6 ms·

The Night Watch (2013) [pdf]

138 points by kaycebasques 4y ago

xrayarx 4y ago
Previously: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 Also, this is from 2013 It is however, always worth a read
- AnimalMuppet 4y ago
  I think I've read it before. But for something like this, I've got time to read it again...
- kaycebasques 4y ago
  Oh, yes. Forgot to add the year in the title. Done.
- dang 4y ago
  Thanks! Macroexpanded: The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 - March 2019 (10 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16188538 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16188538 - Jan 2018 (1 comment) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 - March 2017 (33 comments) The Night Watch [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12490689 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12490689 - Sept 2016 (2 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 - June 2015 (21 comments) The Night Watch - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6741804 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6741804 - Nov 2013 (3 comments) The Night Watch - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6735980 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6735980 - Nov 2013 (3 comments)
  - moonchild 4y ago
    Out of curiosity, do you have a script which does this, or do you do it manually?
    - dang 4y ago
      I do it manually using HN Search but use a browser extension with keyboard shortcuts that make it faster. More here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28441182 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28441182.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
jeffrallen 4y ago
POINTERS ARE REAL. I believe.
idlewords 4y ago
James Mickens is a national treasure.
Animats 4y ago
"Systems programmers are high priests of a low cult." (Attributed to Alan Kay)
082349872349872 4y ago
> I HAVE NO TOOLS BECAUSE I’VE DESTROYED MY TOOLS WITH MY TOOLS Back when Craftsman tools had a no-questions-asked replacement guarantee, some friends of mine brought back a metallic blob, a former wrench that had "accidentally" shorted out a power line capacitor, and sheepishly said "it broke". I sometimes thought about that wrench, when borrowing an o-scope from the EE's, in order to reliably debug some low-level instance of ex falso quodlibet.
- caycep 4y ago
  Ah, the LL Bean of the tool world? https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/fond-farewell-l-l-bean-no-questions-asked-return-policy https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/fond-farewell...
- myself248 4y ago
  When I found myself on the west coast and had occasion to visit Noisebridge, I was most amused to find this on the wall of their workshop: https://flickr.com/photos/myself248/43675826702/ https://flickr.com/photos/myself248/43675826702/
- kelnos 4y ago
  Wait, so... did Craftsman honor the replacement guarantee for the metallic blob? I'm really hoping the answer is "yes".
  - 082349872349872 4y ago
    yes, they did, but it was last century...
jmorse2 4y ago
As there's something about branch prediction on the front page right now, "The slow winter" [0] is well worth a read too because a) We should remember the magma people are waiting for our mistakes, and b) the branches really did make a pact with an adversary, resulting in the spectre CPU vulnerabilities we know and love today. (It really is worth a read; James Mickens is indeed a national treasure). [0] https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/mickens/files/theslowwinter.pdf https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/mickens/files/theslowwinte...
- wstrange 4y ago
  "If her hard disk is active for more than a second per hour, or if her CPU utilization goes above 4%, she either has a computer virus, or she made the disastrous decision to run a Java program"
- xarope 4y ago
  Thank you for the rabbit hole, I look forward to the day when I see a scrawl on the wall saying “THE MAGMA PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR OUR MISTAKES.” and being able to nod sagely whilst others are wondering what aliens wrote this.
labrador 4y ago
James Mickens is a funny guy. My favorite humorist is Patrick Boyle. He's also very informative. I'm finding I learn faster when I am enjoying what I am hearing. https://www.youtube.com/@PBoyle https://www.youtube.com/@PBoyle This link is pretty funny too in the dry humor department. I thought it was serious when I first read it. "Terry Davis Was Right" https://www.palladiummag.com/2022/04/01/palladium-is-now-templeos/ https://www.palladiummag.com/2022/04/01/palladium-is-now-tem...
deepzn 4y ago
Great post, and funny writing. Do read. Systems programming IS crucial. One wonders if we do end up going to an apocalypse scenario, we would realize it's importance.
- BirAdam 4y ago
  Not really. In an apocalypse, we’d take anything that worked. I think the more fundamental issue is that software engineering (and computer science generally) are immature fields that put zero emphasis on the history of the field or on the “why” of that history.
sorokod 4y ago
It takes real skill to disparage so many programming languages, to offend multiple geek tribes, and still come out as a person I'd be delighted to buy a beer
buildbot 4y ago
Re-reading these is nearly as good as the first time I discovered them in the undergrad computer labs in the wee morning was a cathartic break from FPGA programming. I’m honestly sad that Mickens left Microsoft before I joined, just working in the same company as the man would be an honor.
jvanderbot 4y ago
James Mickens is a national treasure. Go watch his talks on YouTube and read everything he writes. https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/ https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/ Excellence. Quality. Science. These are just a few of the words that have been applied to the illustrious research career of James Mickens. In the span of a few years, James Mickens has made deep, fundamental, and amazing contributions to various areas of computer science and life. Widely acknowledged as one of the greatest scholars of his generation, James Mickens ran out of storage space for his awards in 1992, and he subsequently purchased a large cave to act as a warehouse/fortress from which he can defend himself during the inevitable robot war that was prophesied by the documentary movie “The Matrix.” In his spare time, James Mickens enjoys life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, often (but not always) in that order, and usually (almost always) while listening to Black Sabbath. Feel free to start here https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1uflg7LDmzI&pp=QAFIAQ%3D%3D https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1uflg7LDmzI&pp=QAFIAQ%3D%3D
marktani 4y ago
> I am like the Statue of Liberty: I accept everyone, even the wretched and the huddled and people who enjoy Haskell. The text is so amusing, I enjoyed it even though the typesetting is hard to parse. That says a lot :)
trentnelson 4y ago
Tell you what would be neat: having ChatGPT author prose in the style of James Mickens.
- googlryas 4y ago
  > Write a treatise on corporate espionage in the style of James Mickens Listen closely, my friends, for I am about to take you on a journey through the dark and shadowy world of corporate espionage. This is the realm of the true business warriors, where the stakes are high and the competition is fierce. First, let us consider the tools of the trade. The corporate spy is like a ninja, with their encrypted laptops as their swords and their fake identities as their smoke bombs. And just like a ninja, the spy must always be one step ahead of their enemies, for a single slip-up could mean the difference between a successful mission and a lifetime behind bars. But the tools are just the tip of the iceberg. The true test of a spy's mettle is in their ability to infiltrate the enemy's stronghold and extract their secrets. This is the art of deception, and it is not for the faint of heart. The spy must be able to charm their way past security, outsmart their rivals, and evade detection at all costs. But the spy's quest is not without its rewards. For those who are brave enough to face the dangers of the corporate battlefield, there are riches beyond measure. The corporate spy is the modern-day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich corporations and giving to their own. And just as Robin Hood sought to overthrow the corrupt rulers, the corporate spy is on a quest to level the playing field for their company. So let us raise our glasses to the brave spies who venture forth into the unknown, for they are the true heroes of the corporate world. May their laptops always be encrypted, and may their cover identities never be exposed. Note: the above passage is written in an overly-exaggerated style, the author is not James Mickens and is not meant to be taken as an actual treatise. The intent is to entertain with a humorous style. Corporate espionage is illegal, unethical and can have severe consequences
MaysonL 4y ago
Reading this triggered so many memories of system programming disasters and victories I have seen and participated in: The circular disk output buffer which emulated Ouroboros and eating its own tail, started sending patient data back to the wrong hospital The minicomputer which stopped working (while I was programming it), because a chip had disappeared from the CPU backplane The only soldering I ever committed (which my boss disparaged as really ugly when he returned from giving the demo which that soldering had saved) which enabled me to debug a race condition in a distributed OS I was coding, by creating an RS-232 null modem so I could run two copies of the OS on the same microVAX And too many more to bore you with.
ncann 4y ago
> There will be rich debates about the socioeconomic implications of Helvetica Light, and at some point, you will have to decide whether serifs are daring statements of modernity, or tools of hegemonic oppression that implicitly support feudalism and illiteracy > HCI people discover bugs by receiving a concerned email from their therapist. Systems people discover bugs by waking up and discovering that their first-born children are missing and “ETIMEDOUT ” has been written in blood on the wall. > You might ask, “Why would someone write code in a grotesque language that exposes raw memory addresses? Why not use a modern language with garbage collection and functional programming and free massages after lunch?” Here’s the answer: Pointers are real. They’re what the hardware under stands. Somebody has to deal with them. You can’t just place a LISP book on top of an x86 chip and hope that the hardware learns about lambda calculus by osmosis. I love this classic, full of memorable quotes
canjobear 4y ago
The part about the pointer value of 7 always gets me.
brunooliv 4y ago
Damn, these articles are awesome!! I recall once, when I was still green in the field, while at university having read one of his articles and having been surprised at the way it was written even if I couldn't digest the technical content... Now that I've stumbled upon his articles, 8 years later, does anyone know if he has an archive of all his articles somewhere? I suspect I might be in for a very nice journey...
- greenyoda 4y ago
  This and other articles and talks can be found on Mickens' web site: https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/wisdom-james-mickens https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/wisdom-james-mickens
gtsnexp 4y ago
I don't remember the last time a piece of text made me laugh out loud. Masterpiece!
low_tech_love 4y ago
Every 6 months or so I re-read this article as if it was the first time, and every time in the middle of it I realize I have already read it, and still finish it and still laugh anyway. It's a curious phenomenon.
lumb63 4y ago
This is a favorite of mine since I saw it on here previously. It validates all my experiences as a systems programmer. While others are writing code in the “garbage collected Esperanto runtime”, some of us are knees-deep in oscilloscope hell, trying to figure out why our signals are bunk. A new takeaway for me this time: it doesn’t have to be this way. We systems programmers don’t have to smugly remind everyone that we work on “harder problems” than they do, or that our errors keep us awake at night. Some of this is unavoidable and the nature of the task at hand, but some of it is our own doing. Better languages and tools can be a huge help here.
lizknope 4y ago
LOL, I clicked on this thinking it was going to be an update on the article last week about Rembrandt's painting The Night Watch https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34446053&ref=upstract.com https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34446053&ref=upstract.c...

138 points by kaycebasques 4y ago

Previously: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 Also, this is from 2013 It is however, always worth a read

AnimalMuppet 4y ago
I think I've read it before. But for something like this, I've got time to read it again...
kaycebasques 4y ago
Oh, yes. Forgot to add the year in the title. Done.
dang 4y ago
Thanks! Macroexpanded: The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 - March 2019 (10 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16188538 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16188538 - Jan 2018 (1 comment) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 - March 2017 (33 comments) The Night Watch [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12490689 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12490689 - Sept 2016 (2 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 - June 2015 (21 comments) The Night Watch - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6741804 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6741804 - Nov 2013 (3 comments) The Night Watch - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6735980 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6735980 - Nov 2013 (3 comments)
- moonchild 4y ago
  Out of curiosity, do you have a script which does this, or do you do it manually?
  - dang 4y ago
    I do it manually using HN Search but use a browser extension with keyboard shortcuts that make it faster. More here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28441182 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28441182.

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

jeffrallen 4y ago

POINTERS ARE REAL. I believe.

idlewords 4y ago

James Mickens is a national treasure.

Animats 4y ago

"Systems programmers are high priests of a low cult." (Attributed to Alan Kay)

082349872349872 4y ago

> I HAVE NO TOOLS BECAUSE I’VE DESTROYED MY TOOLS WITH MY TOOLS Back when Craftsman tools had a no-questions-asked replacement guarantee, some friends of mine brought back a metallic blob, a former wrench that had "accidentally" shorted out a power line capacitor, and sheepishly said "it broke". I sometimes thought about that wrench, when borrowing an o-scope from the EE's, in order to reliably debug some low-level instance of ex falso quodlibet.

caycep 4y ago
Ah, the LL Bean of the tool world? https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/fond-farewell-l-l-bean-no-questions-asked-return-policy https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/fond-farewell...
myself248 4y ago
When I found myself on the west coast and had occasion to visit Noisebridge, I was most amused to find this on the wall of their workshop: https://flickr.com/photos/myself248/43675826702/ https://flickr.com/photos/myself248/43675826702/
kelnos 4y ago
Wait, so... did Craftsman honor the replacement guarantee for the metallic blob? I'm really hoping the answer is "yes".
- 082349872349872 4y ago
  yes, they did, but it was last century...

jmorse2 4y ago

As there's something about branch prediction on the front page right now, "The slow winter" [0] is well worth a read too because a) We should remember the magma people are waiting for our mistakes, and b) the branches really did make a pact with an adversary, resulting in the spectre CPU vulnerabilities we know and love today. (It really is worth a read; James Mickens is indeed a national treasure). [0] https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/mickens/files/theslowwinter.pdf https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/mickens/files/theslowwinte...

wstrange 4y ago
"If her hard disk is active for more than a second per hour, or if her CPU utilization goes above 4%, she either has a computer virus, or she made the disastrous decision to run a Java program"
xarope 4y ago
Thank you for the rabbit hole, I look forward to the day when I see a scrawl on the wall saying “THE MAGMA PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR OUR MISTAKES.” and being able to nod sagely whilst others are wondering what aliens wrote this.

labrador 4y ago

James Mickens is a funny guy. My favorite humorist is Patrick Boyle. He's also very informative. I'm finding I learn faster when I am enjoying what I am hearing. https://www.youtube.com/@PBoyle https://www.youtube.com/@PBoyle This link is pretty funny too in the dry humor department. I thought it was serious when I first read it. "Terry Davis Was Right" https://www.palladiummag.com/2022/04/01/palladium-is-now-templeos/ https://www.palladiummag.com/2022/04/01/palladium-is-now-tem...

deepzn 4y ago

Great post, and funny writing. Do read. Systems programming IS crucial. One wonders if we do end up going to an apocalypse scenario, we would realize it's importance.

BirAdam 4y ago
Not really. In an apocalypse, we’d take anything that worked. I think the more fundamental issue is that software engineering (and computer science generally) are immature fields that put zero emphasis on the history of the field or on the “why” of that history.

sorokod 4y ago

It takes real skill to disparage so many programming languages, to offend multiple geek tribes, and still come out as a person I'd be delighted to buy a beer

buildbot 4y ago

Re-reading these is nearly as good as the first time I discovered them in the undergrad computer labs in the wee morning was a cathartic break from FPGA programming. I’m honestly sad that Mickens left Microsoft before I joined, just working in the same company as the man would be an honor.

jvanderbot 4y ago

James Mickens is a national treasure. Go watch his talks on YouTube and read everything he writes. https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/ https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/ Excellence. Quality. Science. These are just a few of the words that have been applied to the illustrious research career of James Mickens. In the span of a few years, James Mickens has made deep, fundamental, and amazing contributions to various areas of computer science and life. Widely acknowledged as one of the greatest scholars of his generation, James Mickens ran out of storage space for his awards in 1992, and he subsequently purchased a large cave to act as a warehouse/fortress from which he can defend himself during the inevitable robot war that was prophesied by the documentary movie “The Matrix.” In his spare time, James Mickens enjoys life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, often (but not always) in that order, and usually (almost always) while listening to Black Sabbath. Feel free to start here https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1uflg7LDmzI&pp=QAFIAQ%3D%3D https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1uflg7LDmzI&pp=QAFIAQ%3D%3D

marktani 4y ago

> I am like the Statue of Liberty: I accept everyone, even the wretched and the huddled and people who enjoy Haskell. The text is so amusing, I enjoyed it even though the typesetting is hard to parse. That says a lot :)

trentnelson 4y ago

Tell you what would be neat: having ChatGPT author prose in the style of James Mickens.

googlryas 4y ago
> Write a treatise on corporate espionage in the style of James Mickens Listen closely, my friends, for I am about to take you on a journey through the dark and shadowy world of corporate espionage. This is the realm of the true business warriors, where the stakes are high and the competition is fierce. First, let us consider the tools of the trade. The corporate spy is like a ninja, with their encrypted laptops as their swords and their fake identities as their smoke bombs. And just like a ninja, the spy must always be one step ahead of their enemies, for a single slip-up could mean the difference between a successful mission and a lifetime behind bars. But the tools are just the tip of the iceberg. The true test of a spy's mettle is in their ability to infiltrate the enemy's stronghold and extract their secrets. This is the art of deception, and it is not for the faint of heart. The spy must be able to charm their way past security, outsmart their rivals, and evade detection at all costs. But the spy's quest is not without its rewards. For those who are brave enough to face the dangers of the corporate battlefield, there are riches beyond measure. The corporate spy is the modern-day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich corporations and giving to their own. And just as Robin Hood sought to overthrow the corrupt rulers, the corporate spy is on a quest to level the playing field for their company. So let us raise our glasses to the brave spies who venture forth into the unknown, for they are the true heroes of the corporate world. May their laptops always be encrypted, and may their cover identities never be exposed. Note: the above passage is written in an overly-exaggerated style, the author is not James Mickens and is not meant to be taken as an actual treatise. The intent is to entertain with a humorous style. Corporate espionage is illegal, unethical and can have severe consequences

MaysonL 4y ago

Reading this triggered so many memories of system programming disasters and victories I have seen and participated in: The circular disk output buffer which emulated Ouroboros and eating its own tail, started sending patient data back to the wrong hospital The minicomputer which stopped working (while I was programming it), because a chip had disappeared from the CPU backplane The only soldering I ever committed (which my boss disparaged as really ugly when he returned from giving the demo which that soldering had saved) which enabled me to debug a race condition in a distributed OS I was coding, by creating an RS-232 null modem so I could run two copies of the OS on the same microVAX And too many more to bore you with.

ncann 4y ago

> There will be rich debates about the socioeconomic implications of Helvetica Light, and at some point, you will have to decide whether serifs are daring statements of modernity, or tools of hegemonic oppression that implicitly support feudalism and illiteracy > HCI people discover bugs by receiving a concerned email from their therapist. Systems people discover bugs by waking up and discovering that their first-born children are missing and “ETIMEDOUT ” has been written in blood on the wall. > You might ask, “Why would someone write code in a grotesque language that exposes raw memory addresses? Why not use a modern language with garbage collection and functional programming and free massages after lunch?” Here’s the answer: Pointers are real. They’re what the hardware under stands. Somebody has to deal with them. You can’t just place a LISP book on top of an x86 chip and hope that the hardware learns about lambda calculus by osmosis. I love this classic, full of memorable quotes

canjobear 4y ago

The part about the pointer value of 7 always gets me.

brunooliv 4y ago

Damn, these articles are awesome!! I recall once, when I was still green in the field, while at university having read one of his articles and having been surprised at the way it was written even if I couldn't digest the technical content... Now that I've stumbled upon his articles, 8 years later, does anyone know if he has an archive of all his articles somewhere? I suspect I might be in for a very nice journey...

greenyoda 4y ago
This and other articles and talks can be found on Mickens' web site: https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/wisdom-james-mickens https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/wisdom-james-mickens

gtsnexp 4y ago

I don't remember the last time a piece of text made me laugh out loud. Masterpiece!

low_tech_love 4y ago

Every 6 months or so I re-read this article as if it was the first time, and every time in the middle of it I realize I have already read it, and still finish it and still laugh anyway. It's a curious phenomenon.

lumb63 4y ago

This is a favorite of mine since I saw it on here previously. It validates all my experiences as a systems programmer. While others are writing code in the “garbage collected Esperanto runtime”, some of us are knees-deep in oscilloscope hell, trying to figure out why our signals are bunk. A new takeaway for me this time: it doesn’t have to be this way. We systems programmers don’t have to smugly remind everyone that we work on “harder problems” than they do, or that our errors keep us awake at night. Some of this is unavoidable and the nature of the task at hand, but some of it is our own doing. Better languages and tools can be a huge help here.

lizknope 4y ago

LOL, I clicked on this thinking it was going to be an update on the article last week about Rembrandt's painting The Night Watch https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34446053&ref=upstract.com https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34446053&ref=upstract.c...