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In brief: 1. What worries you? Not some blatant project stuff but bigger deal issues. "How do I learn enough here to make a lot more money in a few years" or "

In brief: 1. What worries you? Not some blatant project stuff but bigger deal issues. "How do I learn enough here to make a lot more money in a few years" or "I don't understand how our product is going to make money in this environment". Stuff like that is probably on your mind in some way (unless you are an unthinking dolt, but you wouldn't be asking this if you were) - get it out there and gain perspective. 2. Blind spots. You know how everyone in your life has some stupid thing that holds them back that they are oblivious to but is obvious to everyone else? You have it too. Find a way to convince your manager that you can tolerate real feedback and ask them about this. It will make your life better way beyond work. 3. Find out what worries them. Maybe in some way you can help them deal with stuff "beyond your pay grade" - your pay grade will eventually have to catch up :) 4. This should have been number one - get to know them as a person and help them get to know you. Good luck. Doing any of these will put you on an exponential growth pattern compared to others.

paulbradish 4y ago
Blind spots is a really good suggestion. I'm going to use that during my next 1:1. :)
shetill 4y ago
Most American thing I read today. Wish my manager would talk about how to help me make more money and what to do to improve. Don't know about you but all my managers in EU just talk lame work stuff and actively avoid any pay related issues and improvement points.
- rudnevr 4y ago
  worked both in US and EU, same.
htrp 4y ago
Also add where you want to be career-wise so that they can support you in this.
- xyzelement 4y ago
  What people want their career to be is often immature. It takes wisdom and experience to figure out what you should want. So coming into the conversation with that is limiting. I'd rather get the manager to be a partner in helping me figure out what I should want.
  - red-iron-pine 4y ago
    > What people want their career to be is often immature. It takes wisdom and experience to figure out what you should want. So coming into the conversation with that is limiting. Maturity comes through experience, including talking to others about their experience. Some candid or honest appraisals, insights, and anecdotes from bosses are useful for that. Watching a previous boss lose their mind taking care of boardroom struggles and powerplays convinced me to stay out of management -- for the better. I'd have never built that career path without discussing it with him, extensively.
  - seanosaur 4y ago
    IMO it's ok if the initial answer to "where do you want to be in X years" is a shrug of the shoulders. Defining that can be important but that doesn't mean it has to be solely on the employee to define. Good leaders will help their people answer that question and help them grow. This is why a regular check-in/1:1 is important.
    - MK_Dev 4y ago
      On a number of occasions that I was asked this question, I replied with a question of my own: "where _can_ I be in X years in this company?" Unfortunately, I never received a reply even remotely close to a satisfactory. Satisfactory answers would include opportunities and directions, with big bonus points for an attempt to find overlaps with my general desires, motivation, and strengths.
      - seanosaur 4y ago
        That's a great question to ask! And now you've got me thinking of my answer to that question for my direct reports. I will say that there does have to be some "meet in the middle" with this entire exchange. If my directs aren't interested in 1:1s, the meeting won't be effective.
quickthrower2 4y ago
Never got a good answer to the “lot more” money question. The real answer is usually “not here, because we got you ha ha, unless you have a title bump”. Salary in increases are normal but a 50% bump seems to require changing jobs and probably country.
- vdqtp3 4y ago
  Just got 2.7% for my title bump. Hurray.
  - ethbr0 4y ago
    As a hack on this, when negotiating to join a company, you generally want to be at {highest title} + {lowest on pay band for that title}. Sometimes specific title requirements preclude this (e.g. "We don't give new people X title immediately"), but it's a good rule of thumb. It makes yearly pay bumps much easier for your manager to justify ("So-and-so is well within salary ranges for their title"), versus them having to fight for an exception to policy.
    - boruto 4y ago
      > {highest title} + {lowest on pay band for that title}. People would find out about this and would leave resenting that they are underpaid.
      - ethbr0 4y ago
        Not sure you're understanding the point: it's something you, as the employee, request when you're negotiating being hired. Your hiring manager usually doesn't care, as long as there aren't any req:title limitation issues, because it attracts you and generates less paperwork on their side.
    - elwell 4y ago
      Why not {highest title} + {highest on pay band for that title}? Why not make more money earlier?
no-dr-onboard 4y ago
I've had the same experience with my manager: 1. Meta-level discussions/sounding board on what I'm currently chewing on as it relates to my job. ex: "I came across a discussion that I observed with my mentor (at a past job) and his peer. I saw that my mentor was prone providing harmful/useless-speculation when critiquing someone's project. It made me reflect on how I $HABIT_A, $HABIT_B, and $HABIT_C in my interactions; I want to change it." This point is dependent on your relationship with your manager and whether or not they have the patience to listen to this type of navel gazing. I've been fortunate enough to have managers that don't mind this. 2. Pain points. This is what good managers typically want to hear. They want to hear what is keeping you from performing your job to the fullest. Is there anything that they can head off for you. Is there anything that they can take off your plate (or put more of, on) to help? 3. Getting to know them better. As a reporter to my manager I work on trying to bring up little things. It's smalltalk, but moves mountains in terms of breaking the forms and molds of manager/reporter relationships. One of my managers has a daughter in soccer, and mine is as well. We talk about soccer and the best way to stay warm during the practices. Little things.
- tsuujin 4y ago
  As an engineering manager: yes to all of these. When I 1-1 with my reports I’m looking to see where their mind is this week and what they’re struggling with, so I can figure out how I can help them. The small talk is more important than many people give it credit for. Finding common ground and having a mutually friendly relationship makes the above conversations so much easier on both of us. We’re both more comfortable and more willing to be transparent and genuine.
jollofricepeas 4y ago
One thing. Reserve the right for both of you to end 1:1’s early. Once you remove that expectation, you’ll get a lot more out of it. All of the advice in this thread is great too.

paulbradish 4y ago

Blind spots is a really good suggestion. I'm going to use that during my next 1:1. :)

shetill 4y ago

Most American thing I read today. Wish my manager would talk about how to help me make more money and what to do to improve. Don't know about you but all my managers in EU just talk lame work stuff and actively avoid any pay related issues and improvement points.

rudnevr 4y ago
worked both in US and EU, same.

htrp 4y ago

Also add where you want to be career-wise so that they can support you in this.

xyzelement 4y ago
What people want their career to be is often immature. It takes wisdom and experience to figure out what you should want. So coming into the conversation with that is limiting. I'd rather get the manager to be a partner in helping me figure out what I should want.
- red-iron-pine 4y ago
  > What people want their career to be is often immature. It takes wisdom and experience to figure out what you should want. So coming into the conversation with that is limiting. Maturity comes through experience, including talking to others about their experience. Some candid or honest appraisals, insights, and anecdotes from bosses are useful for that. Watching a previous boss lose their mind taking care of boardroom struggles and powerplays convinced me to stay out of management -- for the better. I'd have never built that career path without discussing it with him, extensively.
- seanosaur 4y ago
  IMO it's ok if the initial answer to "where do you want to be in X years" is a shrug of the shoulders. Defining that can be important but that doesn't mean it has to be solely on the employee to define. Good leaders will help their people answer that question and help them grow. This is why a regular check-in/1:1 is important.
  - MK_Dev 4y ago
    On a number of occasions that I was asked this question, I replied with a question of my own: "where _can_ I be in X years in this company?" Unfortunately, I never received a reply even remotely close to a satisfactory. Satisfactory answers would include opportunities and directions, with big bonus points for an attempt to find overlaps with my general desires, motivation, and strengths.
    - seanosaur 4y ago
      That's a great question to ask! And now you've got me thinking of my answer to that question for my direct reports. I will say that there does have to be some "meet in the middle" with this entire exchange. If my directs aren't interested in 1:1s, the meeting won't be effective.

quickthrower2 4y ago

Never got a good answer to the “lot more” money question. The real answer is usually “not here, because we got you ha ha, unless you have a title bump”. Salary in increases are normal but a 50% bump seems to require changing jobs and probably country.

vdqtp3 4y ago
Just got 2.7% for my title bump. Hurray.
- ethbr0 4y ago
  As a hack on this, when negotiating to join a company, you generally want to be at {highest title} + {lowest on pay band for that title}. Sometimes specific title requirements preclude this (e.g. "We don't give new people X title immediately"), but it's a good rule of thumb. It makes yearly pay bumps much easier for your manager to justify ("So-and-so is well within salary ranges for their title"), versus them having to fight for an exception to policy.
  - boruto 4y ago
    > {highest title} + {lowest on pay band for that title}. People would find out about this and would leave resenting that they are underpaid.
    - ethbr0 4y ago
      Not sure you're understanding the point: it's something you, as the employee, request when you're negotiating being hired. Your hiring manager usually doesn't care, as long as there aren't any req:title limitation issues, because it attracts you and generates less paperwork on their side.
  - elwell 4y ago
    Why not {highest title} + {highest on pay band for that title}? Why not make more money earlier?

no-dr-onboard 4y ago

I've had the same experience with my manager: 1. Meta-level discussions/sounding board on what I'm currently chewing on as it relates to my job. ex: "I came across a discussion that I observed with my mentor (at a past job) and his peer. I saw that my mentor was prone providing harmful/useless-speculation when critiquing someone's project. It made me reflect on how I $HABIT_A, $HABIT_B, and $HABIT_C in my interactions; I want to change it." This point is dependent on your relationship with your manager and whether or not they have the patience to listen to this type of navel gazing. I've been fortunate enough to have managers that don't mind this. 2. Pain points. This is what good managers typically want to hear. They want to hear what is keeping you from performing your job to the fullest. Is there anything that they can head off for you. Is there anything that they can take off your plate (or put more of, on) to help? 3. Getting to know them better. As a reporter to my manager I work on trying to bring up little things. It's smalltalk, but moves mountains in terms of breaking the forms and molds of manager/reporter relationships. One of my managers has a daughter in soccer, and mine is as well. We talk about soccer and the best way to stay warm during the practices. Little things.

tsuujin 4y ago
As an engineering manager: yes to all of these. When I 1-1 with my reports I’m looking to see where their mind is this week and what they’re struggling with, so I can figure out how I can help them. The small talk is more important than many people give it credit for. Finding common ground and having a mutually friendly relationship makes the above conversations so much easier on both of us. We’re both more comfortable and more willing to be transparent and genuine.

jollofricepeas 4y ago

One thing. Reserve the right for both of you to end 1:1’s early. Once you remove that expectation, you’ll get a lot more out of it. All of the advice in this thread is great too.