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Codified dating rules at companies are for people attractive enough that being asked out by them is flattering. Being asked out by unattractive people is creep

Codified dating rules at companies are for people attractive enough that being asked out by them is flattering. Being asked out by unattractive people is creepy harassment in what is supposed to be a safe space, even if they only ask once and politely accept rejection. An unattractive man asking out a woman from work is taking a 10x or 100x career risk compared to a very attractive man asking out a woman from work.

Joeri 4y ago
Do you know someone unattractive who had this happen to them? I’m wondering how prevalent the situation you’re describing is.
- timeon 4y ago
  I do not know anyone who is not attractive at least in some way.
DeWilde 4y ago
Define attractiveness please, it is a bit of an ambiguous term. My definition of attractiveness includes behavior, and the only unattractive behavior that might put your career at risk is if you ask people out in extremely awkward ways or don't handle rejection well. Otherwise there should be no career risk to stating interest in getting to know a person more that you find interesting.
- unsupp0rted 4y ago
  Attractive = somebody I’m flattered to be approached by Unattractive = somebody who should know I’m way out of their league and since they don’t it’s creepy and slightly embarrassing to me that they’re trying to get a shot
  - arcturus17 4y ago
    I got past that when I was like 20. If someone asks me out now and I don’t find them attractive I’m not embarrassed in the slightest and I can graciously say no to them.
  - matthewmacleod 4y ago
    This is properly embarrassing incel-tier stuff dude, and it’s not good for you. The more you repeat it, the more you will start to believe it, and the more you will start to act in a way that telegraphs your self-image to others. There’s nothing less attractive than a guy who—regardless of physical appearance—is unaware of the “nice guy” vibes they are projecting. You do you, but I’d wager if you get off of the internet and talk to some human beings without “trying to get a shot” you’ll be way happier.
    - unsupp0rted 4y ago
      Another commenter posted the same concept in the form of an SNL skit. https://youtu.be/PxuUkYiaUc8 https://youtu.be/PxuUkYiaUc8 The reason that skit is funny and relatable is because it doesn’t take an incel to recognize this nuance of women’s reactions to being approached by two different classes of men.
  - pmoriarty 4y ago
    "Unattractive = somebody who should know I’m way out of their league and since they don’t it’s creepy and slightly embarrassing to me that they’re trying to get a shot" I wonder why I keep seeing couples where one of them is super attractive and the other is the opposite. Sure, sometimes it's simply prostitution, but many times it's not. I've also met quite a few very attractive women who've told me that the way a guy looks is not nearly as important to them as their personality... and judging by the guys they've dated, that's true.
    - bradlys 4y ago
      You’re seeing couples often are they’ve been together for a while. Many men workout and get into good physical shape. Later they stop going to the gym cause they have someone. Their appetite doesn’t change but their exercise routine did. They gain fat. This is why you see a ton of overweight dudes with women that seem more physically attractive than them. The guys were in shape - they just got fat once they were together because he didn’t need to workout to get the girl anymore. This is the overwhelming majority of overweight men with thin women that you’ll see. Same with baldness - etc. People should look at the couples when they first got together.
- dandellion 4y ago
  Are you talking from your experience as an unattractive person? I've met lots of average and attractive people that have a very warped perception of what being unattractive actually is like, and they say similar things. But then reality teaches you something completely differently.
sokoloff 4y ago
10 or 100 times epsilon? Maybe.
UntitledNo4 4y ago
Maybe it's me, but I think that approaching someone you've never spoken to and asking them out is creepy. Regardless of the setting. I would never go to anyone in the gym, or at the shops, or even at a bar and ask them, "hey, do you fancy going out with me?" as the first question. You start chatting to someone, you gauge their reaction, the chemistry between you, and take it from there if you feel that there is interest from the other side as well. It's probably better if you don't even ask them out on your first chat or the first day. I wouldn't think it's a career risk to start chatting to someone at work, unless you continue doing so even after they've shown signs that they are not interested in talking to you, and then they're definitely not interested in dating you either. I'm a gay man, who goes out pretty often, and although we gays are much more direct with each other, I have never gone up to someone and asked "do you want to go out with me?" or had someone ask me that as a first question. That would be weird even for us, who are okay with going to the dark room with someone we've only met three minutes before.
- bradlys 4y ago
  No one asks this as a first question… That is a strawman. The situation is that you’re thinking there could be interest and are unsure. A lot of women are extremely reserved and as a straight man - anything short of a blatant no is not enough to stop because women don’t like to reveal their position often. A common story is a woman to completely ignore or harass a man and then later ask her friends, “do you think he likes me? God, he’s so attractive.” Many women will do anything they can to avoid showing how they feel about someone because they’re incredibly afraid of rejection. (Mainly cause most women never actually have to overcome rejection - men do it for them) Dating women is much different than men. It’s very different. All the gay men in my life are endlessly perplexed by the stories they hear from their straight male friends.

Joeri 4y ago

Do you know someone unattractive who had this happen to them? I’m wondering how prevalent the situation you’re describing is.

timeon 4y ago
I do not know anyone who is not attractive at least in some way.

DeWilde 4y ago

Define attractiveness please, it is a bit of an ambiguous term. My definition of attractiveness includes behavior, and the only unattractive behavior that might put your career at risk is if you ask people out in extremely awkward ways or don't handle rejection well. Otherwise there should be no career risk to stating interest in getting to know a person more that you find interesting.

unsupp0rted 4y ago
Attractive = somebody I’m flattered to be approached by Unattractive = somebody who should know I’m way out of their league and since they don’t it’s creepy and slightly embarrassing to me that they’re trying to get a shot
- arcturus17 4y ago
  I got past that when I was like 20. If someone asks me out now and I don’t find them attractive I’m not embarrassed in the slightest and I can graciously say no to them.
- matthewmacleod 4y ago
  This is properly embarrassing incel-tier stuff dude, and it’s not good for you. The more you repeat it, the more you will start to believe it, and the more you will start to act in a way that telegraphs your self-image to others. There’s nothing less attractive than a guy who—regardless of physical appearance—is unaware of the “nice guy” vibes they are projecting. You do you, but I’d wager if you get off of the internet and talk to some human beings without “trying to get a shot” you’ll be way happier.
  - unsupp0rted 4y ago
    Another commenter posted the same concept in the form of an SNL skit. https://youtu.be/PxuUkYiaUc8 https://youtu.be/PxuUkYiaUc8 The reason that skit is funny and relatable is because it doesn’t take an incel to recognize this nuance of women’s reactions to being approached by two different classes of men.
- pmoriarty 4y ago
  "Unattractive = somebody who should know I’m way out of their league and since they don’t it’s creepy and slightly embarrassing to me that they’re trying to get a shot" I wonder why I keep seeing couples where one of them is super attractive and the other is the opposite. Sure, sometimes it's simply prostitution, but many times it's not. I've also met quite a few very attractive women who've told me that the way a guy looks is not nearly as important to them as their personality... and judging by the guys they've dated, that's true.
  - bradlys 4y ago
    You’re seeing couples often are they’ve been together for a while. Many men workout and get into good physical shape. Later they stop going to the gym cause they have someone. Their appetite doesn’t change but their exercise routine did. They gain fat. This is why you see a ton of overweight dudes with women that seem more physically attractive than them. The guys were in shape - they just got fat once they were together because he didn’t need to workout to get the girl anymore. This is the overwhelming majority of overweight men with thin women that you’ll see. Same with baldness - etc. People should look at the couples when they first got together.
dandellion 4y ago
Are you talking from your experience as an unattractive person? I've met lots of average and attractive people that have a very warped perception of what being unattractive actually is like, and they say similar things. But then reality teaches you something completely differently.

sokoloff 4y ago

10 or 100 times epsilon? Maybe.

UntitledNo4 4y ago

Maybe it's me, but I think that approaching someone you've never spoken to and asking them out is creepy. Regardless of the setting. I would never go to anyone in the gym, or at the shops, or even at a bar and ask them, "hey, do you fancy going out with me?" as the first question. You start chatting to someone, you gauge their reaction, the chemistry between you, and take it from there if you feel that there is interest from the other side as well. It's probably better if you don't even ask them out on your first chat or the first day. I wouldn't think it's a career risk to start chatting to someone at work, unless you continue doing so even after they've shown signs that they are not interested in talking to you, and then they're definitely not interested in dating you either. I'm a gay man, who goes out pretty often, and although we gays are much more direct with each other, I have never gone up to someone and asked "do you want to go out with me?" or had someone ask me that as a first question. That would be weird even for us, who are okay with going to the dark room with someone we've only met three minutes before.

bradlys 4y ago
No one asks this as a first question… That is a strawman. The situation is that you’re thinking there could be interest and are unsure. A lot of women are extremely reserved and as a straight man - anything short of a blatant no is not enough to stop because women don’t like to reveal their position often. A common story is a woman to completely ignore or harass a man and then later ask her friends, “do you think he likes me? God, he’s so attractive.” Many women will do anything they can to avoid showing how they feel about someone because they’re incredibly afraid of rejection. (Mainly cause most women never actually have to overcome rejection - men do it for them) Dating women is much different than men. It’s very different. All the gay men in my life are endlessly perplexed by the stories they hear from their straight male friends.