4 ms·

Good point on the weird social structures. I always found dating in the workplace kinda alarming, especially when people would date their subordinates.

by k__ 4y ago

jacquesm 4y ago
That's a reason to ask for immediate relocation within the company to ensure your love interest isn't in your chain of command/review and vv. Many companies have pretty explicit rules around this. https://www.entrepreneur.com/growing-a-business/how-google-facebook-and-amazon-handle-office-romances/308983 https://www.entrepreneur.com/growing-a-business/how-google-f... Just a couple of things you might open the company (and yourself) up to (from the POV of the person in the supervisor role): - a sexual harassment lawsuit in case things end on a bad note - colleagues complaining (possibly rightfully so) about favoritism - inability to set policy because you yourself violate policy - a potentially very toxic situation in case the relationship ends and you have to continue to work together It doesn't really matter whether the person in the supervisor role is a male or a female, either way it looks bad and will likely lead to trouble. And for an encore: between founders the risks (but also some of the potential rewards) are even higher. I've seen a start-up that was doing fantastically well end up in shreds because the co-founders got romantically involved, got married, had kids and then divorced, the divorce pretty much killed the company.
- carlosjobim 4y ago
  The rest of the world laughs at the American prudes and their extreme fear of letting romance and life itself come in the way of the profit interests of their 85 year old corporate lords. I don't mean to insult, but please look at your reasoning and think about if it is healthy? Is it appropriate for an adult to talk about "lead to trouble". Kids get in trouble, grown ups don't. Oh, it is so unprofessional to let the wonder of being alive ever interrupt the demands of efficiency and a steady stream of taxes to the IRS. Imagine the nerve of that co-founder who destroyed the startup for unprofessional things like having children! My accountant will make a very stern frown when I tell him. Please corporate working Americans if you read this: It is okay to have romance in the workplace! Life is too short. All the rest of the world does this and knows it is natural and healthy.
  - jacquesm 4y ago
    Yes, us Americans are all idiots /s You may not mean to insult but you certainly don't come off as clever.
    - carlosjobim 4y ago
      It is only from Americans I have ever seen this perspective and these thoughts being communicated. Otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned nationality. Every nation has their variant of conventions that make no sense, and this is the American entry in that competition. How did I know you were American?
      - jacquesm 4y ago
        > How did I know you were American? You didn't.
        carlosjobim 4y ago
        Touché then! Sad to see these ideas spread outside of the US, they are extremely destructive to people.
        jacquesm 4y ago
        https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34460759 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34460759
        carlosjobim 4y ago
        Great quote! That's my point now as well, the puritan ideals you are putting forward are only considered in a very small subset of niche industries, and on very fragile grounds even there. Nothing is more valuable and natural than romance, so please would you consider changing your values? Love is not something filthy that should be banished from the workspace, it is much more important than increasing the profits for the 85 year old stock owners.
arcticbull 4y ago
About 22% of US married couples met at work, and that number is increasing. Of course, dating subordinates is a clear no-no.
- itsoktocry 4y ago
  Sure, but is it a "good thing"? Or is it that people spend so much time at work it's the only chance they have of meeting anyone?
  - eddsh1994 4y ago
    It is if the divorce rates are lower than the average, it isn't if it's higher (indicating less-optimal marriages due to lack of social life)
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  - chrsig 4y ago
    No, it's really a terrible thing -- both for what you noted, and the fact that if a relationship sours it could impact coworkers. Any given relationship sprouting from coworking isn't terrible, but in aggregate, I think it warrants a decent amount of frowning.
  - 1123581321 4y ago
    It’s a good way to meet people with shared interests. Everyone with everyone having more free time, not everyone wants to attend meetups outside of work. Not saying meeting at work has no downsides.
  - philwelch 4y ago
    It’s probably better than relying on Tinder.
  - carlosjobim 4y ago
    Maybe people work at the same place because they have similar interests? We are not randomly assigned where to work, it is a personal choice. Is it better for couples to meet when they're out getting blasted on the weekend?
raz32dust 4y ago
Given we spend a significant portion of lives at work, I think it's a good thing that people find life partners at work and a loss from remote work
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 4y ago
  I think it is evidence we spend entirely too much of our lives at work and thinking about work. Workaholics disagree, I'm sure.
mshake2 4y ago
How about the CEO and director of HR are married, and your department head is married to the head of a department that your team supports, and the heads of finance are married to each other. All in one company! Strange power dynamics everywhere in those nepotistic little fiefdoms.
- mfer 4y ago
  Sounds like a family business. I remember the first large company I worked for. There were married couples there, parents and their kids there, an aunt with her nephew there. There are a lot of ways to have family at a company.
  - mshake2 4y ago
    It wasn't a family business. The CEO fired the old HR and hired his wife to replace her. My department manager married the other dept manager. The finance head hired his wife when they expanded the department. With the exception of my dept manager, I guess it was just very lucky that these people's partners were "the best person for the job" out of the applicant pool.

Good point on the weird social structures. I always found dating in the workplace kinda alarming, especially when people would date their subordinates.

by k__ 4y ago

Good point on the weird social structures. I always found dating in the workplace kinda alarming, especially when people would date their subordinates.

jacquesm 4y ago

That's a reason to ask for immediate relocation within the company to ensure your love interest isn't in your chain of command/review and vv. Many companies have pretty explicit rules around this. https://www.entrepreneur.com/growing-a-business/how-google-facebook-and-amazon-handle-office-romances/308983 https://www.entrepreneur.com/growing-a-business/how-google-f... Just a couple of things you might open the company (and yourself) up to (from the POV of the person in the supervisor role): - a sexual harassment lawsuit in case things end on a bad note - colleagues complaining (possibly rightfully so) about favoritism - inability to set policy because you yourself violate policy - a potentially very toxic situation in case the relationship ends and you have to continue to work together It doesn't really matter whether the person in the supervisor role is a male or a female, either way it looks bad and will likely lead to trouble. And for an encore: between founders the risks (but also some of the potential rewards) are even higher. I've seen a start-up that was doing fantastically well end up in shreds because the co-founders got romantically involved, got married, had kids and then divorced, the divorce pretty much killed the company.

carlosjobim 4y ago
The rest of the world laughs at the American prudes and their extreme fear of letting romance and life itself come in the way of the profit interests of their 85 year old corporate lords. I don't mean to insult, but please look at your reasoning and think about if it is healthy? Is it appropriate for an adult to talk about "lead to trouble". Kids get in trouble, grown ups don't. Oh, it is so unprofessional to let the wonder of being alive ever interrupt the demands of efficiency and a steady stream of taxes to the IRS. Imagine the nerve of that co-founder who destroyed the startup for unprofessional things like having children! My accountant will make a very stern frown when I tell him. Please corporate working Americans if you read this: It is okay to have romance in the workplace! Life is too short. All the rest of the world does this and knows it is natural and healthy.
- jacquesm 4y ago
  Yes, us Americans are all idiots /s You may not mean to insult but you certainly don't come off as clever.
  - carlosjobim 4y ago
    It is only from Americans I have ever seen this perspective and these thoughts being communicated. Otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned nationality. Every nation has their variant of conventions that make no sense, and this is the American entry in that competition. How did I know you were American?
    - jacquesm 4y ago
      > How did I know you were American? You didn't.
      - carlosjobim 4y ago
        Touché then! Sad to see these ideas spread outside of the US, they are extremely destructive to people.
        jacquesm 4y ago
        https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34460759 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34460759
        carlosjobim 4y ago
        Great quote! That's my point now as well, the puritan ideals you are putting forward are only considered in a very small subset of niche industries, and on very fragile grounds even there. Nothing is more valuable and natural than romance, so please would you consider changing your values? Love is not something filthy that should be banished from the workspace, it is much more important than increasing the profits for the 85 year old stock owners.

arcticbull 4y ago

About 22% of US married couples met at work, and that number is increasing. Of course, dating subordinates is a clear no-no.

itsoktocry 4y ago
Sure, but is it a "good thing"? Or is it that people spend so much time at work it's the only chance they have of meeting anyone?
- eddsh1994 4y ago
  It is if the divorce rates are lower than the average, it isn't if it's higher (indicating less-optimal marriages due to lack of social life)
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- chrsig 4y ago
  No, it's really a terrible thing -- both for what you noted, and the fact that if a relationship sours it could impact coworkers. Any given relationship sprouting from coworking isn't terrible, but in aggregate, I think it warrants a decent amount of frowning.
- 1123581321 4y ago
  It’s a good way to meet people with shared interests. Everyone with everyone having more free time, not everyone wants to attend meetups outside of work. Not saying meeting at work has no downsides.
- philwelch 4y ago
  It’s probably better than relying on Tinder.
- carlosjobim 4y ago
  Maybe people work at the same place because they have similar interests? We are not randomly assigned where to work, it is a personal choice. Is it better for couples to meet when they're out getting blasted on the weekend?

raz32dust 4y ago

Given we spend a significant portion of lives at work, I think it's a good thing that people find life partners at work and a loss from remote work

AnIdiotOnTheNet 4y ago
I think it is evidence we spend entirely too much of our lives at work and thinking about work. Workaholics disagree, I'm sure.

mshake2 4y ago

How about the CEO and director of HR are married, and your department head is married to the head of a department that your team supports, and the heads of finance are married to each other. All in one company! Strange power dynamics everywhere in those nepotistic little fiefdoms.

mfer 4y ago
Sounds like a family business. I remember the first large company I worked for. There were married couples there, parents and their kids there, an aunt with her nephew there. There are a lot of ways to have family at a company.
- mshake2 4y ago
  It wasn't a family business. The CEO fired the old HR and hired his wife to replace her. My department manager married the other dept manager. The finance head hired his wife when they expanded the department. With the exception of my dept manager, I guess it was just very lucky that these people's partners were "the best person for the job" out of the applicant pool.