4 ms·

I know I’m in the minority here but I’ve never experienced this. Eye contact for me is a deeply uncomfortable thing and I’ve struggled with it my whole life. I

I know I’m in the minority here but I’ve never experienced this. Eye contact for me is a deeply uncomfortable thing and I’ve struggled with it my whole life. I do make eye contact with people but I almost never sustain it for more than a couple seconds. I find online meetings to be pretty engaging most of the time. No less engaging than a meeting in an office with the same amount of participation.

swader999 4y ago
Do you think you connect with others effectively in conversation? I struggle the same way and really have to focus on it.
euroderf 4y ago
Yes. Eye contact can sometimes/often be unbearably intense. Not sure what the cure is.
- swader999 4y ago
  Just more of it I think. It's like anything, practice it until it becomes second nature and you can even feel relaxed doing it.
tartoran 4y ago
Yep, im one of these too and find online meetings more relaxing too. When I make (forced) eye contact I lose my train of thought and often have to glance at the ceiling or out in the distance when I’m in a deep conversation. But I adapted and I am comfortable not making eye contact when I deliver a speech. I may as well be on the spectrum somewhere as I’ve always been this way. The coping mechanisms I’ve built still don’t help not disturb my train of thought when making eye contact, I have no problem with the eye contact itself but it’s just too distracting sometimes.
dragontamer 4y ago
In martial arts when I was younger, we spent at least a few sessions just staring at each other, to get comfortable / less awkward with looking at your opponent. That, along with taking punches to the stomach (We weren't very strong yet, so no worries about us actually injuring each other), just to get "used to getting hit", among other things... these kinds of training helps remove the mental blocks when you actually start to spar. I'd say that eye-contact is just one of those things you need to train for. I know I did, it helped me a lot inside of a sparring match to help me focus on the opponent rather than feeling awkward (they're looking at me kinda thing). ----- If you haven't had martial arts practice, then you could just practice eye-contact with your friends instead.
- throw827474737 4y ago
  > I'd say that eye-contact is just one of those things you need to train for. But for why and what if I'm not into martial arts? Just for social norms and studies that say only then I am really engaged and pay attention, which is definitely not true for me?
  - oblak 4y ago
    Not that you care but I straight up ask people with sunglasses to take them off if they want to talk to me. I take covering your eyes as hiding.
    - Godel_unicode 4y ago
      That sounds incredibly rude to me.
      - beebeepka 4y ago
        To me it's rude to have sunglasses on
        Godel_unicode 4y ago
        People wear sunglasses for lots of reasons, many of which are none of your business. They might be vision-impaired, have glaucoma, have dilated pupils from the eye doctor, or just be really hungover. You’re not in charge, leave people’s clothing and accessory choices alone.
        beebeepka 4y ago
        Come on, buddy. People may want to wear helmets for all I care. Doesn't mean I'd super eager to talk to them
    - throw827474737 4y ago
      And some find staring into one's eyes and holding eye contact with strangers kind of aggressive :)
dagmx 4y ago
I think statistically you’re not in the minority. The two most populated countries in the world for example don’t encourage eye contact, and when you account for the large number of countries in Asia that similarly don’t, the statistical norm is to avoid eye contact.
- duncan-donuts 4y ago
  Yeah in hindsight I’m probably not. Probably my own bias of 1) hearing from people that online communication just isn’t the same 2) my own struggle with eye contact 3) being American.
dazc 4y ago
I have never been comfortable with direct eye contact but the funny thing is that I am often complemented on my eyes, which feels kind of weird but also makes me realize how other people can judge you in ways you wouldn't normally consider.

swader999 4y ago

Do you think you connect with others effectively in conversation? I struggle the same way and really have to focus on it.

euroderf 4y ago

Yes. Eye contact can sometimes/often be unbearably intense. Not sure what the cure is.

swader999 4y ago
Just more of it I think. It's like anything, practice it until it becomes second nature and you can even feel relaxed doing it.

tartoran 4y ago

Yep, im one of these too and find online meetings more relaxing too. When I make (forced) eye contact I lose my train of thought and often have to glance at the ceiling or out in the distance when I’m in a deep conversation. But I adapted and I am comfortable not making eye contact when I deliver a speech. I may as well be on the spectrum somewhere as I’ve always been this way. The coping mechanisms I’ve built still don’t help not disturb my train of thought when making eye contact, I have no problem with the eye contact itself but it’s just too distracting sometimes.

dragontamer 4y ago

In martial arts when I was younger, we spent at least a few sessions just staring at each other, to get comfortable / less awkward with looking at your opponent. That, along with taking punches to the stomach (We weren't very strong yet, so no worries about us actually injuring each other), just to get "used to getting hit", among other things... these kinds of training helps remove the mental blocks when you actually start to spar. I'd say that eye-contact is just one of those things you need to train for. I know I did, it helped me a lot inside of a sparring match to help me focus on the opponent rather than feeling awkward (they're looking at me kinda thing). ----- If you haven't had martial arts practice, then you could just practice eye-contact with your friends instead.

throw827474737 4y ago
> I'd say that eye-contact is just one of those things you need to train for. But for why and what if I'm not into martial arts? Just for social norms and studies that say only then I am really engaged and pay attention, which is definitely not true for me?
- oblak 4y ago
  Not that you care but I straight up ask people with sunglasses to take them off if they want to talk to me. I take covering your eyes as hiding.
  - Godel_unicode 4y ago
    That sounds incredibly rude to me.
    - beebeepka 4y ago
      To me it's rude to have sunglasses on
      - Godel_unicode 4y ago
        People wear sunglasses for lots of reasons, many of which are none of your business. They might be vision-impaired, have glaucoma, have dilated pupils from the eye doctor, or just be really hungover. You’re not in charge, leave people’s clothing and accessory choices alone.
        beebeepka 4y ago
        Come on, buddy. People may want to wear helmets for all I care. Doesn't mean I'd super eager to talk to them
  - throw827474737 4y ago
    And some find staring into one's eyes and holding eye contact with strangers kind of aggressive :)

dagmx 4y ago

I think statistically you’re not in the minority. The two most populated countries in the world for example don’t encourage eye contact, and when you account for the large number of countries in Asia that similarly don’t, the statistical norm is to avoid eye contact.

duncan-donuts 4y ago
Yeah in hindsight I’m probably not. Probably my own bias of 1) hearing from people that online communication just isn’t the same 2) my own struggle with eye contact 3) being American.

dazc 4y ago

I have never been comfortable with direct eye contact but the funny thing is that I am often complemented on my eyes, which feels kind of weird but also makes me realize how other people can judge you in ways you wouldn't normally consider.