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Establishing good relationships with peers at work isn't that hard. What gets hard for me, over the years and as the number of contacts grow, is maintaining th

Establishing good relationships with peers at work isn't that hard. What gets hard for me, over the years and as the number of contacts grow, is maintaining these relationships in a way that doesn't feel superficial or transactional. Add in a few moves around the country during your career and a long tenure or two somewhere and it can be even harder.

phil21 4y ago
> transactional Your network should be somewhat transactional. They don't call it your friend circle or your family, that's different. Your network are people who can be (potentially) useful to you in your career or life goals. In return, you typically are (potentially) useful to them. The oft-repeated story of a colleague moving on and then giving you a recommendation for hire at their new gig when you start looking is a transactional relationship. Both parties got something out of it, and I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging that. Even if those parties didn't really speak for a few years in between. Plenty of folks I consider in my network and "good" friends I haven't spoken to in a couple years. If they called me at this moment I'd drop everything and pick up the call, and at least try to help them with whatever their reasonable need is. And I expect the same to be similar in reverse as well.
- shrimp_emoji 4y ago
  >They don't call it your friend circle or your family, that's different. Hahaa, citation needed. Embrace the interpersonal blackpill... unu
  - kelseyfrog 4y ago
    The problem with the interpersonal blackpill is that when people find out about it, they feel used, like a means to an end. I guess it's ethical to announce it to people before interacting with them, but that's so outside social norms, that I don't see it happening. Moreover, it necessitates the question, is it easier than being kind, caring and warm to people and form genuine and meaningful connections?
ok_coo 4y ago
If it helps, an ex-coworker reconnecting with me to discuss job opportunities would be fine with me. It wouldn't bother me. We both know we're talking about jobs, maybe we were good acquaintances, maybe not. I guess what I'm getting at is that I wouldn't be offended if an old coworker contacted me about a job after not hearing from them for years. We're all busy and have many priorities in our lives. It's kind of understood that we can't keep up with everyone.

phil21 4y ago

> transactional Your network should be somewhat transactional. They don't call it your friend circle or your family, that's different. Your network are people who can be (potentially) useful to you in your career or life goals. In return, you typically are (potentially) useful to them. The oft-repeated story of a colleague moving on and then giving you a recommendation for hire at their new gig when you start looking is a transactional relationship. Both parties got something out of it, and I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging that. Even if those parties didn't really speak for a few years in between. Plenty of folks I consider in my network and "good" friends I haven't spoken to in a couple years. If they called me at this moment I'd drop everything and pick up the call, and at least try to help them with whatever their reasonable need is. And I expect the same to be similar in reverse as well.

shrimp_emoji 4y ago
>They don't call it your friend circle or your family, that's different. Hahaa, citation needed. Embrace the interpersonal blackpill... unu
- kelseyfrog 4y ago
  The problem with the interpersonal blackpill is that when people find out about it, they feel used, like a means to an end. I guess it's ethical to announce it to people before interacting with them, but that's so outside social norms, that I don't see it happening. Moreover, it necessitates the question, is it easier than being kind, caring and warm to people and form genuine and meaningful connections?

ok_coo 4y ago

If it helps, an ex-coworker reconnecting with me to discuss job opportunities would be fine with me. It wouldn't bother me. We both know we're talking about jobs, maybe we were good acquaintances, maybe not. I guess what I'm getting at is that I wouldn't be offended if an old coworker contacted me about a job after not hearing from them for years. We're all busy and have many priorities in our lives. It's kind of understood that we can't keep up with everyone.