4 ms·

There’s a chapter on the mind in the book Discourses and Sayings by Abba Dorotheus. I suppose it can be summarised as “stop lying to yourself”. There’s some s

There’s a chapter on the mind in the book Discourses and Sayings by Abba Dorotheus. I suppose it can be summarised as “stop lying to yourself”. There’s some subtlety to what this means. For me a big part of that is not living in my imagination. I used to have lots of imaginary conversations with people, predicting what they would say in those situations. This is dangerous since you end up building mental models based on (unfounded) mental models, instead of on reality. Your emotional responses also get coloured by these imaginary exchanges.

NayamAmarshe 4y ago
"I'm in this comment and I don't like it." This one is really hard to combat. The overthinking brain imagines every scenario ever, really hard to tune the noise down. I've gotten better at it lately but it's still difficult sometimes.
- marginalia_nu 4y ago
  A technique that can be very effective at breaking patterns of cognition is to every time you find yourself doing it, name it and let it go. Don't try to resist or get angry or attach any emotion to it, just say "I'm just simulating a discussion" and drop it. Doesn't matter how many times you have to do it in the beginning, every 30 seconds, whatever, as long as you persist in doing this, it will relatively quickly stop the thinking pattern.
wccrawford 4y ago
OTOH, if you can separate that fantasy from reality, it can help you calm down and produce a good result in the real situation, instead of going in blind. I often run through potential conversations in my head before dealing with bad situations, and I think it's been incredibly helpful.
leobg 4y ago
Happens a lot in dating and in marriages, too!
marginalia_nu 4y ago
> There’s some subtlety to what this means. For me a big part of that is not living in my imagination. I used to have lots of imaginary conversations with people, predicting what they would say in those situations. This is dangerous since you end up building mental models based on (unfounded) mental models, instead of on reality. Your emotional responses also get coloured by these imaginary exchanges. Another important point about this is that if you're in a heated (imaginary) debate with someone, your body reacts as though you are in a heated (real) debate with someone. This pattern can be a pretty significant source of stress and anxiety.

NayamAmarshe 4y ago

"I'm in this comment and I don't like it." This one is really hard to combat. The overthinking brain imagines every scenario ever, really hard to tune the noise down. I've gotten better at it lately but it's still difficult sometimes.

marginalia_nu 4y ago
A technique that can be very effective at breaking patterns of cognition is to every time you find yourself doing it, name it and let it go. Don't try to resist or get angry or attach any emotion to it, just say "I'm just simulating a discussion" and drop it. Doesn't matter how many times you have to do it in the beginning, every 30 seconds, whatever, as long as you persist in doing this, it will relatively quickly stop the thinking pattern.

wccrawford 4y ago

OTOH, if you can separate that fantasy from reality, it can help you calm down and produce a good result in the real situation, instead of going in blind. I often run through potential conversations in my head before dealing with bad situations, and I think it's been incredibly helpful.

leobg 4y ago

Happens a lot in dating and in marriages, too!

marginalia_nu 4y ago

> There’s some subtlety to what this means. For me a big part of that is not living in my imagination. I used to have lots of imaginary conversations with people, predicting what they would say in those situations. This is dangerous since you end up building mental models based on (unfounded) mental models, instead of on reality. Your emotional responses also get coloured by these imaginary exchanges. Another important point about this is that if you're in a heated (imaginary) debate with someone, your body reacts as though you are in a heated (real) debate with someone. This pattern can be a pretty significant source of stress and anxiety.