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If you unscrew your belly button, your bottom will fall off
- camkego 4y agoBeautiful.
- jojobas 4y agoThe belly button joke is very old and widespread, I believe my father was warned by his father.
- kawsper 4y agoMy parents told me that you get a hole in your belly if you eat gum. As a child I panicked once because I accidentally swallowed some gum, it's a mean thing to lie about :(
- zB2sj38WHAjYnvm 4y agoMy parents told me something very similar about gum, and a whole lot of other weird things over the years. Is this a universal experience? I wonder if it's a helpful evolutionary trait, sort of like training your "mental immune system" the same way that your mother chewing your food and feeding it to you, germs and all, strengthens your actual immune system.
- danuker 4y ago> your mother chewing your food and feeding it to you, germs and all, strengthens your actual immune system. [citation needed]
- rsynnott 4y agoThe comment you're replying to was obviously written by a bird.
- danuker 4y agoDo birds chew gum?
- nmridul 4y agoThe "bird" didn't mention chewing gum.. They take plastic, so possible they can also take gums.. https://www.blastic.eu/knowledge-bank/impacts/plastic-ingestion/birds/ https://www.blastic.eu/knowledge-bank/impacts/plastic-ingest...
- soco 4y agoFirst hand account here from back in the 80s of grandmas chewing adult food for babies. No they were not birds but humans, all of them. Make what you want with this information.
- robocat 4y agoI read a comment recently by a person born in an Asian country, where it was normal for babies or children to be fed by their parents “pre-masticated”. Makes complete sense to me. You might also do it for someone who was ill. They mentioned that getting fed food was something they still occasionally did, that it was a supremely intimate thing to do.
- jojobas 4y agoWhat's the stimulus and response if you tell your kid a joke/lie and never let him figure out it was a joke? The correct way would be to intermingle jokes with truths and telling/laughing some time after they swallow the lies they should have doubted. My kids seem to doubt everything they hear (pain in the bum for teachers), yet almost religiously believe everything I've told "for real".
- implements 4y agoIt's bad enough when they spit on a hanky and wipe your face with it!
- numeromancer 4y agoCivilized mothers use covfefe.
- wruza 4y agoYes, it is universal, at least in my circle. I think it’s not a trait, but simply our evolutional tolerance to stupid things parents say when it comes to parenting or to just being reasonable. You don’t die from not swallowing a gum, avoiding black cats or praying to invisible dude. So these things can live ages. Only to my 30s I began to realize how much of this non-contextual nonsense was put in my mind, from gums to proverbs to rules to… basically everything was a subject for reevaluation.
- TeMPOraL 4y agoNot sure how helpful it is. I wasn't told much lies as a kid. Plenty of wrong things, yes, but those were all common misconceptions (some still widely held by people today, plenty of them present on this Wikipedia list[0]). Someone close to me, however, was told a lot of such lies in their childhood, and continued to believe them into adulthood. When we met during our university years, I unknowingly debunked a few of those stories during casual conversations, and the person later thanked me and told me that, sadly, this completely shattered the trust they had for their father. ---- [0] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_common_misconceptions https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_common_misconceptions
- salawat 4y agoIf you get in contact with your friend: point out to them that part of being a parent is building up an independent, bullshit tolerant, reality questioning adult. If none of the things you debunked were serious, then it may have been seed planting for later epiphanies. I've made very sure that the kiddos I spend time with have a rich mix of truths, half-truths, and jolly equivocations to sort through in their life, and they have no end of fun working their way to proving me wrong. I consider this an investment in their future development of bullshit filters to keep things running when mine have finally given up the ghost (May it not happen in the forseeable future).
- TedDoesntTalk 4y ago> this completely shattered the trust they had for their father. Friend of mine felt this way when he learned the truth about Santa Claus. No joke.
- hamburglar 4y agoI’d tell my kids a lot fewer lies if they actually fell for them. Half the fun (and the entire point) is watching them get a more and more sophisticated nose for bullshit.
- denton-scratch 4y ago> Is this a universal experience? What, being spun some BS by your parents? My mother told me that picking my nose would result in my nose becoming like a cow's nose. She was right; my face is now indistinguishable from a cow's.
- endtime 4y agoMy eight-year-olds have gotten quite good at detecting when I'm pulling their legs. I never deceive them about anything serious, but I want them to learn to think critically about what authority figures tell them. My five-year-old is thoroughly convinced I can read his mind by putting my nose to his ear and smelling his brain; I established credibility when I was confident I knew what he was thinking. It works great for "I'm not tired" when he clearly is, or "my tummy is full" after two bites of food. Also, if he eats his eggs, at bedtime he will be strong enough to win a wrestling match with me. I also enjoy planting small "easter eggs" for them...e.g. whenever we drive through the Holland Tunnel I hum the Super Mario underground theme, which I have explained simply as "tunnel music". One day they'll get it.
- _0ffh 4y agoI think some people used to believe that a swallowed piece of gum might cause appendicitis. I don't know how accurate that belief is, but maybe your parents weren't trying to be mean, just cautious.
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- themadturk 4y agoMy wife was terrorized by her older siblings, who told her if she swallowed a watermelon seed she would wake up dead the next morning.
- berkes 4y agoThe brother of an old friend got curious, went downstairs really early in the morning, found his dad's tools, and tried to unscrew his bottom. He poked around in his belly-button with a screw-driver until it started bleeding. This guy became one of the best car-mechanics later on in life.
- mbg721 4y agoGreat, now my Navel Pressure Monitoring System sensors chime every time I start the ignition.
- akrain 4y agoI can't recall the exact lines but Thomas Pynchon's V. has an interesting variation of this story.
- owlglass 4y ago"Somehow it was all tied up with a story he’d heard once, about a boy born with a golden screw where his navel should have been. For twenty years he consults doctors and specialists all over the world, trying to get rid of this screw, and having no success. Finally, in Haiti, he runs into a voodoo doctor who gives him a foul-smelling potion. He drinks it, goes to sleep and has a dream. In this dream he finds himself on a street, lit by green lamps. Following the witch-man’s instructions, he takes two rights and a left from his point of origin, finds a tree growing by the seventh street light, hung all over with colored balloons. On the fourth limb from the top there is a red balloon; he breaks it and inside is a screwdriver with a yellow plastic handle. With the screwdriver he removes the screw from his stomach, and as soon as this happens he wakes from the dream. It is morning. He looks down toward his navel, the screw is gone. That twenty years’ curse is lifted at last. Delirious with joy, he leaps up out of bed, and his ass falls off." I thought of the same thing when I read the title of the post as well. Lovely book, made me laugh many times.
- akrain 4y agoThanks for the reply. I tried to search for the passage but couldn't find it myslef.
- starkd 4y agoIt reminds me of a line in a Sopranos episode. Only it substituted penis for bottom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHmsqjm4lV0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHmsqjm4lV0
- hardlianotion 4y agoThat actually seems more realistic.
- BurningPenguin 4y agoSo widespread, it apparently transcends borders. My grandparents used that one a few times. Hello from Germany. :)
- ecornflak 4y agoIt’s interesting to find this out!
- timonoko 4y agoI used pincers and fished out massive piece of navel lint the other day. It was quite solid. And there was white strands growing from it, somekind of mildew. I was aware of danger of scratching yores navel, so I doused the area with Alcool and Betadine.
- wkjagt 4y agoWhen my first kid was born, I planned to start preserving my navel fur to be able to knit him a sweater for his 18th birthday. I regret that I never got around to that. He’s 15 now and I don’t think 3 years will yield enough for a sweater. Socks, maybe, but I’d always see those as a symbol of my lack of perseverance.
- somedude895 4y agoNo way! I've been collecting it for three years now, planning to create felt plushies with it brand name is Nabelfilz. Sadly during the pandemic the harvest was bad, since production requires fabric and friction and I wasn't wearing shirts or walking much.
- robin_reala 4y agoOmphalolith? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omphalolith https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omphalolith
- eastbound 4y ago> This, along with the “lying still game” and many other “games” ensured hours of peace and quiet for adults trying to It’s funny how fathering is about using a thousand tricks to make kids go through life even when they don’t want. And another part is politeness rules teach kids to be convenient for the parents, for example “don’t play with food, there’s kids in Africa” was never about African kids and more about cleaning up the floor. Whenever I cried, my father would say “Don’t put your mouth in W”. How can you not laugh at that. We’ll it doesn’t teach to negotiate, I don’t remember my parents bending for anything, they’d use gimmicks to get out of the situation. If it’s not good to let kids get spoilt, bending from time to time teaches them how to use a little seduction to ask for things. I also remember my father coming back from a disabled-school visit, and he’d tell me that a kid taught him in sign language “I - love - working”, and that’s the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. Or seen. So that’s it, I don’t know how to complain properly, don’t know how to seduce, and I work all the time. I became deadweight for my parents at 40, since I’m single, millionaire and incel, but at least they had nothing to worry concerning impregnating women, doing drugs or not working enough.
- ambicapter 4y agoWell this comment took a turn in the last few minutes.
- homonculus1 4y agoHow slow do you read??
- guntherhermann 4y ago> I don’t know how to complain properly Oh I don't know, I think you're doing a fine job of it. All of those things you complain about not being able to do, you know that you can't do them. If you know you can't do them, and want to do them, then you can learn how. Alternatively, you can lay your issues at your parents feet and mope about how hard your life is as a millionaire.
- TheCapn 4y ago
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- once_inc 4y agoAs time progresses my respect, love, and admiration for my parents increases. They didn't do a perfect job, but they did it perfectly.
- kangalioo 4y agoThey didn't do it perfectly but they did it perfectly? Do you have two different definitions for "perfect" and are mixing them?
- Cpoll 4y agoSometimes you do a perfect job, and sometimes you do a bad job perfectly. But to avoid any more wordplay: Sometimes you need to use a flawed technique to achieve an end. You can execute that flawed technique perfectly, but that won't make it a perfect job.
- FrankyHollywood 4y agoIndeed, the 'perfect path' in life is not perfect. Life has so many paths, everything is a trade off. Spent more time with your kids? You loose time with friends etc. Whatever you do or choose in life, it means you can't do all the other stuff. There were interesting comments about 'having regrets' previously: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33118584 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33118584
- ryanianian 4y agoI think you've missed the poetry.
- 11235813213455 4y agowhat's also fun is "perfect" just means "done" from its latin roots
- kybernetyk 4y agoI completely agree with you. As we grow older and gain more life experiences, we are able to see and appreciate the hard work and sacrifices that our parents made for us. Even though they may not have done everything perfectly, their love and dedication to their family is truly admirable. It's important to recognize and show gratitude for their efforts and support.
- RcouF1uZ4gsC 4y ago> Maureen must have been skeptical, but Mum immediately backed up Dad’s story. The author’s mom also sounds pretty cool. Having a significant other who is on the same wavelength as you as who is your partner even in silly stuff is one of the underrated blessings in life.
- a_c 4y agoUnrelated, I fat fingered on a link without noticing. I was confused as to why the content I'm reading is completely unrelated to what I read 30s before. This website is fast.
- Veen 4y agoExceptionally so for a WordPress site.
- rahimnathwani 4y agoThe theme he's using claims to be the fastest WordPress theme: https://generatepress.com/generatepress-3-0-a-new-era/ https://generatepress.com/generatepress-3-0-a-new-era/
- JustSomeNobody 4y agoNo... It is: If you unbutton your belly button, your legs will fall off. :)
- mcphage 4y agoThis was just lovely :-)
- trifit 4y agoThis got me in the feels regarding my father, who’s bbeen my rock through and through.
- denton-scratch 4y ago> the ancient Lancastrian martial art of Ecky Thump I thought Ecky Thoomp was from Yorkshire (via the Goodies).
- mc_woods 4y agoThat's civil war talk right there... :)
- voidmain0001 4y agoAnd I thought it was a White Stripes song/album title. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icky_Thump_(song) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icky_Thump_(song)
- ecornflak 4y agoMy father was originally from Manchester and there is a good chance he borrowed heavily.
- sandreas 4y agoThis reminds me of Patrick Rothfuss' The Wise Man's Fear... seems that his dad told him a similar story :-) > “Once upon a time,” I began. “There was a little boy born in a little town. He was perfect, or so his mother thought. But one thing was different about him. He had a gold screw in his belly button. Just the head of it peeping out.
- anonporridge 4y agoThe joke goes back to at least 1971 based on it's appearance in a book of Isaac Asimov's favorite jokes, https://old.reddit.com/r/KingkillerChronicle/comments/3uul26/golden_screw_story_source/ https://old.reddit.com/r/KingkillerChronicle/comments/3uul26.... I'm sure it's much older. My father also told a version of it back in the 80s. Screws and screwdrivers are at least 500 years old, so this joke could have been mutating around its core punchline through generations for quite a long time before it was first written down.
- ecornflak 4y agoMy Dad was an avid sci fi reader, I feel this is probably where he borrowed from :)
- xanathar 4y agoI hope my dad is partying with yours in the ahem great-ISO-9000-in-the-sky. They would enjoy each other's company. And I would enjoy his, would give anything for 10. more. minutes.
- b1c837696ba28b 4y ago"When you turn 12 you will have to get your belly button re-tied."
- thieving_magpie 4y agoMy grandfather told me a version of this story and I have been lucky to tell my kids (who loved it). Our version: There was once a boy that was born with a golden screw where his belly button should be. This made him very self-conscious about it. The kids at school would tease him about his golden screw and lack of belly button. It was so bad that he didn't want to remove his shirt when swimming. One day his class took a field trip to the beach. The boy didn't want to remove his shirt, so he walked along the beach kicking the sand. He was very sad. Suddenly, his foot hurt from kicking something hard in the sand. He looked down and discovered a golden screwdriver. His eyes brightened and he felt this must be some divine intervention. He immediately removed his shirt, grabbed the golden screwdriver and began to carefully unscrew the golden screw. This was the moment. He unscrewed it and finally this golden screw that had cursed him his whole life came out <dramatic pause> then his butt fell off. <cue 6 year old laughing>
- TedDoesntTalk 4y agoCan’t wait to use this!!
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- onepointsixC 4y agoI'm most certainly going to steal this.
- bmcahren 4y agoChatGPT is the best: Once upon a time, there was a young man named Jack who had a golden screw in place of his belly button. Jack was very self-conscious about this unique feature, but he soon discovered that it had some incredible powers. One day, Jack was walking through the forest when he came across a beautiful fairy. The fairy was in distress and begged Jack to help her. She explained that she was being held captive by a wicked witch and needed someone to rescue her. Without hesitation, Jack agreed to help the fairy and set off on an adventure to defeat the witch. Along the way, he encountered many challenges, including fierce beasts and treacherous obstacles. But with the help of his golden screw, Jack was able to overcome each challenge and finally reached the witch's castle. He battled the witch, using his golden screw to conjure up powerful spells and defeat her. The fairy was grateful to Jack and rewarded him with a magical amulet that granted him the ability to fly. With this new power, Jack flew back home, feeling proud of his bravery and accomplishment. Years later, Jack discovered that the golden screw could do even more than he had initially thought. He realized that he could use it to shape-shift into any form he desired. Excited by this new discovery, Jack began experimenting with his newfound ability. He turned into a bird, a fish, and even a dragon. But one day, he accidentally turned into a duck and couldn't change back. Feeling frustrated and embarrassed, Jack decided to give up his powers and return to his human form. He unscrewed the golden screw and, to his horror, his butt fell off.
- jawadch93 4y ago[dead]
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- codazoda 4y agoNice read. I really like the idea of writing lessons learned from a person when they pass.
- dehrmann 4y ago> the great ISO9000 audit conference in the sky Not exactly my idea of heaven.
- 5tefan 4y agoLoved reading it. Fantastic piece. That writing got very close to me, watery eyes and so and I also read it from my perspective of being a dad of a small child right now.
- vinay_ys 4y agoNice writing. Made me feel warm remembering a few people with similar persona from my childhood days. I feel there were a lot of people with similar persona in my dad's generation. Ubiquitous connectivity via Mobile/Internet and how much our cities/towns have changed makes it difficult for this persona to exist today.
- jasebell 4y agoFirst place I heard that question was on a Jasper Carrott concert from the late 70s. :)
- glonq 4y agoOne of my dad's favorite stories: Once upon a time, all the dogs went to a big party. But because dog butts are smelly, they were required to remove them at the entrance and hang them up on the wall. Halfway through the party a sneaky cat pulled the fire alarm so all the dogs just grabbed whatever butt they could find, attached it, and ran out. Ever since then they've been smelling each other's butts so that they can try find their own. We had a family dog whose butt/tail was a different color than his body, so of course this story just made perfect sense to us.
- perilunar 4y agoMichael Leunig did a cartoon of this, so maybe that's where the story comes from. (I tried to find it but my google foo failed me)