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Giving compliments to people on their style, demeanour/energy or some situation that’s interesting in the moment is how I talk to strangers. Also, only do it w

Giving compliments to people on their style, demeanour/energy or some situation that’s interesting in the moment is how I talk to strangers. Also, only do it when you mean it. Some people respond negative to lukewarm but most people really appreciate it.

nicbou 4y ago
It's weirdly hard to compliment people, at least as a man. If you haven't warmed them up a bit first, it never feels right to compliment what they wear. On the other hand, people love hearing that they have a nice playlist or run a cool place. It's something we put a lot of us into, so being complimented about it always hits hard. Compliments are an acquired skill, but one that's so satisfying to use.
- te_chris 4y ago
  I think a lot of that is delivery. In a society like the UK (where I currently live) where there’s a deep and heavy cynicism and sarcasm in the cultural dialog, most people assume you’re taking the piss unless you really can convey you’re not - not that this is a good reason not to complement people if you think it’s warranted. In NZ the culture is a lot more earnest, so it’s a bit easier.
- conaire 4y ago
  Try non physical complements, eg. I really appreciated the conversation you started on x, I like that we can really go deep and get into the weeds on topics, or even it's cool that you really know who you are.
  - Yajirobe 4y ago
    So that only works for people you know or have interacted in some way. That doesn't apply to strangers.
  - yuuu 4y ago
    compliments
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- hospadar 4y ago
  Agree - I always go for compliments about a choice someone made rather than some quality I perceive them to have. This suggests admiration for something they intended to do or worked on. "I love that sweater" [that you chose] is a lot friendlier IMO than "you look great in that sweater" I also try to indicate with my tone and bearing that a response is not expected, a good compliment is a gift (IMO) and gifts are freely given without expectation of payback. I also like to stick to commentary I feel i actually know anything about, i wear earrings, so often comment about them. I dont wear makeup, so i rarely go there. I think fancy shoes are fun, etc.
  - mettamage 4y ago
    > I also try to indicate with my tone and bearing that a response is not expected, a good compliment is a gift (IMO) and gifts are freely given without expectation of payback. Yes! This so much this!
- darkerside 4y ago
  Questions are a great way to indicate interest without coming off as too forward. Where'd you get that hat? Is that sweater as comfy as it looks?
- narag 4y ago
  Instead of compliments, try a more neutral start, like a question. * Is that the new model of X? They say it's great. * Where did you find Y? I've been searching for it a long time. * Do that Z work so well as they say?
- mettamage 4y ago
  I am a guy. Feel free to ask me questions via email on how I do it. My only actual skill: being fine with awkwardness. It happens 20% of the time
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
unzadunza 4y ago
I'm really reluctant to talk to strangers, but when I do... I use triangulation, where you don't talk about yourself (a stranger doesn't care) and you don't talk about them (it makes them uncomfortable), but instead you talk about a 3rd subject that maybe is visible to both of you, like the pretty fall leaves. Actually, last year, right after I learned about triangulation, I was walking my dogs and stranger mentioned the pretty fall leaves to me. I then started telling him that he was using triangulation and explained what it is. He got uncomfortable and walked away. Derp.
- darkerside 4y ago
  This is called small talk, and despite being reviled by many needs, it serves an important social purpose of making people feel comfortable before we talk about things that can get uncomfortable (like each other). Most people agree that it's silly but needed, which is why when you deconstruct with a random stranger (thereby making it about the two of you and NOT a separate thing), they will feel the need to quickly exit your presence.
- amelius 4y ago
  Taking a conversation meta will make a lot of people uncomfortable, yes.
- moffkalast 4y ago
  Just don't ask about the weather https://xkcd.com/1324/ https://xkcd.com/1324/
usernom 4y ago
I don't think compliments are a good way to interact with strangers. Better is asking for the way to ..., most important thing is to follow your intuition.
doix 4y ago
I remember the first time I went to Austin from the UK for a work trip. I wore my usual stupid pun t-shirts and the amount of comments/compliments I got walking down the street from strangers was insane to me (at least once a day). The first few times I probably reacted poorly because it was so unexpected. I thought they were trying to get me to stop so that their friends could go and mug me or something. Took a while to get used too it and say something normal back. I wouldn't take the negative/lukewarm responses personally, maybe they just don't know how to respond properly due to never experiencing it before.
- Slow_Hand 4y ago
  Haha. American here. I still remember when I moved to Austin from Boston. Even within America Texas is a fairly friendly, outgoing place. At least compared to metro living on the East Coast. The culture shock was noticeable. In Boston if a stranger walked up to me to say something my feet would already be pointed in the direction in which I intended to walk away from them. Whereas in Austin people are far more friendly, outgoing, and open to impromptu social interactions. I found it a very welcome change. My theory is that such attitudes are heavily influenced by population density. If you live in a city that is packed full of people you start to guard yourself against the number of daily social interactions you will allow. For many, it’s emotionally draining to constantly acknowledge, say hello to, chat with, or humor every person that you meet. When you commute on the train every morning that becomes quiet time for you, even when you’re in a train car full of other commuters. It’s generally considered rude to chat up people too much. At least don’t be surprised when people want to keep to themselves. Whereas in Texas and parts of the American midwest there is less need for people to live right on top of one another. Everyone travels alone by car, walking is less common. Meeting strangers in public is then less of an imposition and generally more of a warm-hearted experience.

nicbou 4y ago

It's weirdly hard to compliment people, at least as a man. If you haven't warmed them up a bit first, it never feels right to compliment what they wear. On the other hand, people love hearing that they have a nice playlist or run a cool place. It's something we put a lot of us into, so being complimented about it always hits hard. Compliments are an acquired skill, but one that's so satisfying to use.

te_chris 4y ago
I think a lot of that is delivery. In a society like the UK (where I currently live) where there’s a deep and heavy cynicism and sarcasm in the cultural dialog, most people assume you’re taking the piss unless you really can convey you’re not - not that this is a good reason not to complement people if you think it’s warranted. In NZ the culture is a lot more earnest, so it’s a bit easier.
conaire 4y ago
Try non physical complements, eg. I really appreciated the conversation you started on x, I like that we can really go deep and get into the weeds on topics, or even it's cool that you really know who you are.
- Yajirobe 4y ago
  So that only works for people you know or have interacted in some way. That doesn't apply to strangers.
- yuuu 4y ago
  compliments
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
hospadar 4y ago
Agree - I always go for compliments about a choice someone made rather than some quality I perceive them to have. This suggests admiration for something they intended to do or worked on. "I love that sweater" [that you chose] is a lot friendlier IMO than "you look great in that sweater" I also try to indicate with my tone and bearing that a response is not expected, a good compliment is a gift (IMO) and gifts are freely given without expectation of payback. I also like to stick to commentary I feel i actually know anything about, i wear earrings, so often comment about them. I dont wear makeup, so i rarely go there. I think fancy shoes are fun, etc.
- mettamage 4y ago
  > I also try to indicate with my tone and bearing that a response is not expected, a good compliment is a gift (IMO) and gifts are freely given without expectation of payback. Yes! This so much this!
darkerside 4y ago
Questions are a great way to indicate interest without coming off as too forward. Where'd you get that hat? Is that sweater as comfy as it looks?
narag 4y ago
Instead of compliments, try a more neutral start, like a question. * Is that the new model of X? They say it's great. * Where did you find Y? I've been searching for it a long time. * Do that Z work so well as they say?
mettamage 4y ago
I am a guy. Feel free to ask me questions via email on how I do it. My only actual skill: being fine with awkwardness. It happens 20% of the time

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

unzadunza 4y ago

I'm really reluctant to talk to strangers, but when I do... I use triangulation, where you don't talk about yourself (a stranger doesn't care) and you don't talk about them (it makes them uncomfortable), but instead you talk about a 3rd subject that maybe is visible to both of you, like the pretty fall leaves. Actually, last year, right after I learned about triangulation, I was walking my dogs and stranger mentioned the pretty fall leaves to me. I then started telling him that he was using triangulation and explained what it is. He got uncomfortable and walked away. Derp.

darkerside 4y ago
This is called small talk, and despite being reviled by many needs, it serves an important social purpose of making people feel comfortable before we talk about things that can get uncomfortable (like each other). Most people agree that it's silly but needed, which is why when you deconstruct with a random stranger (thereby making it about the two of you and NOT a separate thing), they will feel the need to quickly exit your presence.
amelius 4y ago
Taking a conversation meta will make a lot of people uncomfortable, yes.
moffkalast 4y ago
Just don't ask about the weather https://xkcd.com/1324/ https://xkcd.com/1324/

usernom 4y ago

I don't think compliments are a good way to interact with strangers. Better is asking for the way to ..., most important thing is to follow your intuition.

doix 4y ago

I remember the first time I went to Austin from the UK for a work trip. I wore my usual stupid pun t-shirts and the amount of comments/compliments I got walking down the street from strangers was insane to me (at least once a day). The first few times I probably reacted poorly because it was so unexpected. I thought they were trying to get me to stop so that their friends could go and mug me or something. Took a while to get used too it and say something normal back. I wouldn't take the negative/lukewarm responses personally, maybe they just don't know how to respond properly due to never experiencing it before.

Slow_Hand 4y ago
Haha. American here. I still remember when I moved to Austin from Boston. Even within America Texas is a fairly friendly, outgoing place. At least compared to metro living on the East Coast. The culture shock was noticeable. In Boston if a stranger walked up to me to say something my feet would already be pointed in the direction in which I intended to walk away from them. Whereas in Austin people are far more friendly, outgoing, and open to impromptu social interactions. I found it a very welcome change. My theory is that such attitudes are heavily influenced by population density. If you live in a city that is packed full of people you start to guard yourself against the number of daily social interactions you will allow. For many, it’s emotionally draining to constantly acknowledge, say hello to, chat with, or humor every person that you meet. When you commute on the train every morning that becomes quiet time for you, even when you’re in a train car full of other commuters. It’s generally considered rude to chat up people too much. At least don’t be surprised when people want to keep to themselves. Whereas in Texas and parts of the American midwest there is less need for people to live right on top of one another. Everyone travels alone by car, walking is less common. Meeting strangers in public is then less of an imposition and generally more of a warm-hearted experience.