, myself included at times. I used to go out by myself a lot too. It used to be fun. I could go out and by the end of the night I would meet cool people, have some interesting conversations, maybe fuck around and hop bars all night Now, no one talks to me, people seem less… amicable and going out by myself now means “sit and drink for hours because it’s still better than sitting around at home doing basically nothing”. Hanging out hasn’t really been fun since Covid.
- NobleLie 4y ago
  The manufactured new normal. I feel you, anon.
  - migf 4y ago
    Man, nobody planned this.
legerdemain 4y ago
I can vouch for the La Quinta Inn mentioned in the article. It's a comfortable and affordable place to spend a night if you flew in to Burlington on the way to somewhere in the region (Lake Placid, in my case).
radicalriddler 4y ago
I moved to Melbourne, AUS for a year last year (moved back at the start of this year). My purpose was clear, find people to hang out with, and build a more social life. I succeeded. It was all with the help of Meetup, just hanging out at bars with groups lead me to talking to more and more people, and usually afterwards, I'd talk to people outside of Meetups at different bars. This led to gaining friends, and we'd just hit each other up to "hang out". It was the best year of my life due to this "hanging out" so I 100% relate to this whole article.

139 points by LordAtlas 4y ago

There are plenty of social clubs, guaranteed to exist in your town, that are looking for members. Masons, Rotary, Lions, Elks, Knights of Columbus. Optimists, Eagles, Moose, Odd Fellows, Kiwanis. Sons of Norway, Daughters of America, Active 20-30... I joined a social club when I moved way out to work remote. The members are a bit older. They have good stories and great advice, and they're experiencing a resurgence of membership applications from people just like me. There are plenty of clubs that focus on friendship and community service that are waiting on your application! A question I see asked _all the time_ is "How do you even make friends, now?" People have been asking that for a long time -- one answer is definitely to try out a social club near you.

65 4y ago
Do you know of any clubs that attract younger people? I'd prefer to not be 40 years younger than everyone at these clubs.
- jneumann004 4y ago
  This is one of the biggest problems I see for getting new friends as a millennial. About a year ago I got my amateur radio license. I started to talking to a few people locally and eventually went to club meetings and lunches. I'm in my mid-30s; almost everybody else involved in amateur radio in my area is old enough to be my parent or grandparent.
  - thewebcount 4y ago
    Well I'm in my 50s and wouldn't consider a single one of the clubs listed in the GP as I feel like the people in those clubs would all be older than me. (Plus I hate religious and quasi-religious organizations like those.) On the other hand, I've considered going to some meetups and usually don't because I'm sure I'd be the oldest person there. (Plus the few meetups I've gone to were mostly attended by people who were desperate for attention and socialization, or who were trying to sell stuff to the other members. But that may just be where I live.)
  - huehehue 4y ago
    Thanks for unlocking the memory I have of getting my radio license in my early 20s. Got a lot of questions about why I was interested in radio, but in the sort of way that you might ask an alien what the purpose for their visit is. Also if anybody is reading this and interested in radio - take the test! It's cheap and you can cram the material in a day.
- toasteros 4y ago
  Voluntary organisations like the Scouts have been a good choice for me. It's tricky to get into if you're in the US because of all the dogma, but Scouting is an awesome thing to get into as an adult leader. If not the Scouts, then any voluntary org with a cause at its centre is great for forming connections.
- comfypotato 4y ago
  I’ve visited a board game club before and there were only a few people over 30. And a lot of younger. Very fun if you like board games. Literally just people there to have fun. Some cute girls too if that’s what you’re looking for.
  - mydriasis 4y ago
    That's a great idea! I've seen these pop out of local game shops pretty often.
  - jimmygrapes 4y ago
    I have tried to participate in dozens of board game and programming clubs in my region, and while sometimes it turns out alright at first (as in I went back several times), every single one of them got derailed by identitarianism; mostly trans[whatever suffix is appropriate] people making the entire thing into drama about themselves, with a small spattering of political ideologues (of all bents) and race. All it takes is one bad apple and a bunch of others desperate to not offend to make a gathering shift from "we were just here to play scrabble" to "everyone needs to sign this petition about drag shows/police brutality/tenants rights/etc. if you want to be welcome in this diverse and inclusive group." I don't want to go to the geriatric clubs who lament about how woke things are, either. Just leave your bullshit at home, please.
- nicbou 4y ago
  I made a few friends through Reddit and LinkedIn. I build in public and it attracts some people. In other cases I was the one reaching out. If you consider small online communities as a sort of club, you can make a few friends there. Otherwise Meetup.com was a good place to find groups of people. Dog owners and parents tend to find their peers at the park. There are WhatsApp and Facebook groups for just about anything else, but many of them spread through word of mouth.
- mydriasis 4y ago
  If you're interested in a service organization, Active 20-30 looks pretty cool. It aims to help out kids. https://www.active20-30.org/Get-involved https://www.active20-30.org/Get-involved
- bell-cot 4y ago
  At least in my area (SW Michigan), the Jaycees seem to be a fairly big thing. They require member ages to be in [18,40] - so "40 years younger" is not a risk.
voisin 4y ago
What prevents me from going to those clubs is a lock of understanding of the structure. I can understand something like a soccer team, but a “social club” gives me “networking event” vibes which are a huge turnoff.
- mydriasis 4y ago
  So I see what you mean -- some clubs definitely have "networking event" vibes. Others have "sit around and chat" vibes, "go have a drink and maybe some fries" vibes, "volunteer at a local org" vibes, etc. It all depends on what you're looking for, and it all depends on what you're interested in. There's no real set agenda that we can apply to all of these clubs -- as similar as they may seem, they do have a diverse set of goals that they try to achieve.
lr4444lr 4y ago
Not to sound ungrateful, but they tend to be exclusively occupied by senior citizens. I do enjoy spending time with the elderly, but it's no replacement for peers in one's own life stage.
- karaterobot 4y ago
  > Not to sound ungrateful, but they tend to be exclusively occupied by senior citizens. One solution to that would be for younger people to join.
  - mydriasis 4y ago
    Exactly :)
- mydriasis 4y ago
  That's a totally fair assessment, and not everyone's into that. I am sure, though, that if you look locally, you'll find a club or group that matches your age range more closely!
aschearer 4y ago
I was looking into a bunch of these recently. Many of them were white, male, Christian-only affairs within living memory. Took some of the sheen off.
- mydriasis 4y ago
  Sure, I get that. There are many out there that aren't, though, and I definitely encourage you to keep digging to look for clubs and groups near you that more closely align to the kind of social environment you're looking to engage in -- it's worth the effort, in my opinion. I think you'll be surprised by what you find!
- themaninthedark 4y ago
  If the history of an organization(and not it's current goals and practices) is going to be prevent you for being able to join, then life must be very difficult.
sulcate 4y ago
What? Do you notice a trend in the membership of your named organizations, mainly that they seem filled with old conservative men? Re: "daughters of the america" "Council of the Daughters of America, a patriotic fraternity, which seeks to aid in preserving and perpetuating the Public School system; to instill a spirit of patriotism into the youth of our land; to place our flag over every schoolhouse; to promote the reading of the Holy Bible therein; and to protest against the immigration of paupers, criminals, and the enemies of our social order" Ugh, yeah, my queer self is not really looking for that kind of engagement and I doubt they're looking for me. It has to be noted that there is absolutely an increasing poverty of community life and hyper individualization. It's kind of incentivized in currently existing systems.
- thanatropism 4y ago
  Maybe he doesn't know enough queer people/isn't queer enough to frequent queer social clubs. People are different.
  - sulcate 4y ago
    Yes, people are different, but you'd imagine that organizations promoting nativist ideology and religious education in schools might also very likely not resonate with a more highly-correlated-with-atheism hackernews crowd, no? The point being, the offered easy solutions aren't undeserving of critique and we can discuss real reasons people might not be joining these dying institutions. There was an issue in framing and I discussed it. A la the other conmments around not wanting to hang exclusively with senior citizens, or ham radio not offering the kind of bustling community one might want. Perhaps there's are reasons said organizations are struggling and a reason why people might feel the choice to find meaningful community isn't always easy, when it's disincentivised in society.
    - mydriasis 4y ago
      Yeah, that's all very fair. I think, though, that there are definitely organizations out there that align with different views. What I was going for in my original post was to give a whole bunch of examples to demonstrate that there are a whole bunch of organizations one might look into -- and there really are, if you look for social clubs, there are loads and loads of them. I'm hoping that we don't necessarily lump all of these into one category, because social clubs are really very diverse, and I think they're very much worth trying out for those looking for social engagement. Yeah, some of these clubs have musty old ideals, some are conservative or strictly religious. Then, there are other clubs out there -- perhaps not as wide in size or scale, but still looking for members -- that have ideals that might be more modern, less conservative, secular, etc. I think a lot of people these days are strictly thinking of grandpa when they hear about these social clubs, or group organizations, so they immediately write them off. But there are good organizations out there, and it might be worth a second look.
pavel_lishin 4y ago
Many of our local clubs include, in their charter, a requirement that the members be religious. Now, I'm sure they don't check. They probably don't pray, they won't quiz me about what church I go to. I could lie. But I don't want to. I don't want to have to.
- mydriasis 4y ago
  And there are some that don't! There're options for everyone.
  - legerdemain 4y ago
    Specifically the membership-based fraternal private societies, like the ones you mentioned? They were started at the same period of American history, and I only know of one exception that doesn't have "faith in a higher power" as a tenet of good citizenship. Heck, even the Jaycees, who explicitly target younger people. The exception is the Rotary Society. The average Rotarian is male, white, and 58 years old.
    - tomhoward 4y ago
      Rotary has been open to women since 1989, and it welcomes anyone who fits the membership requirements - "adult persons who demonstrate good character, integrity, and leadership; possess good reputation within their business, profession, occupation, and/or community". I was actively involved in Rotary in the 90s/00s via a Rotaract Club (for 18-30yos), and even then, there were many women, many non-white members, and plenty of people under 50 in the Rotary clubs I visited. If some clubs/areas are still dominated by white, older males, it is mostly due to the difficulty in attracting any new members into volunteer organisations these days (mostly as it's unfashionable and people have other things to do), not due to any exclusionist policies.
yamtaddle 4y ago
Fancier (more expensive) versions of this are country clubs, private clubs of various sorts (fictional example: The Diogenes Club in Sherlock Holmes stories—but these are real things, see also "gentleman's club" when that's not being used as a euphemism for "strip club"), and rich-people service organizations—this latter sort is typically dominated by women.
- trillic 4y ago
  Another mention here is Sailing Clubs. There are expensive and cheap Yacht Clubs. Many smaller clubs are entirely volunteer run. Sailing is an awesome social scene that’s surprisingly welcoming to beginners. Obviously there are the New York Yacht Club’s of the world, but also clubs like Chicago Corinthian Yacht Club which has a volunteer-run bar with prices set to just cover costs as well as catered casual food. Membership is under $1000 a year.
  - yamtaddle 4y ago
    Oof, right, big miss there. Good call.
teeray 4y ago
Meetup can be this for younger folks, but you have to be willing to put in the work to organize and be the first-mover. Find things you want to do, then make open events, effectively inviting random people to them. Bar trivias, karaoke, hikes, etc. are all fairly easy to coordinate and they will attract other people who are also wondering “how do I even make friends now?” EDIT: Also, always make an effort to talk to the new people that join your events, because other people in the group will tend to mostly talk with those they feel comfortable with. It makes new folks feel welcome and they’ll want to come back :)
JackMorgan 4y ago
I've really enjoyed joining a local volunteer fire company. Otherwise I'll just sit at home working remote on solo projects all day, so responding to a call or two a day gets me (running) out of the house, and after the call we usually sit around the station and shoot the breeze for a while which is fun. When I get bored of that, I walk back home and get back to work. Sure it's hard work, but that really helps balance the tedium of just pushing tiny plastic buttons for 12+ hours a day.
- mydriasis 4y ago
  That's really awesome!

tasty_freeze 4y ago

meetup.com offers a large collection of interest groups to join. It probably is less useful for low density areas, and I don't know if they operate outside the US. If you live in a large urban area (I'm in Austin) there are literally hundreds of meetup topics. Knitting? Music? Hiking? Books? Psychedelics? Religion? Sports? Investing? Meditation? Learning a language? There is no guarantee that you'll make a friend there, but the odds are much higher than watching TV at home.

legerdemain 4y ago
I'm a member of 125 Meetup groups at the last count. Most Meetup groups are zombie groups with thousands of members and no events. The Meetup engagement algorithm drives people to keep joining groups and keep RSVPing to events, but very little to encourage repeat attendance or to prune zombie groups and events from your calendar. As a consequence, most groups have tons of inactive "members," and most events have tons of fake "attendees." Even though I'm a "member" in over 100 groups, my Meetup calendar is mostly full of corporate Zoom events that are basically ads.
- tasty_freeze 4y ago
  I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe I got lucky -- I joined a group ("Let's start a beginners band") and I could see that they had a recent history of meetups. It took only a month or so for the next one, I went, maybe 25 people were there, which is pretty good considering they mostly people don't repeatedly go -- they find some other like-minded people and try to make music happen later.

anovikov 4y ago

Indeed this is super scary. I see it growing among peers and a part of this trend myself. We simply no longer hang out unless there's some particular event or need to do so. People plain out lost interest in it. It's absurd how quickly the (rather mild, i'm not in say, UK where it was really strict) lockdowns killed the social gene in us.

lolinder 4y ago

There are multiple people here recommending clubs and interest groups, but I think this is missing the point of the article. "Hanging out" as defined in the article is explicitly about not having anything specific to do or to talk about. It's unstructured socialization, being together with no particular goal in mind. What struck me reading this is that our cultural obsession with productivity has bled over into our private lives—socializing has to be a calendar item in order for it to fit in, and if it's going to be a calendar item it should have a specific purpose. This is sad. We've lost something important: spontaneous, purposeless social interaction.

wilburTheDog 4y ago
I think of clubs and interest groups as a good way to make friends that you can then hang out with.
- whstl 4y ago
  What if you already have lots of friends? I think the crux of the issue is that there's lots of clubs and a lot of purpose but not enough "just hanging out".
  - asdff 4y ago
    Then you probably are hanging out with them plenty already. Start inviting them over to your place to hang out if you feel like you don't have enough hanging out time.
CatWChainsaw 4y ago
Unstructured is uncontrolled, and uncontrolled is anathema to a culture that obsessively quantifies everything.
HPsquared 4y ago
I wonder if there are any "just hanging out" groups on Meetup.

paulpauper 4y ago

Pushed further into isolation by the pandemic, we’re all losing the ability to engage in what I view as the pinnacle of human interaction: sitting around with friends and talking shit. I agree with Liming that no one is down to hang out anymore, and agree with her that it’s a “quiet catastrophe.” A tad strong, no? It seems like there is this whole niche or genre of sociologists and commentators who go around catastrophizing things, looking for anything that is wrong or as reason for society failing.

epicureanideal 4y ago

What are some good places for 10-20 people to just hang out? Everywhere seems to involve a lot of spending or limited seating. A sports bar or English style pub would work, but I’d rather without encouraging everyone to continuously consume alcohol.

jareklupinski 4y ago
bowling is fun, maybe karaoke if you're in a city if it's a group with a common interest, you can rent a room in a dance studio or something similar, set up tables/chairs there, and have a hobby night
xwdv 4y ago
Parking lots, malls, outside of movie theaters, woods, riverbanks, people’s houses, old docks at lakes. 10-20 friends used to show up at this one lake easily off one group text. We’d spend hours talking, sitting on an old wood dock drinking beers and skipping stones we picked up from the loose gravel along the shore, and yelling to hear our echoes spread through the mountains. One time we hung up a rope on a thick tree branch and went swinging off the hill and flinging ourselves into the water. As the sun would begin to set we’d lite a small bon fire on the shore and sit around it staring into the flames philosophizing, occasionally some guys and girls might wander off into the woods to make out, smoke some weed or do who knows what. And when it got very late, we’d drive out to whatever burger joint was still open and sit on the curbs in parking lots eating greasy food. Always 10 or 20 people deep, just hanging out. Just another random day in our lives, oblivious to the dark shadow slowly crawling across our world.
- epicureanideal 4y ago
  Knowing how litigious the USA is these settings make me very nervous. Good way to lose everything because someone trips on a rock and blames you.
  - floren 4y ago
    Is that what makes you nervous, or is unexamined social anxiety making you nervous? Because it sounds like you're suggesting that, if you and 10 friends are hanging out down some forest service road in the woods, one of them might trip on a rock and decide to sue you... does that sound particularly likely?

spicyusername 4y ago

This definitely resonates with my experience. To me, it seems to be a death by a thousand cuts. Just a few challenges that come to mind: - The housing crisis has made it very difficult to live close to your friends and just pop in throughout the week. - Organized religion is in decline and nothing has yet taken its place as a "third place" for a community to congregate. - Needlessly intense working conditions and / or working remotely has taken away the "second place", where you would typically "hang out" with your co-workers. - Many people today choose not to have children, starkly dividing adults into mutually exclusive schedules and social personas. - Many people move frequently throughout their young-adult and early-adult years, fragmenting their social lives and preventing mature friendships from forming. - There is a significant cultural gap between older and younger generations, creating social friction within the nuclear family unit and across generational boundaries. - The digital age has moved the location of many common past-times from a public "third place" to your private bedroom. - etc, etc, etc

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
jarjoura 4y ago
Hopefully, I think the generation after Gen-Z will rebel against a lot of that on your list. I'm already noticing my nieces and nephews make a point to spend time with their real-life friends even when their parents are glued to their phones. They are a generation who collectively "lost" a year because of zoom home schooling and so they all seem to make a point to have other outside activities to connect with their friends on. I know most of us had that too, but for some reason it seems more important to them than it did even for me.
asdff 4y ago
I think things were going that way for a while, but in recent generations (millenial and Z) this is going the opposite way where the third place is emerging again. So many people I know are doing stuff, like joining a pickup soccer league, rock climbing, board gaming, video gaming, gardening, surfing, knitting, hacking, making, etc. All of these interests come with their own new circle of friends you meet, who I then meet through knowing you when you invite your soccer team to your birthday party. People will keep up these things even when they have kids. My parents generation never seemed to do any of this. They were contented with basically not socializing or engaging much beyond what they already knew, never taking personal trips or even eating out even though they can afford it, just staying busy with the house making tasks for themselves, since there is really no limit of potential repairs or projects to do around a house if you don't limit yourself (e.g. you don't need to polish the floors that many times a year). In my generation it seems like everyone has something they are really into that isn't work or their immediate family. You see this starting to shift how these suburban towns you grew up in look like, too. Main street suburbia is no longer dead antique shops. There's now an arthouse cinema, axe throwing, duck pin bowling, and a brewery.

colonCapitalDee 4y ago

This is something I've been struggling with myself. I remember how easy it was to just kill time with friends in high school, but now as an adult it feels so much harder. Thankfully, I think I've found a solution (or at least part of one): poker. Poker is like social crack. It makes players directly engage with each other, acts as a conversational centerpiece, and provides the perfect backdrop for shooting the shit. You start talking a smack after winning a hand, your buddy fires back, and people start laughing. Someone starts a sentence with "that reminds me of..." and suddenly you're all hanging out. As people get more comfortable (and inebriated) the game slows down. Add in some music or a game on TV, some snacks, drinks, and maybe some weed, and the entire experience becomes sublime. It's also easy to invite new people. Maybe you've always thought your coworker was a cool guy, but you've never been able to find a non-awkward way to start the transition from work-friends to just friends. With poker it's as easy as "hey, I'm hosting a poker game this Friday. Want to come?" I was inspired by my Dad; he and his poker buddies (mostly other dads in the neighborhood) have been playing together for over a decade. They take trips to cities like Vegas every couple of years for milestones like 50th birthdays, and occasionally meet up on lazy sundays at sports bars. I started my own poker group with my friends after my dad brought me to one of his games. A few tips for your first game: - make sure at least one person has the rules down pat - play with a small amount of money at stake (I do a $20 buy in). Without money on the line it's way to easy for people to lose interest and play recklessly, derailing the game - start the game late if you're worried about the group not gelling together. Starting late (I'd recommend 9 pm, YMMV) makes it feel more intimate, lessens the pressure to sustain a good time for hours, and reduces the suffering if the game flops - if the game is a success reach out within a couple of days to schedule the next one - you only need about two friends to put together a poker game. If they each bring a buddy then you've got a 5 person game

texaslonghorn5 4y ago
sounds interesting and well thought out. do you have any viable alternatives for people who don't gamble or drink?
- exolymph 4y ago

AussieWog93 4y ago

I suspect if hanging out was as fulfilling as the author suggested, people would be doing it more. I just know from experience, more often than not, I walk away from a hangout feeling worse than before. Things like walking groups are great, but more often than not hangouts seem to be based around an activity that is as unhealthy as possible (staying up late, drinking, smoking, eating shit food) and the social interaction is pretty surface level.

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]

jamal-kumar 4y ago

Programming meetups are pretty cool, I haven't been to one for ages but if anyone's ever looking for something to do and make some good connections most major cities have one. Where I'm at has a pretty nice and growing infosec scene which is highly appreciable too, most of it is organized around discord but there's plenty of in-person stuff happening.

goodoldneon 4y ago
I totally agree -- especially grabbing drinks somewhere else after the meetup talks are done
- whstl 4y ago
  I love the ones in Berlin. There's always more Pizza and Drinks than needed, so the post-talks hanging out can go on for pretty long.
legerdemain 4y ago
I've been going to a few and I even have one of my own that I run twice a month at a local co-working space. I don't know why anyone comes to either my meetup or the ones I go to, but they are 100% not people I want to hang out and drink with. Mostly middle-aged Asian and Indian men who are polite, quiet, socially distant, usually with no particular enthusiasm for the topic of the meetup. I don't know why they're there or why they're so numerous, but they're definitely not there to socialize and have fun.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]

throwaway24124 4y ago

Slate readers are the only people who would rather read a book called "Hanging Out" instead of just... hanging out.

idiotsecant 4y ago

Whenever I read things like this I feel like I must be an alien or have something pathologically wrong with me or something like that. I can hang out with people, I think. I just don't like to. I have been in an exclusive romantic relationship for decades, and I am reasonably social when it comes to task-based things, but gathering with people in unfocused social situations is best case an obligation and worst case fills we with something approaching dread. I am very happy working on my own things, discussing things on the internet, hanging out with spouse, etc. I am also happy to participate in things that revolve around getting something productive done, or communicating asynchronously in a way that allows consensual focus - when people can send me a message that I can respond to whenever I want, and vice versa. To me, it seems like society is just slowly starting to adapt to communicating in the way that I like to communicate. Selfishly, it's great. I have tried and failed to understand how it's a bad thing, but I have trouble doing so.

drukenemo 4y ago
On a very similar boat, I can relate to what you’re saying. I would just like to hang out with some pals a few times a year (so not every week like many). But it can be difficult to keep relationships close seeing each other not that often, but I guess technology can help us with that.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
MythEng 4y ago
I used to think that I was like this until I moved somewhere that forced it to be my only way to socialize. Ultimately it ended in a lot of depression and moving again. Learned a lot about myself during that time and in the end I feel like I know much more about myself than I did before. On a similar note, I've noticed that a lot of my friends are more willing to hang out post-pandemic as they all feel like we lost too much time being stuck at home.

panaffa 4y ago

GenZ here. 95% of my life so far has been spent alone lol. Prices for everything are crazy, a 1-BR apt cost 2-3K a month, and jobs barely pay enough to cover that while taking up half my waking hours. I've totally burned out

AndrewKemendo 4y ago

"Hanging out" has been the resting state of humans for 99% of humanity [1] [2]. That is to say, most of our time as humans has been spent sitting around with other people telling stories and sharing our feelings and thoughts. Full stop. The fact that loneliness is so pervasive is a symptom of the larger social crisis that will certainly be our ruin. Simply hanging out with strangers, being vulnerable, giving and receiving emotional and physical care in platonic ways with no social expectations, is one of the key things we need to do to get humanity onto a safe trajectory. [1] Chan, E.K.F., et al. (2019) Human origins in a southern African Paleo-wetland and first migrations. Nature 575, 185–189 [2]Sahlins, Marshall (2009). Hunter-gatherers: insights from a golden affluent age. Pacific Ecologist. 18: 3–8

panaffa 4y ago
Can all this pent-up trauma be undone?
- AndrewKemendo 4y ago
  I think so but it's going to take centuries of serious dedicated work by millions of patient, sophisticated and persistent non-violent pro-social volunteers. This is the path in my view: 1. Mutual cooperatives become the dominant form of labor organization over corporations (definitely possible) And 2. Mutual Aid Communities become the dominant form of social organization over Churches and Families (harder but I think still possible)
  - panaffa 4y ago
    Great ideas!! Especially the concept of mutual aid communities, I bet they could be implemented right now. If only we could get a bunch of engineers to build a worldwide, decentralized, nonprofit platform to organize them...
- rexpop 4y ago
  As a society, we need to grieve. We need time to grieve, yes, but we also need a process. We need permission to grieve: we need to let ourselves grieve. Not just for the dead, but for the shocking loss of this or that imagined future. And this process is going to be weird, and we'll hardly recognize ourselves, but of course nothing fundamental will have changed.

adzm 4y ago

Living in the suburbs, I'm happy I can host the occasional bonfire, which is a great opportunity to get a lot of people together and do whatever.

the_only_law 4y ago

Something happened with the pandemic. Before Covid, I was finally starting to get my social life together, I had a group of people I could hang out relatively regularly, close enough to my age. We would go out on the weekends, have a few drinks, talk, maybe go dancing or something. Post pandemic everything is drastically different. Suddenly, no one can organize. If someone tries to get a group together, everyone flakes last minute. Certain people don’t like each other anymore, and in general people feel more antagonistic, myself included at times. I used to go out by myself a lot too. It used to be fun. I could go out and by the end of the night I would meet cool people, have some interesting conversations, maybe fuck around and hop bars all night Now, no one talks to me, people seem less… amicable and going out by myself now means “sit and drink for hours because it’s still better than sitting around at home doing basically nothing”. Hanging out hasn’t really been fun since Covid.

NobleLie 4y ago
The manufactured new normal. I feel you, anon.
- migf 4y ago
  Man, nobody planned this.

legerdemain 4y ago

I can vouch for the La Quinta Inn mentioned in the article. It's a comfortable and affordable place to spend a night if you flew in to Burlington on the way to somewhere in the region (Lake Placid, in my case).

radicalriddler 4y ago

I moved to Melbourne, AUS for a year last year (moved back at the start of this year). My purpose was clear, find people to hang out with, and build a more social life. I succeeded. It was all with the help of Meetup, just hanging out at bars with groups lead me to talking to more and more people, and usually afterwards, I'd talk to people outside of Meetups at different bars. This led to gaining friends, and we'd just hit each other up to "hang out". It was the best year of my life due to this "hanging out" so I 100% relate to this whole article.