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An ode to that “coffee friend”
- snvzz 4y agoJust don't do gifts. It's not worth the suffering.
- tarshey 4y agoThis is everybody where I live, coffee is an obsession here
- chadcmulligan 4y agoMelbourne?
- civilized 4y agoI'm a Nothing Guy. Nothing makes a great gift for me.
- tireonfire 4y agoI have a gift for you.
- civilized 4y agoYou shouldn't have.
- jason-phillips 4y agoA man needs a maid
- koolba 4y agoThe less stuff you have, the less often you need a maid.
- andirk 4y agoPeople say that when they walk in to my house. Why
- jason-phillips 4y agoDo you look like Neil Young?
- diceduckmonk 4y agoIt's ironic that the article hashtagged #minimalism
- zimbu668 4y agoCareful what you say, you’ll end up with a hundred copies of this https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Nothing-Patrick-McDonnell/dp/031611488X https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Nothing-Patrick-McDonnell/dp/031...
- foobarbecue 4y agohttps://youtu.be/7JCHAxW2KEI https://youtu.be/7JCHAxW2KEI
- suction 4y ago
- m463 4y agoI like this. coffee is something like a hobby and a shared experience and can pull together even really different people. But if you know someone who is into a very technical hobby, it might be hard to give them a gift, or have a lengthy conversation. I knew a friend who was really into ranch dressing. Every time we went to eat, we knew what he would order, or could help him order. silly thing that enhanced the relationship. maybe we should all come up with hobbies or interests like this, to help break the ice with others and make ourselves more approachable.
- roflyear 4y ago> I buy them a nice bag of beans as a souvenir. Buy them good beans, tho! Otherwise they will just be used to season their new grinder burrs. If someone is into coffee, they will want great specialty beans. There are a lot of awesome specialty shops, but rare you will see them at the supermarket.
- plantain 4y agoI do the exact opposite. Buying a gift for an expert when you are not an expert is always going to lead to disappointment, no matter how well they hide it. I buy gifts only from areas that I am an expert in, and I hope my friends may not be as enthusiastic about the area as I am, but at least we both know I got them the best for them.
- quickthrower2 4y agoAgreed. Beans from an exotic location are widely available worldwide, and they might care about how they were roasted as much as the origin. A gift voucher for a good local roaster might be good. Or ask them what gadget they want next for their setup.
- kqr 4y agoAny coffee nerd I've come across cares almost only about type of bean and roasting (recency followed by intensity).
- mathattack 4y agoIt’s not the value of the gift, it’s the thoughtfulness. “I know you like X, and I thought about you” is a very different sentiment than “Let me gift you with my expertise.” The economists I’ve talked to say if you’re maximizing Utility then give cash.
- andreareina 4y agoPart of thoughtfulness is, "is this going to just sit in a drawer and take up space?" I absolutely appreciate the thought, but a tool I won't use because it doesn't match my needs or is just unergonomic is a waste.
- quickthrower2 4y agoThe comedians say “cash: the gift card you can use anywhere!”
- 4y ago
- mindcrime 4y agoWell, if any of you want to buy me a gift, I am really into bass fishing. And collecting hand tools. And power tools.. And test equipment...
- bitxbitxbitcoin 4y agoCoolest most obscure hand tool you have? I have a few hand drills that have actually come in handy once before when batteries were low.
- mindcrime 4y agoI don't know that I have anything really obscure, although maybe one or two old wrenches that belonged to my grandfather or my dad would count. But the thing that really comes to mind is my Snap-On F50CSA driver handle. I mean, it's Snap-On, so not really obscure, but that particular model has been discontinued and you can't buy them anymore, so it's a little bit obscure in that regard. Anyway, it's a 3/8" drive driver handle with the socket cap in the head so it can be used as an extension. Those things are all over the place in 1/4" drive from every brand on the planet, but back in 1994 or so when I bought my F50CSA there weren't a lot of 3/8" drive ones around. Especially not the ones that could serve as an extension. There are more now, but they still aren't anywhere near as ubiquitous as the 1/4" drive ones. Long story short, that tool is probably my favorite tool that I've ever bought. It's actually the only Snap-On item I own, as I consider their stuff too expensive to buy for the most part. Most of my hand tool collection is older (USA made era) Craftsman, with a smattering of other stuff. Lately I've started buying GearWrench, Icon, and Tekton stuff.
- pvg 4y agoPretty neat that your perfect gift has been invented and you have the skills and gear to mount and display it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Mouth_Billy_Bass https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Mouth_Billy_Bass
- bee_rider 4y agoTechnically I guess it is a Power Bass, which you'd think would be a little more rock n' roll.
- dqpb 4y agoThe only gift I request is a truly novel idea.
- benknight87 4y agoI keep notes whenever I have a good gift idea for someone specific. Example: during our trip to Chile, me and my girlfriend stayed at an Airbnb where they had a child's xylophone. My girlfriend loved to play it and even learned 3 songs before we left. I realized it would make a good gift so I wrote it down on a note titled "Good Gift Ideas" in Google Keep. A couple months later on her birthday I bought her a similar xylophone.
- club_tropical 4y agosmart
- otikik 4y agoYou should probably migrate out of Google Keep, Google might decide to kill it.
- dr_orpheus 4y agoAny suggestions for alternatives?
- otikik 4y agoI have never been good at the note-taking thing. There's a grade depending on how much hands-on one is, and how much privacy-oriented one is and how much of the system one wants to own. * Level 0 is: use a physical notebook or agenda and ditch the digital space. It's actually not that bad. Setup: seconds. Privacy and ownership: great. Not as convenient as a digital thingie. No CTRL-F. * Level 0 is using something that you already have. Send emails to yourself, use keywords in the title and use filters to keep the "notes" organized. Time to set up: 10 minutes. Privacy and ownership: 0 (unless you are your own email provider, in that case you are done) * Level 1 is using a note-taking app which provides the backend. Evernote and the evernote-likes. Setup is minutes, privacy and ownership is also 0. * Level 2 is markdown file, or a hierarchy of files inside a folder, and then using something like dropbox for editing and synching. It is only slightly better than the previous one in that you can move away quickly if you want, and you can have local copies of your stuff. It is easy to set up, some ownership, no privacy. * Level 3 is self-hosting an evernote or dropbox-like and using that. That's possibly years of "fun", with high privacy and ownership.
- starkd 4y agoOf course, the exact opposite should follow if their interest is meth.
- andirk 4y agoOpposite mean get them what they want or dont? Easy gift is just hand them the "Get Out of Jail Free" Monopoly card. All will have a good laugh.
- Vanit 4y agoI'm the bulbasaur guy. I don't mind a good bulbasaur as a gift, but try make it something unique.
- aliqot 4y agoIt's nice to be thought of, whatever form it takes.
- exabrial 4y agoIf anyone wants to me my MTB friend…
- mindcrime 4y agoSure, I can give you a CO2 inflator cartridge!
- jcutrell 4y agoI have learned this with my wife… Gifts don’t mean just one thing. There is a variety of things you can optimize for. For my wife, me getting her something she wants but wouldn’t get herself is the right gift. That, or something she wouldn’t have been able to find for herself. Surprises are low on her list. Extravagant gifts are low. She would be the kind of person not to buy the coffee for, because she knows what she likes and if you bought her the wrong thing, the thought would count but now what do you do with this bad bag of coffee? I’m the opposite. I care much more about the fact that you thought about me long enough to do something specific and special to me.
- jraph 4y ago> thought about me long enough to do something specific and special to me As someone who does not like presents, that may be the core thing about presents that speaks to me. Presents are a way, but maybe something else could work. I'm fine with people just showing me they like me and hanging out with me though. And they don't have to do anything special for this.
- karaterobot 4y agoOn the other hand, my mom one time mentioned that she thought pigs were cute, and now her sister gives her pig-themed gifts every year for her birthday, 30 years later. "I don't really like pigs, she just thinks I do." I used to work with a guy who had at least a dozen pirate-themed t-shirts people had bought him, because he always wore pirate themed t-shirts. What's with the pirate shirts? "I bought one shirt because I liked it, then my girlfriend saw it and got me another one, now everybody just buys me more and more." Mix it up, gift givers, don't outsource your thinking.
- dr_orpheus 4y agoYeah, the great thing about the "coffee/beer/chocolate/etc. friend" is that the gifts are consumable. You can get the same or similar thing and it doesn't just keep piling up everywhere.
- wfleming 4y agoAs somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and gift buying can be hard, I get it. But receiving a gift also creates an obligation to at least perform enjoyment of the gift and now it’s another thing I have to own (consumables at least are temporary if you’re not into them, so that helps). There’s a sweet spot in gift giving of looking for something the receiver is into and will want (but not already have) but also something the giver is knowledgeable enough to make an informed decision on. So, again, the thought is always appreciated, but if the giver can’t operate a k-cup maybe leave your coffee snob friends to buy their own beans :).
- atomicnumber3 4y agoMy personal hack for this is to be into french brandies and wines. 30% of the French government is dedicated to ensuring that when you buy "Cognac" or "Armagnac" or "St Emilion, Bordeax" you are getting exactly that. Also makes it easy for my wife to tell others: "Cognac, Grande/Petite/Fine Champagne". And boom, guaranteed right thing. Also, no redundancy - just more to drink.
- 2muchcoffeeman 4y agoThis is why I like the “lame” gifts. Once I got a towel. Only one, but still, I needed to get some new ones and now I get to delay shopping that while longer because who wants to buy towels? Awesome. People always think of gifts as fancy stuff. But if you can save me some time, or feed me, fantastic.
- at_a_remove 4y agoIt's not about getting the best, it's about finding that which establishes the relationship, in particular that you know them, remember what was said, have shared experiences. Example: Someone I was fairly fond of was retiring, a few levels above me. Traditionally, items are given. I gave an autographed copy of a particular book (we discussed it in my job interview over ten years prior) which related to our profession, a special dessert one (from the area in which she served in the Peace Corps), and a bottle of dandelion wine (her favorite author was Bradbury, who just died, and who authored Dandelion Wine). These went over well, despite not being the rarest of books or the most expensive of wines, but because of the dependence on and acknowledgement of my knowledge of her.
- fishtoaster 4y agoI thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuff was hip. I internalized that attitude. Even into adulthood, I occasionally find myself making fun of people for being into specific things. I eventually made myself a rule: if someone really enjoys something that's not hurting anyone, that's an admirable trait. It's easy to obey this rule for things I like: science fiction, fancy beer, programming. It's not too hard to obey this rule for things that I'm not personally into, but are culturally adjacent to me: classical music, literature, skiing, fancy coffee. It's harder for things that are not as cool among my social group. I sometimes have to remind myself that being super into football, nascar, or the bachelorette is just as admirable as being into my things. Un-ironic enthusiasm is one of our best traits as humans, even when directed towards things I don't personally get that excited about. And so I'll always appreciate that coffee friend. They're lucky enough to have maintained the ability to nerd out about something and I'm glad of it.
- abrookewood 4y agoThe other thing that's great about having friends like this, is that they've done all the hard work for you! You can just adopt their setup/approach (within reason) and can be fairly certain that you are going to get a good result without needing to put in months of research.
- switchbak 4y agoThat's most of the benefit of putting "Reddit" at the end of a Google search for an esoteric subject. I love when someone has outrageously strong opinions on things I know very little about.
- RF_Savage 4y agoAnd it works fine as long as they are not just parroting some strong opinnions to feel part of the group. But those reddit threads often do include some research and references, so one has a jumping off point for one's own search with some keywords.
- systemvoltage 4y agoGreat message, everyone should have atleast a few things they are intensely passionate about. Dig into books, immerse yourself, buy stuff, completely master whatever you are into. Hone it and perfect it. Don't care what others think of it.
- sandmank 4y agogiving me gifts is usually a felony so don't even try
- muzani 4y agoI assume everyone is a "chocolate friend". If they aren't, they'll let you know.
- lukego 4y agoAny time someone gives me chocolate as a gift I say a polite thank-you and then discretely throw it in the trash. Maybe I'm an outlier, or maybe not...
- unwind 4y agoYou forgot the why-part, which certainly seems on topic in this thread. a) You just don't like chocolate and never eat/bake/cook with it, b) You really like chocolate but only very particular/fancy kinds that people never manage to gift you, c) Sonething else that would be actually interesting to hear.
- lukego 4y agoGenerally I'd hesitate to buy people sugar, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, video games, dvd collections, etc. It might upset the balance of their relationship with those things. A lot of people struggle with that stuff. So if you give me a box of chocolates, a case of beer, a carton of cigarettes, a bag of weed, the latest Call of Duty, or a Game of Thrones boxed set, I'll thank you politely and then dump it. I don't enjoy doing that one bit but it beats eating/drinking/smoking/playing/watching stuff that I'd otherwise deliberately refrain from.
- astura 4y agoC) They have a restrictive diet.
- lukego 4y agoOr just issues with sugar. In a country with ~40% obesity there will be plenty of people who are happy to get a box of chocolates, eat it with great joy, and then spend a few hours in self-loathing because they really shouldn't have. Surely it's bad enough having all the trashy sugary junk food on display at the supermarket check-out without the extra step of people actually buying it on your behalf... See also people who give absurd quantities of candy to other peoples' kids and think that's great on the basis of the immediate reaction of joy...
- vermarish 4y agoI'm "the book friend", and though I only occasionally get books as gifts, I like gifting books that people may have heard of and can read quickly. Books like The Martian, or The Hobbit.
- arc-in-space 4y agoHello! I am the coffee friend. I currently have 3 bags of gift coffee I hated on contact and will probably never drink. Lots of other examples here(wfleming here says the same thing) but in short, this happens nearly every time someone gives me gifts based on their superficial idea of a hobby I'm in. The thing ends up being worthless and I begrudgingly pretend to be satisfied with the gift.
- messe 4y ago> I currently have 3 bags of gift coffee I hated on contact and will probably never drink. I find that even the worst can (usually) be salvaged as cold brew.
- dr_orpheus 4y agoYep, if I don't like it it goes in to the cold brew blend
- bee_rider 4y ago> I love when a friend is into something like coffee. We all know someone like that— they grind their own beans, brew their own fancy coffees, and have their own favorite coffee shop to get a cold brew. Please somebody tell me this is an incredibly low bar to be "the coffee friend" -- I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility.
- notinfuriated 4y agoSeems like a high enough bar to me. I know zero people like this, despite the article assuring me that we all know someone like this. If I did know someone like this, I suppose I'd think of them as my "coffee friend" or rather, friend who is really into coffee. That is unless they also had a bunch of other esoteric hobbies that overshadow the coffee thing.
- bee_rider 4y agoHuh, weird. I have a really basic grinder, actually it is more of a thwacker, in the sense that you just plop the beans in there and it'll thwack them to bits (want fine ground for pour over? Hold the button longer. French press? Don't hold it too long). This shouldn't count. You can get really fancy grinders. And who doesn't have a favorite coffee place?
- Mezzie 4y agoI don't, and most of the people I grew up with/around don't either. (Michigan) The Seattle and Vancouver people did. Boston was split. Wisconsin didn't except in Madison or Milwaukee. It depends where you live. A lot.
- CTDOCodebases 4y agoThis will sound so unappreciative but if you are going to bother gifting someone something they are into maybe talk with them and understand what they like. Being "into coffee" before it was really a thing I can't count how many times someone has given me a bag of coffee that is roasted to taste like an ashtray many moons ago. It's not that I don't appreciate the gesture. It's just that I know I can't be truthful about the gift and these white lies weaken the friendship.
- foobarbecue 4y agoYou were into coffee before it was really a thing? So 15th century?
- CTDOCodebases 4y agoFunny :) I meant "a thing" like being a "foodie" became a thing. Before having an interest in something became part of someone's self constructed identity.
- stoplying1 4y agoWell that one got a physical cringe from me! Whew, what to even say to that.
- foobarbecue 4y agoI think this "thing" of yours is imaginary. Before it was called "foodie" it was called "connoisseur." Terms come and go, but expertise has always been connected to one's sense of self and self-worth. And there have always been people who think they are better than other people. The trick is to be an expert without coming across as arrogant, and that challenge has faced all of us since the dawn of humanity.
- CTDOCodebases 4y agoImaginary in what sense? Are there not concepts in the zeitgeist? From my lived experience if I mentioned to someone that a particular friend was "the coffee guy" in my social circle 15 years ago they would assume that he worked in the coffee industry. They probably wouldn't assume that he was potentially a lawyer and has a cupboard full of various coffee brewing devices. I mean sure for a long time the concept of a coffee connoisseur was a thing, the SCAA was a thing but to clarify at some point it became not only acknowledged but socially acceptable to refer to yourself as "the coffee guy". As for your remarks about expertise, self and self worth it depends on the domain and the individual.
- foobarbecue 4y agoIt's so weird how we think we have to buy each other stuff.
- jraph 4y agoI don't like searching / having to think about gifts. And I don't like receiving them. There's some expected reciprocity in this. Presents are often useless stuff turning into waste. We cannot afford this anymore. It also takes me months to decide to buy something for myself, whether I really need it, which model exactly… I don't like this to be ruined. Events with people are cool, though, and that's the kind of present that could work. But there's still this reciprocity thing that does not make me completely at ease with any kind of present. What's important for me is seeing people, not stuff. Let's have this great relationship and not involve the presents in it? I have discouraged friends and family to buy me gifts for years. I've also gradually stopped buying gifts for people as soon as I feel it's not too weird. I'm at a point people around me understand I don't want presents, and some are convinced not doing gifts is a good idea, especially the wasteful part. We don't do gifts at Christmas with my parents anymore. We just skip this shitty period where you stress out spending too much money buying presents for everyone at the same time as everyone else, we just have a good time and everything is smooth. No need for presents to show we love each others. My parents are still used to buy each other presents for their respective birthdays (and involve us), but I think that's mostly because they are trapped in it. If we want a healthy planet we really need to think about the presents and especially on Christmas, which shall be reinvented. Teaching kids to expect and demand presents can't be good at this time, by the way.
- dr_orpheus 4y agoIn my family we still do gifts for immediate family and kids in the family. But for everyone else in the extended family we started a donate exchange, or sort of a secret Santa of donates. Everyone gets assigned someone else and you go make a donation to something important to you in their name. Then on Christmas we just open up cards that say who they donated to and why.
- extragood 4y ago
- crossroadsguy 4y agoI rather prefer the way where the giving person thinks something that according to them is nice enough to be gifted to the receiving person - for both giving and receiving. Otherwise it honestly kills the novelty and romance of it. On the other hand, I am into notebooks and fountain pens and till today even I don’t know what kind I am really into. So until I have seen it, touched it, held in my hand I don’t know what I want. My friends definitely don’t. I usually gift hardcover “good” books. Not what I “know” they like, but what I “think” they’ll like. And even non-readers have finished most of my printed books.
- shrubby 4y agoI'm into new and shiny things, but for sure don't want presents. Send me a message or hug me but don't waste our precious resources on buying me something I absolutely don't need. It's not all about me for F's sake.
- pfista 4y agobuy me a surfboard
- renewiltord 4y agoGift giving is a thing that is strange to me. I never desire a gift and I am poor at selecting ones. I do pretty okay at planning experiences, however, which usually is a reasonable way to salvage things. But I wish there were gift-giving advice that wasn't just "draw the rest of the owl" because there are others who like receiving gifts and I could just do it right.
- tkgally 4y agoThe American writer Calvin Trillin wrote a short story called “A Christmas Shopping Tale” about how this kind of gift-giving might not always be welcome. It appears in his book Too Soon to Tell (1995). Excerpts: “There was once a man named Arthur Robinson who was, as they say, very hard to shop for. He was a nice man, but as the Christmas shopping season began every year, his family and close friends and business associates grew to resent him. Arthur Robinson had no hobbies. He did not grill chicken in the backyard or bake bread, so the problem of what to give him for Christmas could not be solved with a new piece of kitchen equipment or an apron with witty sayings on it. ... Then in October one year, Arthur Robinson made his first business trip to Africa. Having found himself about to return home with some local currency that was notoriously difficult to change in the United States, he plunked it down at the airport gift shop for the first items that caught his eye—two small statues of elephants. ... That Christmas, all of his children gave him elephant statues for Christmas. He couldn’t imagine why, until he realized that he had put the elephants from Africa on a table in his study. ... The year after that, he received nine elephant statues. A lot of the cards said, in addition to Merry Christmas, ‘For your collection.’ Arthur Robinson didn’t think he had a collection of elephant statues. ... Arthur Robinson continued to thank everyone for the elephant statues—twenty-three by the fourth Christmas following that business trip to Africa. His family and friends had been greatly pleased to find something to get him for Christmas. ‘At least Arthur’s no problem,’ they’d say as they went down their lists. ‘Good old Arthur and his dreadful little elephants.’ Which meant that when they ran into Arthur during Christmas shopping season, they no longer seemed put out with him. They gave him a cheerful hello. He was always polite, but he resented them deeply.”
- noduerme 4y agoI think this is untrue in a couple of ways. Firstly, people like being considered easy to buy for and don't resent it. Secondly, people grow into whatever they end up with a collection of. Thirdly, Americans don't use the word "dreadful".
- fsckboy 4y agopeople who write for The New Yorker definitely do use the word dreadful. I am impossible to buy for and I'm happy that way; I just tell people they don't need to get me anything.
- noduerme 4y agoI don't know about this hot take. I think it's actually harder to buy for people who are really into coffee, or vinyl, or cowboy movies or whatever, because you kinda have to assume that if you find something cool they already have it or have tried it. By far the easiest people to buy for are drinkers. And I don't mean wine industry people, I mean old school alcoholics. Whatever bottle of scotch you pick, they may have tried it before but they'll still get full enjoyment of it.
- buro9 4y agoThe way social media (connections by people you know) destroyed most forums (connections by shared interests) is going to be felt for years. Forums (and BBS before them) were so effective in connecting people over shared interests that they created so many shared contexts between those people that anecdotally for those who lived on forums... loneliness is far less of a societal issue than those who didn't experience forums. I would've loved to have seen an alternative timeline where social media wasn't as it is, but was always around interests.
- amelius 4y agoBuy them: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_luwak https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_luwak A delicate coffee made from, well read the article.
- Stratoscope 4y agoOf course when you get a special present for that friend who is really into something, you may go down the wrong track. A family member once drove down from Portland to visit us in San Jose. She knew I was really into coffee and roasted my own. She stopped at a little roastery on the way down and asked, "Give me the darkest roast you've got." After all, the darker the roast, the better it is, right? Naturally when she gave it to me, I said "That's a burnt roast! It's good for nothing but the trash." No, obviously I didn't do that. We ground some and brewed it and enjoyed it for what it was: not just the beans, but the kindness and thoughtfulness that went into picking it out for me.
- Shorel 4y agoDarker than Starbucks?
- stdbrouw 4y agoTangential to the post, but I think it goes from being cool to being off-putting when there's a performance element to being a ___ guy or ___ friend. Someone who puts "caffeine addict" in their Twitter bio is making a carefully honed statement that (1) they're really into coffee, they're a geek and obsess over things (2) but also they're relatable, everyone loves coffee, right? and (3) they're vulnerable, they're willing to admit that they have vices too. It has a kind of weird humblebragging vibe to it.
- otikik 4y agoYes, people should be more public about what they like as presents. For some of us it's a hassle.
- mahathu 4y ago>We all know someone like that i don't. why do blog autors keep making statements like this?
- feintruled 4y agoHow about the "heroin friend" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIpi0kle1g0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIpi0kle1g0