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Some of this seems like bad advice. Imposter syndrome is a real thing, and it's certainly possible to be overly self-critical. But plenty of people aren't "in

Some of this seems like bad advice. Imposter syndrome is a real thing, and it's certainly possible to be overly self-critical. But plenty of people aren't "in the right place," and aren't "doing the right thing." People only get "stronger, smarter, ... and more productive" through intentional self-development, not by wishful thinking. For most of us, to love ourselves means we should be aspiring to something better, and not content with how we are now. Telling yourself you're worse than you are isn't healthy, but neither is it healthy to tell yourself that you're better than you are. I would advise someone to overcome imposter syndrome by anchoring in objective facts about reality.

throwaway98797 4y ago
an inflated self image seems to be associated with happier less stressed people i found that the more delusional i get myself, the happier i am. maybe bad long term but feel better than seeing the “truth”, whatever that is anyways
- Jensson 4y ago
  Yeah, which is why people tell themselves that their self doubt is just "impostor syndrome", there is no way they actually are bad its just them underestimating themselves! We all know how research shows how humans usually underestimates their own capabilities, right??? But I guess if that makes them happy why not. But it gets old quick when everyone says they have impostor syndrome.
  - Apocryphon 4y ago
    Well, the people who have Dunning-Kruger don’t have impostor syndrome. Wonder what the ratio is between the two, and the distribution.
    - dgb23 4y ago
      Nobody seems to be incompetent at anything anymore, but weirdly enough everyone has impostor syndrome now. For me, the nagging, head spinning inner critic that doesn't leave me alone is a major driver for curiosity, learning, creativity and general improvement. Impostor syndrome is when there's clear evidence that you're successful and competent but you still don't believe it and you are _afraid_ that this is uncovered. It is an irrational fear and a brutal delusion. It's one of those where you can get presented objective evidence that the fear is unwarranted but you still can't get rid of it. I never had impostor syndrome, but I can relate to those types of fears and mental challenges. It's very hard work to clear these types of things up. You don't even want to talk about it. People who suck at something do not have impostor syndrome, by definition. What is much more likely is that they are in the phase where they start to get that they suck ("valley of despair"). But that's not a mental blockade induced by crippling fear like impostor syndrome is. Realizing you suck at something calls for _celebration_. The delusion is broken! There's only going to be improvement!
      - Apocryphon 4y ago
        On one hand, there seems to be a society-wide stress engendered by the global events of the last several years, which could explain more and more people have anxiety about many things, including themselves. On the other, sure, when a concept such as impostor syndrome becomes widespread, more people are going to try to weigh themselves against it, and try to appear on the "right side" of it. Thus, in almost in a humblebrag manner, dismiss flaws as self-doubt or lack of confidence. > The delusion is broken! There's only going to be improvement! Not everyone has the same productive inner critic. Some people can be self-critical to the point of paralysis, to the extent of wallowing doubt. To self-loathing and absolute defeatism. Look at the increases in mental illness, addiction, and worse in society. Some inner critics kill, whether a person's potential, or their actual life. Now, the OP uses a generic one-size-fits-all, vapidly positive self-help soothing solution, which might not help a lot of people. And so it becomes easy to dismiss, and to dismiss impostor syndrome as simply an excuse. But I'm just reminding you that not everyone is able to step up to challenges in the same way. Not everyone has a healthy growth mindset to overcome one's mental blockades. Some do lose themselves in the valley of despair, and could benefit from self-affirmation. Maybe just not the basic content-written approach in the OP.
- shrimp_emoji 4y ago
  My experience is the opposite. The less I take myself seriously, the more I apply self-compassion, and the less I let my performance/failures define my sense of self, the happier and less stressed I am. I discovered this by accident. I used to be the opposite: my self-image used to be relatively inflated, and my sense of self was tightly integrated with external events. When those external events turned south hard enough to totally shatter my ego, it felt like my brain -- utterly against my will -- decided, "I guess we gotta let go of caring about stuff this hard." I ceased to be able to care as hard (seemingly permanently). I've been happier and chiller ever since. :p
  - throwaway98797 4y ago
    i got to the same point but i view it as self denial since i just basically ignore objective reality and assume i’m doing well even if evidence contradicts this people telling me i suck doesn’t bother me because i know their wrong i used to be hyper critical of myself now i don’t worry about it i am what i am
tgaj 4y ago
And what really mean to be "in the right place"? I think the idea is to stop thinking about the place you are right now, because that's the result of your earlier choices and you can't change that anyway. It is the "right place" for now. But you can start to think about what you can do to get to the place you want to be if there is one. Or maybe accept that life is not always about getting somewhere but about appreciate where you are, because life will never be perfect.
doix 4y ago
It's all about balance though, isn't it? Someone that doubts themselves to the point of never trying or doing anything, needs _something_ to get them out of that mode. Maybe they read this article and something resonates with them and they can make a change for the better. Likewise, there might be someone completely delusional that thinks they are gods gift to the world that can do no wrong. So the only reason they aren't more successful is bad luck or something. Reading this article and taking something from it would be counterproductive, they need to read something else to get out of that head space.
egypturnash 4y ago
This is magical advice; there's a huge body of work concerning the Law of Attraction and the power of regularly making positive statements. The most well-known book in this category is The Secret but it goes back to the early 1900s. Typically, any long-form writing in this category will spill some ink reminding you that shit happens a lot faster if you put some effort in, so you're definitely not wrong here.
wpietri 4y ago
Have you personally overcome imposter syndrome through this advice? Because it sounds to me like a theoretical take, not one that has been well tested. The people I know who are or have been overly self critical are not lacking in "objective facts". They have been damaged by dealing extensively with people who are overly critical, often to the point of emotional abuse. So they have problems with selecting which facts to focus on and how to weight them emotionally. These are often not conscious problems, and so getting out of them doesn't just require rational-mind realizations, but changing deep habits of thought. I also am very concerned about this, which I think is potentially harmful to some people, especially those struggling with self esteem: > For most of us, to love ourselves means we should be aspiring to something better, and not content with how we are now. I think this could easily be read as meaning that aspiration is a precondition of self love. For people who have been told from their earliest memories that they are inadequate, tying self-love to self-improvement puts them on a treadmill that never stops. Love does not require improvement or perfection.
- five82 4y ago
  As someone who’s dealt with emotional abuse, this really struck a chord. You can see and understand the objective facts. But it’s very hard to accept positive reinforcement emotionally. You don’t believe it’s genuine.
- jkingsbery 4y ago
  > Have you personally overcome imposter syndrome through this advice? Yes, this is personally what I do. > I think this could easily be read as meaning that aspiration is a precondition of self love. I suppose I could have been more clear. Aspirations need not be professional, they could be moral, relationship based, experiential, etc. You're right that if we say "I can only love myself when I'm better" means you never will be happy with yourself, and that's not what I'm trying to say. But one of my favorite definitions of the word "love" is to will and act for the good of someone - and if you aren't doing something to make yourself or your life better in some way, then you are not acting with love to yourself. On the flip side, saying "Yeah, everything is great" is not actually making things better (and at the same time, neither is saying "everything is horrible").
circlefavshape 4y ago
> For most of us, to love ourselves means we should be aspiring to something better, and not content with how we are now. That is not love. Does loving your wife mean not being content with how she is now, and aspiring for her to be better? It does not
- mkmk3 4y ago
  Does it not? Try framing it more charitably. Someone suffers or will suffer or simply misses out on something you know theyd greatly appreciate because of their behaviour, if you love them will you ignore it? Or will you, while showing respect, endeavour to prompt or support their changing? I think there are good and bad ways to express this, and I think the feeling itself isnt intuitive.
ericmcer 4y ago
This viewpoint implies that everyone successful achieves it through merit. I think a ton of people achieve success just through insane confidence. Look at something like Scientology. It is just one insanely confident man willing an entire religion into existence and holding it all together with his own over-confidence. I hate cults but they are an example of how delusion levels of self-confidence can bring things into existence that make no logical sense.
- agentwiggles 4y ago
  Look at Trump, or DJ Khaled, for a similar (and, for me, rather annoying) lesson.
- stcroixx 4y ago
  Lacking the merit, I'd consider this to be arrogance rather than confidence. One is based in reality, one is just wishful thinking. Granted, most people can't tell the difference looking at someone whose background they are not familiar with.

throwaway98797 4y ago

an inflated self image seems to be associated with happier less stressed people i found that the more delusional i get myself, the happier i am. maybe bad long term but feel better than seeing the “truth”, whatever that is anyways

Jensson 4y ago
Yeah, which is why people tell themselves that their self doubt is just "impostor syndrome", there is no way they actually are bad its just them underestimating themselves! We all know how research shows how humans usually underestimates their own capabilities, right??? But I guess if that makes them happy why not. But it gets old quick when everyone says they have impostor syndrome.
- Apocryphon 4y ago
  Well, the people who have Dunning-Kruger don’t have impostor syndrome. Wonder what the ratio is between the two, and the distribution.
  - dgb23 4y ago
    Nobody seems to be incompetent at anything anymore, but weirdly enough everyone has impostor syndrome now. For me, the nagging, head spinning inner critic that doesn't leave me alone is a major driver for curiosity, learning, creativity and general improvement. Impostor syndrome is when there's clear evidence that you're successful and competent but you still don't believe it and you are _afraid_ that this is uncovered. It is an irrational fear and a brutal delusion. It's one of those where you can get presented objective evidence that the fear is unwarranted but you still can't get rid of it. I never had impostor syndrome, but I can relate to those types of fears and mental challenges. It's very hard work to clear these types of things up. You don't even want to talk about it. People who suck at something do not have impostor syndrome, by definition. What is much more likely is that they are in the phase where they start to get that they suck ("valley of despair"). But that's not a mental blockade induced by crippling fear like impostor syndrome is. Realizing you suck at something calls for _celebration_. The delusion is broken! There's only going to be improvement!
    - Apocryphon 4y ago
      On one hand, there seems to be a society-wide stress engendered by the global events of the last several years, which could explain more and more people have anxiety about many things, including themselves. On the other, sure, when a concept such as impostor syndrome becomes widespread, more people are going to try to weigh themselves against it, and try to appear on the "right side" of it. Thus, in almost in a humblebrag manner, dismiss flaws as self-doubt or lack of confidence. > The delusion is broken! There's only going to be improvement! Not everyone has the same productive inner critic. Some people can be self-critical to the point of paralysis, to the extent of wallowing doubt. To self-loathing and absolute defeatism. Look at the increases in mental illness, addiction, and worse in society. Some inner critics kill, whether a person's potential, or their actual life. Now, the OP uses a generic one-size-fits-all, vapidly positive self-help soothing solution, which might not help a lot of people. And so it becomes easy to dismiss, and to dismiss impostor syndrome as simply an excuse. But I'm just reminding you that not everyone is able to step up to challenges in the same way. Not everyone has a healthy growth mindset to overcome one's mental blockades. Some do lose themselves in the valley of despair, and could benefit from self-affirmation. Maybe just not the basic content-written approach in the OP.
shrimp_emoji 4y ago
My experience is the opposite. The less I take myself seriously, the more I apply self-compassion, and the less I let my performance/failures define my sense of self, the happier and less stressed I am. I discovered this by accident. I used to be the opposite: my self-image used to be relatively inflated, and my sense of self was tightly integrated with external events. When those external events turned south hard enough to totally shatter my ego, it felt like my brain -- utterly against my will -- decided, "I guess we gotta let go of caring about stuff this hard." I ceased to be able to care as hard (seemingly permanently). I've been happier and chiller ever since. :p
- throwaway98797 4y ago
  i got to the same point but i view it as self denial since i just basically ignore objective reality and assume i’m doing well even if evidence contradicts this people telling me i suck doesn’t bother me because i know their wrong i used to be hyper critical of myself now i don’t worry about it i am what i am

tgaj 4y ago

And what really mean to be "in the right place"? I think the idea is to stop thinking about the place you are right now, because that's the result of your earlier choices and you can't change that anyway. It is the "right place" for now. But you can start to think about what you can do to get to the place you want to be if there is one. Or maybe accept that life is not always about getting somewhere but about appreciate where you are, because life will never be perfect.

doix 4y ago

It's all about balance though, isn't it? Someone that doubts themselves to the point of never trying or doing anything, needs _something_ to get them out of that mode. Maybe they read this article and something resonates with them and they can make a change for the better. Likewise, there might be someone completely delusional that thinks they are gods gift to the world that can do no wrong. So the only reason they aren't more successful is bad luck or something. Reading this article and taking something from it would be counterproductive, they need to read something else to get out of that head space.

egypturnash 4y ago

This is magical advice; there's a huge body of work concerning the Law of Attraction and the power of regularly making positive statements. The most well-known book in this category is The Secret but it goes back to the early 1900s. Typically, any long-form writing in this category will spill some ink reminding you that shit happens a lot faster if you put some effort in, so you're definitely not wrong here.

wpietri 4y ago

Have you personally overcome imposter syndrome through this advice? Because it sounds to me like a theoretical take, not one that has been well tested. The people I know who are or have been overly self critical are not lacking in "objective facts". They have been damaged by dealing extensively with people who are overly critical, often to the point of emotional abuse. So they have problems with selecting which facts to focus on and how to weight them emotionally. These are often not conscious problems, and so getting out of them doesn't just require rational-mind realizations, but changing deep habits of thought. I also am very concerned about this, which I think is potentially harmful to some people, especially those struggling with self esteem: > For most of us, to love ourselves means we should be aspiring to something better, and not content with how we are now. I think this could easily be read as meaning that aspiration is a precondition of self love. For people who have been told from their earliest memories that they are inadequate, tying self-love to self-improvement puts them on a treadmill that never stops. Love does not require improvement or perfection.

five82 4y ago
As someone who’s dealt with emotional abuse, this really struck a chord. You can see and understand the objective facts. But it’s very hard to accept positive reinforcement emotionally. You don’t believe it’s genuine.
jkingsbery 4y ago
> Have you personally overcome imposter syndrome through this advice? Yes, this is personally what I do. > I think this could easily be read as meaning that aspiration is a precondition of self love. I suppose I could have been more clear. Aspirations need not be professional, they could be moral, relationship based, experiential, etc. You're right that if we say "I can only love myself when I'm better" means you never will be happy with yourself, and that's not what I'm trying to say. But one of my favorite definitions of the word "love" is to will and act for the good of someone - and if you aren't doing something to make yourself or your life better in some way, then you are not acting with love to yourself. On the flip side, saying "Yeah, everything is great" is not actually making things better (and at the same time, neither is saying "everything is horrible").

circlefavshape 4y ago

> For most of us, to love ourselves means we should be aspiring to something better, and not content with how we are now. That is not love. Does loving your wife mean not being content with how she is now, and aspiring for her to be better? It does not

mkmk3 4y ago
Does it not? Try framing it more charitably. Someone suffers or will suffer or simply misses out on something you know theyd greatly appreciate because of their behaviour, if you love them will you ignore it? Or will you, while showing respect, endeavour to prompt or support their changing? I think there are good and bad ways to express this, and I think the feeling itself isnt intuitive.

ericmcer 4y ago

This viewpoint implies that everyone successful achieves it through merit. I think a ton of people achieve success just through insane confidence. Look at something like Scientology. It is just one insanely confident man willing an entire religion into existence and holding it all together with his own over-confidence. I hate cults but they are an example of how delusion levels of self-confidence can bring things into existence that make no logical sense.

agentwiggles 4y ago
Look at Trump, or DJ Khaled, for a similar (and, for me, rather annoying) lesson.
stcroixx 4y ago
Lacking the merit, I'd consider this to be arrogance rather than confidence. One is based in reality, one is just wishful thinking. Granted, most people can't tell the difference looking at someone whose background they are not familiar with.