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This is one of those personality differences that I find utterly fascinating. I think you're right that most people feel the way you say, but I feel the exact o

This is one of those personality differences that I find utterly fascinating. I think you're right that most people feel the way you say, but I feel the exact opposite! If I'm talking about a problem, it's because I haven't figured out how to solve it and would be happy for ideas. Otherwise why talk about it? You're certainly not interested in my problems, and it's by definition a problem for me, so it's not like I enjoy just talking about it for no reason. It was definitely a learning curve realizing that most people don't feel how I do about this. Still baffles me to this day, but I've learned to put that aside and just shut up because I guess people want that.

ketzo 4y ago
I'm the same way. Not to over-generalize, but in my experience that feeling is a big 1) guy thing 2) engineering-type thing 3) type-A-personality thing and god help you if you're all three! All three of those groups are overrepresented on HN, too, so at least you're probably in good company :D I just learned that I need to stifle my automatic "problem-solving mode" when it comes to personal interactions, and all of my conversations got way better. Glad I was at least able to learn pretty early in my life!
imknewhere 4y ago
For real? Like if in the course of a conversation, somebody brings up that they've been struggling with depression and have a hard time getting up in the morning, you actually interpret that as a request for instructions they can follow, in order to become happy again? I just find that a little hard to believe. If it's actually true, well, I dunno, I'm sorry for you?
- Dylan16807 4y ago
  Well, it's probably a desire for those things. The problem is that the solution doesn't exist, not that giving a valid solution would be bad.
- coldpie 4y ago
  I mean, that's a rather extreme example. It's hard to say how I'd react in that situation, I'd probably feel uncomfortable and mumble and try to get out of the conversation, lol.
Gigachad 4y ago
Personally I like both. Listen first, listen completely and then offer suggestions. While some people will let you get a few lines in and then start blurting out useless suggestions without hearing the full situation.

ketzo 4y ago

I'm the same way. Not to over-generalize, but in my experience that feeling is a big 1) guy thing 2) engineering-type thing 3) type-A-personality thing and god help you if you're all three! All three of those groups are overrepresented on HN, too, so at least you're probably in good company :D I just learned that I need to stifle my automatic "problem-solving mode" when it comes to personal interactions, and all of my conversations got way better. Glad I was at least able to learn pretty early in my life!

imknewhere 4y ago

For real? Like if in the course of a conversation, somebody brings up that they've been struggling with depression and have a hard time getting up in the morning, you actually interpret that as a request for instructions they can follow, in order to become happy again? I just find that a little hard to believe. If it's actually true, well, I dunno, I'm sorry for you?

Dylan16807 4y ago
Well, it's probably a desire for those things. The problem is that the solution doesn't exist, not that giving a valid solution would be bad.
coldpie 4y ago
I mean, that's a rather extreme example. It's hard to say how I'd react in that situation, I'd probably feel uncomfortable and mumble and try to get out of the conversation, lol.

Gigachad 4y ago

Personally I like both. Listen first, listen completely and then offer suggestions. While some people will let you get a few lines in and then start blurting out useless suggestions without hearing the full situation.