6 ms·

You can't willpower through it if it's a defense mechanism employed by your brain to hide underlying pain. Maybe it's time to try something new. Check out Gabor

You can't willpower through it if it's a defense mechanism employed by your brain to hide underlying pain. Maybe it's time to try something new. Check out Gabor Maté: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=74DDEDmHDvw https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=74DDEDmHDvw

starbugs 4y ago
While I believe that’s good advice, I find it hard to ignore the irony here.
- bobmichael 4y ago
  Don't ignore it. Laugh about it! It wasn't lost on me writing the comment either. Isn't it great that the very thing that brings us pain can also be the vehicle for our healing?
  - donutpepperoni 4y ago
    I agree here. I think the key for me was to redefine the relationship and not break it off cold turkey. I find it interesting that the OP mentioned a push notification is what brought them back into the addiction. I also think it's important to remember some of these sites have been designed with the explicit intention of being addictive. Didn't some of the biggest sites hire behavioral psychologists to help design products that get people hooked?[1] I'm not surprised to hear that folks are feeling this way and I think it's an entirely valid and legitimate feeling to be addicted to Youtube and the Internet. The internet has been life changing for me and I can easily say I have been addicted to it before. As an autistic person who has a lot of sensory issues, the computer has provided a super safe and easy way to explore the world. But it's been easy to get too attached and not want to do anything that I need to IRL. In early December I disabled all notifications on my phone and set a schedule to check my phone twice a day. I've found that I've been way happier as a result and not getting stuck in internet holes. I see push notifications as a net negative on my mental health and I think I'll keep them off long term. May we all find a healthy balance that works for us. 1. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/22668729-hooked https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/22668729-hooked
  - dgb23 4y ago
    > Don't ignore it. Laugh about it! This looks like a really powerful mantra. And it's just a bit short of a witty Oscar Wilde quote. When I read it, I knew exactly how you meant it, even though we don't really know each other. It feels so light, wise and powerful.
  - sedivy94 4y ago
    This is an ancient concept that we’ve largely forgotten in the west!
    - water8 4y ago
      [dead]
- altCtx 4y ago
  Passive consumption and active skill building are different emotional contexts. Adam Smith wrote of it hundreds of years ago; extreme division of labor will make humans as dumb as the lowest creature. To reduce screen time during covid I ditched my TV, bought a guitar. Not saying everyone should pick up music; I already knew how to play saxophone and piano; it was evolving my current state. The point is I cut passive consumption to infrequent mentorship via YT tutorials, rather than endless staring, to focus on mechanical skill building. Our society needs to let go of career memes, which IMO are coupled to historical memes like “A man named Farmer is a farmer for life” which forces us to relinquish our dynamism in deference to memes of greater good. But I should qualify; I grew up in farm land, building barns, fixing big machines (programming machines all night), cutting wood in January, managing livestock, was routine in my teens. Diverse hands on experience was baked in early (only in my 40s now). Someone without that will have a harder time. The only evidence human agency must serve aristocratic vision is being told as much from birth.
  - Apocryphon 4y ago
    “ A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” -Robert A. Heinlein
shenbomo 4y ago
The irony of it all is that the "help" to beat this addiction is another youtube link...
- Dylan16807 4y ago
  It's not very ironic to send that to someone that is claiming "internet addiction" rather than "youtube addiction". Hell, they can burn it to an audio CD if they want.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
ajb 4y ago
I read the transcript. TLDR is there is no actionable information there other than "you could benefit from therapy"
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
steve_adams_86 4y ago
If you're intent on getting off the internet, Gabor has several books worth reading. One trouble with his writing and speaking on the subject isn't that I think he's wrong or does a bad job at all, but like anything in psychology, you aren't going to read it and "get there", so to speak. What Gabor describes is often years of critical reflection away from fully making sense. I guess from my perspective I don't get the sense that he's aware of that; he speaks with ease, confidence, and a tone that suggests this can all be so easy. Take for example the simple notion that your anxieties are a feedback loop, deeply entrenched through decades after being initiated in your childhood. This isn't far fetched, but for many of us, the idea we had hard times in childhood that could cause real trauma is far fetched. It doesn't seem to make sense, and you might almost feel silly or guilty for entertaining the thought. Your parents loved you, right? You had food and clothes, a cool bed shaped like a fire truck, etc. It takes a long time to navigate those things and uncover what might have gone wrong (if in fact something ever did), and to assess that with family in a way that's constructive and as factual as possible (if that's even an options). The very nature of these things causes us to pretend it never happened, and for adults, the reason it was never addressed could be because they didn't notice it or recognize its significance. This gives everyone the sense that everything was "fine". Of course there are more acutely traumatic experiences in childhood, and that's easy to point out yet still can be so difficult to recognize as a harmful, frightening, overwhelming thing. You build up these defences, excuses, explanations, etc. Nah, there's no way you had childhood trauma. Maybe this is incredibly obvious to most people. It wasn't for me, and I found myself putting down his books and thinking... Well shit, if it's that simple, what's wrong with me? Why can't I get past X or Y if I'm endowed with this knowledge? I don't expect miracles, and I didn't, but I suppose his writing brought me very close to the problem yet left me feeling so far from the solution. It's almost like you're looking at the peak of a mountain straight ahead of you, yet the only way to the top is to back track an enormous distance, navigate around the base from far away, doubt yourself the entire way, and climb the mountain from an approach on the opposite side you're currently on. To his credit, he acknowledges his own lack of progress and deficiencies, and how it's always an ongoing project. Of course it is. I suppose I have the sense that he underestimate how hard it is to get the the point where you can leverage the paradigm he's offering, even though it seems a stone's throw from solutions. Regardless, I highly recommend his books. I'd just add the caveat that if it resonates with you, don't expect to make meaningful progress on any new ideas for a while. And that's okay. These things always take time – especially if you've been living with it for decades.

starbugs 4y ago

While I believe that’s good advice, I find it hard to ignore the irony here.

bobmichael 4y ago
Don't ignore it. Laugh about it! It wasn't lost on me writing the comment either. Isn't it great that the very thing that brings us pain can also be the vehicle for our healing?
- donutpepperoni 4y ago
  I agree here. I think the key for me was to redefine the relationship and not break it off cold turkey. I find it interesting that the OP mentioned a push notification is what brought them back into the addiction. I also think it's important to remember some of these sites have been designed with the explicit intention of being addictive. Didn't some of the biggest sites hire behavioral psychologists to help design products that get people hooked?[1] I'm not surprised to hear that folks are feeling this way and I think it's an entirely valid and legitimate feeling to be addicted to Youtube and the Internet. The internet has been life changing for me and I can easily say I have been addicted to it before. As an autistic person who has a lot of sensory issues, the computer has provided a super safe and easy way to explore the world. But it's been easy to get too attached and not want to do anything that I need to IRL. In early December I disabled all notifications on my phone and set a schedule to check my phone twice a day. I've found that I've been way happier as a result and not getting stuck in internet holes. I see push notifications as a net negative on my mental health and I think I'll keep them off long term. May we all find a healthy balance that works for us. 1. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/22668729-hooked https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/22668729-hooked
- dgb23 4y ago
  > Don't ignore it. Laugh about it! This looks like a really powerful mantra. And it's just a bit short of a witty Oscar Wilde quote. When I read it, I knew exactly how you meant it, even though we don't really know each other. It feels so light, wise and powerful.
- sedivy94 4y ago
  This is an ancient concept that we’ve largely forgotten in the west!
  - water8 4y ago
    [dead]
altCtx 4y ago
Passive consumption and active skill building are different emotional contexts. Adam Smith wrote of it hundreds of years ago; extreme division of labor will make humans as dumb as the lowest creature. To reduce screen time during covid I ditched my TV, bought a guitar. Not saying everyone should pick up music; I already knew how to play saxophone and piano; it was evolving my current state. The point is I cut passive consumption to infrequent mentorship via YT tutorials, rather than endless staring, to focus on mechanical skill building. Our society needs to let go of career memes, which IMO are coupled to historical memes like “A man named Farmer is a farmer for life” which forces us to relinquish our dynamism in deference to memes of greater good. But I should qualify; I grew up in farm land, building barns, fixing big machines (programming machines all night), cutting wood in January, managing livestock, was routine in my teens. Diverse hands on experience was baked in early (only in my 40s now). Someone without that will have a harder time. The only evidence human agency must serve aristocratic vision is being told as much from birth.
- Apocryphon 4y ago
  “ A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” -Robert A. Heinlein

shenbomo 4y ago

The irony of it all is that the "help" to beat this addiction is another youtube link...

Dylan16807 4y ago
It's not very ironic to send that to someone that is claiming "internet addiction" rather than "youtube addiction". Hell, they can burn it to an audio CD if they want.

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

ajb 4y ago

I read the transcript. TLDR is there is no actionable information there other than "you could benefit from therapy"

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]

steve_adams_86 4y ago

If you're intent on getting off the internet, Gabor has several books worth reading. One trouble with his writing and speaking on the subject isn't that I think he's wrong or does a bad job at all, but like anything in psychology, you aren't going to read it and "get there", so to speak. What Gabor describes is often years of critical reflection away from fully making sense. I guess from my perspective I don't get the sense that he's aware of that; he speaks with ease, confidence, and a tone that suggests this can all be so easy. Take for example the simple notion that your anxieties are a feedback loop, deeply entrenched through decades after being initiated in your childhood. This isn't far fetched, but for many of us, the idea we had hard times in childhood that could cause real trauma is far fetched. It doesn't seem to make sense, and you might almost feel silly or guilty for entertaining the thought. Your parents loved you, right? You had food and clothes, a cool bed shaped like a fire truck, etc. It takes a long time to navigate those things and uncover what might have gone wrong (if in fact something ever did), and to assess that with family in a way that's constructive and as factual as possible (if that's even an options). The very nature of these things causes us to pretend it never happened, and for adults, the reason it was never addressed could be because they didn't notice it or recognize its significance. This gives everyone the sense that everything was "fine". Of course there are more acutely traumatic experiences in childhood, and that's easy to point out yet still can be so difficult to recognize as a harmful, frightening, overwhelming thing. You build up these defences, excuses, explanations, etc. Nah, there's no way you had childhood trauma. Maybe this is incredibly obvious to most people. It wasn't for me, and I found myself putting down his books and thinking... Well shit, if it's that simple, what's wrong with me? Why can't I get past X or Y if I'm endowed with this knowledge? I don't expect miracles, and I didn't, but I suppose his writing brought me very close to the problem yet left me feeling so far from the solution. It's almost like you're looking at the peak of a mountain straight ahead of you, yet the only way to the top is to back track an enormous distance, navigate around the base from far away, doubt yourself the entire way, and climb the mountain from an approach on the opposite side you're currently on. To his credit, he acknowledges his own lack of progress and deficiencies, and how it's always an ongoing project. Of course it is. I suppose I have the sense that he underestimate how hard it is to get the the point where you can leverage the paradigm he's offering, even though it seems a stone's throw from solutions. Regardless, I highly recommend his books. I'd just add the caveat that if it resonates with you, don't expect to make meaningful progress on any new ideas for a while. And that's okay. These things always take time – especially if you've been living with it for decades.