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> I didn't realize that people just stop making new friends after 30 (outside work). I think this might be a self fulfilling prophecy. I’m 40 and I’m still ma

by moltar 4y ago

> I didn't realize that people just stop making new friends after 30 (outside work). I think this might be a self fulfilling prophecy. I’m 40 and I’m still making friends. I don’t see why there must be some sort of magical age limit. Imagine there’s another one of you. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with them?

AussieWog93 4y ago
>Imagine there’s another one of you. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with them? Holy shit, that's a really thought-provoking question. I wonder how many others would answer "probably not".
- b112 4y ago
  I wonder how many others would answer "probably not". To me, this isn't about liking me, who wouldn't! It's more about being identical. Even if a friend shares the same likes, interests, hobbies, they have a different view on it. Their brain thinks via a different process. I don't want a mirror as a friend.
  - swores 4y ago
    I'm pretty sure by "another you" they meant "another person who reached 30 wishing they had more friends", not a literally identical person.
    - moltar 4y ago
      Yes, that’s what I meant.
szundi 4y ago
This is very true. Only thing is that after some time people stop trying and the other party is also needed
ChuckNorris89 4y ago
>Imagine there’s another one of you. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with them? Yeah but finding the other ones like you is incredibly difficult. People in their 30's and 40's with zero friends looking to make new ones are basically non existent where I live.
- krisoft 4y ago
  > People in their 30's and 40's with zero friends looking to make new ones are basically non existent where I live. Why would they need to have “zero friends”. It is not like people have a max number of friends they can have.
  - ChuckNorris89 4y ago
    Because in my experience, where I live, once people past 30 have at least one reliable friend in their life the can rely on, they don't open themselves to making new ones, so they invest their time and energy elsewhere. One person was really blunt with me: "you're a pretty cool guy, but I don't have time/space in my life for new people". Other people are less blunt but the same principle applies.
    - swores 4y ago
      Obviously I can't say for sure, but to me "you're a pretty cool guy, but I don't have time/space in my life for new people" sounds much more like a polite excuse to avoid saying "you're not somebody I want to be friends with" than an accurate statement about the reason they can't be friends with you despite honestly feeling you and they are compatible friends. edit: But maybe that's my British instincts wrongly diagnosing a statement that I have no real context to judge better.
      - legerdemain 4y ago
        Maybe, maybe not. Someone I know who seemingly leads a normal social life turns down all my invitations to hang out with groups because he "doesn't need to meet new people." And he's not the only person I've known who has that attitude.
tluyben2 4y ago
50 here, making (and losing) friends every year. We moved to another country, again, and we don’t find it very hard to forge lasting friendships with people so far anywhere. Most people are just really bad at it; some people here who I try involve in activities always cancel or have ‘better stuff todo’ and then cry, later, that no one invites them anymore or they have no one to play with. It’s not that hard… > Imagine there’s another one of you. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with them? Nice one and yes, I would :)
- synu 4y ago
  I’m 40 and in the same boat but also moved overseas and travel a lot. I think that kind of forces you into not losing the ability to make new friends through your life.
- zeroonetwothree 4y ago
  Some people just have more of a natural talent, as with anything else. It’s not very helpful to just tell people they are bad at it. I don’t go around telling people that are bad at things that I’m good at that it’s not that hard and they should just try…
taneq 4y ago
Definitely! Although if I met another one of me I'd do my best to turn them into a work friend too.
Aeolun 4y ago
I do have to say that making friends with people you do not see every day for weeks on end feels different. I’ve spent more time with my friends from highschool than I will ever spend with any other individual whom I might eventually consider a friend.

by moltar 4y ago

AussieWog93 4y ago

>Imagine there’s another one of you. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with them? Holy shit, that's a really thought-provoking question. I wonder how many others would answer "probably not".

b112 4y ago
I wonder how many others would answer "probably not". To me, this isn't about liking me, who wouldn't! It's more about being identical. Even if a friend shares the same likes, interests, hobbies, they have a different view on it. Their brain thinks via a different process. I don't want a mirror as a friend.
- swores 4y ago
  I'm pretty sure by "another you" they meant "another person who reached 30 wishing they had more friends", not a literally identical person.
  - moltar 4y ago
    Yes, that’s what I meant.

szundi 4y ago

This is very true. Only thing is that after some time people stop trying and the other party is also needed

ChuckNorris89 4y ago

>Imagine there’s another one of you. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with them? Yeah but finding the other ones like you is incredibly difficult. People in their 30's and 40's with zero friends looking to make new ones are basically non existent where I live.

krisoft 4y ago
> People in their 30's and 40's with zero friends looking to make new ones are basically non existent where I live. Why would they need to have “zero friends”. It is not like people have a max number of friends they can have.
- ChuckNorris89 4y ago
  Because in my experience, where I live, once people past 30 have at least one reliable friend in their life the can rely on, they don't open themselves to making new ones, so they invest their time and energy elsewhere. One person was really blunt with me: "you're a pretty cool guy, but I don't have time/space in my life for new people". Other people are less blunt but the same principle applies.
  - swores 4y ago
    Obviously I can't say for sure, but to me "you're a pretty cool guy, but I don't have time/space in my life for new people" sounds much more like a polite excuse to avoid saying "you're not somebody I want to be friends with" than an accurate statement about the reason they can't be friends with you despite honestly feeling you and they are compatible friends. edit: But maybe that's my British instincts wrongly diagnosing a statement that I have no real context to judge better.
    - legerdemain 4y ago
      Maybe, maybe not. Someone I know who seemingly leads a normal social life turns down all my invitations to hang out with groups because he "doesn't need to meet new people." And he's not the only person I've known who has that attitude.

tluyben2 4y ago

50 here, making (and losing) friends every year. We moved to another country, again, and we don’t find it very hard to forge lasting friendships with people so far anywhere. Most people are just really bad at it; some people here who I try involve in activities always cancel or have ‘better stuff todo’ and then cry, later, that no one invites them anymore or they have no one to play with. It’s not that hard… > Imagine there’s another one of you. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with them? Nice one and yes, I would :)

synu 4y ago
I’m 40 and in the same boat but also moved overseas and travel a lot. I think that kind of forces you into not losing the ability to make new friends through your life.
zeroonetwothree 4y ago
Some people just have more of a natural talent, as with anything else. It’s not very helpful to just tell people they are bad at it. I don’t go around telling people that are bad at things that I’m good at that it’s not that hard and they should just try…

taneq 4y ago

Definitely! Although if I met another one of me I'd do my best to turn them into a work friend too.

Aeolun 4y ago

I do have to say that making friends with people you do not see every day for weeks on end feels different. I’ve spent more time with my friends from highschool than I will ever spend with any other individual whom I might eventually consider a friend.