4 ms·

Funny enough, I know some engineers who go to work, non-remote, to escape from their wife and kids for a bit and work becomes an avenue to relax! And having to

Funny enough, I know some engineers who go to work, non-remote, to escape from their wife and kids for a bit and work becomes an avenue to relax! And having to take care of an aging parent who lives with me, I can understand.

weatherlite 4y ago
That definitely exists. But I think there's more people who'd prefer to work less hours (and keep their current salary) than people who simply want to stay in the office more.
markus_zhang 4y ago
40yr old dad can relate. I need to leave the family and chill a bit once or twice a week and hybrid is a god send.
- Glawen 4y ago
  Hybrid is the way to go! I do not like full remote because you get out of touch with the teams and office politics. When I'm full on site I cannot get my work done properly. Hybrid mode allows me to manage my schedule better, get shit done while remote, and keep up with office's politics while on site.
nly 4y ago
Can totally see that. I see.work colleagues who are new parents who seem to enjoy spending as many hours at the office as possible.
- Glawen 4y ago
  When my kids were small, I used to work away 3 days a week. It was my resting days as I could sleep normally and recharge myself. I did not realize it until I spent 7 days a week at home.
- RHSman2 4y ago
  Work is easy compared to parenting
  - peteradio 4y ago
    Work is impossible while parenting.
    - RHSman2 4y ago
      The version of work we were used too. One is required to be creative
breck 4y ago
The first years are brutally hard (the sleep deprivation in particular) and in my experience work is much easier than raising children, so there's definitely truth to that. The best is when you can do both at the same time. During COVID, for instance, I wrote code in one room while my 1yo played in the next (since everything was locked down). As she got older, she started asking questions and would even provide me advice "stop thinking daddy!" (just do, I assume she was implying). I think this is closer to how it was in the old days—where the kids worked alongside the parents in the farms or shops. You get to spend time with your children while teaching them your crafts and showing them the joy and passion of work. That is the good life, in my opinion.
- holoduke 4y ago
  A personal take on this. I found myself allowing too much screen time for the kids while working at home and having the kids around me. I couldnt give enough attention to either work and kids. Its good for everyone that everything is back to (normal)
  - breck 4y ago
    Oh I would agree. Luckily we had dual income and hired a nanny 5 days a week from 8-4. Otherwise would have been impossible (at the time we lived far from family).
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
watwut 4y ago
I have colleagues like that. When we had kids, I started to feel sorry for their wifes and realized how egoistical those guys are.
- paulryanrogers 4y ago
  Try not to judge, you don't know their circumstances. Some may have medical, family, or cultural challenges ("Homeschool is only way! Daycare is the devil!") that make time at home stressful.
  - watwut 4y ago
    > "Homeschool is only way! Daycare is the devil!" If they have either of those "cultural challenges", then they are literally dropping even more work and isolation on their wifes. That is why it is egoism. Because when they do this, their partner has no choice but to do it all. And the partner is getting no break. I do knows guys like that. They walk around happy. Their wife's walk around stressed, tired, loosing themselves while talking about how much their husbands need to work. While I know they slack around in work padding time cause chatting with friends is fun.
    - paulryanrogers 4y ago
      > If they have either of those "cultural challenges", then they are literally dropping even more work and isolation on their wifes. That is why it is egoism. No, I mean the breadwinner may be stressed because their SO has such an attitude. Therefore the kids are basically always home, and no one ever gets a break. Some folks also decide to have kids and agree to parenting strategies, only later to realize they're not working. If the stay-home partner insists on "the one true way" then even counseling may not be enough. Again, the broader point is you may not have the whole picture. Try to assume good intentions, and if circumstances are undeniably out of balance look for constructive ways to help.
ThePadawan 4y ago
I was interviewing for a job in the middle and towards the end of 2020, and regardless of my chances of success or interest, I asked the interviewers how work from home had gone for them so far. I encountered this sentiment most of all - 40 year old dads who were suddenly stuck at home with the wife and kids, working from an improvised home office. When I asked about returning to the office, most of them were clearly looking forward to it, with a sentiment of "Of course working from home is less efficient and comfortable, what do you mean?". It was quite a surprise for me, who had finally gotten away from the noisy open-plan offices and meetings where everyone shouted at each other until the loudest person "won".
- Tade0 4y ago
  I found that most such people didn't originally plan for work from home, so their experience was predictably horrible. Also during the pandemic daycare/schools were closed, adding to the problem. Meanwhile me and other young dads who did plan for remote work have now a designated room for an office and children at daycare/kindergarten for most of the day. Until my child was old enough to attend daycare it was indeed chaos, but with just one you can get used to this. It's much like having a co-worker who likes to chat a little bit too much.
  - Bouncingsoul1 4y ago
    I planned for this as well, 2 months before Covid happend, so a bit lucky. Anyway it works great and I don't want to go back. The thing I don't subscribe to is the "co-worker" part. you see if my child cannot attend daycare because she is sick, I cannot work full. we have an agreement at my work that in such cases we go into "50% or best effort"mode. I guess it depends on the child and maybe the job, but I cannot code/think/debug while a 4 year old wants to be entertained, also I don't want to sit her in front of a tv/mobile just to calm her down, so 50% it is
- helij 4y ago
  I'm 40+ year old dad as well. I don't feel stuck at home with wife and kids. I don't want to ever return to the office. I'm in managerial position and know that WFH is not any less efficient or less comfortable. I find office to have more distractions. Sentiment is shared across the team as well.
Aeolun 4y ago
Certainly. When I’m at home I sometimes cannot wait to run off to the office. The feeling is often temporary though, and by 3-4 I’m basically waiting until I can get home :)
- semireg 4y ago
  Life couldn’t be sweet without the sour. I like to think that work life balance like this is self reinforcing. Happy holidays!
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
serverholic 4y ago
This sentiment annoys me because this seems more like an inability to express one’s needs and communicate. And it inevitably it gives ammo to those who want to take away remote work for everyone. “See, they don’t actually want to work remotely!”

weatherlite 4y ago

That definitely exists. But I think there's more people who'd prefer to work less hours (and keep their current salary) than people who simply want to stay in the office more.

markus_zhang 4y ago

40yr old dad can relate. I need to leave the family and chill a bit once or twice a week and hybrid is a god send.

Glawen 4y ago
Hybrid is the way to go! I do not like full remote because you get out of touch with the teams and office politics. When I'm full on site I cannot get my work done properly. Hybrid mode allows me to manage my schedule better, get shit done while remote, and keep up with office's politics while on site.

nly 4y ago

Can totally see that. I see.work colleagues who are new parents who seem to enjoy spending as many hours at the office as possible.

Glawen 4y ago
When my kids were small, I used to work away 3 days a week. It was my resting days as I could sleep normally and recharge myself. I did not realize it until I spent 7 days a week at home.
RHSman2 4y ago
Work is easy compared to parenting
- peteradio 4y ago
  Work is impossible while parenting.
  - RHSman2 4y ago
    The version of work we were used too. One is required to be creative

breck 4y ago

The first years are brutally hard (the sleep deprivation in particular) and in my experience work is much easier than raising children, so there's definitely truth to that. The best is when you can do both at the same time. During COVID, for instance, I wrote code in one room while my 1yo played in the next (since everything was locked down). As she got older, she started asking questions and would even provide me advice "stop thinking daddy!" (just do, I assume she was implying). I think this is closer to how it was in the old days—where the kids worked alongside the parents in the farms or shops. You get to spend time with your children while teaching them your crafts and showing them the joy and passion of work. That is the good life, in my opinion.

holoduke 4y ago
A personal take on this. I found myself allowing too much screen time for the kids while working at home and having the kids around me. I couldnt give enough attention to either work and kids. Its good for everyone that everything is back to (normal)
- breck 4y ago
  Oh I would agree. Luckily we had dual income and hired a nanny 5 days a week from 8-4. Otherwise would have been impossible (at the time we lived far from family).
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]

watwut 4y ago

I have colleagues like that. When we had kids, I started to feel sorry for their wifes and realized how egoistical those guys are.

paulryanrogers 4y ago
Try not to judge, you don't know their circumstances. Some may have medical, family, or cultural challenges ("Homeschool is only way! Daycare is the devil!") that make time at home stressful.
- watwut 4y ago
  > "Homeschool is only way! Daycare is the devil!" If they have either of those "cultural challenges", then they are literally dropping even more work and isolation on their wifes. That is why it is egoism. Because when they do this, their partner has no choice but to do it all. And the partner is getting no break. I do knows guys like that. They walk around happy. Their wife's walk around stressed, tired, loosing themselves while talking about how much their husbands need to work. While I know they slack around in work padding time cause chatting with friends is fun.
  - paulryanrogers 4y ago
    > If they have either of those "cultural challenges", then they are literally dropping even more work and isolation on their wifes. That is why it is egoism. No, I mean the breadwinner may be stressed because their SO has such an attitude. Therefore the kids are basically always home, and no one ever gets a break. Some folks also decide to have kids and agree to parenting strategies, only later to realize they're not working. If the stay-home partner insists on "the one true way" then even counseling may not be enough. Again, the broader point is you may not have the whole picture. Try to assume good intentions, and if circumstances are undeniably out of balance look for constructive ways to help.

ThePadawan 4y ago

I was interviewing for a job in the middle and towards the end of 2020, and regardless of my chances of success or interest, I asked the interviewers how work from home had gone for them so far. I encountered this sentiment most of all - 40 year old dads who were suddenly stuck at home with the wife and kids, working from an improvised home office. When I asked about returning to the office, most of them were clearly looking forward to it, with a sentiment of "Of course working from home is less efficient and comfortable, what do you mean?". It was quite a surprise for me, who had finally gotten away from the noisy open-plan offices and meetings where everyone shouted at each other until the loudest person "won".

Tade0 4y ago
I found that most such people didn't originally plan for work from home, so their experience was predictably horrible. Also during the pandemic daycare/schools were closed, adding to the problem. Meanwhile me and other young dads who did plan for remote work have now a designated room for an office and children at daycare/kindergarten for most of the day. Until my child was old enough to attend daycare it was indeed chaos, but with just one you can get used to this. It's much like having a co-worker who likes to chat a little bit too much.
- Bouncingsoul1 4y ago
  I planned for this as well, 2 months before Covid happend, so a bit lucky. Anyway it works great and I don't want to go back. The thing I don't subscribe to is the "co-worker" part. you see if my child cannot attend daycare because she is sick, I cannot work full. we have an agreement at my work that in such cases we go into "50% or best effort"mode. I guess it depends on the child and maybe the job, but I cannot code/think/debug while a 4 year old wants to be entertained, also I don't want to sit her in front of a tv/mobile just to calm her down, so 50% it is
helij 4y ago
I'm 40+ year old dad as well. I don't feel stuck at home with wife and kids. I don't want to ever return to the office. I'm in managerial position and know that WFH is not any less efficient or less comfortable. I find office to have more distractions. Sentiment is shared across the team as well.

Aeolun 4y ago

Certainly. When I’m at home I sometimes cannot wait to run off to the office. The feeling is often temporary though, and by 3-4 I’m basically waiting until I can get home :)

semireg 4y ago
Life couldn’t be sweet without the sour. I like to think that work life balance like this is self reinforcing. Happy holidays!

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

serverholic 4y ago

This sentiment annoys me because this seems more like an inability to express one’s needs and communicate. And it inevitably it gives ammo to those who want to take away remote work for everyone. “See, they don’t actually want to work remotely!”