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“Should an emergency situation occur, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you.” Rule applies here, work on yo

“Should an emergency situation occur, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you.” Rule applies here, work on yourself so that you're a better person to be with in a relationship. Work on physical health, good diet, mental wellbeing, work through any past traumas or bad experiences (perhaps with a mental health professional) so you're not carring baggage to future relationships, work on impulse control, emotional control and pretty much the most important one above all others, communication skills. These things basically apply to all relationships, romantic, professional, friendships, family, etc and are generally good things to work on for your own happiness and wellbeing too.

atoav 4y ago
I wholeheartedly agree with this comment. Relationships are about you and the other. Becoming a better person yourself is the best way to inspire others to do so as well (and as a plus, if the relationship goes to pieces you get out of it a better person). One thing I'd like to add: do not think your relationship to your loved one is god given, something they owe you or something that you can take for granted. It really helps to remind yourself to view a relationship as what it realistically is: two (or more) people deciding to spend part of their life together for mutual benefit and growth, be it material, emotional or anything else. If you do not take your relationships for granted you have to ask yourself more if this is what you want and if this is what your loved one should have to love with. Just because they said ues to sharing life with you once, does not mean there is nothing to be done in the long run.
neom 4y ago
My young cousin was going through a breakup with her boyfriend recently and he was sending her all this stuff about how she needed to stay with him because he couldn't go on without her because he loves her so much and she's so perfect for him blah blah blah. He was basically loving himself by proxy. I told her, If my wife asked me for a divorce because our marriage was negatively impacting her life, of course I'd say no problem, if she was to be more happy and fulfilled in that reality, I'd do it in a heartbeat, I love her! It would hurt, and I would be hurt, but ultimately I'd be fine because I trust and love myself, and eventually, even more happy if it meant she was happy. I love her because of who she is, and she loves me because of who I am, we both love ourselves and share love together.
- gardenhedge 4y ago
  99% of relationships are not like this. At all.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  - kasey_junk 4y ago
    That’s a pretty jaded response to something you clearly can’t quantify. I’m hesitant to give relationship advice on the internet because every relationship is different but if I did “don’t love yourself by proxy” would seem pretty close to universal.
    - gardenhedge 4y ago
      It's not jaded it's just realistic. I can't think of anything other than naivety that would make someone believe that either partner in a most relationships would be happy to get divorced because they would be happy for the other person. I can't quantify that most people don't do handstands after they get home from work.. but I also know it doesn't happen. I am not talking about “don’t love yourself by proxy”.
      - tptacek 4y ago
        They didn't say they'd be happy to get divorced. They said the opposite thing, in fact. They said they'd be happier in the long run, which is true of most divorces, and all of the healthy ones.
  - capableweb 4y ago
    Not only is this a overtly negative view of life itself, it's probably incorrect as well, but depending on what kind of people you interact with, you'll get a biased view of it as a whole. "99%" is wrong, that much I can tell you though, probably closer to 50% than 100%. I'm biased the other way, most relationships me and my wife see in our friends are closer to the model parent described, but I realize we actively seek out friends who seem to have more healthy relations than people who don't.
jnsaff2 4y ago
Well said. I did something similar. Being comfortable in your own skin makes you more confident, confidence is attractive. It will snowball from there. Sometimes learning a skill can help to start yourself on a good path. For me it was going through the training to get a pilots license. Holding the license in my hands made me proud of myself and it had a ripple effect that set me on a path of self improvement. Got married few weeks ago.

atoav 4y ago

I wholeheartedly agree with this comment. Relationships are about you and the other. Becoming a better person yourself is the best way to inspire others to do so as well (and as a plus, if the relationship goes to pieces you get out of it a better person). One thing I'd like to add: do not think your relationship to your loved one is god given, something they owe you or something that you can take for granted. It really helps to remind yourself to view a relationship as what it realistically is: two (or more) people deciding to spend part of their life together for mutual benefit and growth, be it material, emotional or anything else. If you do not take your relationships for granted you have to ask yourself more if this is what you want and if this is what your loved one should have to love with. Just because they said ues to sharing life with you once, does not mean there is nothing to be done in the long run.

neom 4y ago

My young cousin was going through a breakup with her boyfriend recently and he was sending her all this stuff about how she needed to stay with him because he couldn't go on without her because he loves her so much and she's so perfect for him blah blah blah. He was basically loving himself by proxy. I told her, If my wife asked me for a divorce because our marriage was negatively impacting her life, of course I'd say no problem, if she was to be more happy and fulfilled in that reality, I'd do it in a heartbeat, I love her! It would hurt, and I would be hurt, but ultimately I'd be fine because I trust and love myself, and eventually, even more happy if it meant she was happy. I love her because of who she is, and she loves me because of who I am, we both love ourselves and share love together.

gardenhedge 4y ago
99% of relationships are not like this. At all.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- kasey_junk 4y ago
  That’s a pretty jaded response to something you clearly can’t quantify. I’m hesitant to give relationship advice on the internet because every relationship is different but if I did “don’t love yourself by proxy” would seem pretty close to universal.
  - gardenhedge 4y ago
    It's not jaded it's just realistic. I can't think of anything other than naivety that would make someone believe that either partner in a most relationships would be happy to get divorced because they would be happy for the other person. I can't quantify that most people don't do handstands after they get home from work.. but I also know it doesn't happen. I am not talking about “don’t love yourself by proxy”.
    - tptacek 4y ago
      They didn't say they'd be happy to get divorced. They said the opposite thing, in fact. They said they'd be happier in the long run, which is true of most divorces, and all of the healthy ones.
- capableweb 4y ago
  Not only is this a overtly negative view of life itself, it's probably incorrect as well, but depending on what kind of people you interact with, you'll get a biased view of it as a whole. "99%" is wrong, that much I can tell you though, probably closer to 50% than 100%. I'm biased the other way, most relationships me and my wife see in our friends are closer to the model parent described, but I realize we actively seek out friends who seem to have more healthy relations than people who don't.

jnsaff2 4y ago

Well said. I did something similar. Being comfortable in your own skin makes you more confident, confidence is attractive. It will snowball from there. Sometimes learning a skill can help to start yourself on a good path. For me it was going through the training to get a pilots license. Holding the license in my hands made me proud of myself and it had a ripple effect that set me on a path of self improvement. Got married few weeks ago.