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> Adults bully, too, so you do need to learn to handle it. Eh, they do. But not nearly as frequently as children in my experience. I was tormented mercilessly

> Adults bully, too, so you do need to learn to handle it. Eh, they do. But not nearly as frequently as children in my experience. I was tormented mercilessly in school, but I'm actually struggling to think of a single instance of bullying I've experienced as an adult. And I don't think that's because I "learnt to deal with it". I think it's partly because most bullies grow out of it, and partly because as an adult you're usually afforded the agency to leave situations where you're being bullied.

rofo1 4y ago
> I think it's partly because most bullies grow out of it, and partly because as an adult you're usually afforded the agency to leave situations where you're being bullied. It is because you can defend yourself. That's all there is to it. If you can defend yourself, people will not mess with you. Parents that leave children into "schools" so they can get "bullied" and nobody protects them are committing cruelty of the highest order I can imagine.
- voisin 4y ago
  > Parents that leave children into "schools" so they can get "bullied" and nobody protects them are committing cruelty of the highest order I can imagine. The grandparent poster here is saying that this bullying is a feature not a bug, and that the bullying prepares you for adulthood! I don’t buy any of it, but that’s the counterpoint to what you are saying.
harry8 4y ago
In my experience as a school student there is very little you can do about it beyond making yourself a small target which comes at a fairly high cost. You can make it worse once it happens while being on the receiving end of a wildly hypocritical lecture about how the school "will not tolerate bullying". Standing up to organised group bullying is folly. As an adult you have many more cards to play than that and everyone knows it even if they don't know which cards you have or which of those you're willing to play; the doubt surrounding potential consequences for picking on you counts for something. Precisely none of that improvement in lived experience comes from "learning to deal with it" and "socialization" So that's my experience, others may differ.
siggen 4y ago
1. Terrible kids grow up into terrible adults. 2. You’re among your kindred, which is why you’re now bullied less.

rofo1 4y ago

> I think it's partly because most bullies grow out of it, and partly because as an adult you're usually afforded the agency to leave situations where you're being bullied. It is because you can defend yourself. That's all there is to it. If you can defend yourself, people will not mess with you. Parents that leave children into "schools" so they can get "bullied" and nobody protects them are committing cruelty of the highest order I can imagine.

voisin 4y ago
> Parents that leave children into "schools" so they can get "bullied" and nobody protects them are committing cruelty of the highest order I can imagine. The grandparent poster here is saying that this bullying is a feature not a bug, and that the bullying prepares you for adulthood! I don’t buy any of it, but that’s the counterpoint to what you are saying.

harry8 4y ago

In my experience as a school student there is very little you can do about it beyond making yourself a small target which comes at a fairly high cost. You can make it worse once it happens while being on the receiving end of a wildly hypocritical lecture about how the school "will not tolerate bullying". Standing up to organised group bullying is folly. As an adult you have many more cards to play than that and everyone knows it even if they don't know which cards you have or which of those you're willing to play; the doubt surrounding potential consequences for picking on you counts for something. Precisely none of that improvement in lived experience comes from "learning to deal with it" and "socialization" So that's my experience, others may differ.

siggen 4y ago

1. Terrible kids grow up into terrible adults. 2. You’re among your kindred, which is why you’re now bullied less.